I stand on the side lines. I have a physical reaction to crematoriums. Is it the lingering smell of death that affects me or is it the terrible image of a person being placed on a rolling belt like baggage being checked in?
The electric furnace is a huge, around twenty feet in height and length. It has a conveyer belt that transports the body into its center to be incinerated at temperatures touching eleven hundred to twelve hundred degrees centigrade.
I shiver as it emits a dull growl like a monster’s stomach gearing up for a hearty breakfast. It’s a sound that will never leave me.
Ajaz supports me with chaste arm at my waist. I can feel his eyes staring straight ahead. He’s not welcome here but I can’t ask him to stay away. I need him more now than ever.
I keep my head bowed in a bid to avoid looking at the furnace while Saumya glares at it head on. She’s always been defiant in all that she’s done in life. I admire that quality in her. I try and run the other way.
Like running away from your family, from people who hurt you, from people who died because of you! The thought rises unbidden and hurts because of the truth in it. I guess I’m overwhelmed with the events of the past few months. As if discovering a crazed entity is haunting me wasn’t enough, I had to have illegitimacy added to my portfolio.
I scold myself for that thought. Since when have I judged people for who they are? I don’t believe in God, so why should being born out of wedlock bother me? You answered your own question. You don’t believe in God and the sanctity of marriages under religious dictates but you do believe in fidelity and trust in relationships.
Did Dad know about me, that I wasn’t his? After Sudha’s revelation I had stood in front of the mirror and searched for similarities between me and Partho Sangram, my true father. My straight nose and the runaway curls were his as was the uniqueness of my smile. Dad would’ve been blind not to have seen it.
But he never treated me any different from Saumya or Leena. He doted on all three of us. I’m glad he’s not here anymore. I would’ve confronted him for being too kind, too gentle, too forgiving of his wife. Another thought creeps up.
Partho Sangram. Does he know?
Twenty
Together forever.
Ajaz and I return to our room at the hotel we are staying in near my mother’s house after the funeral. It has been an emotional day for me. I finally know the truth about my existence. I’m the result of a night of illicit passion. I’m grateful my child is the result of eternal love.
Ajaz joins me in the shower, helping to take my worries and pain away. He’s my strength. He’s standing by me despite everything. He’s putting his life at risk for me, for us, for our child. We make excruciating slow love daring Raati to return. She doesn’t. She knows Ajaz has powers that can hurt her.
I cling to Ajaz, loving him with all my heart and soul. I wonder how many times I will fall in love with him in one lifetime. I’m completely spent as exhaustion and doubt leaves my body. He wraps me in a large towel and carries me to bed. We fall asleep almost immediately in our usual manner with him spooning me, protecting me from my insecurities.
~ ~ ~
“He knows,” Raati informs me. She has stolen me from my body, leading me into another realm of existence. I look back to see myself still fast asleep in my husband’s arms. Somehow I’m not afraid. She didn’t have the guts to turn up in front of Ajaz again.
I’m following Raati for I’m still seeking answers. Instinct tells me, she isn’t going to harm me. I hate her for taking Nik and Dad away but she isn’t human. She’s got no ethics, no morality. She’s incapable of understanding the concept of murder. I’ll get her someday but not tonight.
She takes me to her favourite spot. The purple paradise and immediately skinny dips in the purple pool. She stretches her hand towards me. “Come, join me.”
I hesitate. Is she going to hurt me? She’s floating in circles on her back in such a ridiculous and carefree manner that I think, what the heck? Might as well jump in.
The purple water of the pool takes me by surprise. It feels like satin against my skin and there is no sensation of wetness. Raati has tricks up her sleeves. She weaves her spell over me, keeping me from asking questions. My senses are hit by waves of unmet passion climbing higher and higher. I know she’s toying with me but I don’t want her to stop. She suddenly surfaces and pulls me under. I gasp as I’m assaulted by the most intense round of lust I’ve ever felt. I scream out going over the edge. She allows me to surface gasping, panting and feeling utterly spent.
“Raati, stop this please!” I beg feeling weak. I can’t imagine going through another round of mindless lust. I just can’t! “Who knows, Raati? Did you mean Partho?”
The conniving purple and violet eyed entity giggles like a naughty child with a secret. “Who else, my pet? That boy is turning your brains to mush.”
I’m assuming she’s referring to Ajaz. It’s strange that she’s getting good at conversations of the human kind. “You brought me here just to tell me he knows?”
Raati laughs, coming up behind me. She presses against me and squeezes my breasts. Carnal lust once again jumps me. This time I manage to push away. “Stop it, Raati! What does he know?”
She displays a magnificent pout. “He knows you’re born of illicit desire. His desire for a married woman.”
Her revelation confuses me. I already have an inclination that he knows. Why is Raati making it sound like it was a sin? Raati has no allegiance to the humanly contracts of marriage. I know she doesn’t believe in sin.
Unless!
All of a sudden, her wicked intentions are clear to me. She’s been torturing him all these years! She’s been gnawing at his conscience making him feel guilty about that night which was her doing! Using it against Pratho is just another scheme to extract his soul!
