“That was quick,” Logan stated flatly.
I looked up from the coffee table that I hadn’t known I was staring at to see him watching me with concerned features.
Oh, great. The crazy in me is showing.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, that was quick. You were okay one minute, almost smiling, and then your eyes glazed over. You were staring at the coffee table, but you weren’t really seeing it. You were seeing all the negatives in your head, focusing on them, letting them drag you down like an anchor on your foot.”
An observation I was not proud he had seen. This was one of my main problems. Once I stepped into the rabbit hole, it was hard to get out. Negativity took over, and I felt like I was drowning.
“Get up.” He stood and motioned for me to come over to him.
I did, unsure of what was happening, but I’d said I’d do as he said. He was the professional, so I got up and walked over.
“Come here.” He opened his arms and held them out for me to enter.
He wanted me to hug him? Um, okay …
“I won’t bite you. It’s a hug.” He rolled his eyes.
I stepped closer to him, my arms staying at my sides while his warm arms surrounded me. Holding me against his muscled torso.
“You’re okay, you’re safe, and by the looks of the pictures on your wall, I know you are loved. You are strong, Mia, and this will pass. It’s going to be okay.”
I might have cried. My arms might have lifted to wrap themselves around his back, holding on to him like he was my only grasp above water.
Whatever magic he was weaving, I was feeling it because, in that moment, in his arms, I felt okay. My mind settled, and thoughts stopped dragging me down into the dark. All I could feel was his body around me and the movement of his breaths beneath my head on his chest.
Chapter Seven
Mia
Logan held me for about five minutes while I simply let out some tears and listened to his heartbeat. It wasn’t an intimate hug, and it did feel strange that we’d passed thirty seconds of hugging, but I didn’t feel awkward, like when I’d first stepped into his embrace. Everything just felt calm. Like focusing on him and right now pushed back everything else that was racing inside my head.
Slowly, he pulled back and looked me in the eyes, peering into my soul and seeing everything I was feeling.
“Most of the time, when people don’t even know what they want, all they need is a hug. That physical contact to bring them back to the present, to let them know it’s going to be okay.”
I nodded and walked back over to my couch to sit, feeling splayed open before him. I couldn’t even think about the last time I had been hugged or hugged someone besides family. The power of physical touch was unbelievable.
“Thanks. I do actually feel better.”
How long it would last remained to be seen, but at least I got this reprieve.
“You and I are going to be like best friends for the next few weeks. When you are feeling down—or any emotion really—I want you to call or text me even if it’s two in the morning. I am here to help you at all hours.” He remained standing before walking to the kitchen to pour a glass of the wine I’d bought on a whim.
That I could do—sip some wine and relax.
“I’ve got a few things for you to focus on tonight and tomorrow. Then, I’ll be back around six in the evening to get you. Do you have a notepad or something we can write these directions down on?” He looked around as he set the wineglass on my coffee table for me.
“Thanks. I’ll get something.” I bounced up from my seat and walked to my office that I didn’t actually like being in. Which was why I had business papers all over my bedroom at the moment. Everything was organized and in its place from the pure lack of use, so I found my notepad and a pen. Then, I walked back out to give it to my life coach.
“Great! First off, after you’ve eaten, you’re going to take a bath. I know you have a top-notch tub in here somewhere, and you’re gonna use it. Soak in the hot water and throw in some bubbles or whatever else you’ve got. Play music or listen to an audio book. No silence right now. That’s not good for you by yourself.” He quickly jotted down these directions and then looked back up to me to see if I was going to fight him on any of this.
Nope. I could use a nice, hot bath. Hell, it’d been forever since I’d done anything other than hop in the shower and hop out, not even enjoying it.
“Next, I want you to make sure you drink more water. It’ll help you feel better, just with that one little step. Then, I want you to write down things you have enjoyed in the past. Whatever it might be. As we age, and enter into adulthood, things that truly bring us joy get forgotten under the pressures of making money and accomplishing our goals. I wanna know what little things you liked. My bet is horseback riding. You look like the type of girl who loved to straddle a beast between your legs and just ride.”
His smile grew wide. I knew full well that he was simply teasing me just to get a reaction. It worked. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. But a tiny smile tilted up the corners of my mouth. This man was still a stranger by almost all standards, but that best-friends role he wanted us to play actually seemed like it would be a natural fit for us. Something about his confidence and demeanor made me feel comfortable. He wasn’t judging me or hitting on me. I knew I would still try to be on point around him because that was just who I was. But he’d already seen me at a mini low, and there was nothing in his expression that made me feel shameful for being sad. He made me feel like it was okay and to understand that it would end.
There was something to be said for that—just letting someone who was blue know it was okay to be that way. Society demanded that we be happy all the time, and if you weren’t, you were depressed and needed drugs. It was just not realistic. When you felt down, you already felt even worse for feeling that way. Especially when you had a great life and still had dark clouds overhead. Guilt for not being a positive ray of sunshine all the time was a true struggle.
