“I have someone for you, don’t worry,” she said.
Bill drove her home, told her how wonderful she had been, gave her a quick good night kiss, and said he was tired and had to get to bed.
“Love you,” she said in her hoarse voice, getting out of his car.
“I love you, too, Teresa,” he replied.
Her date for Rene was Alfred Morrell. Everyone at school called him ‘Alf’. He was a football player and not a particularly intelligent or personable fellow. Not really Rene’s type, but someone who wanted to meet her, and a handsome enough guy. Teresa had him for a lab partner in biology and she had talked up Rene to him even before Rene had shown an interest in Bill. Now she gave him a hard sales pitch. Rene was the most beautiful girl in the area. She was painfully lonely, horny as hell. He just had to meet her Saturday night. Alf said fine, he was agreeable.
Bill wasn’t wild about the idea of doubling, but she told him it meant a lot to Rene. He surprised her by saying he didn’t think she wanted to meet Alf.
“How do you know who she wants to meet?” Teresa asked him. “You don’t know Alf and you hardly know Rene.”
“It never works trying to fix people up,” he said. “They either meet and find each other or they don’t meet at all. You can’t make it happen.”
Teresa just stared at him. “I disagree. I think they’ll get along wonderfully.”
They had that conversation on Friday. Saturday morning, eight hours before the big double date, Teresa called a high-priced hotel in San Diego called the Retreat. Nestled in trees beside the ocean, it boasted a five-star rating and two hundred and fifty rooms with balconies overlooking the water. She had heard her parents’ friends talking about it. Teresa didn’t have a credit card of her own and the hotel didn’t want to accept a reservation for the following weekend without one.
“What if I send you a cheque for the cost of the room for two nights?” Teresa asked. “It’ll clear before we get there.”
The reservation clerk checked with the manager and was given the OK to save her a room. Excited, Teresa hung up the phone and immediately ran out to mail the cheque. She had plenty in her account. Mr. Gracione had stayed true to his word and given her twenty per cent of the door receipts for Tuesday and Thursday evenings.
Her mind was consumed with fantasies. Bill and she could drive down to San Diego the next Friday after school, have dinner and take in a movie, maybe even a local play. They could swim in the hotel pool and relax in the jacuzzi. Then – the big night. She would finally sleep with the guy she loved. Which reminded her, she had to take some precautions. Her career was just beginning. Who knows, in a few months she might be touring with a band. She couldn’t get pregnant.
Teresa didn’t know much about contraceptives. She understood most young couples used condoms, but had heard that guys didn’t particularly like them. Not all the alternatives were open to her, not on such short notice. She didn’t have time to get a prescription for the Pill, even if she knew a doctor who would give it to her. At the library she consulted a couple of women’s magazines that contained articles on contraceptives. The sponge seemed her best bet, although it wasn’t rated the safest. But her chances of getting pregnant, so she reasoned, would be slim.
She purchased a box of sponges in a drugstore on the other side of town. The pharmacist didn’t ask her for I.D., although she was silly enough to think he might. Next time, she thought, Bill could get the contraceptives.
Teresa didn’t know where to go to get a book on the art of making love. She had never heard of the kids at school talking about a text that told you what to do. Honestly, she wondered if it could be that complicated that you needed instructions. She wondered if Bill was a virgin, too. She had never thought about it before, although she assumed he was. But for all she knew he had been with lots of girls. He could even have AIDS.
My boyfriend cannot have AIDS.
Bill picked Teresa and Rene up at Teresa’s place. Rene had come over earlier. Then they went to Alf’s house to get him. He was dressed nicely; she had told him Rene was impressed by class. Alf was in an upbeat mood. They had reservations at a restaurant that had the best steaks in the area and Alf was a meat and potatoes man. Of course, he appeared happy to meet Rene. The only problem was Bill, who seemed kind of grumpy. Teresa thought his disposition would improve as the night went on.
Teresa did most of the talking at first, but she was still slightly hoarse from Thursday night. They got their table at the restaurant and Alf did his best to join in the conversation. But the only thing he knew about was sports, and he was in the company of bookworms. Bill brought up astronomy but Alf made the mistake of asking him if the sun burned as bright when it was on the other side of the earth. Bill didn’t respond; he just stared at Alf, who didn’t know enough to know how little he knew. Rene spent most of the time with her gaze lowered. Teresa didn’t know what to do. It looked as if Alf and Rene were not soulmates.
It was on the way to the movie that the trouble started. Bill made an illegal U-turn and a police car, its rooftop light pulsing red, was on his tail in a minute. Bill swore and pulled over to the side of the road. The police officer got out and wrote Bill a ticket, without listening to a word of his excuse, which did sound pretty lame. Bill was still swearing as they started towards the movie theatre again.
“The police force in this town is made up of a bunch of losers,” Bill said. “People who can’t get jobs anywhere else become cops.”
“They do the best they can,” Alf said.
“What was that?” Bill asked. He was, naturally, sitting in the front seat with Teresa. Alf and Rene were in the back, although not sitting together. They were pressed up against the side doors so hard anyone would have guessed the car was about to catch fire and they wanted to bail out.
