“Prish, I’m sorry.” His soft words are an immediate balm. I rest my head back against the wall, hugging the phone to my ear hard just so I can hear him breathe. “I was just..um..I didn’t think you’d be expecting any other call.” There is an awkward silence.
In the background from his end, I can hear familiar sounds of the city coming through. The honk of a car whizzing past, stray dogs barking, the sound of waves of the Arabian Sea.
“Why’d you call, Ajaz?” I let his name roll over my tongue to make it real. What wouldn’t I do to feel your lips on mine again!
“Wish you a very happy birthday, Prish.” It’s a simple wish but it hits my core like a delicious wave of pleasure.
I’m shaky, unravelled and out of my mind. “Thank you.”
I can feel him smile. “That’s all I get?”
My smile mirrors his. “Well, obviously. What else do you want?”
There’s a pause that lasts a moment too long. The waves crash on in the silence as they have for endless centuries. My heart constricts. Do I need his answer? Yes, I do!
“Prish,” my name sounds seductive on his tongue, “I want you.”
I can’t help the gasp that escapes me. I’ve lived for this moment for months! Am I dreaming? I have no idea what to say to him. “Ajaz.”
“Yeah, babes?” It’s such a casual, familiar way to address someone you know well. But does he know me well and do I know him? Where are we heading?
“I...I..” I don’t know what to say.
“I keep forgetting you’re so young, Prish.” I can almost see him staring off into the distance. “But you’re damn hot, babes.”
“Umm.”
“Wait.” I can hear the receiver being set aside along with faint sounds. He’s talking to someone. “Yeah, cool, bro. I’m on the line with Prish, be with you in a bit.” He comes back on the line. “Gotta go, babes, my brother’s being an ass. He wants to call his girlfriend.”
His brother! His brother knows about me? “Okay.” That’s all I get out when I want to ask so much more.
“Chill, babes, I’ll catch ya later.” And just like that I have the monotonous sound of the dial tone buzzing in my ear.
~ ~ ~
My birthday was on a weekday so I don’t see Nik till the weekend. He hasn’t attempted to call me with any explanations about the teddy bear and its cute message. Or am I reading too much into it?
He knows I have a driving test for my license on Saturday morning. He can grill me later about how it went later that evening.
To be honest, I’m nervous. Who doesn’t get nervous while giving a driving test? I have completed a month’s training with a training school and I think I’m well in control. My driving tutor helps me fill in the forms at the RTO or the Regional Transport Office. Once done, we wait for my name to be called out for the test.
An hour passes by before it’s my turn. When a rickety car is brought out, my mouth goes dry with the realisation that I have to go through the test. My tutor climbs in at the back while a portly traffic police inspector slides into the passenger’s seat in the front. I stare at the open door they’ve left for me to get into the driver’s seat.
“Get in, miss,” my tutor calls.
I do. I get in, slam the door, put on the seat belt and grab the steering wheel. The next step should be easy enough. Key in the ignition, start and go.
The car stalls, shaking all the occupants. I chance a look at the inspector. He jots down something on his pad.
“Relax, miss and try again,” my tutor encourages me.
Okay. Here we go. Key, ignition, go. Stall.
This time, the policeman gives a shake of his head. I bite down on my lower lip to stop from crying. Why doesn’t the bloody car start? I’m aware my tutor isn’t allowed to give any instructions but I can’t seem to recollect anything I’ve learnt. I have no sense of mechanics.
“Having trouble?”
My head snaps to find Nik standing out on my side, grinning like an idiot. “How’d you know where to find me?”
“What kind of a nut do you think I am, Risha? You told me you have a test today. Where else would it be?”
The inspector glowers at us both. He’s done with teenagers and their license woes. “I don’t have all day, miss, so can you please hurry up and start the car? You have one chance left.”
Oh, really? Now I’ll show you what I’ve got! “Get in, Nik.”
Nik gets in beside my tutor, I turn the key and manage to glide the car out of the test compound. Hurray! I’m exhilarated as I remember and follow all the instructions for perfect manoeuvres. Except for the turn that I take too fast. It has the police inspector grabbing the door handle for dear life and Nik almost in the tutor’s arms. But there! I can do it all, including the reverse bit and parking, albeit a bit wonked.
When we get out of the car, my face holds a triumphant smile, while the others are looking a bit green around the gills. I raise my chin in defiance at the police inspector. Just try and refuse. He takes one look at me and signs the passing slip.
I wave it shamelessly in Nik’s face who grins at me like a proud mother.
“You do know, you got it because of me?” He gloats on our way back home in his car.
“Really? I was the one giving the test and you want credit?”
“Yes, you were stalling before.”
I punch his arm. “You were at the RTO before I got there?”
“Yep and saw it all!” He starts laughing. He loves teasing me.
I let him have his moment. “So why did you come? I didn’t ask you too.”
