by Sarah Riad
‘What’s the matter?’ I jumped to my feet and hurried over to her.
‘Your gran. She’s here.’ As the words came out of her mouth my stomach hit the floor—at least it would have done, had it still existed.
‘My gran? Where? Why? How?’
‘She came with Finn,’ Maia answered with her face full of excitement, unaware of how conflicted I had become.
Why had Finn done this? He knew I was scared. He knew there was a possibility that she couldn’t see or hear me.
‘Come on!’ Maia yelled reaching for my hand to drag me with her before remembering she couldn’t, and instead thumped herself in the stomach.
As I approached the top of the stairs, I could hear her voice. I took a couple of unnecessary breaths to steady myself before slowly taking each step.
Even just seeing the back of her head as she looked at the pictures of Finn and his family on the wall, I could tell it was her. Her hair was a lot whiter now, and she somehow seemed shorter, but she still wore the same tartan print apron around her that she had worn every day when I was alive.
With closed eyes and bated breath, I said her name.
‘Aubree?’ she whispered.
I began to sob.
‘Can you hear me?’
‘Better than that my sweet girl, I can see you,’ she said, walking over to me. She reached out to pull me into a hug, but her arms went straight through me.
‘I thought he was pulling my leg but you’re here. You’re really here,’ she said with a smile to Finn stood at the door.
‘You did this, Finn?’ I asked him, but he didn’t reply. He took one look at my gran, gave her a weak smile and walked upstairs to his room.
If my gran hadn’t have been there, I would have followed him and made him talk to me so that I could tell him how thankful I was, but my gran was here. She was standing right in front of me and there was no way I was leaving her again.
Suddenly flooded with memories, I remembered the last time I saw her. It was the afternoon before the accident. She had just finished baking a blackberry pie when I had walked through the kitchen shouting goodbye. I had been in a hurry to see Alex, who was outside waiting for me.
‘Wait, do you want some pie?’ she asked, knowing blackberry had always been my favourite.
‘No thanks. See you later,’ I said as I left the house without a single care, not knowing it was the last time I would ever see her face again.
I loved being with Alex, but I knew how much of a strain it was causing on my relationship with my gran. It’s not that she didn’t like him, she did, but with him around, I no longer had any time for her anymore. She’d make those blackberry pies every other day and offer me a piece that I always rejected.
It was only when I woke up from the accident, stuck in the house, did I think about those wasted moments. How stupid I was for not just sitting down with her for a few minutes and having a slice of the pie that she had made me.
Alex was important to me but never more than my gran. Each time I walked out of the house rejecting her attempts to spend time with me, I knew I was making her feel that way. I hated myself for being so careless. I still do.
‘I have missed you so much. I thought I wouldn’t get to see you ever again.’ I cried, wishing I could climb into her arms and have her hold me.
‘I don’t know how this is possible, but I have never been so thankful in my life. My sweet, sweet girl,’ Ms Bennet said, trying again to cup my face before being interrupted by Cait and Jack coming into the house.
‘Ms Bennett,’ Jack said quickly putting the bags of food down on the floor and rushing over to us.
‘Daddy, Ms Bennett can see AB!’ Maia said just as excited as she had been telling me as Jack’s face went a ghostly white.
‘That’s fantastic,’ Cait said, joining us and placing a hand on my gran’s arm. ‘I wish I could have told you sooner, but how do you even begin to tell someone something like this?’
Gran gave her a smile and shook her head.
‘Frankly, I thought your son had lost his marbles and only agreed to come to the house to tell you, but here she is.’ Gran looked back at me with a grateful smile.
‘Ms Bennett, I need to apologise,’ Jack said. His face was still pale and etched with worry as he clenched his jaw.
‘Whatever for?’ Gran asked.
He took a deep breath. ‘For not saving your granddaughter.’
My gran reached out her hand to his arm, not quite able to reach his shoulder. ‘Jack, I don’t blame you for her death. There was little you could do for her or Alex,’
‘Then why did you keep pushing for the house to be sold? The council told me it was you that had created all the petitions,’ Jack asked, and my gran chuckled.
‘It wasn’t because I was angry at you for Aubree’s death. I was angry at how your family had just upped and left this house after it had happened. I get that your parents couldn’t handle the memories, but they left behind a lot of people that cared about them. When I heard of their passing, I knew the house had gone to you and that we might have some luck in persuading you to come back,’ My gran said, taking Jack’s hand into her own. ‘Despite everything, in this town, we are a family, and we just wanted to take care of you the way we know best.’
Jack smiled.
‘All this time and I thought you were planning for my death.’ He laughed.
‘Not quite.’ Gran smiled. ‘But how about you get the kettle on before I die from dehydration,’ she said causing us all to chuckle.
A few hours later, as we sat around the living room with the TV on in the background, a strange feeling came over me. I felt like I was beginning to float somehow even though I was still on the sofa beside my gran. It was like I had become lightheaded even though it wasn’t possible.
I slowly stood up from the sofa and found myself unable to resist the temptation of going to the front door.
