by Cara Wylde
“No.”
Just as I’d thought. “I have a better chance. So, let me.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, thought for another few seconds, then finally nodded. I turned to the woman, placed my scythe on the floor, and knelt next to her. She lifted her eyes from the ground. Finally, she could see me. But she couldn’t see Valentine, Sariel, Francis, or Merrit.
“Hey there.”
“You’re here to take me.” Her fingers gripped the blade so tightly that her hand started shaking. She sighed deeply but managed a smile. “It’s okay, I’m ready.”
“It’s not your time.”
Her dark gaze studied me for a long moment. “You’re so beautiful. I like your blue hair. Is it natural? Do all Grim Reapers have blue hair?”
“Err… no. I’m actually…” I gulped. I didn’t know whether I was allowed to tell her or not. “I’m human.” On the other hand, this was a special situation.
“No. You can’t be.”
I smiled. “I am. Grim Reapers can be humans, too.”
“You mean… you were human, and then you died and became a Grim Reaper, right?”
That was some simple logic that, though false, couldn’t hurt anyone. I nodded. “Yes. Something like that.”
“I don’t want to be a Grim Reaper when I die. Promise me you won’t make me one.”
“I… can’t make another Grim Reaper. It’s not like vampires, when a vampire can make another vampire.”
Her eyes widened. “Vampires exist?” But in a split second, her mood changed, her eyes darkened, and she averted her gaze. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me. I don’t need to know anything. I just need to… finish what I started.”
“Wait.” I couldn’t just take the blade and throw it away. I wasn’t supposed to stop her physically, because that would’ve been temporary. I had to stop her for good, convince her that life was worth living. “Let me tell you a story first.”
She shook her head, still not looking at me. “No stories.”
“It’s my story.” I showed her my left arm. “Look. I’ve been where you are now.”
She looked at my scars for a long moment, then finally gazed into my eyes. She smiled bitterly.
“No, you haven’t. You’ve never used. You never went for days without food because you had to waste your money on pills. You never lost a job, lost a baby…”
“But I lost my faith. Countless time. I lost my faith and thought I was alone, the most wretched soul alive, that no one wanted me, and no one loved me. I couldn’t love myself, so why would they? Everyone was better off without me. Is that what you think now?”
She sighed. Her gaze turned to the dirty window. Maybe, if she stepped outside for a moment, she’d see the face of the sun, the trees in bloom, and new life would seep into her tired bones. If I could make her go outside…
“I think there’s nothing for me here. It’s too painful, too hard, and I’m exhausted. I just want this to end. So, please, Grim Reaper. You’re here, which means it’s time to go.”
“No. I’m here because you called me, but that doesn’t mean it’s your time. It’s not, trust me. I’m here to help you see there are other alternatives.”
“What alternatives?” She pointed at my scars. “What other alternatives were there for you?”
I took a deep breath. This was hard to talk about. I’d never told anyone about my darkest moments. Not even Headmaster Colin, even though he knew I used to cut myself. He never pushed me to give him details, so I didn’t. There was no point in it. The past was in the past, and all that mattered was that I’d stopped cutting. The urge was still there, sometimes. When life got too hard, when it was painful, when I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t be myself, live as this person who was nothing, this person who had this hole inside her, this void she couldn’t fill with anything and anyone. When the void grew larger than me, larger than the house I lived in and the life I had, until the void was me, I was the void, and I had to end it, because if I didn’t end it, it would keep growing and swallowing up all the good in the world. And this void within me hurt so much that I had to manifest that hurt on the outside. So, I cut. Because if my flesh bled with pain, then my soul could breathe again. The pain was on the outside, so my insides could rest.
I took her hand in mine and looked into her hazel eyes, doing my best to ignore the tiny blade in her other hand. It was better to focus on her, not on the object of destruction.
“There’s one thing that is true, universal, and all-encompassing. One.”
“What is it?”