He risks a glance sideways. “You don’t have to ask anything of me, Risha. You know I’ll always be there for you.”
And just like that, Nik widens his space in my heart.
We drive back, engaged in casual chat but also aware of the fact that things are a bit different between us.
Five
A heart on the mend.
New Year’s Eve is upon us again. This year, Saumya has a date. A proper one and she gets her permission from Mum and Dad to go alone. I’m surprised. Our parents are not too forth-coming with such permissions for their favourite daughter who is of marriageable age. What if people smear her reputation? Who will marry her then? I love rolling my eyes at such archaic views. But I appreciate they allowed her this bit of freedom.
I have plans too. No, Ajaz hasn’t called. He’s disappeared again. I’m training myself not to care. Some days it works, on others I’m depressed. So when Nisha says she’s throwing a party at her place, I’m all for it. Anything to get my mind off him. Especially on New Year’s Eve. Nisha’s home is in the building next to mine, so I don’t have to go too far.
The party isn’t going to be a grand one. Nisha has only invited our gang and a few others from her college but I decide to dress up well for the occasion. After all, I turned eighteen a few months ago and it’s almost a legal necessity to look and dress your age. Not really, it’s just that I want to look mature tonight.
I choose a black, satin mermaid dress with a cool smoked bodice that flares at the bottom, kissing my thighs. It’s an off-shoulder dress so I wear a cap sleeved, purple tank top over it and accessorize with chunky jewellery. My make-up is just right and makes my skin glow with a sheer tint. Black panty hose and pointed heels complete my look.
I strut in front of the mirror. Bit much or just right? I can’t decide and Saumya’s already left so no one’s around to call me ‘slutty’. I take a second look at myself and rub away at the eye-shadow and blush. They’re a bit much, I decide at the last minute. Satisfied, I grab a shrug and make way to the party.
Most have already reached. Sara makes her way towards me with her brows raised in appreciation. “My, my! You’re looking hot!”
She’s looking pretty great too in a golden one piece and I’m glad I went with my instincts to dress up. I look around for Nik even as Sara pushes a soft drink in my hands. She knows I don’t drink at social gatherings.
I always tell her, it makes me vulnerable and I like being in control.
Nik walks in with Priya on his arm just as I take my first sip. I pretend interest in the contents of my glass. Nik and I have made no attempt to change our relationship. I guess we both are wary. We don’t want to lose our special friendship.
When I look back up, Nik is almost in front of me. He’s looking smart in a white party shirt, deep blue trousers and shiny formal shoes. He’s even managed to use gel on his hair and make it sit at the ends.
“You’re looking great!” He grins. Priya is at his side, giving me a sweet smile.
I manage the evening quite well. Nisha’s boyfriend Greg is drunk and smitten by me. He pulls me to the dance floor and before I can protest, he’s twisting me around in his arms for a peppy number as though I’m a rag doll.
Then the lights dim and a slow number begins to play. He turns me in his arms, placing both his hands on my lower back. I place mine at his shoulders, ready to push him away if necessary. The mood of the party grows more sensuous. It reminds me of last year.
Greg is too drunk to realise I’m not Nisha. Or it could be he’s not and is taking advantage of our proximity. His hands run over the smocks of my dress, his finger pressing me to come closer. I resist and almost walk out when Nik taps on his shoulder to intervene at the right time.
I’m in Nik’s arms. They’re around me, holding me close. It feels right when it shouldn’t. I find my arms go around his neck, while his hands linger at my waist, his fingers making subtle explorations. I find heat rising up, I find my hand slide down to let my fingers rest over his heart.
The move affects him. I can feel his fingers digging into my skin. I know he wants to kiss me. I know he can’t and we shouldn’t.
“Risha?” His voice is a longing whisper. He decides to take matters in his own hand. “Come with me.”
Unseen by others, we leave the party and head for the yard at the back. There’s a wide tree there that throws shadows in the day and darkness in the night. No one can see us there.
Under its low hanging branches, Nik pulls me into his arms. I’m hesitant but I allow it. I need to explore him, his possibility. It’s a need that could be something more. Nik hesitates. He’s not going to cheat and I’m not going to encourage him to. I’m pinning for Ajaz, not trying to hurt Nik. Reality hits home.
I take a step back to stand at arm’s length. His hands slide down my arms so that we’re holding hands, staring at each other with a silent longing. This isn’t right but it isn’t wrong either.
“Nik! There you are!” Crap! It’s Priya.
Nik releases my hands. He looks stunned as if he’s discovered something new. He turns to look at Priya who’s watching us with a perplexed look. She has seen us holding hands but she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s aware as friends, we are close. She has no idea that we might need to be closer. Her interruption clears my mind. Do I have feelings for Nik?
Nik is torn between his desire to be with me and to be fair to his girlfriend. He’s a man of honour even if he was almost about to cheat on her with me. He decides to chase her with an explanation. He’ll probably break it off with her but I’m more at a loss. If I take this further, I will lose not one but two friends, Nik and Priya. I know if I take that step with Nik, we’ll effectively stop being the best of friends.