This time her laugh is full-throated. “You guessed right, my pet! I always take what’s mine.” She swirls around me, teasing me, coaxing a response from my nerve endings. “Always, pet. That’s a promise. He is part of my destiny. Of yours. And the life you carry within.”
Her words allow me to shake off the delirious throes of passion racking my senses. “No, Raati, no! They are innocent! I am innocent! Partho is innocent! My child is innocent! You already have my mother, she’s the only one who willingly participated in this scheme of yours!”
Her wild laughs are her response. “Oh, my pet, you’re truly an innocent. You are nearly there but not yet. You have much to learn. So tell me, how will you save him from me?”
Before I can register the horror of her question, she gives me a rough push that sends me tumbling from the purple paradise back into my body.
I come awake with a jolt hitting the back of my head against Ajaz’s chin.
He stirs, opening his sleepy eyes to regard me with concern. “You okay, sweet?”
I blink back my tears. “She’s going after Partho Sangram.”
~ ~ ~
We have no home in Bombay where I need to set up base in my search for Partho Sangram. I remember seeing him last in this city and I wonder if he’s still here.
Ever since Raati’s evil revelation I have been wondering if I’m seeking him out because I know he’s my father or because I want to save a life? If he was just some old acquaintance, would it bother me this much? Can’t say. But it’s said blood is thicker than water and I can almost feel its physical pull towards Partho.
Ajaz suggests shacking up with his older brother Azmath for a few days till we can figure things out. Azmath is a businessman and Bombay, the hub of all businesses. He lives in a lavish penthouse apartment in Worli with his family that consists of his wife Aamina and his two children, nine year old Daniyal and six year old Abira.
The thought doesn’t particularly appeal to me. Aamina has been quite distant from me so far. Back at the ancestral home, the only time she showed some intent to communicate with me was right after my wedding ceremony. It was too brief to be meaningful. After tha
t there was no attempt to further any camaraderie between us.
I set my apprehensions aside. Up against the present scenario, I have no choice. Searching for Partho is more important and I need all the help I can get.
Azmath is warmer in his welcome while Aamina a polite hostess. I love their home. It overlooks the Arabian Sea that rages on in the distance.
We are set up in the guestroom which is spacious and has an attached bathroom. Ajaz helps me place our clothes in the closet. “I don’t think Aamina likes me,” I can’t help complaining.
To my ears I sound like a whiner which I’m not. My statement bothers me. Why does validation from other people mean anything to me? I frown, an errant thought stirring in my mind. Does Raati have anything to do with this? Is she stirring up the other entities in me? I can almost sense it.
For once Ajaz is silent. It surprises me enough to peek around a shirt I’m hanging up in the closet. “What?”
He leaves what he’s doing to lean his head back on the door of the closet. For all the times I would’ve fallen head over heels at his casual stance, this time I don’t like it one bit. “What?” I persist.
His head turns towards me to pin me with his whiskey eyes. They are asking for my forgiveness. “Nadira is Aamina’s sister.”
His quiet revelation punches me in the gut. His ex-wife is one topic of conversation we carefully avoid. It makes me insecure and him uncomfortable. He has no feelings for her but her memory makes him feel guilty for the year we lost together. Anger rises within me accompanied with jealousy, sorrow, insecurity and hatred. They assault my senses till I slam the door and move away to the balcony that faces the sea.
My hands try to throttle the railing with a deathly grip. I have avoided the thought of Ajaz with another woman for as long as I can remember. She’s part of his past and I’m his present and future. An unbidden image of Ajaz making love to Nadira springs upon me. Raati! She’s the one who had shown me the vision. She’s causing this turmoil in me!
The evening sky is dark and the sea hidden by the busy lights of vehicles dashing across the road below. Closer to the coastline, it slaps the rocks angrily with its frothy surf. Get a grip! I warn myself. He hasn’t followed me out and I’m both glad and hurt.
Then he is behind me, kneading stress out of my shoulders, laying small kisses against the side of my neck. I shiver and melt into him. I let my arm wander up and sink into his hair. “I love you with all that I have.” My voice breaks with my heart. He makes it vulnerable.
Ajaz isn’t the kind to mumble sweet nothings back at me without erasing the hurt I feel. He turns me in his arms to tuck errant strands of my hair behind my ears. He’s too perfect. It couldn’t have been an easy divorce for her.
Ajaz finds my lips with his soul searching kiss. It overcomes every rational thought. His embrace is a flawless mould for my fractured feelings. This kiss has everything I want in it. His heart, his soul, his commitment, his love, his passion, his remorse for the time we spent apart. Breaking the kiss, he holds my face in his palms to look into my eyes. “I’m yours, Prish, I always was, I always will be.” His declaration is more comforting than an apology he doesn’t have to tender. “Can I confess something?”
