by Day Leitao
It felt odd to be leaving in the middle of the night. This time at least Saytera had had time to plan and gather her things, except that she didn’t own anything. Even her clothes were borrowed, a long black skirt and a white shirt, since Larissa said Saytera’s own gray clothes looked too bad.
Saytera had feared that someone could find her, recognize her in Citarella, but more and more her vision from the training house came back to her. Saytera’s funeral. It had been true—in a way. Not that she’d died, but that they probably had to pretend she was dead. If Terens were looking for her, they’d lost her trace a long time ago. Perhaps she’d been given up as dead when she’d jumped from that boat. From the water came a rebirth—and a chance for a new life. And if she wanted to use it, she had to stop regretting the past, enjoy the chance she’d been given, and try to do something worthwhile with her time.
Last time she’d left a place in secret, she’d been searching for the truth about her, a destiny. Perhaps she should have listened to Yansin. Of course no destiny would be given to her. If she wanted anything, she had to go and get it.
As she and Larissa reached the ground floor, a sound came from upstairs.
Kay was there. “What’s happening? Are you…” He frowned. “Deserting?”
21
Trip
Perhaps trying to leave like that hadn’t been a good idea.
Before Saytera could come up with an explanation, Larissa replied, “No. Of course not. We’re just going to visit Citarella. And we left a note explaining.”
He glared. “Usually we let each other know about our plans before we do them.”
Larissa shrugged. “If I thought I wouldn’t have any problem, it would be easier. I want to visit an aunt there. She’s sick.”
He pointed to Saytera. “Why is she going with you? Why not ask for a leave of absence?”
This wasn’t going anywhere. Saytera decided to tell the truth. “Kay, it’s not that. There’s something wrong in Mainland. We want to know what’s happening. We’ll be back.”
He shook his head, as if confused. “What do you mean, something’s wrong?”
“Somersault. Those killings. It wasn’t Lunars. I feel… they’re hiding something from us.”
Kay rolled his eyes. “Something? More like a ton of things. What do you expect to accomplish?”
“First we learn the truth, then we decide what to do with it.”
He shrugged. “Sounds great. I mean, maybe we can tell the nearby bases. What then?”
“That’s a start, Kay. What if it’s huge and we can get this information to spread?”
“Exactly,” Larissa added. “I’m tired of being here and doing nothing, watching the time pass by while we can’t even dream about travelling to other systems or importing anything.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kay asked.
Larissa sighed. “We thought it would be easier to explain everything once we were back.”
“Right,” he laughed. “How far would you go with a warrant for deserting?”
That was exaggerated. “We are not deserting. We will be back,” Saytera said.
He nodded. “Fine. I’m coming with you, then.”
Larissa threw her hands up. “But that will leave this base with Nara and Saulo only!”
“Who cares? There are no killings, right?”
Saytera shook her head. “The killings are real enough. The only thing we don’t know is who is responsible for them.”
“Kay, think,” Larissa pleaded. “You want a promotion, don’t you? You have a good relationship with Commander Stone. Use this to your advantage. Be here. Be the point of contact. Help us. Plus, there’s a new recruit coming. Someone needs to be here.”
He snorted. “Now you want my help? Remind me how kindly you asked for it.”
Saytera saw the eyes of someone who also wanted his chance to play hero and do something meaningful. Was it fair to deny him? But then, staying was more important than going, and it wasn’t as if they were on the way to end the war. The most important part wasn’t getting the information, but what they’d do with it after.
Saytera pleaded, “You have to stay because you’re the most important of us. Because we trust you. We’ll be back in two days.” She tried to give him a meaningful look. “We’ll talk, then.” Yikes, she didn’t want to ever be alone with him again, but she had to convince him.
“You’ll help a lot more if you stay,” Larissa added. If we need anything, you’ll be our point of contact.”
He crossed his arms. “Three days. I give you three days. Next time talk to me first. We’re a team, here.”
Larissa patted his shoulder. “We’re sorry. I’ll trust you more from now on. But we’re counting on you here.”
Kay had a half smile. “Good luck.”
It would be an hour walking to the nearest village, but they’d have a colorful sunrise to cheer them up. Still, there was something bugging Saytera, like a bit of a chill in her stomach. It was always better to recognize her emotions. “I’m a bit, hum, apprehensive.”
“That’s normal. You’ve never been to Citarella before.”
“Have you?”
Larissa bit her lip. “Nope. So I get what you’re feeling. No worries, though. We’ll go to the archive central, get the information, and come out. Super simple.”
“But if it’s simple, how come nobody has taken it before?”
She smiled. “Maybe because they didn’t look for it.” She pulled a metal stick from her pocket. “The right way.”
Dess got up as someone passed him a tray through the small opening in his cell door. Cricket patties. It was still pretty much the same stuff given to the military and the people at school. Whoever took care of punishing military trainees had no idea that guaranteed food and shelter was more than many in Sapphirelune had, who had to venture into dangerous mines. This was a prison for the privileged few who belonged to the elite.