“Not all cops are losers,” Alf said.
“And I suppose I deserved that ticket?” Bill asked.
“The sign said no U-turn,” Alf said.
“What sign?” Bill asked. “I didn’t see any sign.”
“There was a sign, Bill,” Teresa said as gently as she could. “You just missed it. It’s no big deal.”
“How come you’re taking his side?” Bill asked her. “Since when do you like cops? You told me you hated cops.”
“I don’t hate cops,” she said, which was true, although what he said was also true. Bill had been with her once when she had been pulled over and given a warning slip to get a tail-light fixed. She wanted to get off the subject, though, as smoothly as possible because...
“My father’s a police officer,” Alf said quietly.
Bill was stumped for a moment. “W-well,” he stammered. “I’m sure your dad wouldn’t have given me a ticket for such a minor infraction.”
“I don’t know,” Alf said.
“What do you know?” Bill asked. When Alf didn’t answer, Bill continued, “You don’t know much about astronomy, that’s for sure. What interests you anyway, Alf? Besides football?”
“I like basketball and baseball,” Alf said.
Bill barely suppressed a snicker. “That’s great, that’s wonderful. What do you think of that, Rene?”
“I don’t care much for sports except horseback riding,” Rene said.
Alf was interested, or trying to be. “You have a horse?” he asked.
“Two,” Rene said. “I go riding almost every day.”
“That’s neat,” Alf said. “You don’t want to make a left up here, Bill. You’ll get another ticket.”
Bill suddenly pulled over to the side of the road. He turned off the engine and closed his eyes for a moment. Teresa touched his arm, but didn’t say anything. She had never seen him upset before. He took a couple of deep breaths before opening his eyes.
“Rene,” he said. “Are you having fun?”
“I’m all right,” Rene murmured.
“Are you having fun, Alf?” Bill asked.
“I’d like to,” Alf said. “But I seem to be a
nnoying you, which makes me uncomfortable.”
Bill nodded. “You are annoying me and it isn’t your fault. It’s my fault, but I don’t think it’s going to go away. Why don’t we cancel the idea of this double date?”
“Bill,” Teresa said. “Give it a chance.”
He shook his head. “I can give it more of a chance by getting out of the way as soon as possible.” He restarted the car. “Don’t argue with me about this, Teresa. I’ll drive back to your place. If Rene and Alf want to continue their date, they can go in Rene’s car.”
“All right,” Teresa said, exasperated.
They went their separate ways in the apartment parking lot. Rene and Alf were going to continue on to the movies, but Teresa wasn’t sure if she should. Her parents had gone away for the weekend and she invited Bill inside. Perhaps she’d get to try out the box of goodies she’d bought sooner than anticipated. She put on the coffee pot; Bill usually enjoyed a strong black cup. He lay down on the floor in the living-room and crossed one arm over his face. She lay down beside him.
“What’s bothering you?” she asked.
“Those two couldn’t be more opposite,” he said.
“Sometimes opposites attract. Look at us. You’re a boring intellectual. I’m a swinging rock star.” She tapped his chest with her fingertips. “But you’re here with me now and I’m glad.”
“I was a real pain in the ass tonight.”
“You were,” she said.
“You don’t have to agree with me so quickly.”
She leaned over and kissed his lips. “You were wonderful tonight, so gallant, so dashing. I felt myself swoon in your company. I thought, I must be alone with this man. I must take him south next weekend, to a retreat by the ocean, where I can ravage his manly body for two whole days.” She paused. “I made reservations for two at the Retreat.”
Bill was hardly listening. “What’s that?”
“A hotel in San Diego. We’re going there next weekend.”
Bill sat up. “What?”
“Don’t look so enthusiastic.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Teresa.”
“Our romantic weekend. Remember? The one you promised? I want to go next Saturday and Sunday. I’ve already sent in a deposit for the room. We’re going to have a great time.”
“What about my job? I have to work next weekend.”
“Call in sick,” she said. “They won’t care.”
“Says who? Teresa, you can’t just make plans without asking me first. It’s like doubling tonight. I didn’t want to do it. Rene didn’t want to do it.”
“How do you know she didn’t?” Teresa asked.
“Because she told me she didn’t, that’s how.”
Teresa chewed on her lower lip. “I didn’t know she had your phone number.”
“I have hers.”
“I see,” she said.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
“I don’t know, what does it mean?”
“Nothing.” He suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable. He shook his head and focused up at the ceiling. “Nothing.”
Nothing? He never said that word that way before. Not even when he told me how the universe would end one day. He said, even then, there would be something left.
Teresa touched his arm. She wanted to touch his face, but he looked so distant; she didn’t know if she could reach that far. He wasn’t looking at her, that was it. He wasn’t thinking of her. She sensed the shift in his attention more than she saw it. The light had been on and now the light was off. Nothing, nothing at all. How swift God’s universe moved. One moment there was order, the next chaos. The floor could have opened beneath her; already she felt herself falling into a cold abyss. She didn’t need to ask the questions but she did anyway.
“Does this nothing have a name?” she asked.
He swallowed and nodded. “Yes.”
She was having trouble breathing. “Do I know her name?”
