“God, me too, Wyatt. I used to dream about you,” she said, raising her mouth to his again.
“Really?” he said, wanting to talk but not wanting to.
“I had the biggest crush on you,” she said, sliding her hands up his chest in a torturously good, slow motion.
“You’re kidding,” he said, in between kisses.
“Yup, the cool thing wasn’t a lie,” she said.
He laughed as he kissed her, a first for him. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I was cool.”
She punched him playfully, laughing along with him, until she pulled back slightly. “When you disappeared, I felt this huge hole in my life. I’d stop outside your apartment door, waiting to see if I’d hear you guys. For weeks. But it was like you just vanished,” she whispered.
He held onto her waist, forcing himself not to back away, knowing the only way to get closer to Charlotte was to give her what he’d never given anyone else, to talk to her like he never talked to anyone else, to trust her with all of the truth. “You remember … the arguing in my house,” he said, his voice sounding choppy and harsh to his ears.
She nodded, her eyes filled with empathy.
“It wasn’t just arguing. My dad was an addict, and my mom became one too eventually. Maybe to cope with him, maybe because he wanted her to, as a way to control her. He was brutally violent when he wasn’t using. He would knock her down. Would knock me down. He’d use whatever was around—a chair, a bottle, his fist. That day … he’d been forced to take her to the ER because she wasn’t waking up. He’d given her a concussion. Someone from our school was there and he panicked, thinking he’d get reported. So we took off. Again.”
She leaned forward and kissed him softly, her hand on his jaw, and the tears he felt against his face were almost his undoing. He hadn’t known what it would feel like to have Charlotte’s sympathy, her heart. It was the best damn feeling. He had never wanted pity, so he never talked about his past. But he knew it wasn’t pity from her—it was understanding.
“What happened?”
He pulled her close. “I grew. Larger than him, stronger than him, and I begged my mom to come with me, to leave him. I told her I’d help her, we’d go to Mary, I’d support her. I told her I could protect her, that I was going to be a cop.”
She hugged him tighter when his voice broke, like she already knew.
“She refused to leave him. So I had to. It almost killed me to leave her there, but I did. I tried to explain it to her—that I wouldn’t survive if I stayed, that I was so damn afraid I was going to turn into him or that I’d kill him. But she didn’t get it. She hated me for leaving. But I hated him more. I hated him with every breath I took. I was consumed by it until I didn’t know who I was anymore.” He stopped speaking abruptly, his voice raw. He held his breath, waiting for signs of judgment, for a flicker of censure across her expressive eyes.
It didn’t come. Instead, she raised her hand and placed it over his heart, unknowingly making him fall in love with her just a little bit more. “You could never be like him. I knew you the moment I met you. Who you are in here.”
He blinked back moisture in his eyes, fighting to keep going, to trust her with all of it because he never wanted to talk about this again. “Char, I never contacted them again. I left my mother and cut her off from my life and if I had to do it all over again, I would. I would, because then Sam came along and that’s when I fully realized that I would do whatever it took to keep her safe and happy. And if that meant keeping hate and anger out of my life, I would. It made me realize how unfair it is for people like my parents to demand the loyalty they demanded. They never asked for forgiveness, no one repented. They never thought there was anything wrong with it. But I know. I know because I’d cut my own arm off before I hit my child. I had to break the chain of violence. Having them out of my life was the only way I knew how.”
“You offered your mother a way out, Wyatt. She didn’t take it. You didn’t just walk out on her. You have a right to live your own life, to make your own decisions. You had a right to draw a line in the sand. You didn’t want violence in your life, in your little girl’s life, and I … I think so much more of you for it.”
He bit down hard on his back teeth and tore his gaze from hers, the empathy in them, the emotion in them, more than he could have ever hoped for. Her faith in him was humbling. “I felt guilty for a long time. I was her defender. I would have taken care of her, Char.”
She reached for his hand. “I know you would have.”
“A couple of years later they both died in a car crash. Tonight … there are some nights that my job makes me think about how I grew up. I hate thinking about those days. Or how scary the world can be out there, for women especially, and I think of Sam and all the horrible things that could happen to her one day and I … I don’t know. I shut down. I get scared that I’ve already screwed it all up. For so long, I worried that I was too damaged to be the dad Sam needed me to be.
“I have a lot of regrets. I’ll never group Sam into that pile; she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I do still blame myself for the role I played in the pain in her life. I should have known that my ex wouldn’t be able to deal with parenthood. I should have known she wasn’t the type to take the role seriously.”
“You can’t predict other people’s behavior,” she said.
He shrugged. “No, but there are clues. And we were too young. But I was also a dreamer in some ways. I had convinced myself that we could make it work. I wanted what I saw in friends’ homes—the family, the love that was always missing for me. We were eighteen and having a kid. But I wasn’t afraid of hard work. I wanted to be a dad, maybe I wanted to prove that I could be a better dad than the one who raised me. I wanted to be a husband, and I think that maybe I imposed that on her. She wasn’t thrilled to find out she was pregnant. I thought maybe she’d come around, that she was just surprised. But she grew more and more distant as the pregnancy progressed. I was the one making the doctor’s appointments, the ultrasounds, all that. I was the one putting the picture on the fridge. I think she hated me for it.”
