by Virlyce
“What do you need to know that for?” Plumby asked.
“And no backtalk,” Vur said. “If I say jump, you ask how high, understood? If I say walk, what do you say?” He cupped his hand over his ear.
“How long?”
“How far?”
“To where?”
“How fast?”
Vur nodded. “Close enough,” he said. He furrowed his brow and muttered as he went through the mental checklist labeled, how to rule your army by Mr. Skelly, “Adopt domineering attitude, check. Point out flaws and show how your methods are superior, check. Persuade them one at a time if you must, check. Carrot and…, right. That.” Vur nodded and placed his hands on his hips. “Okay. If you do well, I’ll give you a fancy stick. If you don’t do well, I’ll stab your face with a carrot. Got it?”
“Preposterous!” a dwarf with an eyepatch said while all the other dwarves agreed with Vur.
Vur glared at the eyepatch-wearing dwarf before saying to E, “Fetch me a carrot!”
“Ah,” Lulu said, peering through the palace entrance with one eye. “He’s so cool! But why does he stay transformed as a human for so long? It must be to fit inside these tiny buildings. Why didn’t I think of that? He’s so smart. I should ask him to teach me.”
“Tell me about the land,” Vur said and pointed at the northern end of the continent on the map. “This white part, who owns it?”
“That’s owned by the holy dragons,” E said after sending one of his armor sets to find a carrot. “Nothing can grow there; it’s a giant frozen chunk of ice. There’s rumors about strange birds that act like humans and are taller than dwarves. They trek across the ice for miles and hunt fish from the ocean.”
“Will they interfere in the war?” Vur asked.
Lulu’s voice called from outside the palace. “There’s no way Mom’s going to interfere in the war unless she can find a person to give a quest to. Oh, there was one person…, but he’s kind of lazy. And those birds you’re talking about are called penguins. They don’t fight things; they kind of huddle up in one place and try their best to not freeze to death.”
“Mm.” Vur nodded and pointed at a red region beside the snowy one. “What about here?”
“That’s Mt. Inesia,” E said. “We were just there. We have a few small towns bordering it, but there’s no threats to our safety. We own the eastern region of the continent while the humans own this portion of the west. Some of it is shared by fairies, namely that part.” He pointed at a section on the map covered with green and purple splotches. “The south is the territory of the elves and phoenixes; it’s possible the elves may join the war as the humans’ allies mainly because, well, we enslaved some of them before.”
“So no threats from the north,” Vur said. “What about east of us? Fishmen live on the coasts, right?”
“Yeah, but fishmen are fishmen. They’re unimportant,” E said. “If they spend too long out of water, their skin starts cracking and they bleed to death within a few days. There’s no way for them to own any reasonable portion of land.”
“That sounds like a life worse than the penguins,” Lulu said from outside.
“Then it’s just the west and the south we have to worry about?” Vur asked. “What are the elves like? How many people would you need to take out one of their villages?”
“Villages?” a dwarf with a red beard asked and raised an eyebrow. “Elves don’t have villages. They live in small colonies of ten elves at most. They’d be easy to plunder, but they get along really well with the phoenix matriarch. She’s about the only reason why we haven’t taken over the south.”
Vur rubbed his chin. “How closely do these elven colonies live to each other?”
“Pretty far apart,” the red-bearded dwarf said. “You’d expect them to work together seeing as they’re the same race, but they’re actually antagonistic to each other. Neighboring colonies will compete for resources and the weaker one is forced to move further away. Sometimes, the weakest colonies are completely forced out of the forest; that’s the best time to capture them.”
“Wait,” Vur said. “Then would they actually be a threat to us if we attack the humans since they don’t work together?”
“Yes, they will,” E said. “They might not get along with each other, but they hate us more. They’ll definitely band together if they find out any of our cities are vulnerable. Not only that, but they have a spiritual leader of sorts. There’s a tribe of elves that takes care of the phoenix matriarch’s offspring and eggs. Apparently their hair is even red due to the proximity to the eggs. If any of them declared war against us, all the elves will attack.” He coughed and scratched his head. “We, uh, stole a few phoenix eggs from them before a long time ago, so they’d definitely take the chance to strike at us.”
