by Emma Tharp
My heart twists in a barrage of emotions. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to not be able to rely on anyone as a kid.
"I'm so sorry,” I say. “That sounds terrible."
"It sucked, but it doesn't matter. Only the future matters now." His expression is so open and hopeful and has my heart rate accelerating, and at the same time unease washes over me.
Only the future matters now.
"I'm going to get you some ice for the swelling." I hop up off the bed and rush out of his room. As soon as I'm in the hallway, I stand with my back pressed against the wall and take several cleansing breaths. I don't know what just happened.
My chest tightens and my limbs are restless. I wring my hands together to try and dissipate the panicked energy.
Is he saying we have a future now?
What if I give him all of me and he runs away? Or leaves me for someone else? I'm scared to death about how my heart feels already for Gavin. It’s all happening so fast.
One thing I do know is that I need to get sure about my feelings or I’ll end up hurting him.
I go to the kitchen, fill a bag of ice, grab the bottle of pain relievers off the counter and a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and pad back to Gavin’s room. The air grows thicker, tightening my chest with every step. What’s going on with me? I know what I have to do. Go in there, and get out as quickly as possible. He can’t find out how messed up my mind is right now. He doesn’t deserve that. He has done nothing wrong. This is all on me and I need to figure myself out, and fast.
When I step back into his room, he’s lying on his bed, eyes closed. He has one arm propped behind his head, the other resting on his rock-hard abs.
"Here. Put this on your eye and get some rest. I need to run home and cram for my history test. I barely studied all today."
It's a lie. I spent a couple of hours studying earlier so that I could spend this evening with Gavin after the game, but right now my instinct is to flee.
"Is everything okay?" He leans up on one elbow, with a pinch between his brows.
I huff in a lungful of air and blow it all out. "Yeah. I'm stressing now. I can't fail this test."
"Come here." He pats the spot on the bed next to him.
With some hesitation, I perch on the edge of the bed. When I’m this close to him, I can't think straight.
He reaches for my hand and pulls me closer, then leans into me and gives me a soft, slow kiss that wakes up my body but confuses my mind. I pull back before the kiss progresses into hot and heavy territory. It wouldn't take long. But that would just blur the situation more.
"I better get going. Do you need me to get you anything else before I go?" I ask.
Gavin purses his lips together and his eyes fix on me. I think he knows something is up. "Are you sure you're okay?"
I nod and give him my most reassuring smile. Now is not the time to try and explain to him what's going on in my screwed-up brain.
"Yeah. I think I'm a little tired from last night. Somebody kept me awake most of the night. I'm going to study and then get to bed early."
He gives me a smirk and I hope I’ve convinced him that all is well. I throw him a lame wave and get out of the hockey house before the team returns.
Early the next morning, I'm drinking my second cup of coffee when there’s a pounding at the front door. I get to my feet to answer it.
Not many of my sorority sisters are awake yet. I shouldn't be, but I barely slept a wink last night. Guilt hangs over my head like a storm cloud after the way I treated Gavin last night. I was acting so strange and I'm pretty sure Gavin is perceptive enough to have felt it.
My head and my heart have been all over the map. I am attracted to Gavin and want to be with him, but I don't know if he's ready for what I need him to be. I don't know if what he gives me will be enough. The last thing I want is for one of us to hurt the other, but I'm afraid that's going to be what happens.
When I swing the door open, my heart sinks to the floor.
"Dad. What are you doing here?"
He's the last person I thought I would see standing at my door. He has never been to the sorority house. My instinct is to flee, but I have nowhere to go.
He’s dressed in a gray suit and tie and what's left of his sparse hair is combed back. He smells like the familiar aftershave he has used since I was a kid, but the scowl on his face has me bracing for the worst.
"I thought I'd stop by to see my daughter, since you won't return my calls or texts. I don't have much time. Can I come in?" He gives me a pointed look.
I'm so stunned, all I can do is nod and step out of the way.
We stand in the foyer several feet apart and just stare at each other. I rub absently at my arms, more uncomfortable by the second.
He inhales, puffing out his chest. "I'm not here to start World War III, but I do want to talk to you."
"Okay."
"I have your five-week report for the semester." He tugs a piece of paper out of his chest pocket and hands it to me. "Straight As. I'm very proud of you."
I take the paper from his hand and look it over. Three As and one A minus.
"Thanks for bringing this by."
From his side pocket, he pulls out a black box and holds it out to me. "I brought this for you. It's something small, but I wanted you to have it.”
A gift? From my father? This is unprecedented.
"This is for me?"
He hands me the box and nods. "Yes. It's just a little something to congratulate you on how well you're doing. It's from me and your mother. Open it."
Is he serious? I stand numbly, watching for any hints or clues as to what exactly is going on.
He raises his chin. "Go ahead."
I open the box, and inside is a thin, dainty gold chain with a small sapphire pendant. My breath catches and I don’t know what to say.
“Do you like it?”
"It's beautiful. Thank you."
"It's your birthstone. Your mother and I are proud of you. Now, please, quit avoiding my phone calls." He lets out a hearty chuckle.
