“I know what you’re talking about,” Teri said. “We had a lot of those in Escondido. Glenbrooke is too small for something like that. Do you need to borrow some money until you cash your check?”
Jessica hesitated. Her pride overpowered her. “No, that’s okay. Thanks.”
“Where do you want me to take you?” Teri asked.
To the store, to a Dairy Queen, to your house—anywhere that has food! Jessica thought. All that came out of her mouth, was, “Home, I guess.”
It was quiet for a minute, and then Teri said, “You know what, Jessica? Even though everything has been kind of a struggle for you since you arrived—the accident, Charlotte, not having a car, and whatever else—I just know that God is watching over you. I think everything is going to turn out fine.”
Jessica couldn’t help but snort her disbelief.
“It’s kind of hard to trust God sometimes, isn’t it?” Teri asked cautiously.
“Let’s just say that I live with the philosophy that God helps those who help themselves.”
“I don’t think it works that way,” Teri said, turning the corner to Jessica’s street. “The way I see it is that when we surrender to God, he comes in and acts in awesome ways.”
“Awesome ways?”
“You know what I mean. He supernaturally works everything out for the best.”
Jessica didn’t have the strength to argue with Teri over her version of the supernatural or her opinion of what God’s best might be. They pulled up in front of Jessica’s house and both noticed three paper bags sitting by the front door.
Jessica reached them first and peered inside. They were full of groceries. From the looks of it, they had just been delivered because the frozen can of orange juice on top was still frosty. The accompanying note simply said, “Welcome to Glenbrooke.”
“What’s in the bags?” Teri asked, trotting up the walkway to join Jessica.
“Groceries,” Jessica said in a matter-of-fact tone. Inside, she was flabbergasted.
“Who left them?”
“I don’t know.” Jessica showed Teri the note.
A smile spread across Teri’s face, and she said, “See what I mean? This is God’s awesome way. You weren’t able to go to the store today, so God brought the store to you.”
Jessica unlocked the door and lifted the first bag. “I wouldn’t exactly say I was surrendered to anything or anybody, which you said was the prerequisite.” Jessica prided herself on having done everything herself so far and not letting anyone have control of her life.
“Then I’d call this a cushion of grace. God knew what you needed and provided it before you even had a chance to ask him for it. He caught you on his cushion of grace before you fell.” Teri carried the other two bags into the kitchen and placed them on the counter. “I need to use your restroom. Then I’ll help you unload your awesome groceries. Where is your bathroom, anyhow?”
“Upstairs,” Jessica said. The minute Teri left the room, Jessica began to breathe deeply, trying to hold back her tears of amazement.
She lifted a rump roast from the sack and pressed the tender red meat with her thumbs. Her mouth began to water. She couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten beef. It must have been that Dairy Queen burger three weeks ago with Kyle. Next came a bag of carrots and then potatoes, milk, eggs, butter, cheese, bread, chicken, lettuce, canned soup, spices, juice, peaches, apples, coffee, broccoli, and then, at the bottom of the last bag, there it was. Jessica couldn’t believe her eyes as she lifted out a box of DoveBars.
She began to cry silently and clutched the frozen box to herself like it was a precious gift. Who knew? She hadn’t said a word about her DoveBar dreams to anyone. Who could have possibly known that of all the things they could have bought for her at the grocery store, this was the ultimate prize. Who knew? God? Jessica brushed the thought away the moment it appeared. A God who would provide her with all this food and even include DoveBars would destroy her firmly established image of God as a vengeful party pooper.
“What a haul!” Teri said brightly, stepping back into the kitchen.
Jessica blinked away her tears and discretely set the box of DoveBars on the counter with the rest of the food.
“What do you want me to put away?” Teri asked. “The refrigerator stuff?”
Before Jessica could stop her, Teri opened the refrigerator and froze with the same stunned look that Kyle had had. “Boy,” Teri said with a laugh, “you really were low on groceries.” She opened the freezer door and had the same surprised reaction. “I’d say these groceries arrived just in time!” Teri started to fill the refrigerator shelves with the bounty.
