by Ann Grech
I sucked in a breath and heard a rushing in my ears. Did I hear him right? Did that mean… I wasn’t totally wrong, was I? My heart hammered in my chest, sending my pulse skyrocketing. “What are you saying, Trent? Spell it out for me.”
“You said you weren’t sure where this conversation left us.” He brought our joined hands to his lips and kissed my fingers with soft lips. I’d yearned to do that to him or be kissed by him. Now that it’d happened, it left me breathless. “It leaves us right here, Angelo, with me telling you that I love you too. I think I always have.” He smiled, a sweet, carefree smile that I’d never seen on him. He looked almost boyish. Innocent. As if he was filled with hope and love, and in that moment I knew he was. He laughed, pure unfettered joy in the sound. “I’m gay, Angelo, and I love you. God, that’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever said. It’s like a weight has been lifted.”
I grinned back at him, sure I had hearts in my eyes and the goofiest smile on my face. “I love you too, Trent.”
We stared at each other, simply leaning into the other’s touch. It was as if I was looking at him anew. His dark eyes blazed with a warmth I’d never seen before. It was life. As if he’d found his spark. With one hand on his back, I brought my other up to his face and ran my fingertips over his stubble. His eyes fluttered closed at my gentle touch, and he swayed forward, coming even closer to me. When he opened them, his pupils were blown, desire radiating from them. The smile fell from his lips and he reached up to cup my face, eliminating the remaining distance between us. I sighed when he ran his thumb over my cheek before moving his hand to my nape. The simple act of connecting with him, his hand to my face, was enough to keep me sustained. I could have stared into his deep browns for hours. But the warmth and adoration he was looking at me with made me greedy for more. My eyes slid closed as I brought my mouth down to his and pressed our lips together.
It was an innocent kiss. No tongue or wild clashing teeth, no grinding against each other or stripping off our clothes to race toward the next base. But it was perfection. The press of pillowy lips against mine. His sharp inhale as I repeated it. His shudder when I ran my hands down his back to hold him close. My blissed-out moan when he held me tighter and kissed me again. I could get lost in him. One day I would. But for now, I had his kiss. I’d waited years for it, and it was worth every moment.
I pulled back and rested my forehead against his. Keeping my eyes closed, I breathed him in and smiled. When I finally opened them, I saw Trent’s own smile hadn’t faded. I brushed my lips, a whisper of a kiss, against the corner of his upturned ones, and it made him smile wider, a laugh bubbling to the surface. He squeezed me tight and blinked open his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but his cell chimed from over in the kitchen. It was a tone I knew well and disappointment slammed into me.
“Bugger,” he cursed. “I need to go to work.”
I brushed my thumb over his stubble again, feeling every rough hair against me. “I’ll be right here, Trent.”
The rest of the day passed slowly, dragging while I watched the clock like a hawk. Every second that ticked by felt like an hour and every hour a week. Trent didn’t finish his shift until the early morning hours and I had a wedding to wake up for, so I couldn’t wait up for him. But I still found myself waiting for him to come home. I mentally kicked myself. I’d spent half the day in a daze with my head in the clouds, and I needed to snap out of it. I had work to finish and groceries to shop for. I started with the album I was compiling and chose the best of the photos to edit then send to my clients. It was from a wedding I’d shot a month earlier and some of the photos made me smile. They were nice people, completely laid-back and filled with laughter the whole day, and the photos showed it. There were a lot of candid shots, everyone with smiles and excitement in their eyes.
I looked at the time after I’d finally wrapped up and understood why I was starving. And exhausted. I’d worked for nearly eight hours solid. My stomach grumbled as I trudged into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes. I wanted something easy, and when I spied the chicken and vegetables, I decided on a stir-fry. Trent would eat during his shift, but whenever he worked nights, I cooked him dinner—he did the same for me whenever I was working evenings. So I cooked, putting a bowl away for Trent in the refrigerator and eating mine sitting at the breakfast bar where I’d had my morning coffee. What a crazy day it’d been. That morning I’d been lamenting barely speaking with Trent, and now we were… well, I wasn’t exactly sure, but after years of loving him from afar, he now knew. And he felt the same way too. I sighed happily, but it turned to a groan when I looked at the clock on the wall. I’d barely wasted any time at all. Less than half an hour had passed since I’d walked into the kitchen, and I’d managed to cook and eat.