Vur stared at E. “Why do you think the humans declared war on you?”
“Probably because we enslave them and exploit them of their resources,” E said and shrugged. “Who knows?”
“Don’t you have any allies?” Vur asked and tilted his head.
“Well,” E said and cleared his throat. “Who needs allies when we have each other?” He looked around the room. “Isn’t that right, men?” The other dwarves nodded and grunted. E smiled at Vur. “Besides, we have you! Since you’re on our side, the earth and fire elementals definitely won’t interfere, and the earth elementals are even helping us. And since they’re staying out of it, the water and wind elementals will most likely stay neutral.”
“So everyone on the continent, except the elementals, hate you,” Vur said, his expression darkening.
“Don’t forget your promise to me!” E said. “You said you’d take care of my people if I handed you my throne. You can’t back out now. As leaders, our words hold more weight than gold.”
“That’s right,” Vur said with a nod. “Dragons never lie. If I said I’d do it, then I will.” He smiled to himself and laughed. “My scales and wings grew out!” Then his face fell as he lowered his head and sighed. “But I’m still too young. It’s only temporary.”
Stella appeared on his shoulder and patted his head. “Don’t worry! I was right when I said an elementalist dragon grew faster, right? You just have to make more contracts!” She nudged his cheek with her elbow. “The next one should be a water elemental. And you can feed Sheryl and Diamant to make them stronger. That way, they’ll provide more mana for you.”
“You’re right,” Vur said and raised his head. He made eye contact with all the dwarves before pointing at the map. “For now, since I don’t know our enemies capabilities, I’ll play a bit defensively.”
The dwarf with the eyepatch scowled. “Play? This isn’t a game,” he said. “This is a war.”
Vur held out his hand, and a set of armor handed him a carrot. He threw it at the dwarf’s face, knocking the short fellow over. Vur dusted off his hands before pointing at the map again. “The most important thing to do now is reinforce these spots.” He drew circles around strategic points in the dwarven areas closest to the human empire. “Set up as many traps as you can: pitfalls, bear traps, delicious cookies, whatever works as long as there’s men waiting to ambush the people who fall for them.” He pointed at the northeasternmost section of the dwarves’ territory. “Start transferring all the soldiers from here to the south and west. And here”—he pointed at the southernmost part of the dwarves’ territory—“invade the elves like this.” He drew a curved arrow that swept from the east to the west.
“We’re invading the elves?” Plumby asked. “Why? They haven’t joined the war yet.”
“That’s why we have to strike them when they’re not ready,” Vur said with a nod. “Preemptively punish them for their future offenses. But don’t kill any of them. Kidnap their families, transport them to our lands, and force the capable to join our war efforts using their family as hostages.”
“Your morals are worse than ours!” one of the dwarves said. He chuckled. “I like it.”
�
�But what are we going to do about the phoenix matriarch?” E asked and furrowed his brow. “We’ll need a lot of people to take her down, people we can’t afford to have leave their posts.”
“Don’t worry about the phoenix,” Vur said with a slight grin on his face. “They’re just wannabe dragons. I’ll take care of her.”
“That’s exactly how my future mate should be!” Lulu said to herself, eyes gleaming.
23
“Leader! There’s some good news and some bad news,” a skeleton said as it ran towards the area where it felt Mr. Skelly’s aura and arrived at a clearing in the woods. It was empty. “Leader?”
“Down here,” a voice said. The skeleton lowered its gaze. A hole appeared in the ground as Mr. Skelly’s head broke through the earth. “Alice has been trying to kill me for the longest time now. Have you found any gryphon cubs yet?”
“Yes. That was part of the good news,” the skeleton said and nodded its head.
“And the bad news?” Mr. Skelly asked.
“The bad news is I lied,” the skeleton said. Mr. Skelly stared at the skeleton without a word. “The real good news is we’ve succeeded in kidnapping the emperor and empress and replaced them with our own. The fairies’ illusions are working really well.”