Jessica opened a cupboard door and started to stack the soup cans and spaghetti noodles rapidly on the shelves, hoping Teri wouldn’t notice the cupboard had been empty. Teri noticed.
“Looks as if you were out of everything.” Teri’s perky voice had been replaced by a serious one. “Jess, how long have you been out of food?”
“Not long,” Jessica said, feeling trapped and nervous. Did she dare lower her guard and talk to Teri honestly? It had been so long since she had felt free to say what she really thought or felt to anyone. All her words had been so guarded.
Teri stopped putting away the food. Standing next to Jessica, she asked, “How long, Jess? Yesterday? The day before?”
Jessica didn’t answer.
“I thought we were friends, Jessica. Friends can trust each other. Friends can tell each other when they’re going through a rough time. I want to be your friend. Will you please let me into your life? Will you just tell me the truth, Jessica?”
“The truth is,” Jessica began slowly, still controlling her emotions, “I ran out of food, and I’ve been waiting for my paycheck so I could go to the grocery store. That’s all. I really don’t appreciate you talking to me like I’m some kind of child.”
“That’s not how I mean to sound,” Teri said. “I apologize if that’s how I came across to you.” She hesitated, then apparently realizing that was the best answer Jessica was going to give, Teri returned to her task and silently put away the rest of the groceries.
As soon as they were all in place and the paper bags were folded, Teri said, “Well, I guess I’ll be going. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She headed for the door, then stopped and turned around. “Oh, and if you want a ride to the DMV, it’s no problem. I’d be glad to take you right after school.”
“Great,” Jessica said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks!”
Once Teri was out the door, Jessica lunged for the freezer, removed the box of DoveBars, ripped it open, pulled out a bar, yanked off the paper wrapper, and slowly, solemnly took a bite. The ice cream and chocolate melted in her mouth exactly the way she knew it would. She had waited so long for this moment. It was delicious.
With a flinch of pain she regretted not having a friend to share this joyful moment with. But that, she knew, had been the price she had to pay if she were to keep her secret.
Chapter Eleven
For the next week or so Jessica ate like a queen and felt optimistic about her life. She had an Oregon driver’s license, a bank account with money in it, relatively few hassles from Charlotte, and a growing awareness of how much Dawn admired her.
Jessica had managed to keep Teri at arm’s length, yet maintain their friendship. She was grateful for Teri’s cheery hellos each day and her “taxi” services available to Jessica without any hint of it being an imposition for Teri. But Jessica especially appreciated that Teri didn’t push the issue about the food or the insinuation that Jessica hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her what was going on.
The only thing Teri bugged Jessica about was the aloe vera plant. Jessica had confessed to trying the gel only once and wasn’t sure it had done any good. Teri said it took regular use and started checking with Jessica everyday to see if she was smearing the gel on her lip.
Kyle was gone the whole week, fighting the Nevada fire. And every night, when Jessica was al
one, she was fighting the Kyle-fire spreading in her heart. Ever since she had learned of Lindsey and how Kyle cared for her grandmother after Lindsey died, Jessica felt growing inside of her a deep spirit of compassion toward Kyle. Somehow, his act of mercy to this woman soothed Jessica’s pain about the loss of her own mother in an inexplicable way.
In the still, fresh crispness of each new day as Jessica walked to school, she found herself haunted, not by the memory of her mother or all the complications she had left behind when she came to Glenbrooke. It was Kyle’s face she saw in the clouds. His rich, soothing voice she heard on the wind. And it was sheer torture.
Kyle was still fighting the Nevada fire on September 28, the day Charlotte had arranged for him to speak at their assembly. One of the other firefighters, Bobbie, gave the presentation instead. Jessica noticed that Charlotte didn’t stay in the auditorium after she introduced him.