‘Aubree?’ my gran called as she watched me reach for the handle and pull the door open. Dusk had begun to fall and outside had become a mask of orange hues. I could see everything clearly. Each crisp leaf on the tree fighting winter and the abandoned bird’s nests made of dried twigs. I took a step forward prepared for the expected jolt back, but I felt nothing as my foot landed on the other side of the door.
‘You can go outside!’ Maia shouted as she ran to my side and looked up at me.
‘Oh my god,’ Cait said standing up with her hand over her mouth as she looked directly at me. Jack stood right beside doing the same. ‘You’re the girl I have been drawing.’
I looked over to my gran. She smiled at me, but her eyes glistened with sadness as she and I both realised what was happening.
It was time. It was finally time.
36
Finn
Stood at the top of the stairs, I threw my head into my hands as I watched AB step outside of the house.
It was happening.
I rushed back into my room and climbed underneath the covers.
‘Finn?’ Mum said walking into my room a few moments later as I quickly used the cover to wipe my damp face before sitting up.
I was ready to shout at her for coming into my room but stopped once I saw the look of disappointment on her face as she looked around.
It was a mess again with stacks of mouldy cups and plates on the floor and rubbish piling in the corners.
‘We are all able to see AB now. Turns out I’ve been able to see her in my head all this time.’ She quietly chuckled before she dropped her smile. ‘What are you doing with yourself, Finn? You had come such a long way in the past few weeks that I thought we were turning a corner and starting again. You know, when Maia kept saying there was a ghost in the house, I didn’t believe her at first until I noticed a change in you, and then I realised perhaps she was right. Slowly, you were becoming your old self again. I can’t tell you how much I cried after you told me you were getting a haircut. I just kept telling myself, my little boy was back.’
I was uncomfortable by the tears building in her eyes. I tugged at the covers as though they were my safety blanket.
‘I know your father and I aren’t the perfect parents, and we have made so many mistakes with all of you. And I know that sometimes, I don’t always make you feel like you’re as important as Maia and Theo and perhaps that is why you became cold and distant with us. With AB here, I started to see the boy I knew still existed in you. The sensitive, caring, and funny boy.’ She sat down on the end of my bed and softly began to rub my leg over the duvet cover. ‘I think that before AB came into our lives, you were lost. With her help, you found yourself. I know you’re upset that she’s leaving but you need to think about what’s more important now. Holding a grudge or saying goodbye to your friend?’ She stood and leaned over to me before placing a kiss on my forehead without any hesitation. ‘Everything will be ok, Finn. I promise you.’
She left the room.
I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my stinging eyes, fighting against the tears that came anyway.
‘It’s time for me to go home.’
I could hear AB’s voice coming from Maia’s bedroom as I hid by the bathroom door.
It had been an hour or so since Mum had left my room.
‘But I thought this was your home?’ Maia said.
‘No, it was never my home, kid. It’s your home and Finn’s home but it wasn’t ever mine. My home is somewhere else, and I am going to be leaving soon to go and find it,’ AB said.
‘Oh,’ Maia whispered. ‘So me and Finn will come and visit you, and you can come and visit us.’
As I quietly peered around the door, I could see AB move her hand to cup Maia’s cheek. I hadn’t seen AB’s face properly yet, despite the whole house now being able to see her.
‘Sadly, that won’t be possible. When I leave, I’ll be gone forever, but hopefully, wherever I am, I can watch you grow up into the amazing girl you’re going to become.’
‘I don’t understand, why can’t you just stay with us, AB? You don’t have to play tea games anymore if you don’t want to,’ Maia said with her bottom lip begging to wobble.
‘I would love to play any game with you forever but it’s time for me to go now.’
‘But I don’t want you to go.’ Maia began to cry just as mum walked into the room.
‘Hey, sweetie,’ she said, pulling Maia into her arms. ‘I know it’s very sad that AB is leaving, but it’s the right thing for her to do. You don’t have to worry because she will always be with you, you just won’t be able to see her.’
‘Do you promise?’ Maia faced AB with red eyes and a snotty nose.
‘A million percent,’ AB replied.
I wished it were true.
‘Ok. But I am still sad.’ Maia sniffed.
‘Me too, Maia. Me too,’ I whispered before closing the bathroom door behind me.
‘AB, when do you have to go?’ Mum asked as they walked back downstairs together.
‘Soon, I think,’ AB replied as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My face was blotchy and dark red circles had formed underneath my eyes.
My chest ached in a way I hadn’t ever experienced before. I was going to miss her so much. I was going to miss her stupid wake up calls and constant favours. Her rubbish jokes and constant fascination in technology, but most of all, I would miss knowing that no matter what, she would always be there. I closed my eyes, wishing I could be anywhere else.
‘Finn?’ AB said as she tapped on the door. My heart and mind were racing as I opened the bathroom door.
I was completely breathless.
She was standing there with the smile of a child who was determined not to weep.
‘At long last, he can see me,’ she said. Her green and amber eyes stared back at me so deeply that it put me on edge.
In fact, this whole moment had me feeling like I was at the tip of a cliff, moments from falling. I scanned her face for any sign of what she was thinking, noticing the small freckle to the right of her top lip and the faintest brown mark, no bigger than a fingernail, above her left eyebrow.