Mr. Skelly nodded. “Then the real bad news?”
“We failed to destroy the road. It was almost as if they were expecting us to attack,” the skeleton said and scratched its head. “There were hundreds of traps laid out, and a whole squad of dwarven riflemen were lying in wait. The twenty men we sent stood no chance. The dwarves’ projectiles could shatter bones and four of the fairies were injured pretty badly. But we managed to get away without any trouble. We might have given away the fact we weren’t human though, considering no one died or bled.”
“Mm. That’s troublesome,” Mr. Skelly said and rubbed his chin, his hand popping out of the earth. “But since we took control of the human leaders, things should get a lot easier now. I didn’t expect the dwarves to wise up so quickly though. Their king truly isn’t incompetent.”
Leader! a voice shouted in Mr. Skelly’s head. Dozens of roads are being built into the territory we just conquered!
Mr. Skelly frowned and pulled out a glowing blue crystal. He held it in front of his mouth and asked, “Who’s building them? You can’t capture them?”
The roads are building themselves! the voice said. The fairies say there are hundreds of people smaller than them working together, but none of us can see them. We tried blocking the paths of the roads, but earth flies into the air and builds over all the obstructions without stopping.
Mr. Skelly fell silent for a moment. He glanced at the skeleton standing over him before speaking into the crystal. “I’ll send reinforcements right away. Looks like there’s no choice but to involve the humans already. Even if you can’t stop the roads from being built, that doesn’t mean you can’t fortify the defenses against people coming along those roads.” He sighed, put away the crystal, and faced the skeleton above him. “Mobilize the human army. I wanted to take it slow and fully draw out all the benefits of the dwarves’ territory for ourselves, but that’s no longer possible. Bring the humans to the area we captured and fully integrate it: build roads connecting the two lands. It should hold out long enough for us to finish sweeping through the elves to attack the dwarves from the south. With Tafel’s and Alice’s firepower, it’ll be much easier to change the outcome of this war.”
“There you are!” a voice said from behind the two skeletons. A woman with a massive shield charged at Mr. Skelly and swung her blunt weapon downwards like an axe. Her hair rippled in the wind like a lion’s mane.
“Alice,” Mr. Skelly said as his skull went flying off into the distance. “Skulls are hard to replace, you know? Can’t you be more gentle when pounding me? It hurts if you do it too roughly.”
“Shut up! Don’t say it like that!” Alice shouted. “Do you know how painful awakening was? I almost died because of you! Don’t think I’m letting you off that easily; I haven’t forgotten how you tricked Tafel and me either.”
“Flirting has really changed since I was last alive, huh?” the skeleton standing to the side asked and scratched its head. A second later, it was sent flying by a swing of Alice’s arm.
“Skeletons really piss me off,” Alice said as she exhaled and lowered her shield. She glared at Mr. Skelly’s headless body which was crawling out of the ground.
“Don’t be like this, Alice,” Mr. Skelly said. “We both know you enjoy our company.”
“Does this look like the face of enjoyment?” Alice asked in a monotonous voice, pointing at her cheek. Her countenance was expressionless.
“That’s exactly what an excited zombie looks like,” Mr. Skelly said with a nod. His skeletal frame crumbled to the ground as Alice planted her heel into his chest. A sigh escaped from his broken bones. “Look, if you really didn’t like it here, you could’ve ran off by yourself. Even if I begged Tafel not to teleport you back, it wouldn’t stop you from leaving without her. What’s keeping you here? Have you thought about that? I could tell you if you can’t figure it out for yourself.”
Alice furrowed her brow as she removed her foot from Mr. Skelly’s sternum. She muttered, “Why am I sticking around…?”
“The simplest answer is you’re enamored with me,” Mr. Skelly said, his bones blushing by turning a faint pink color. His legs disintegrated as Alice pulverized them with her shield. “That was just a joke. You really need to lighten up. Haven’t figured it out yet?”