“That all things pass. Good and bad. They pass.” Pandora had told me this, and she was right. “The way you feel now… it’s not forever. Nothing is forever. You feel like this today, you may feel the same tomorrow, and maybe even for another week. But it will stop at some point. All things change, and this will change, too. You just have to hang in there and do your best. That’s it.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to slay your demons today, go out there, conquer worlds, and achieve transcendence. Hell! You don’t even have to get off the floor and shower. Not today. But you can just sit here for a while, gather your thoughts and your strength, and tomorrow, maybe you can get up, go outside, and look at the sky. And that will be enough.”
Tears filled her eyes. I didn’t know her name, I didn’t know how she’d gotten where she was, lying on the floor, surrounded by garbage, and with a blade in her hand, but I knew that she was me and I was her. In that moment – that frozen moment in time – I knew we were one. I could feel her, and I could feel myself. We were part of the same universe, part of the same story. I could sense Valentine, Sariel, Francis, and Merrit behind me, watching my every move, listening to my every word. And they were me, and I was them. And it was okay. It was as it was supposed to be.
“I want to look at the sky today,” she said.
I bit the inside of my cheek. I wanted to laugh, hug her and congratulate her, but I knew it would have been too much. One step at a time. Too much enthusiasm could ruin everything.
“Okay, let’s go.”
I offered her my hand, and she took it. I helped her to her feet, then led her up the stairs and into the house. She looked around her like she didn’t recognize the place, then we both stepped outside. It must have been seven in the morning. All the houses in this part of town were almost in ruins, but the sun shined brightly, and birds chirped in the trees. She looked up at the cloudless sky, dragged a deep breath in, held it at the top, then released it slowly. And I could actually see some of the icky things that had clung to her aura detaching and vanishing under the blessed light of the sun. It was incredible what a little sunlight could do to a person’s energy field!
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah. Feeling better…”
She dropped the blade into the grass, and I caught its metallic flash from the corner of my eye. Before leaving, I made sure to take it with me. I wasn’t supposed to, but who cared about rules?
“Impressive work,” Morningstar said as we left the rundown house behind. “Daughter, I am pleased to say that you’re a natural. You’re going to make one hell of a Grim Reaper one day.”
“Thank you.”
Was it weird that I felt proud of myself? I’d been so afraid. But I hadn’t failed. On the contrary, I’d reaped a dozen souls in the middle of a war, and I’d saved one from an early demise. I hadn’t puked after teleporting a bunch of times, and I hadn’t run for my life in the desert. Yeah. I was proud of myself.
All our scythes started glowing in unison, and Morningstar pulled me to his side, throwing his cloak over my shoulders. Damn it! I have to find a spare moment and learn how to use that stupid teleportation pin.
“Sariel, it really is your turn this time,” he said.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
A dark alley in some big city. I didn’t recognize it. My space orientation is shit. No wonder Geography is
my least favorite subject. I suck at it. A thud and a cry of pain behind a dumpster. A burly man ran out and right through us, a black laptop bag in hand. He was unshaved and dressed poorly, so it was clear the bag didn’t belong to him. He’d just stolen it and left his victim beaten up on the ground.
“When you’re ready,” Morningstar commented, and I could tell he was impatient.
Sariel was hesitating. None of us knew what waited for us behind that dumpster, but we knew the victim was a man, and he was in great pain. We could hear how he was trying to crawl, to no avail. He screamed for help, but his voice was so weak that it barely penetrated the rumble of cars, trams, chatter, and music down the street. No one paid any attention to the back alley with its dumpsters, dark, menacing corners, rats, and smell of piss and feces. It was as if the main street was a world in and of itself, and the alley was a pocket universe everyone could glimpse from the corner of their eyes, but no one dared to enter. And for good reason.
Sariel was still hesitating.
The man grunted. It was obvious he was making a huge effort to pull himself up. It went like this for another few seconds, then he fell silent. All we could hear now was his labored breathing.