I’m not sure if I want any confession from him. I’m too human, my emotions too amuck to accept realities. I want to move away from him but he has his arms back around me. Ajaz isn’t the kind to let me wallow in self-pity. “I don’t want to hear anything about her.”
“I know, sweet, but it’s time for you to know a few things for your own good.”
My glare has no effect on him nor does the pout. He’s staring at me with one awesome brow raised. Drat! Works every time! I give in with a roll of my eyes. He pulls me along to settle on a rug with throw pillows in one corner of the balcony. He reclines on the pillows and seats me between his legs, ensuring I’m trapped and can’t run away. The thought makes me uncomfortable. He knows what he’s going to say will rile me up. So why do I want to hear it?
“Leaving you wasn’t easy, Prish,” he begins, breathing into my hair. I’m leaning against one of his bent knees with my legs thrown over his other leg. “But I couldn’t fight my family. You have witnessed how close we are. You know what Ammi felt at the time.” I give a tiny nod. Yes, I know his mother felt she was protecting the family. “Aamina suggested Nadira’s proposal for me. I wasn’t given a choice. I had to agree. After all she belonged to the Sahra clan.”
He relaxes a bit, leaning his head behind on a pillow. He’s gazing into the distance over my head. I know he’s not done, I already know this part. “We left for the US almost immediately. Actually the next day of the wedding.” I’m holding my breath. I don’t want to know anything more. “We settled into a routine life there. I immersed myself in my work. I spent more time at the office than at home. I wasn’t a good husband to her.”
His gaze is back on me, loving me, adoring me without words. “I sought you out in every manner possible. Asad was supposed to keep an eye out for you.” My gasp elicits an impish smile from him. “I couldn’t help it, I was lost without you.” He sighs, tracing my lips with his thumb. “Then I came to know about your wedding to Nikhil. Of all the people, Sheetal attached a picture of you and Nikhil and emailed it to me. I can’t forget the photo I saw of him with his arm around you. Don’t ask me how she got it but it was like I was punched in the face. You looked happy with him.”
I was happy, I was trying to move on. Trying to forget you.
“I decided to give my marriage to Nadira a chance. I had never taken her out for dinners, movies, not ever bought her a bouquet.” He hung his head in shame. “I was so obsessed with you that I ignored her completely and I don’t think that was the right thing to do.”
No it wasn’t, but I’m glad you did, my thoughts are dark with a lack of empathy.
His smile is sad but indulgent. I blush. He’s read my thoughts!
“I tried to give her my time, I really did but my thoughts kept going back to you. The news about your wedding felt like a knife had gone through my heart. I had lost you.” He takes a pause bowing his head down in resignation. It’s a memory that hurts him as much as it hurts me. “I went home that day, drunk senseless.” I’m shocked! I know he doesn’t do drinks. “Nadira was there. I gave myself to her that night. I couldn’t help it.”
His confession makes me withdraw from him physically. I try to draw myself in a ball but he wraps me in his arms to hold me close to his heart. “Okay, here’s the weird thing. Nothing happened.” My head snaps up and I stare at him in disbelief. “She tried seducing me. I almost gave in but something stopped me. I just couldn’t be with her. I remember falling into a dead sleep and I remember the vision I had. An icy, cold fog enveloping me, overpowering my senses and a creature pale with porcelain skin, silver hair and violet eyes. And a face that had your features.”
Raati! I gasped. Raati stopped him from consummating his marriage to Nadira? Why?
“She gave me a warning, Prish. She said I couldn’t go against my destiny. She said she wouldn’t let any mortal set her plans aside.” Ajaz hugs me close breathing in my natural scent. “I could smell you, you were all around me, driving me crazy. Nadira didn’t handle the rejection well. She left me and I let her go.” For a moment he’s lost, nuzzling into my hair as if confirming my existence in his arms.
“That night when I saw you on the yacht, I was sure I was hallucinating. But I wasn’t. You were there, once again, asserting yourself in my life.” His eyes regard me with a thoughtful look while his finger traces a line across my jaw. “I almost went crazy that night, knowing you were so near and yet not with me.” His eyes move off into the distance as he recollects his pain and mine. “I followed you guys when you left.”
My breath hitches, unable to mask my surprise. He followed us? That means…
“You were drunk. I’ve never seen you drunk and I knew something wasn’t right.” When he looks at me, his eyes glitter with the tears he’s ho
lding back. “I saw the accident, Prish.”
The pain of the memory is very real. I stifle a cry, sinking into his arms. The pain of losing Nik is still a physical burden for me. Ajaz wraps me in his love, kissing my head. “I called 911 and I pulled you out.”
The revelation shocks me. Ajaz had saved me? I shake my head in denial beating against his chest. “You should’ve saved Nik! Why didn’t you save, Nik?”
“I tried saving Nik, too. But I was too late.” It’s a burden he will carry for the rest of his life. He looks beyond pained as he looks into my eyes. “His injuries were fatal. I managed to drag him out of the car before it exploded.”
This is new information to me. What is he telling me? “Nik didn’t die in the car?”
True Rising: Mark of the Defenders Page 19