“That’s it for now. We’ve got time, and I have no doubt that you’re going to find your way. So, eat up, and when dinner is done, work on your homework. I’ll be back tomorrow for some more fun. Six p.m.”
Logan’s eyes narrowed, as he dared me to object. Once again, I was not going to. I’d do as he’d said and be ready to go by six.
“You got it.” I could handle a bath, drinking more water, and listing things I used to enjoy before adulting took over my life.
“Perfect. You’re doing great already. And don’t forget what I said earlier. If someone offers help and it’s not the bullshit offering because it’s polite, then accept it. Start saying yes to things in life, Mia. You’ll find you don’t feel such a heavy burden all the time.”
Those blue eyes of his were intense every time they landed on me. It was unnerving and exhilarating, all at the same time. Like a roller coaster, you felt scared to be on something so wild and thrilling, yet you couldn’t stop smiling, and your heart was racing in your chest as you anticipated what was to come. All the twists and turns that would scare the shit out of you and make you scream elation from the fun. That was Logan. He was like my very own roller coaster.
He left after we said good-bye, and I ate while making a list of things I liked.
It was a fairly simple list.
Beach.
Swimming.
Reading.
Art.
I was never an amazing artist, but I liked creating art and looking at it.
I enjoyed traveling, but somewhere along my road to creating a hotel empire, I’d stopped traveling for me, only doing it for work.
My gaze devoured the list on my lap. Aches blossomed in my chest as nostalgia kicked in. I wasn’t sure why Logan had wanted me to write up this list. I was sure he would try to get me to do them again. Or maybe it was so I’d recognize how far I’d strayed from things that used to make me happy. Such simple things that I could do if I made time for them, b
ut I’d just forgotten myself.
Turning my head toward the large windows that the curtains were pulled tight against, I felt the call to open them.
Quite often, I forgot that my hotel sat on sixty-four acres of beachfront property. I remembered that fact when it came to business. Weddings on the beach, golf tournaments, and garden parties in the spring. But, every day, that detail escaped me.
My feet were moving, and my arms were grasping the material back. It was nighttime now. The sun had set, but more than sunsets or sunrises on the beach, I loved the moonlight shining on the sand and water. It was so peaceful and calm.
I watched the waves crash and the palms sway in the night breeze for some time. Just thinking about what Logan had said and how just one day of this program was opening my eyes to some things.
Nobody liked having a mirror held up to the person they were right now, but only through awareness could change begin. That roller-coaster feeling tumbled in my belly as I thought of what was to come. More revelations, more tears, more eye-openers that were sure as hell going to make me feel like shit. But with all those feelings came hope.
That bath I had been told to take sounded good about now, so I got the water going and threw in some year-old Epsom salt and a bath bomb that had been hiding in one of my drawers.
The heat relaxed my muscles, and then I turned on an audio of one of my favorite stories. My eyes closed as I thought of nothing else but the heat, the scent of lavender, and the superhero battle in my book.
Chapter Eight
Logan
I’d spent two hours last night combing over Mia’s questionnaire answers, trying to figure out more of who she was on the inside.
Divorced, had a large family surrounding her, and ran a hotel empire. Easy enough, but the questions under character strengths and flaws caught my eye the most.
Character strengths:
Strong will
Ambitious
Kind
Nurturing
Character flaws:
Insecure sometimes
Impatient
Control freak
Indecisive
Critical of myself
Overly focused
Clearly, Mia did not think highly of herself. People often wondered why they weren’t enough for their jobs or their marriages. But, in truth, they didn’t feel like they were enough for themselves.
Mia’s true issue was that she didn’t love herself, and she should. In just the few times we’d chatted, I saw way more in her than she saw in herself. It was my job to help her discover the beautiful woman inside and set her free.
Mia thought she was ruling an empire now?
I scoffed at the thought.
Mia would be unstoppable with her missions once she became one with her true self. Her authentic self.
My hand hit the shifter of my Jeep into gear as I headed toward the hotel to pick up Mia and take her out of her element. Hopefully, she’d be ready, and she’d done as I said last night to drink more. Her complexion was looking so dull. A little hydration went a long way.
The one valet who’d helped me yesterday all but pushed his fellow coworker, who had been waiting to help me, out of the way and was ready to open my door to accept my baby’s keys.
“I’ll be back out shortly. Keep her close.” I grinned and strutted into the beautiful lobby.
Disappointment fluttered in my chest as I saw Mia in the lobby, talking to someone in a business suit with thinned lips from biting back words. Her hands were clenched so hard that I thought the skin around her knuckles would burst.
She wasn’t ready to go, but that was okay. Adaptability was key to surviving on a daily basis. You couldn’t control everything.
Casually, I walked into her sight but didn’t interject myself into their business. I walked to the couch and plopped down. Linda from yesterday didn’t even approach me to see if I needed anything, which earned her a shit-eating grin from me just to tease that prim and proper lady.