“Anytime you like, Mr. Gracewing.” Valentine’s voice was cold.
I looked at his profile. Aside from the fact that he was as pale as a ghost, Sariel’s eyes had grown wide with fear and panic. His fingers gripped and ungripped the handle of his scythe, and no matter how hard the blade glowed red, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to walk to the dumpster, look behind it, and do his job. He should have marched there, cut the man’s string of life, and released his soul from the pain of his body.
“Sariel,” I whispered, hoping to get his attention and snap him out of it. “Sariel, go.”
He turned to me, and his silver eyes shined with unshed tears. He shook his head slowly. I was taken aback. I’d never seen Sariel Gracewing so lost and desperate. He didn’t want to do it. Okay, I could understand that. I didn’t want to do it, either. Being VDC was no walk in the park. But this was what we did. The dirty jobs the other Reapers couldn’t stomach. In the desert, if Valentine had told me to take over and cut that woman’s string of life, I would have died a little inside, but I would have done it. And the scenario in which I took the man’s knife and drove it through his chest? A daydream. It would’ve stayed that way. Because I knew now. I knew who I was. I’d reaped my first souls, and I knew I was a Violent Reaper.
Sariel knew who he was, too. He wasn’t this.
He shook his head again, then took a step back. And another. He didn’t even look at the others. His eyes were fixed on me, as if he was waiting for me to save him. To grab him and take him out of there, away from the man who was breathing heavily and crying weakly behind the dumpster, the man who’d given up and accepted his imminent death. Except… that imminent death was taking his sweet time figuring out if he was going to keep playing the stupid game he himself had started, or run for his life.
He ran for his life.
Sariel simply turned on his heels and started down the alley at a brisk pace.
“What the hell is he doing?!” Merrit yelled after him.
“Merrit, take over,” Valentine commanded.
The mage shrugged, stepped behind the dumpster, and a moment later, I saw the man’s soul rise to the night sky.
Morningstar marched after Sariel. He grabbed him by the left wing, and pulled him back, almost slamming him into the building. I covered my mouth with my hands and moved to Francis’s side. Francis shot me a confused glance, then stepped closer to me, as if he wanted to shield me from whatever was about to happen between the archangel and the nephilim. If he weren’t so shy, he would have put his arm around my shoulders. But he was shy, and a textbook introvert. He had no problem watching me have sex with GC and Paz, but when I was within arm’s reach, he wouldn’t dare touch me.
“What’s wrong with you?” Morningstar demanded. “You froze. You got a perfect score on the finals, you’re right after Mila on the worth scoreboard, and you froze. Why?”
Sariel looked down at his feet. His lips were clenched. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. Where was the proud, cocky bastard who’d given me grief in year one? I almost missed him. Because it was easier to deal with Sariel being a mean motherfucking jerk, than with him being this poor soul who was in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. We were living our dreams here. Grim Reaper Academy had been a dream come true for me, a mere human who couldn’t do shit. For Sariel, it had been a nightmare. Every day, he had to pretend he was someone else to make it. I wondered if all the extreme bullying he’d pulled on me had been the same. Play pretend, fake it till you make it. I was doing the same most of the time, but in a direction that was right for me. In my own way, I was following my heart and my destiny. What had he been following all this time?
“Speak!” Valentine was losing his patience big time. I’d never seen him so angry. His blue eyes had turned dark, a strand of hair escaped his low ponytail and fell on his shoulder, and he didn’t immediately stop what he was doing to fix it. Which was unlike him. He went to great lengths to look perfect, and a loose strand of hair was just not acceptable.
Sariel finally gathered his courage and looked him in the eye.
“I’m not a Violent Reaper, sir.”
“What?” He was confused. He’d never had to deal with such a situation before.
“I’m not supposed to be in the VDC. I’m a Merciful Reaper. I knew it since day one, but I cheated on the entry test and got into the VDC.”