Charlotte had her hands full lately, which meant she was paying less attention to Jessica and even seemed to have forgotten her vow to uncover Jessica’s mysterious past. Charlotte was preoccupied because, in a fit of anger, Monday morning she had fired Mrs. Blair and was frantically trying to find a replacement. Some of the teachers said it was actually Mrs. Blair who quit and walked out. Of course, with Glenbrooke being a small town, Charlotte’s reputation was well established, making it difficult to find a new secretary.
On the first Monday of October, Jessica was in middle of her third class, discussing the opening line of Mirabeau from the essays of Thomas Carlyle, when someone walked past her open classroom door. She thought for sure it was Kyle.
Trying to focus her attention back on the class, she asked, “Can someone tell me what you think the first line means?”
Bill raised his hand. Jessica liked Bill. Tall, lean, with round glasses and a quick wit, Bill always found a way to make the class laugh. He was a bit of a country boy. She had seen him in cowboy boots more than once and expected him to show up wearing a cowboy hat any day now. Jessica looked forward to her third class each day, knowing that Bill would be there to liven things up. “Yes, Bill?”
“It means we’re not done yet.” He pressed his finger onto the top of his head the way a cook checks the center of a cake to see if it’s done. “Nope. Still too squishy.” The class laughed.
“Okay,” Jessica agreed with Bill’s conclusion. “But what about the outward appearance? It says, ‘The house that is abuilding looks not as the house that is built.’ What does Carlyle mean by ‘looks not’?”
Bill popped off again with, “Because a building looks like a building, and a house looks like a house. Buildings are buildings, and houses are houses. Didn’t you ever watch children’s instructional television, ma’am?”
“This was written in 1837, as I already mentioned. What word do we use today instead of ‘a-building?’”
“High-rise?” Bill ventured. The class laughed.
“How about ‘under construction?’” Jessica asked. “How are people under construction?”
“It’s like I said,” Bill volunteered. “We’re not done yet.”
Realizing that was the best she was going to get from this bunch, she instructed them to read the rest of the essay in class and answer the questions on the handout she had prepared for them.
The class became relatively quiet as the students began their reading assignment, or at least appeared to be working on their assignment. Jessica found an excuse to wander to the back of the room where she would be next to the open door, in case it was Kyle she had seen and he walked by again. She pretended to be looking through a box on the back shelf and thought how she was just as bad as the students. They were appearing to be reading, but she knew that many of them were finding other, more interesting things to do. She glanced at Bill, who seemed to be extra busy with a piece of paper and a felt pen. “Make good use of your time, class,” Jessica said. “This will be due tomorrow.”
A few muffled groans rippled across the room. Jessica checked the clock. Five more minutes until class was over, and then she had a break. She would have to meander somewhere and see if Kyle was around campus today. If she saw him, she didn’t know what she would say. It was too intriguing though, not to see if he had returned from the wild fire. If he was here, was it on his own or due to another of Charlotte’s requests?
The bell rang. The students bolted from their seats, and the hallways filled with boisterous teens. Jessica stood by the doorway, smiling as each student rushed by her. She liked her students. They were a surprising source of energy and encouragement to her.
Among the last to leave was Bill. He had a handwritten sign made from notebook paper and hung with two rubber bands around his neck. He shuffled past her as if he didn’t really care if she stopped him and read the note or not, but of course she did. It said, “Pardon our dust. We’re still under construction.” The “under construction” part was marked out, and above it in old English letters he had written, “a-building.”
Jessica laughed, as did the three other students standing around Bill. “I’m so glad you learned something today, Bill.”
Bill looked over the top of Jessica’s head, and a big smile spread across his face. “Hey, Kyle! When did you get back?”
Jessica caught her breath and made herself turn around slowly. Yes, it was definitely the face she had seen in her dreams for the past week. Kyle had on jeans and a denim work shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
“Last night,” Kyle said, answering Bill but looking at Jessica.
She wanted to wrap her arms around those broad shoulders, press her cheek against that no-nonsense jaw, and whisper in his ear that she was so glad, so relieved he was home safe from the fire.