The thought frightens me. I’m too confused and mortified to go back inside. I can’t face anyone right now. I can’t be the reason for gossip tonight.
I beat a hasty retreat to my apartment. I don’t need these awful New Year’s Eve’s parties. They’re forever mocking me.
I turn a corner and come to a skidding halt. There, looking nonchalant, is Ajaz waiting by a huge motorbike. He’s resting his butt on the seat, one arm holding his helmet at his waist, the other placed on the handle of the bike. He is a vision that knocks the breath out of me. Black jeans, black jacket, fingerless gloves, thick hair tossed carelessly, whiskey eyes smouldering. Whoosh!
He spots me and offers his devastating, lopsided smile. My heart goes soaring beyond Jupiter.
What’s he doing here?
“Waiting for you,” he answers. He’s reading my mind now or is that an obvious answer to an obvious question? “I went to your place, your Gran said you were at this party so I thought I’d wait for you to come back.”
“Why?” I manage to ask. I’m shifting awkwardly on my feet. His presence is playing havoc on my emotions. Months go by and nothing. Now all of a sudden he decides to turn up? On the very night I’m willing to give Nik a chance? So not cool.
Send him away then.
I can’t. He’s Ajaz.
He straightens to his full length, taking a step towards me. He’s close but not too close. I can smell his after-shave. He’s looking more handsome than ever if that’s possible. His eyes have gone from whiskey to honey to amber. How is that possible? Or is it just the street lights showing me what I want to see?
“I wanted to see you.”
Just like that? A year goes by and of all the days he wants to see me today? Is he remembering our kiss too?
“What about?” I manage sounding sullen when I want to sound unaffected.
He nods towards his bike. “Want to get a ride with me?”
I can swear I’m gawking at him. Is this normal? Is this what guys do? Leave you hanging and then ask you to go on a bike ride a year later? I give him a doubtful look. He sighs, giving a brief glance upwards before pinning me with his gorgeous eyes. “I came to apologise.”
Now that’s better. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know what he’s talking about. “You could’ve called and said something,” I accuse.
He runs a ragged hand through his hair. I would’ve loved doing that for him. “I wished you.”
“That was months ago.”
“Look, I’m sorry, all right? I was scared and I didn’t know what to do?”
“Scared? Like scared of me?”
“No.” He looks almost anguished, “Scared of what I was feeling for you.”
Feeling for me? I’m dumbstruck.
He implores me with his sincere eyes. I feel flustered. So, he has been running from me. When I say nothing, he moves closer. “Prish, I’ve never felt this way before about any girl. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wasn’t sure what was happening.”
My eyes meet his. Mine still carry the hurt, his, the pain. “So are you sure now?”
“Yes.” A smile plays at his lips. It’s enough to melt my misgivings. “I’m sure I really want us to be together.”
I gape. He did not just say that! “You’re kidding, right? Be together?”
He looks frustrated. I can tell he wants to touch me but he can’t. Not yet anyway. “Look, Prish, I spent the year trying to get you out of my head! I just can’t do it, okay? You’re all I think about. You’re haunting my dreams, you’re stalking my days! I need to be with you.”
I’m giddy and out of breath. Whether due to sheer bliss or confusion, I can’t say. But his words are sinking slowly into me spreading a warmth I haven’t felt in a long time. Ajaz needs me. I think my heart is smiling.
I hold back. I should give this some thought. It wasn’t easy getting him out of my mind, I was hurt, depressed, angry, vulnerable. What if he disappears again?
“I won’t.” Dang! He’s reading my mind again! “I promise not to disappear again. Just give me a chance, please. Come with me tonight, we’ll see how things go. No strings attached, okay?”
Sounds good but also bad. Do I really want this?
My eyes wander to his sensuous lips. Now that, I definitely want. More than Nik. Nik! Crap! If I go with Ajaz tonight, what happens to Nik and me?
In the golden glow of the street lights, Ajaz is a devil I can’t resist. What harm can one ride do?
I glance around feeling nervous. Neighbours can be nosy, has anyone seen me standing in the dark with a guy? No one seems about despite being New Year’s Eve. My residential lane is fairly quie
t. It’s the world beyond that offers chaos. I take a split decision.
“It’s half past ten, I promised Grandma I’ll be back by one.” He begins to smile wide. “And since I don’t have permission for this, let’s beat it before someone sees us.”
It’s chilly this last night of December. I’m sitting behind Ajaz who’s lent me his jacket enveloping me with his intoxicating smell. I’m going to steal it. While my arms and torso are protected, there’s not much I can do about my legs encased in nothing but panty hose. They offer some protection but the edge of my dress is riding high, making me shiver.
True Rising: Mark of the Defenders Page 5