I cleaned up, then walked around aimlessly, tidying up and putting on a load of washing. I hated laundry but it needed to be done, and I was bored enough to at least start it. Before I started on my bathroom, I called my brother, wondering what he and Mason were up to.
Ricky had been over to the States recently and had come back with a surprise that made me incredibly happy for him. He’d been going out of his mind over two men, falling for both but not knowing how to approach either. Scared that he’d played into every stereotype of a pansexual person—the only thing he hadn’t done was fall for his cookware—he held back. Mason and Ricky had stayed here in Queenstown waiting for Caden to call for weeks after he’d left to be with his sister while she had her baby. They’d been worried sick about him when he cut off all contact. It was justified too. He’d gone through hell in the weeks following Gracie’s birth. The moment Ricky and Mace found out what he was going through, they were on a plane to go to him. It’d taken something as serious as Caden’s life falling apart to push them past the discomfort of talking it out. But as soon as they did, they came together, being there for Caden and each other during the longest winter I was sure Ricky had ever experienced. They’d gone to the US with a mission—to help bring Caden and his adopted daughter home—and their missing pieces were now only a few days away from arriving. They’d finally be a family. Mason, Caden, and Gracie were exactly what my brother had wanted and never known he needed. Looking back on all his relationships, I could see why they’d never worked. The dynamic was never right. Ricky was more like our parents than he cared to admit, but I didn’t see that as a fault. They loved big and so did he. But where Mamma and Papá were swingers, he was exclusive. He just needed more than one person in a relationship if it was going to last. Ricky didn’t smother his partners, from what I’d seen, but he had too big a heart to give it all to one person. Knowing that he’d found three people to give that love to made me happy for him.
I shook my head, unable to imagine being in a triad. It wasn’t because I didn’t think it’d work or it was wrong; I just couldn’t imagine ever looking at another person and feeling the same as what I did for Trent. The goofy smile I was sure I was wearing made me laugh. Excitement pulsed through me and butterflies took flight. I’d kissed him, and he’d kissed me back. I grinned a little harder and those butterflies did a loop the loop. I wanted to pinch myself, but hell if I would. There was no way I was risking waking up from this dream.
Ricky’s cell rang twice before he picked it up. “Buongiorno, Ang,” he answered, audibly out of breath.
“If I’ve interrupted you just hang up and call me back when you’re not naked.” I shuddered, not wanting to imagine my brother nude, and then laughed for all the times I had seen him sprint across the house with no clothes on to get his cell.
“No, we’ve just come back from a run. And be real, do you think I’d answer my cell?” I could hear Mace chuckling and his comment of “Oh, hell no” was mumbled close enough to the speaker that I knew he’d be getting up close and personal with my brother.
“Okay,” I answered, sounding as awkward as I felt. “I’m bored so I’m calling you guys. When does Caden get here and what are we bringing?”
�
�We?” Ricky asked, although it wasn’t really a question. “Angelo, I’m not sure about Trent—”
“Look, I know he’s had a few issues in the past—”
“Yeah, okay. We’ll call losing his shit with Ford and Reef, and the countless times he’s tossed out a smartassed insult about something being gay, issues.” He barely paused to take a breath. He was on a roll and the sarcasm was dripping from his voice. “Oh, and let’s not forget the dildo incident too when he almost went nuclear with even the suggestion of another cock getting near him—”
“You finished?” I ground out. “Because, yes, I remember every one of those—”
“So you understand why I’ve got an issue with him?” He paused, and I sighed.
“I do, and I know you’ll never forgive him.”