This is a bribe.
I laugh as well, but it sounds fake and forced. He’s trying to buy me? This is completely messed up.
"Okay, Dad. I will."
He takes a step closer and straightens his suit jacket. "Also, it goes without saying that you need to keep your drinking under control and continue working hard on your classes."
There it is. A lecture wrapped up in a sapphire necklace.
God, he's a jerk.
"Absolutely, Dad. I hate to rush you, but I need to shower and get to bio lab to work on a project."
"Right. I can't be late for work either. It was good to see you."
"You too."
With that, he walks out the door, and I breathe a sigh of relief. For now.
Who knows what other strings are attached to his gift?
Sixteen
Gavin
"Are you okay?" A female voice startles me awake as she turns on the light.
A glance at my bedside clock tells me the time is one in the morning.
My eyes burn with the sudden intrusion of light. I reach my hand up and gently touch my eye. It feels twice the size it was earlier this evening when Stella left.
"It's pretty black and blue," Lexi says, taking a seat on my bed. She leans in, close enough to smell the tequila on her breath.
I ease up to a sitting position and squint at her. "What are you doing here?"
My voice is harsh and gravelly.
"Haven't you heard? There's a party going on. I asked Jett where you were and he told me to check in here." She bats her lashes at me and gives me a toothy smile.
Great. I'll have to remember to kill Jett later. I must've fallen asleep early because I had no idea my teammates were going to have a get-together tonight.
"I'm in no mood to party. And I was sleeping, so if you don't mind." I point toward the door.
Lexi drags the pad of her finge
r up and down my bicep and leans in closer. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? I wouldn't mind picking up where we left off when you were in my room at the sorority house."
Now I'm really going to have to kill Jett. This is the last thing I want to deal with.
"Lexi, listen. I'm seeing someone."
She doesn't take her hand off me. "Oh, really. Who?"
I push away from her and raise my hand for her to stop. "Stella. I don't think she'd like it if she knew you were in my room touching me. So, if you don't mind, close the door on your way out."
"If you're seeing her, why isn't she here taking care of you?"
"She was. She needed to go home and cram for a test."
Lexi shakes her head with her brows furrowed. "Nope. She wasn't there when I left. Are you sure that's what she was doing?"
Doubt creeps in. She was acting strange when she left earlier.
"Listen, Lexi. I'm going to need you to leave now." My tone is laced with annoyance and impatience.
Lexi stands and draws her shoulders up. "Suit yourself. If you ever want to hang out, let me know."
She winks and leaves my room, closing the door behind her.
I slide back down and pull my pillow over my head, regretting it as pain shoots from my eye to the back of my skull. Fuck. Where is Stella, if she isn't at home studying? And why did she act so strange when she was here taking care of me?
Just when I was thinking I could have both, the girl and hockey, it looks like I was wrong.
After I opened up to her tonight, she kind of shut down on me.
The problem is, I'm already in too deep. I'm afraid I'm falling for her. It terrifies me because I've never felt this way before. Not only do I think about her all the time, but when I’m with her, I get a thrill just like stepping out on the ice before a game.
When I got punched at the game tonight, I didn't want Stella to see me like that. I don't know why. She knows I play hockey and injuries happen, but a black eye makes it seem like I’m some hotheaded fighter or something. Sure, there are nights I get into it with guys, but it rarely ever progresses to a full-on fight. I didn’t expect the guy to punch me tonight. We had a few words back and forth, but he didn’t like how many times I stole the puck from him and decided to retaliate with his fist.
I’ve been trying to keep my nose clean to stay on Coach’s good side. And now for Stella, too. I don’t want her to think less of me.
Stella was the one who told me she wanted to take care of me and she brought me home and did just that. Then she flaked and ran off, leaving me as confused as ever. I have no idea what could have changed from last night to tonight. We were as close as two people could be, then she flipped the switch and took off on me. Maybe she regrets everything.
Fuck.
Justin was right when he told me that women are impossible to figure out.
I need to get up and get more ice for my eye, but the last thing I want to do is try to be social with anyone at the party. Instead, I pop a few painkillers Stella left on my nightstand and try to get some rest.
Walking up to the lab to work on our project with Stella this morning fills me with dread and nervous energy. I'm torn between wanting to see her and wanting to avoid her completely.
My eye is almost swollen shut and is an angry shade of purple. It stings when I try to open it all the way and the eyelid is so heavy with inflammation it's almost impossible to keep it open. I iced it quickly while I ate my protein bar this morning, but it didn't seem to do much.
As soon as I walk in the door to the lab, Stella runs up to me with a beaming smile on her face.
"You're here." She throws her arms around my neck in an all-consuming hug. Her clean summer scent wraps around me. It should be comforting, but right now it isn’t.
I should want to lean into the hug and give her what she's giving me, but I hesitate.
"Hey,” I say and pull back.
Stella's face is a mask of concern as her eyes scan my injury. "How's it feeling this morning?"
"A little sore. I'll be fine."