“Yes.”
She choked. “Oh, God.”
Bill rolled over and took hold of her shoulders. There was pain on his face, but he was no mirror for her because her pain was beyond comprehension. When he spoke, his words sounded so stupid he should have kept his mouth shut.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.
“You can’t want her instead of me,” she whispered.
“Teresa, I didn’t want any of this.”
“Does she know?”
He raised his voice. “Of course she knows! She feels the same way I do. I’m telling you, we didn’t want this to happen.”
Teresa felt herself going into shock. Her mind couldn’t keep up with how fast her heart was sinking. “What happened?” she cried. “What have you two been doing together?”
“Nothing. I swear to you, nothing’s happened yet.”
She felt so exposed, so used. “Yet?” she croaked. “Is something going to happen?”
“Teresa.”
“No! You can’t do this to me. I was going to sleep with you next weekend. I was going to love you. I do love you. You’re my boyfriend. She’s my best friend.” Teresa wept pitifully. “You’re the only friends I have.”
Someone knocked at the door.
Bill got up and answered it.
Rene was there. Beautiful Rene.
“Alf decided to walk home,” she said quickly to Bill. “And I’ve discovered that I have a flat tyre. I was wondering if I could borrow you to help me...” Her gaze strayed inside the apartment. “Teresa?”
“I told her,” Bill said quietly.
Rene was sad. They were all so sad. “Oh,” Rene said. “Teresa?”
“No.” Teresa sat up and wiped her face. “I don’t want either of you to say anything. I want to be by myself.” She raised her hand when they started to protest. Her fingers shook. “Please do this for me.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone now,” Bill said.
Teresa sighed. “I’ve been alone before. It’s not so bad.” She shut her eyes; a red glow burned deep inside her brain. A fire trying to warm a place that was always cold. The place between the living and the dead. She no longer felt totally alive. She only wished somehow that she could die. “Please leave,” she whispered.
They did as she asked. They said goodbye and closed the door. She collapsed on the floor and lay there for a very long time.
“They deserve to die,” Freedom Jack said when she was finished. “Are you sure you didn’t kill them? Is that the reason you’re running away from home?”
“I didn’t kill them and I’m not running away from home,” Teresa said softly. Relating the events had shaken her up somewhat. Her eyes were damp and she raised a hand to swipe at her face. Free reached over and touched her arm.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be crude. I just hate it when people hurt each other. I always feel like getting back at whoever hurt me. You must have felt the same way.”
Teresa forced a smile. “I still do.”
“There’s always time.” Free glanced over his shoulder. “What did you think of her story, Poppy?”
“I think there’s more to it,” Poppy said.
“They got together – what more is there to say?” Teresa said.
“When did this happen?” Free asked.
“Earlier tonight,” Teresa said.
“Well, no wonder you want to get out of town for a few days,” Free said. “Did you see either of them just before you left?”
Teresa hesitated. “No.”
“There was no point in it was there?” Free asked, nodding sympathetically. “The past is past is what I say. Let it go, it’s dead. Don’t you agree, Poppy?”
“Truer words were never spoken,” Poppy replied.
Free got angry. “You don’t care at all what Teresa’s just been through, do you? You think Bill and Rene did the right thing. I know the way your mind works. Come on, say it whose side are you on?”
“I don’t need to answer these questions,” Poppy said. “You’ll make a liar out of me no matter what I say. But I do care what’s happened to Teresa. I think she’s been through a difficult time, and I know she’s still going through it.”
Teresa shook her head. “No, I’m finished with it. Free’s right the past is the past. It’s dead.”
“We can learn from the past, though,” Poppy said.
“Yeah,” Free broke in. “We can learn not to trust jerks like Bill and Rene. Ain’t that a fact, Teresa?”
“Yeah,” Teresa said grimly.
“Bill and Rene are still the same people they were a month ago,” Poppy said. “They’re still your friends, Teresa.”
“I knew it!” Free shouted. “They cheat on Teresa and you think it’s all right. You’re warped, Poppy. Do you know what those two are probably doing right now? They’re probably in bed – you have to forgive me, Teresa, I’m trying to make a point – screwing their brains out. In fact, I bet they had sex with each other right after they met. What do you say, Teresa?”
“I wouldn’t put it past them,” Teresa said. She appreciated his support, she just wished he wouldn’t talk about the betrayal in such graphic language. She didn't like what Poppy had to say. It was so easy, she thought, to be philosophical and forgiving when you weren’t in the middle of a situation. She bet Poppy had never been dumped in her life.
“Leaving someone can be as hard as being left,” Poppy said.
“I can’t believe you,” Free said, shaking his head in amazement.
“I really don’t appreciate your comments,” Teresa said to Poppy. “You don’t know what happened. You weren’t there. I would just as soon you kept your mouth shut.”
Poppy didn’t answer right away. She took time to light up another cigarette. Finally she spoke, coughing when the air inside the car was unbreathable again.
“I’m sorry,” Poppy said.
“Can we talk about something else?” Teresa asked, a note of pleading in her voice. “Tell me more about John, Free. What happened to his hand? Did it get better?”
Road to Nowhere Page 10