Dess had been admitted back into the military, but couldn’t really fight back Sam and Amil’s words that he had assaulted them or at least ruined their tracker on purpose. At least he’d negotiated Marcus’s freedom. And in fact, Dess didn’t mind four days in custody. Once he’d been at a point where he didn’t know what he’d have to eat the next day, and now he had it given to him on a tray. Definitely far from the worst punishment a person could get.
Marcus hadn’t come by. It wasn’t like him. They had probably forbidden him from visiting. Hopefully he’d be all right.
There were no windows in this cell, and the white walls, ceiling, and floor gave the space an even more artificial feel. In the fakeness of his moon, even with the metal structure of the dome cutting the view of the sky, it was still good to see the sun. Not that five days without natural light would kill him. He could still enjoy the silence. The solitude. He could gather his thoughts and rethink who he was.
He touched the finger with the missing ring. It ached. Not the ring, but meeting someone like that and having to let her go, perhaps forever. She had been right that she couldn’t have come with him. He’d been so dumb. Perhaps he should have deserted and stayed down there, near real nature. No, there was too much that had to be fixed, and he had to do his part.
Steps resonated in the empty hallway leading to his cell. A bit early for them to be collecting his half-eaten lunch, but then, it wasn’t the same guard. The steps were soft. It was a woman or girl.
A blond head appeared in the door opening. Nadia stared at him with concern. “How are you?”
“Not bad. Really.”
She sighed. “Marcus asked about you. He’s fine. You’re both back in the army and you’ll train the next water catchers.”
Dess leaned back in his chair. “I’m doing a lot of training right now.”
She looked down and shook her head. “I tried. I did. I mean… I know you don’t like Sam, but there’s no way you’d assault him for no reason. Their story is bullshit. Still, somehow putting you here seems to calm every
one down. And you wanted to spare your friend…”
“I did. Thank you.” It was sincere.
Dess knew she’d been trying to help him, and knew she’d made some effort to keep Marcus out of it. And it was fair, since it had all been his fault. Other than that, he felt that awkwardness around her. He wasn’t sure how to breach the subject or even if he should breach it. What did he have to say? That they weren’t together? Maybe she knew it. He’d need to ask what her very public kiss had been about, but then… breaching the subject.
“Dess.”
He didn’t like her careful tone. “Yes?”
“There are things… in my life. You wouldn’t understand. I just want you to know that I’m your friend.”
“I’m happy being your friend.”
And it was true. Not that they’d ever been that friendly before, but still… She looked down and then back at him, as if unsure how to say something. All Dess wanted to tell her was that he’d be fine with being her friend and nothing else, but that sounded awfully offensive, especially if she knew that already. He wasn’t sure if he had to apologize, explain himself…
She finally looked at him with a thin smile. “Friends, then.”
He exhaled. That was all he wanted to hear. He got up and approached the bars. “You didn’t need to intercede in my favor.”
“It was fair. Should you be left down there to die? To be captured? Perhaps tortured?”
“So it was strategic.”
She had a small laugh. “That’s what I told them. And why you’re here. This has to change, you know? It’s too risky.”
“Somebody has to do it. Unless we find a way to do it legally.”
“The truce. We’ll renegotiate it in fifteen days.”
Dess was pretty sure he hadn’t spent a month on that island. The date was wrong. “Already?”
She nodded. “It’s been advanced.” Her eyes were wide.
“What’s happening?”
A noise came from the end of the hall. She stiffened. “I love you.” Then she walked away.
What had that been about? A door opened, and her voice and a man’s came from beyond it. Dess couldn’t quite hear them other than the fact they sounded as if they were arguing.
He was glad she was trying to help him, but at the same time wary about it. Regret was pointless, but he wished they had never been involved. There. He was regretting. No. He had to figure out a way for their past not to upset their present. Perhaps there was nothing to worry about. But then, there had been that kiss and all the intervening for him. He hoped it wouldn’t come with a price.
The trip was a lot longer than Saytera had imagined. They first walked for hours until the nearest village, then took a boat to another village, from where they took a train in the early evening. Its movements weren’t smooth, but shaky, almost worse than the truck where she’d travelled until her academy. This time, they would travel for more than a day.
Saytera sat on the floor on the corner of the small container she occupied with Larissa. It was just a small empty box with slits for ventilation through which cold wind hit them. The discomfort reminded her of the two nights on that island with Dess, except that then there was the fire he lit, his voice talking about stories and her own power, a memory remaining in the coat and ring she still wore. His smell was fading away from it, even if the warmth remained.
Later they would sleep on the mats they had brought. This was a cargo train, and travelling in an empty container was what Larissa could afford. That was a lot more than Saytera could afford. As sentinels for the Mainland army, they received a wage, but it was so low that it could barely allow them to travel. The theory was that at least they were provided for in the bases, but considering they got most of their own food, it wasn’t a lot. Certainly not enough for anyone to risk their lives, but then, up until recently, nobody really thought there was any risk. Until everything changed. Some of it was Dess, and her stomach knotted with the knowledge, and then, some of it was something else.