The corner of her mouth turned upwards. ‘Hey.’
I reached out, but my hand went straight through her.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. I was frozen.
I gulped loudly as she stepped in closer to me, even though I knew she couldn’t touch me. Everything about her was flooding my senses. I couldn’t think. I had forgotten how to breathe.
‘I’m not sure I am ready for you to go.’ The words tumbled out of my mouth.
‘I know,’ she said biting onto her lip, forcing the tears away.
‘Are you scared?’ I asked. My chest felt as though it had weighed down by several slates of concrete.
She glanced across my face before looking around at my family behind me before a smile gradually grew across her mouth. She didn’t need to reply but she shook her head anyway. It felt like my heart was shattering into tiny shards of glass all the while her heart had begun to heal.
‘What if there is nothing after this though? What if there is no other side?’
‘Then at least I am free.’ The smile remained on her face. I could tell she was happy—really happy. She was getting everything she had wished for since becoming trapped in the house and yet despite it all, I couldn’t help feel as though I was drowning in sadness. There was no way this could be the last time I would ever see her again. I had to believe there was a place after all this.
‘AB, if there is a heaven—or whatever you want to call it—will you promise to meet me when it’s my turn?’ I bit my lip, not wanting to cry anymore.
She shrugged her shoulders and chuckled before replying. ‘Meh, if I have the time.’
I was going to miss that laugh. I was going to miss her voice. It was how I saw her—how I knew she existed. I couldn’t picture coming home from school and not being greeted by her questions or her incessant need to tell me about a book she had read for the hundredth time.
‘So, you’re already busy in heaven?’ I asked, try to force a smile back.
‘Well, I’m hoping to have a lot more choice when it comes to friends up there,’ she tilted her head to one side and winked.
‘That hurt.’ I laughed but for a moment I wondered if she would forget me. If there was a place she would end up in after today, would I become a forgotten memory?
‘Will you come downstairs?’ she asked. The smile dropped from her face, and despite not wanting to be there when it happened, I knew I couldn’t say no.
Theo had arrived to the drama after being at football training. He gave me a smile and squeezed my shoulder before whispering into my ear, ‘For a ghost, she’s hot.’
We all laughed for a moment, gathered at the front door, all staring at AB.
‘I don’t even know what to say,’ she said, smiling before beginning to cry. ‘Thank you, Jack. Please be nicer to yourself and your family. Theo, for a bit of a dick, you’re hot too.’
He chuckled.
‘Be nicer to each other, you’re gonna be best friends one day.’ She looked at both Theo and I. ‘Cait, thank you for the things you’ll never realise you did for me, like letting me see my face again and keeping me company during the day. Maia, what a kid you are. My first best friend.’ AB began to cry again before she took a deep breath and knelt down in front of her. ‘You are going to be one hell of a young lady one day. Never change.’
Maia nodded before clinging on to Mum’s leg.
‘Gran, I am so sorry you’re having to say goodbye for a second time, but I am so glad I get to say goodbye properly. Thank you for being the mum I never had.’
As Ms Bennett began to sob, I had to wipe a tear from my own face.
I realised I was next.
‘And you…’ AB said walking towards me. ‘Don’t forget me, ok?’
I bit my lip hard and shook my head. ‘Never.’
She nodded as she gently sniffled.
‘Clos
e your eyes.’ She smiled with eyes full of tears.
I shook my head. ‘No, because I know what happens when I open them.’
She ignored me, closed her own eyes, and before I could do anything, I felt her hands on mine.
‘How is this possible?’ I said looking down at our hands, watching the glowing light covering them.
‘Well I had a lot of energy to use up,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t question it. Close your eyes.’
I didn’t want to, but I did with a lump in my throat. I tried to keep her face into my mind as a shiver travelled down my spine, and all the hair on my arms stood.
Every part of me was entirely saturated with Aubree Bennett.
As she pulled her hands away from mine, I kept my eyes closed as she whispered, ‘Goodbye, Finn.’
My heart sank. She was gone.
It was Maia that came to me first, running over with a damp and blotchy face.
‘Has she gone forever?’ Her tiny voice shook.
I nodded as my mum joined us, wrapping her arms around me, and Theo patted me on the back sincerely with a look.
‘I’m sorry, son,’ my dad said, appearing at my side. He hesitated for a second before pulling me into his arms. Slowly, I hugged him back, grateful for his tight grip of me.
‘Finn?’ AB’s gran said as my dad pulled away.
‘You called me Finn,’ She placed her hands on either side of my shoulders and gave me a squeeze.
‘My little girl was so lucky to have had you as a friend.’
I shook my head. ‘No, it was me that was the lucky one. I was the lucky one.’
She pulled my hands into hers and gently squeezed, ‘I still have her ashes at home. I couldn’t bear to part with them back then, but I think it’s time. Will you come with me to scatter them?’
I nodded. I knew exactly where AB would have wanted them. ‘There’s this tree in the forest that she loved.’
‘The pink tree.’ She smiled. ‘I know just the one.’
37
Finn