Ricky groaned, his frustration showing. He was out of patience. “Neither should you, Angelo!”
I ignored his outrage on my behalf and pleaded with him. “Trent… he won’t say anything to upset the three of you, okay? He’s more than what you think he is. Please, Rick.”
He huffed, and I could picture him shaking his head and clenching his jaw tight to stop himself saying what he really wanted to say. I could hazard a guess, but I knew I wouldn’t like the answer. So I waited, hopeful that he’d extend the invitation to Trent, knowing if he didn’t, I wouldn’t be going either. “Fine. Fine, he can come. But if he says anything even remotely out of line—”
“We’re out. I get it.”
“No, Angelo. He’s out. You’re always welcome, no matter what.” I didn’t respond to that, changing the subject instead, going back to my original question—what could we take with us. What could I say without revealing way too much about the tentative relationship we were trying to navigate? We hashed out the details and I agreed that Trent and I would bring a pot of Ricky’s favorite stew. It was spring, but still cool at night so it’d be perfect to take. I made a list, ordered the groceries online, vacuumed the floors, and put the washing in the dryer before finally giving up the waiting game and heading to bed. Lying there, I knew I was completely gone for him when I desperately wanted to hear his voice before I fell asleep. I couldn’t. He rarely took calls during his shift and when he did, they were clipped. He was usually run off his feet, so I sent him a text instead:
Angelo: Dinner’s waiting for you when you get home. Working early tomorrow so wake me when you get in. Night
I didn’t get a response but that was okay. I didn’t expect him to even see it until the end of his shift. But when I finally closed my eyes, I did it knowing Trent knew I’d thought of him, and that brought a smile to my face.
My alarm buzzed and I woke to strong arms and heat enveloping me. Trent was spooning me. I silenced the alarm and shifted to look at him, running my fingers over his cheek. I wasn’t normally a morning person, but that morning’s view was well worth waking up for. Trent’s lips were slightly open, and I could feel his chest rise and fall in deep, even breaths against my side. His face, relaxed in sleep, didn’t show any of the stress he normally held. The attitude he portrayed was a shield, a front to ward off people getting close to him. But he’d never done it with me. Still, he’d kept walls up between us; we both had, and I’d only just realized the extent of what he’d been through. I leaned forward and kissed him gently on his stubbled cheek, and he sighed before his lips tilted up. I hummed, a low satisfied noise, and Trent slowly blinked his eyes open.
“Hi,” I whispered, smiling at him. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I was gonna sneak out but I couldn’t resist kissing you.”
“I’m glad you did.” He rolled onto his back and stretched, raising his arms above his head and groaning as he moved. I nearly swallowed my tongue. All that skin, his warmth, displayed like a treat meant just for me. I wanted to love on him, but if I got started I wouldn’t even show up at the wedding I had scheduled to shoot that day. As if he sensed my inability to think straight, Trent reached over and cupped my face, running his thumb along my bottom lip. “You were tired last night. You didn’t even stir when I hugged you.” He paused, then added, “I hope you don’t mind that I slept in your bed.” He looked a little embarrassed, color tinting his cheeks.
“I never mind.” I gave him a small smile and brushed my fingers down his chest, getting lost in the steady beat of his heart against my palm. “Can I kiss you, Trent?” I hovered over him, waiting until he gave me a sign. It came in the form of Trent wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and pulling me forward until our lips brushed together. Soft, gentle caresses like the night before. No tongue, just presses of lips against lips. Mingled breaths and fingertips trailing over warm skin.
“Please, Angelo,” Trent begged against my lips. “More.”