Larissa smiled. “Yeah, it’s a long trip.”
Saytera looked at the slits in the wall. “I wish we had a better view.”
Her friend shrugged. “We’ll get under the mountain soon. Most of the way is underground, so there isn’t much to see.”
Saytera stared at the girl she was now considering a friend. “Thanks for doing this. I mean, for believing me, and…”
Larissa waved a hand. “Perhaps I also wanted an excuse to go venturing out there, to get to know Citarella. Maybe I also want to do something that matters.”
“We can’t know. I could be wrong.”
“We’ll have tried. Perhaps what matters is following the calling. A bigger reason. Something to remember that life isn’t all about catching our next meal and the next and the next.”
Saytera sighed. “The calling. But isn’t that what might make people shoot Lunars? What might make people get in this war? The idea that they are doing something grand, important, meaningful?”
Larissa leaned back. “Maybe. We all need some meaning, right? And either way, what should we do? Let them have the Tahari Moon?”
“What are we even gaining from preventing them from having it?”
Larissa looked up, thinking. “That’s… an interesting question.”
“Have you thought about it?”
“Obviously not as much as you. Tell me, Saytera, what happened?”
She flinched. “What do you mean?”
“During the time you spent with the Lunars. I was going to wait for you to tell me, but maybe you won’t unless I encourage you, so I’m encouraging you now.”
Saytera felt caught. But then, Larissa was there with her, trusting her, perhaps she deserved her own trust too. She wasn’t even sure from where to start. “Well, there were two guys. One of them was hurt. Me and the other one, Dess, we had to walk to reach him. He was unconscious, but he healed.”
Larissa nodded. “How were they?”
“Normal. That’s what was so shocking. I mean, they were a bit more overwhelmed and starry-eyed about nature and the ocean than your regular shore base dweller.”
They chuckled.
Saytera continued, “But they were young like us, trying to do the right thing, hoping one day there would be peace, hoping they could make a difference for better. They had hopes, dreams…”
“Dreams of killing us?”
“Dreams of freedom. You know they can’t travel to other systems and it’s very dangerous to come to the planet.”
They were quiet for a while, then Larissa smirked. “And Dess is the one who gave you a coat and ring.”
The question caught Saytera by surprise. “How do you know?”
“Do you want to know the truth?”
That was a weird question. “Yes.”
“Your tone of voice changes when you talk about him.”
Saytera froze for a second, then tried to act natural. “We were just friendly.”
Her friend raised the palms of her hands. “I didn’t imply otherwise.”
True. It was better to leave it. “So yeah. I mean, I guess that’s the point. He’s someone who’d be my friend had things been different, and that’s weird. It’s hard to hate the Lunars when there’s someone there that I… care about. So maybe that’s why I’m changed.”
Larissa nodded slowly. “I understand. But it could affect your perception, you know, if he lied to you—”
“He didn’t lie. He could be mistaken, though. Either way, we get pieces and bits of information, we’re told to do our part and trust our government, and things never seem to change. I guess I want to know more.”
Larissa shrugged. “Well, I’m with you. Let’s see what’s going on.”
“I appreciate it. I really do. You’re my first real friend in so long.”
“I thought the dude was your friend.”
Saytera smiled. “You came first.”
“Oooh. I’m flattered.” Her friend chuckled and shook her
head. “What are your plans? Wait until the war is over and try to meet? Or is he going to come to visit you?”
“No plans, Larissa. We’ll probably never see each other again.” It hurt but it was the truth.
Her friend paused for a moment. “That makes sense. But be careful with your heart.”
“I’m not in love. What’s the point? It all ends in heartbreak.”
Larissa shrugged. “We’ll all die. It doesn’t mean life isn’t worth living.”
“I thought you were all against love and stuff.”
“Why?”
“Well, the warnings about Kay…”
Larissa frowned. “Being careful is different from avoiding something, especially something you can’t avoid. And just because I think one person is not someone you should trust, it doesn’t mean you should never love anyone. Kay got two sentinels transferred, he’s on and off with Cynthia, a serial flirt. I mean…”
“Yeah, I get it.” More than ever Saytera got it, but she wasn’t going to explain how much. She then realized she’d never asked anything about her friend’s love life. “What about you? Any heartbreaks?”
“Broken, empty, not sure what’s worse. I guess I’m waiting. Not for the perfect person. Just… someone… for me.”
“It’s hard when you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere.”
“We can try to get a transfer, maybe interact with the sentinels nearby, but it’s true. It is hard.”
“How did you end up there?”
Larissa snorted. “Some romantic idea about freedom and paradise. Which, in a way, is correct. On the other hand, like you noticed, it’s hard for me to find someone. I mean, it’s not that I’m looking, but then, can you really forget it? Ignore it?”
“I guess we can try to. But then it catches us unaware.”
Larissa sighed.
Yikes. Saytera was wondering if she was really in love. No, she couldn’t be that dumb, could she? Regardless, there were more pressing matters. “Before anything, we need to solve this war.”