Charlotte cupped his face and looked deep into his eyes, finding that place that only she knew. “How were you supposed to know that? You were there for her, and that’s more than a lot of people get.”
He held her gaze. “It wasn’t enough. I would have stayed. I would have stayed in that relationship for Sam,” he said, hating to admit that. “Without love. I would have stayed without being in love with her.”
Charlotte tore her eyes from his and stared out into the darkness. “I’m sorry you were in that position,” she whispered, finally, taking a step back.
Damn. He shouldn’t have gotten into his relationship with his ex. It was too soon. “I’m sorry. I completely unloaded all this on you. This is the last thing I want to be talking about. I don’t know how this happened,” he said, running his hands through his hair.
“Don’t be,” she said, with a wave of her hand, and it was like the intimacy of their conversation vanished with the motion, with the distance between them now.
His phone vibrated, and for a second he didn’t move, but autopilot took over and he pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at the screen. “Sam, of course. I’ve got to pick her up, she’s not feeling well. I hate to end this now.”
She squeezed his hand. “Don’t apologize. Thank you for telling me. I think it’s pretty amazing. What you’ve done. What you’ve been through—how selfless you are. I think that if you weren’t so hard on yourself you’d see what I see—a hardworking, loving man, doing his best for his daughter. Sam is your priority—as she should be. As you should have been to your parents. You did it, Wyatt. You broke the chain.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JANUARY 2, 1989
SILVER SPRINGS
“Why can’t you just be happy for me, Mom?”
Ruby stared at Wendy, who was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her
left hand out and moving it from side to side, as the sunlight caught the sparkle of the small diamond. No, she wasn’t happy. Not by a long shot. But she knew enough about Wendy and enough about life to keep that to herself. Ruby put her hairbrush down and leaned against the large dresser, determined not to have this conversation end in an argument.
“You know I love Mac. I think he’s a great guy. I think the two of you could have a wonderful life together, but I just think you’re too young. I think you’re giving up a lot of opportunities.”
Wendy rolled her eyes and crossed one leg over the other. She was twenty and naïve and idealistic, and that was the problem. “I can go to school any time. Even after we’re married.”
“Of course you can, but will you?”
“What’s wrong with just getting a job in a store or something and being his wife? We want kids, and I want to stay at home with them.”
Ruby clasped her hands together in an effort to keep her mouth shut for a moment longer as she chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to transpose her own fears and beliefs onto Wendy, but she did need to protect her. “There is nothing wrong with that … in an ideal world. Life isn’t always ideal though, Wendy. What if Mac can’t work anymore? Would you be making enough money to support the two of you? What if once you have children you feel you need more? You will have no education to fall back on. All I’m saying is, take some time, go to college, and get some security.”
Wendy sat up straighter and she could already tell by the tilt of her daughter’s chin this conversation was pointless. “Just because life didn’t go as planned for you doesn’t mean that will happen to me. Besides, it all worked out for you anyway. You landed this job and this big house. You’re practically famous in this town now, with your Christmas Eve Open House dinner.”
Ruby took a deep breath, refusing to explode with anger at the glossing over of her life. “That’s not exactly how I got here, Wendy. I still remember what it felt like to be alone in the world with not a dime to my name or an education or job prospect. I scrubbed toilets and washed floors on my hands and knees while I was pregnant with you. Did my life turn out in the end? Yes. But there were hard days, weeks, and months. I’m trying to spare you that. What if your relationship doesn’t work out and you become a single mom? How will you support yourself and your children?”
Wendy let out a sound and stood up. “Gee, thanks a lot. You’re basically saying we’re going to get divorced before we’re even married! And let’s just say that you’re right. Mac isn’t the type of guy who would just leave us with nothing. He would never do that.”
“First off, I’m not saying you’re doomed to divorce, but when making life decisions you have to look at all possibilities. Second, yes, I agree, I don’t think Mac would ever up and leave you with nothing, but he’s going to be a police officer. It’s a dangerous job, Wendy …”
Wendy shrugged. “This is just stupid. It’s so negative. Mac and I are getting married this summer. It’s not that big a deal. I’ll get a job, he already has a job. We want to have the wedding here.”
“At least take some courses after you’re married. You like hair, why don’t you go to beauty school? You would even be able to take clients in your home and make some money on the side, even with children,” she said, forcing a smile and an upbeat tone to her voice.
Wendy rolled her eyes. “I like doing hair, but my hair. I don’t want to touch other people’s heads.”
Ruby knew she was going to lose it. She stared at her daughter, taking in her pretty features, her long, shiny dark hair. She had given the world for this girl. Wendy had been her whole life for so long. But they were different people. Maybe it was Ruby’s fault. Maybe she had indulged her too much, sheltered her from the ugliness out there. Wendy had never wanted for anything … except a father. All Ruby had ever told her was that he had died before she was born. To protect her. So that she would never think that she was responsible for her father taking his own life. But now, Wendy had grown up into this beautiful woman with no idea how hard it was out there in the world. She was going to place all her faith in a man, and that had been Ruby’s downfall eighteen years ago.