This time when I kissed him, when I opened my mouth, he did the same. His tongue met mine and I floated in the satin slide of it against my own. His soft lips, his rough cheeks, his smooth tongue overwhelmed me. I was in heaven. Electricity didn’t spark, tingles didn’t race up and down my body. It was so much more than that. It was transcendent. Like the forces creating the universe and the tiny speck of dust we lived on. We shifted, aligning our bodies until there was barely a whisper of space between us, and I kissed him like my life depended on it. Slow and passionate, yet playful too. I nipped his bottom lip and he used blunt fingernails to trail a line down my spine to my pajama pants, making me shiver. I kissed him until I was gasping for breath, and I hoped he understood how long I’d loved him, how much. When I pulled back, his lips were swollen and his eyes kiss drunk, and I knew I looked the same. That made me smile.
“I could kiss you all day,” Trent murmured, running his hand over my ass. My response got caught in my throat as I used every ounce of willpower I possessed not to grind against him. His soft chuckle turned into a gasp when I lost the battle of wills and pressed closer, my covered erection sliding against his.
“Fuck,” I hissed, knowing I needed to pull back. As much as I wanted him, as much as I wished we could lose ourselves in each other, we weren’t ready. We lived together, but we hadn’t dated. We hadn’t held hands for the first time walking along the lake, we hadn’t eaten together, sharing our food, we hadn’t cuddled in a movie theater or kissed under the moonlight at our front stoop. There was no way I was skipping that and depriving us of all those moments. I shifted, pulling away a fraction, and Trent sucked in a breath. His eyes were closed, his brow creased in concentration as he slowly released his hold on me. Blowing out the breath he was holding, he blinked his eyes open and gave me a tentative smile.
“Can we go slow, Angelo? I want to be ready….”
“I want that, too.” I kissed his forehead softly, a brush of my lips against the line that still marred his brow and climbed out of bed. “But I still want to sleep with you at night. Is that okay?”
“I’d like that.” The smile Trent gave me this time was more genuine. Confident. Relief filled me. I didn’t want to screw this up, and taking it slow meant we’d both be ready.
I showered and dressed, double-checked my equipment and loaded my car. Sitting in the confines of the garage, I watched as my window descended and Trent leaned in, pressing a kiss to my lips. “I need a few more hours sleep,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
“Go.” I smiled at him. “My bed’s calling your name.” I brushed my fingertips over his cheek as he rested his arms on the door, and I added, “I’ll be back late tonight. They want me there for the full reception.”
“It’s my second-last night shift before I swap to days. I’ll be home after noon tomorrow.”
I smiled at him and covered his hand with mine. I hated that he worked a string of fourteen-hour shifts. He was always exhausted at the end of it, and it was no different this time. But he’d soon have a few days off to recover. Then he was going back to day shifts for his next set of ten shifts. It was always easier on him; less crazy shit happened and it didn’t knock his body around so much either. “Be safe.” I opened the garage door using the
remote stuck to my dash, and Trent stepped away, watching me reverse out. I flashed him a smile and drove away, memorizing him standing in our garage in only a pair of blue plaid pajama bottoms.
The wedding was out of town in a picturesque chapel overlooking one of the smaller lakes in the area, Lake Hayes. Surrounded by snowcapped mountains soaring high into the sky, the verdant green of the valley below, and the deep blue of the lake, the scenery was stunning. Combine that with a perfect day with not even a cloud in the sky, and the photos would be gorgeous. I loved the venue too. An old stone chapel with a towering spire and glass-walled altar overlooked the lake. It was the main attraction, but the stone reception hall and cabins that made up the small resort were no less beautifully built. The stonemasonry was completed by skilled hands and the thick timber roof trusses always drew my gaze upwards. The whole resort photographed beautifully, and having the two brides there—who were already some of my favorite clients—would make it even more special. Laid-back and quick to poke fun at each other, they’d had me snorting with laughter during our consults.
What met me, though, wasn’t the laid-back, fun-loving ladies I knew. Cherie looked like she was having a meltdown, panicking and pacing the room in a fluffy bathrobe with her cell glued to her ear. The hairdresser and makeup artist were with Kora, her fiancée, so she should have had her feet up enjoying the breakfast platter and mimosa, but her words were clipped. The look she shot to the woman standing across the room was sharp, and I knew these moments shouldn’t be caught on camera.