Alice grumbled to herself as she swept Mr. Skelly up into a neat pile of bones and bone dust. She sat beside the pile and crossed her arms, shrinking her shield down to the size of a watch. She adjusted her glasses and propped her head up onto her knees while hugging her legs. “What I want, huh?” she asked and sighed while staring at the grassy clearing. A few birds chirped while crickets sang. A bitter smile appeared on her lips. “Companions that won’t betray me would be a nice start. I think I can find that in Tafel and Vur.” She glanced at the pile next to her and snorted as she kicked it. “Don’t look so smug, you lying turd. If you keep abusing this truth curse, I’ll really send you to the afterlife.”
***
“Who’s a cute little fat glutton?” Tafel asked as she rubbed the phoenix’s belly as it drank beakful after beakful of steaming hot lava. “Yup. That’s right; it’s you.”
“Not fat,” the phoenix said after it finished drinking the ball of lava that was twice the size of its body. It wobbled a few times, trying to flap its wings to stay standing, but it fell backwards onto Tafel’s lap. “This is water weight.” It exhaled and let out a tiny burp. Its legs fluttered in the air as Tafel ruffled the feathers on its belly.
“Mm.” Tafel nodded. “Just water weight. Such a noble bird can’t be fat.” She smiled at it and tickled its neck with her finger. “Do you remember what you promised me?”
The bird cooed and squirmed under Tafel’s finger. “Yup. You want to see my momma.”
“And?” Tafel asked, running her fingers down to its belly.
The phoenix squirmed and laughed. “And I’ll only say good things about you,” it said with a nod.
“And…?” Tafel asked again with a smile. She squinted at the phoenix, causing it to fall still for a second.
“And I’ll ask her to make you my sister,” the phoenix said with a chirp.
“That’s right,” Tafel said and beamed. Fire and earth appeared in the air, mixing together by miniature vortexes. “Want more lava?”
“Yes, please!” the phoenix said, rolling onto its feet. It hopped up and down as the lava approached it.
“It’s going to explode if you keep feeding it like that,” Alice said from the side. Sweat poured down her face and neck, soaking her clothes. She panted while resting her hands on her knees, her back hunched over as she struggled to regain her breath. The trees in the vicinity around her had hundreds of gouges that fit the edges of her
shield perfectly.
“Will you?” Tafel asked the phoenix, tilting her head.
“Nope!” the phoenix chirped. The ball of lava lowered enough for it to dip its beak inside.
“See, it’ll be fine,” Tafel said to Alice. “And weren’t you chasing Mr. Skelly? Why’d you start training all of a sudden? Don’t tell me you really managed to kill him.”
“Hmm.” Alice scratched her head as her shield shrank. Her already flushed face burned as she pursed her lips. “There’s a temporary truce of sorts between us. And it’s much more interesting to watch someone manipulate a baby phoenix than to chase after a mole-like undead.”
The phoenix stopped drinking and looked at Tafel. “Are you manipulating me?” it asked and tilted its head to the side.
Tafel smiled at it and patted its head. “No, of course not,” she said. “Why would I manipulate a fellow as adorable as you? It’s impossible for a noble phoenix such as yourself to be manipulated.”
The phoenix blinked and nodded. “Okay,” it said and turned back to the lava while Alice rolled her eyes.
“How come it gets along so well with you?” Alice asked and sat down, pulling out a flask of water from her bag. She poured some water on her hair and shook her head, splashing the ground around her. “I heard phoenixes are pretty arrogant and unwilling to associate with people they deem unworthy.”
“Well, then I guess that means I’m worthy, doesn’t it?” Tafel asked and stuck her tongue out at Alice. “But really, it’s probably because my stepdaughter-in-law is a phoenix. I get along really well with her half-dragonboar daughter, Floofykins.”
Alice furrowed her brow. “Disregarding the fact your stepson married a phoenix,” she said. “How is a phoenix’s child half-dragon, half-boar? Shouldn’t it be part phoenix?”
“Eh, I guess I didn’t word that properly,” Tafel said and scratched her cheek. “Floofykins is half-phoenix and half-dragonboar.”