Morningstar stepped back. He looked at Sariel with wide eyes. He wanted to say something at first, changed his mind, thought for another minute, then finally spoke.
“This is Colin’s fault.” He shook his head in a mix of disbelief and contempt. “Colin has ruined the Academy. A headmaster doing his job wouldn’t have let this slip past him.”
Then, he did the last thing I expected. He threw his cloak over Sariel, and teleported.
“Where did they go?” My heart was beating wildly. It was so strange, but I felt scared for Sariel. I grabbed Francis by the cloak. “Where did they go? Can we… can we follow the glow?”
“What glow?” Merrit asked. “There’s no glow.”
“No, no, no.” I was freaking out. “We have to follow them!”
“Why?”
Francis took over. I was still holding onto him. The moment I touched him, I felt him grow tense. “Merrit, I believe you can use your powers to track them.”
The mage rolled his eyes.
“If we don’t follow them, then what do we do? Go back to the Academy?”
Merrit sighed but agreed. It took him a couple of minutes to draw a circle around the place where Valentine and Sariel had stood last, mumble some words under his breath, and perform a complicated spell with gestures and more mumbled words. He wasn’t as powerful as Lorna, but he was all we had. When he was finally done, he declared that Valentine had taken Sariel to the Supernatural Council.
“What?! Are you sure? Why would he do that?” Now I was freaking out even harder. “Where is that? We have to go.”
“We can’t just show up at the Council,” Merrit protested. “I know you’re Mila Morningstar and all that, but seriously. Not a good idea. Not even for you.”
I didn’t like Merrit much, but when he said “no” to me, I liked him even less. I turned to Francis.
“We have to go. We have to be there for him.” We were the only ones who’d known and kept Sariel’s secret. We couldn’t leave him alone with my father and the Council. “You’re his best friend.”
“You’re right. I know where the Council is.”
“So, let’s go!”
“You can’t teleport on your own…”
“You’ll do it for me.” I sneaked under his long cloak and wrapped my arms around his torso. I hated the whole teleportation thing. Maybe once I learned how to do it myself,
it wouldn’t be as bad. The fact that I didn’t have control over it was what made it unpleasant.
He tensed up. Completely. I looked up at him. He was staring at me with big, green eyes filled with shock and disbelief. I was hugging him, holding on to him, and he didn’t know what to do. We’d never been this close. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it only seemed to scare him more. What the hell is wrong with him? Was he a virgin? I doubted it. Then what was his problem? I wasn’t even sure whether he was making that face because he liked having my body pressed to his side or was disgusted by it. A quick glance at his crotch was the answer to my question. He was hard. I might have blushed. While I was used to giving a bunch of guys at the Academy erections simply because I was who I was and they seemed to be turned on by my last name, it was different with Francis. It was as if I had this strange conviction that he was untouchable and unimpressionable to the point where he just didn’t have erections. Well, my conviction had been shattered. He was like any other man. Normal. His cock got hard when a pretty girl clung to him, and that was a relief, really.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Of course I’ll teleport us.” He pulled the other flap of his cloak over his crotch. “Merrit, are you coming?”
“No, man.” The mage took a step back. “I’m headed back to the Academy.”
Pussy, I thought. He was all tough and loud until things got real.
“Do it,” I pulled at Francis’s sleeve. “Hurry.” We’d already waited too long, and I didn’t even want to think what Valentine and the Council had done to Sariel while we were here, waiting for Merrit to track them down. But what could they do to him? What was the punishment for cheating on the entry test?
Francis activated his teleportation pin, and his arm came to hold me by my waist. I could feel his fingers tremble through my clothes and his cloak, and I wondered what would happen if he touched my skin. His head would explode. Given the circumstances, it was almost inappropriate that I could still make fun of Francis in my head. Shit was going down, and here I was, plotting new ways to tease Francis, now that I knew he had a thing for me. So, I like shy guys. Sue me.