“Hi,” was all she said. The faint scent of cinnamon hung in the air between them.
“Teri tells me you want to go to Mexico with us this weekend,” Kyle said.
Jessica was speechless.
“Cool!” Bill said. “You’re going to love it! The people in the village are awesome. This will be my third time going. Hey, does Dawn know you’re going?”
Bill took off down the hall in search of Dawn, the under construction sign still hanging around his neck.
“I…,” Jessica looked up into Kyle’s green eyes. He looked tired. “I don’t know.”
Suddenly Dawn was at her elbow. “Are you really going with us?”
“Well…”
“I’ve been trying to talk her into it, Kyle,” Dawn said. Turning to Jessica she added in a lower voice, “You have to go. It’s going to be my first time, too. If I can do this, you can.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Jessica saw Teri step outside her classroom door and then duck back inside the minute she noticed Jessica with Kyle.
I’m going to get her for this!
“Our final meeting is tonight at church,” Kyle said, apparently aware of the awkwardness of the situation. “Seven o’clock.”
“She’ll be there,” Dawn said. “She’s coming.”
“It’s up to you,” Kyle said. “I have to get going. Is it okay if I call you later about repairing the bathtub?”
Bathtub? “Oh, right. The leak in the bathtub. Sure. Any time. I’ll be home. I don’t think the leak will be going anywhere.” She smiled weakly at her attempt at a joke.
Kyle smiled, said good-bye to Jessica and Dawn, and then fearlessly merged into the flow of hallway traffic, a full head and shoulders above most of the kids. Lots of students recognized Kyle and said hi or slapped him a high five. The bell rang, and the students scattered to their classrooms. Except for Dawn. She stood next to Jessica, her round eyes pleading, and her full lips turned down in a slight pout.
“Oh, all right!” Jessica finally said. “I’ll at least go to the meeting at your church tonight. Then I’ll decide.”
Dawn’s face lit up. “Peachy!”
“Peachy?” Jessica repeated.
“Yeah, peachy! I’ll see you tonight.”
Jessica nodded, and Dawn hurrie
d down the hall, late for her next class. With determined steps, Jessica marched into Teri’s class and stood in the back with her hands on her hips as Teri wrote seven Spanish verbs on the board. Teri spotted Jessica and asked the class to take out a piece of paper and conjugate the verbs without any talking. Then she joined Jessica and directed her out into the hallway.
“Truce?” was all Teri said.
“Why did you do it?” Jessica asked. “Why did you tell him I would go?”
“Because he asked if I’d found another chaperon, and I told him you were the only one I’ve talked to about the trip. And you are. I don’t know anyone else who would be good to take on a trip like this.”
“How can you be so sure I would be good to take?” Jessica asked. It wasn’t that she was mad at Teri, but she didn’t like the thought that she had been coerced into the trip. She refused to be forced into anything.
“Look,” Teri said, “I feel like God has something for you on this trip. Sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.”
“You feel like God has something for me? Is this another one of your supernatural ‘awesome’ things? Because that’s not how I make decisions. It’s not good enough to just ‘feel’ something. I don’t base anything on my feelings,” Jessica said firmly.
“I know,” Teri said, looking solemn. “And that’s too bad.”
Teri’s words felt like a slap to Jessica. Who was Teri to evaluate Jessica’s belief and behavior system and find it unacceptable?
A rumble of students’ voices began to filter though the doorway. Teri looked in on her class. “I have to go. Can we talk about this after school?”
By the time school was over, Dawn had told several of the other teens that Jessica was thinking about going to Mexico. Each one of them dropped by her classroom and pleaded with her to come. Bill stopped by and told Jessica all the reasons he thought it would be a great idea for her to go to Mexico and then promptly presented a petition signed by a dozen or so students saying they wanted Jessica on the trip. It was nearly impossible to say no to Bill’s cool persuasion. Jessica wondered if any young girls had found that out yet.
Secrets Page 11