She takes my bag off my shoulder and sets it on the floor. Then she has a seat at the lab table and taps the one next to her. "Sit down. I want to look at your eye."
After I sit, she gently presses the skin over my eyebrow and underneath the cut. "It looks like it's healing nicely."
"You think so? Because what I see is one hell of a mess.”
"Yeah. But it also makes you look pretty badass."
I'm caught off guard when Stella puts both of her hands on my knees and leans into me, pressing her lips against mine.
The kiss is gentle at first but grows in intensity the longer it goes on. Part of me wonders if I imagined the way Stella acted last night, because this kiss is hungry and powerful. Not what I expected this morning after last night's behavior.
She pulls back and looks at me with heavy-lidded eyes. "If you're not feeling up to it, we don't have to do this today. We could go back to the sorority house."
"As good as that sounds, why don't we hammer out our work, then we can get out of here."
She runs her fingernails through my hair, sending shivers up and down my spine. "Suit yourself."
The juxtaposition of the Stella from last night to this morning is messing with my head.
She moves to stand but I put both hands on her shoulders. "Stella, wait. I have to ask you something."
“Sure. What is it?”
“It’s about last night. Was everything okay? It seemed like something was wrong.”
There. I needed to ask before another minute passed.
Stella links our hands together and it warms up my entire body. Normally, I don't like hand-holding, but here, with Stella, it's amazing.
"I'm sorry if I seemed a little off last night. I have a lot on my mind and I really needed to study."
"Did you study? Because last night, Lexi mentioned that she didn't see you at the sorority house before she left to come to the party."
She tilts her head and her pale green eyes widen. "What party?"
"At the hockey house."
"I didn't realize you guys were having a get-together." There's a note of disappointment in her tone.
Is she bummed that I didn't invite her?
"I didn't know either. I was fast asleep when Lexi came to my room to check on me."
She lets go of my hand and pulls a notebook out of her bag. "Maybe we should get to work."
"Stella." My voice drops, and I wait for her to her turn her attention back to me.
"What?"
I take her hand in mine again and rub my thumb along her palm. "I didn't invite Lexi to my room and I told her I was seeing you. Then I asked her to leave."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I hope that was okay. I needed to get the point across that I'm not looking for random hookups."
Stella gives me a small grin, warming up to me. "Lexi can be pretty persistent."
"I've noticed. Why would she tell me that you weren’t around the sorority house before she left for the party? I thought you said you were going straight there to study."
"When I left your place, I grabbed Chinese takeout and when I got back to the house, I went to Harper's room to study. I never ran into Lexi."
I don't think she’s lying and I have no reason to mistrust her. I hate that I let Lexi plant seeds of doubt in my head about Stella. Maybe that’s all I was seeing. She was stressed and needed to focus on schoolwork.
"Okay. I had to ask." If I hadn't, it would have stewed in my brain.
"No problem. What do you say we work on this lab so we can get out of here?” She plants a single kiss on my lips. It's soft and quick but still fills my body with need.
"Okay,” I say. “We can be quick.”
The faster the better. I can’t wait to have my hands all over Stella’s naked body.
It only takes twenty-five minutes for us to test our new substances and record data from our last test. While we work, we fi
nd reasons to touch each other, laugh, or kiss. I have a semi the entire time. We can't seem to get enough of each other.
As soon as we're done cleaning up, we lock the lab door and I sling my arm over Stella’s shoulder as we walk down the hallway. It’s more PDA than I’m used to, but I like having her close.
Just as we're about to round the corner, we nearly run into a middle-aged man who’s carrying at least an extra fifty pounds in his gut and is dressed in an expensive-looking gray suit and tie. When he pulls to a halt, his eyes widen.
"Stella."
"Dad."
Her father. The dean stands before us, his eyes moving from his daughter to me. I don't miss the tight pinch between his eyebrows and the downward slant of his lips.
"What are you doing here?" Stella asks.
Her father seems to recover and his frown is replaced with a cool, neutral expression. "I have a meeting with Professor Jackson. What are you doing?"
"Gavin and I are lab partners this semester, and we had some work to do on our bio project."
So, I'm her lab partner. I thought I was more than that, but I don't question the statement, just drop my arm from around her. It would be nice to know how she feels about me before I fall too fucking far into this. I have way too much to lose to dive headfirst into something I’m not sure is reciprocated.
Seventeen
Stella
"Hello, Mr. Chambers," Gavin says. His voice is off, shaky, like he’s edgy or distraught.
Tension prickles the air between my father and Gavin.
Dad gives Gavin a curt nod, but says nothing to him, then turns his attention to me. "I'm going to be late for my meeting. Why aren't you wearing the necklace?"
I rest my hand on my chest. Shit. After Dad left the sorority house this morning, I put the stupid necklace in the top drawer of my dresser. It’s beautiful, but I hate what it represents. Dad’s generosity comes with a price. He thinks buying me things will have me answering his phone calls and showing up to class on time. What he doesn’t understand is that supporting me would be better than a million necklaces. But that’s not the way Richard Chambers operates.