Five minutes later, Mia was rushing over in a word storm of excuses. “I’m so sorry. I’d been having issues with one of the managers, and I needed to talk to him before we left. I’m sorry. I’ll just go run up to my penthouse and get out of this suit.”
She looked frazzled, apologizing more than she should. I looked at her, to see if she would do as she said or wait for me to say something. She waited, which was completely unnecessary. She was a grown woman who was acting like I was her boss, seeing what I’d say, as if I had control over her actions outside of helping her get things together. I could see where the confusion lay, but I was not her keeper.
“You are free to do whatever you need to, Mia. That’s the glory of being human. You always have a choice. I’m here to help you since you want help, but I’m not your master. So, we can go as is, toss that control out the window, and embrace the now. Or you can change for something of which you have no idea of location or occasion.” I might have added that last bit to tease her more, which it did, but she stood taller, and possibly out of stubbornness, she uttered for us to go.
“Great. Jeep is this way.”
We walked together toward the door, her eyes darting around, looking for anything else that she needed to do before leaving but coming up with nothing. Ultimately, the hotel would run without her there for a short time. She had managers and staff. Everything would be okay, and for someone like her, that was a hard pill to swallow, not being needed for everything.
“Hello, Joe,” she politely greeted the valet.
He said, “Hello,” and then he grabbed my keys and went about getting my vehicle from a nearby parking spot.
We could have probably walked there, but I wasn’t sure if that was against policy. No need getting these people in trouble with the boss. Her heels clicked along the stone floor to my Jeep, and she hopped into the open side in her tight suit pants and blouse.
“Where to, Yoda?”
“Someone has found her sense of humor.”
She seemed so proud of herself, sitting passenger, to have come up with that name. I was glad her earlier frustration with the manager she had been chatting with appeared to not drag her down. Or at least, she was trying not to show that it had gotten to her. I wasn’t quite sure which yet.
We were off, and at first, the windows down and no top around the roll bars above her head brought a tiny smile to her face. Then, as we picked up speed, her caramel hair started to whip out of her bun on top and flail in all directions.
She was fighting saying something for now, trying to be polite because she was in my car, but I felt that earlier frustration grow with every huff of trying to keep her hair out of her eyes. We weren’t far from our destination, and I was beaming with excitement to see her let that hair of hers down and enjoy doing something different. Enjoy the moment.
“Despite having a successful business, you seem to like things simple.” She was curious about me but didn’t want to come out and directly say what she was thinking.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about offending me. Just say what’s on your mind.”
The first way back to being your authentic self was to stop keeping things inside. Now, if that something would truly hurt someone and in turn hurt yourself, then find another way to ask, but keeping questions and thoughts inside only made you stagnant.
“Fine.” She looked at the trees as we passed by, her fingers started to nervously play with the seat belt she was strapped into.
Come on, little fighter. Show me what you got.
Her head turned to face mine, her gray eyes curious, and her lips smirked.
“I’m just curious why you choose to dress like a surfer dude who probably spends his days at the beach with a Corona between clients and has an old purple Jeep instead of a businessman. Fancy car, suits, et cetera.”
A shrug was all I could muster for that. That guy just wasn’t me. I’d tried—really, I had—for Katherine when we were married, but I hadn’t been my tr
ue self. It’d ruined everything.
“Just not who I am. Money or status shouldn’t change who you are. When it does, that’s usually when life goes to shit.” I’d seen enough of that to last many lifetimes.
Her smirk fell, and just like that, she started her free fall into her own head. Dissecting my words and how they applied to her own life. There was a price for everything we did in life, good and bad. We just usually didn’t see our debt until it was over our heads. Good thing we were here, and soon, she’d be too distracted to keep descending into her own madness.
“What the hell?”
Not quite the reaction I was expecting from her, but it would do.
“To circle of drums we must go, hmm.” I gave her my best Yoda impression, and the wide eyes that turned from the scene before us to me were comical.
“You can’t be serious. I can’t wear these shoes on the beach.”
“Poor excuse. Next?”
“But—”
“Take them off, roll up your suit pants, and let’s go. Tonight, you’re playing with the common folk, Moretti.”
That comment earned me an eye roll, but she did as I’d said nonetheless.
“If I smell pot though, I’m getting out of here. I see the headlines now. Moretti Hotel owner smokes pot and dances with the hippies on the beach. My board of directors would love that.”
She stashed her shoes under the seat and proceeded to roll up her pants. She was coming despite putting up a poor fight, and I’d bet everything I had that, by the end of the night, she would feel a little less of the giant weight she carried on her shoulders. I only knew what I’d gathered from her questionnaire answers and the short time we’d talked, but intuition told me this was exactly what she truly needed deep down. She needed to be forced to do something she hadn’t done and maybe even feel like she could be wild and carefree, like the people belly-dancing and acting like they just didn’t care on the beach. Mia was wild. She’d just been caged for too long.
Inspired Page 3