“Wendy, to be a true adult you have to be able to support yourself. As your mother, before I let you move out of this house, I need to know that you are prepared for the real world and can support yourself.”
Wendy threw her arms in the air. “I can always come back here. It’s not like I’m going to be left homeless. Besides, remember how Mrs. Pemberton always said this house was magic? That it brought people together? That she met her husband here when her car had broken down outside the house and he helped her? The same is true for me and Mac. We met here when you hired him.”
Ruby shook her head. “Oh, Wendy, you can’t possibly believe these things. The house had nothing to do with it.”
Wendy walked to the door, tossing her dark hair over her shoulders, and Ruby’s advice along with it.
* * *
Coming over to Wyatt and Sam’s had become something Charlotte didn’t question anymore. It was like she’d finally found that piece that had been missing from her life. She’d always said she didn’t want to get involved with a man, that marriage and kids were out of the question—not worth the risk.
And then that evening with Wyatt had happened. He’d let her in. He’d kissed her until she couldn’t stand. Her heart had broken for him, and all the missing pieces had come together like a tragic puzzle. But in the midst of all that heartache, she’d experienced the absolute sheer bliss of connecting with him, with his thoughts. Being held by him had made her feel safe and alive and like a different person. The person she thought might exist somewhere inside.
She wanted more. More of the people in this house. She and Wyatt were more than friends … yet they weren’t. There was a simmering, delicious tension between them, which left her breathless when she thought about it. She wanted more time alone with him, and when he’d answered the door tonight she knew he did too, she could read it in his eyes. But Sam was home, and neither of them wanted to confuse her.
He was sweet and sincere, and the fact that he was taking things so slow proved what she already knew about him. Her relationship with Sam had grown and if she didn’t worry too much about what all this meant, she could admit to herself that she was the happiest she’d been. Ever. In her life. They were only one night away from Candlelight Christmas and The Nutcracker, and then after that would be Christmas Eve. She had already told Wyatt she would love to go with him.
Even things at The Christmas House were going as smoothly as possible. Her mother was actually helping Grandma Ruby get ready for Christmas Eve, and Olivia was getting stronger every day. It all actually filled Charlotte with a hope she hadn’t had since she was little.
She and Wyatt were loading the dishwasher after Sam had run off to her room to finish her homework.
A loud crash followed by Sam stomping through the hallway had them both glancing at each other. “Everything okay?” Wyatt called out.
“Where’s my mom?” Sam said, bursting into the room, her face red, holding up a piece of paper in her hands as she stood in the doorway.
Charlotte glanced over at Wyatt, whose face had frozen. “Pardon?”
“For this stupid assignment. I need to know where my mom is so that I can ask her about my family tree on her side of the family. I can’t exactly just answer that I was a mistake and my parents got married because my dad got my mom pregnant even though they didn’t love each other and then my mom took off,” she said, her eyes filling with tears even though her words were angry and harsh.
Charlotte’s eyes blurred, and her chest ached, as Wyatt walked around the island, his face drawn, his eyes on his daughter. “Hey, hey, Sam, my God, that isn’t what happened at all,” he said, his voice thick as he placed his hands on her shoulders.
“Right. Sure. Well, I’m doing my homework now, and I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to deal with it. But n
ow it’s due tomorrow and I don’t know what to do!” she said, the panic in her voice hard to listen to.
Charlotte’s chest ached for both of them. She knew their pain. More than they thought. “Um, I should probably get going and give you some privacy,” she said, gently.
“You don’t have to go. Maybe you already know the answer to this, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know anything around here,” Sam said, looking back and forth between Charlotte and Wyatt.
Charlotte glanced at Wyatt, who still hadn’t moved.
“No. I haven’t lied to you, Sam. Ever. But you’re so wrong about you being a mistake. That is never, ever, how I saw you. God. That kills me. Samantha, you weren’t planned, but that doesn’t mean you were a mistake. You are my biggest blessing, and I’m so privileged that I get to be your dad. I will be here for you for as long as I’m alive. I am here for you. I will always have your back. You need to know that you actually saved me—you’re the reason I’m here, you’re the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I kept going after your mom left. Since the day you entered the world, Sam, I loved you in a way that I didn’t understand. That moment … that moment I held you, I knew my purpose and I was a changed man,” he said, wiping his eyes with the base of his palm.
Charlotte stood there, clutching the island like a lifeline and watched as Sam threw her arms around Wyatt. Maybe it was that moment, Wyatt’s words, his love for his daughter, when Charlotte realized that she was in love with him. That she had always loved him. He had lived up to every single fantasy about the boy she thought he was and the man she wanted him to be now. He was hard and fearless, but incredibly tender and noble at the same time. She stood on the sidelines where she’d always been comfortable and safe, and it didn’t feel right anymore. Watching Wyatt and Sam, in what they saw as an imperfect family, she saw perfection, because of the profound love between them.
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