“Fuck you, Camo. You think you’re saving her?” he hisses. “You’re not a martyr. You’re just as selfish as the rest of us.” He grunts.
We stare at each other for a few minutes, neither one of us speaking and then Soar breaks the silence. “Now let’s get the fuck to Denver and back home. You hit me ever again and I’ll pull a knife on you, don’t fuck with me.”
“You’re crazy,” I murmur as I head toward the back of the truck.
Soar laughs. “I may be crazy, but brother, my face is too pretty to be battered. My Genny likes it unmarred. So you hit me again, I’m shanking your ass.”
I’m unable to stop myself from bursting out laughing. I jog toward the driver’s seat and for the next eight hours, I’m stuck inside of my own head.
I think about Ivy, and if what I’m doing by leaving her is more selfish than asking her to try playing in the free-for-all room with me. I think they’re both selfish really, Soar was right in that regard. Leaving her is being selfish too. Distancing myself from her is no better.
I need to find a way to make us both happy. Maybe Grease was onto something when he mentioned finding, and having boundaries, that we can both agree on. If it’s something she’s willing to try, which she’s expressed she is, then maybe we can truly discuss it.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I truly do love my wife. I don’t want to throw us away without giving it a fair go.
Maybe she’ll hate me after we experiment, maybe I’ll hate me. I don’t know. But what I do know is that running away from everything isn’t really the answer. I need to put my personal life first, my wife and my children.
I need to stop thinking it, and fucking do it. How many nights have I spent apart from them? Too many to count, and that’s complete bullshit. Not when they want me with them, not when my wife wants me in her bed and at her side.
Fuck. I started this trip to Denver sure in my decision to leave Ivy and now I’ve completely changed my mind. I’m not leaving her, we’re going to make this work—together.
IVY
Rinsing the soap from my body, I close my eyes and just breathe for a minute. I let the steam swirl around me and sigh. I’m going to be an adulterer in a matter of minutes. How did my life get to this point where I’m lusting after another man and not feeling the least bit bad about it?
I definitely should feel guiltier than I do. Drying off my body, I glance at the lingerie that I ordered a few weeks ago. I was excited about my weight loss and wanted to wear something that made me look and feel just plain sexy. It’s an extremely deep V lacy black teddy, that is crotchless.
As soon as I slip the teddy on I take a long look at myself in the mirror. My hair is straight and almost covers my nipples from peeking through the sheer lace of the teddy’s fabric at my breasts. I’m regretting cutting it, but I feel beautiful, just like I wanted to in this outfit.
Then I glance down at my center and cringe.
I’m also very exposed, and I’m about to be so with a man who has never seen me naked before. I’m not sure how I feel about all of this, but the only emotion I can get a grasp on is—excitement.
There’s a knock on the bathroom door and I jump. I press my hand against my chest and feel my heart trying to jump from my body. Wrapping my other hand around the knob, I turn the handle and pull the door open. I suck in a breath at the sight of Derek’s bare chest just a foot away from me.
He’s not as bulky as West, but he has lean muscle that isn’t hard to look at a single bit. My eyes travel down his toned, hairless torso. I press my lips together when I notice the light brown hair that trails down his lower stomach, and disappears beneath his jeans.
“You look, fuck, babe,” he grunts.
I take a wobbly step closer to him, and then another when his arm snakes out and wraps around my waist, tugging me against his chest. I place my hands on his pecs for stability and tip my head back to look into his eyes.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I whisper.
Derek grins, lowering his face and presses his lips to mine. When his tongue slides past my own, I moan. Opening my mouth, I allow him entrance, and he takes—he possesses.
One of his hands wraps around my ass, while the other fists in my hair and tugs my head back. His lips travel down my neck and I shiver as he tastes my skin.
He picks me up with one arm. He’s still holding onto my ass, shifting our bodies around, until my back is pressed against the wall. I watch as he then he slides down to his knees. “Show me, Ivy,” he rasps as he stares at me from his place at my knees, right in eye view of my pussy.
Closing my eyes tightly, I slowly spread my legs. He groans and I feel his fingers at my center, spreading my pussy apart while he blows warm air on my clit. I’m embarrassingly wet when his mouth closes around my clit and his tongue strokes me.
“Fuck,” I hiss as one of my hands tangles in his hair.
He grunts. “Fuck’s right, ride my face, babe. Make yourself come,” he murmurs before burying his face against me again.
I gasp when one of his hands grabs ahold of the back of my knee and lifts my leg spreading me further apart. My fingers tighten in his hair and I ride his tongue.
He flicks my clit, sucks, and bites it, between fucking my pussy with his tongue. My body is on edge, it has been on edge for what feels like weeks. It doesn’t take me long to shout out my release, my thighs shaking as my hips roll.
My hand falls from Derek’s hair and I let my head fall back against the wall with a thud. Then Derek lifts me by the backs of my thighs and I wrap my legs around his hips. The tip of his cock presses against my center and I lift my head, opening my eyes to look into his.
Suddenly I feel like I’m in panic. This is wrong—so wrong. “Calm down, babe, I put a condom on,” Derek murmurs in an attempt to soothe me.
He doesn’t know that the reason I’m starting to freak out has nothing to do with a condom, though I’m glad he put one on.
He pushes completely inside of me, and moans as he buries his face in my neck. I feel as though I’ve floated completely out of my body and I’m watching this scene unfold. I’m freaked the hell out, and I want to tell him to stop but I’m frozen solid in shock.
Derek pumps away, his hips slamming against mine and even slips his fingers between us to play with my clit, but nothing could make me come again. I shake myself out of my daze and I fake it. I fake everything. I roll my hips and moan and cry out, every single noise I make is a lie.
He fucks me harder, his strokes becoming more erratic and I close my eyes when he comes, shouting against my neck. I stay wrapped around him while he continues to slowly pump in and out of me.
I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
“Fuck, babe. That was good,” Derek mutters as he slips from my body and helps me to my feet.
I’m thankful that I’m fairly covered but I feel extremely exposed right now. I want to cry and make him leave, but I don’t know how. He’s supposed to be here as protection, but I want him gone. I murmur that I need to clean up as he lifts his jeans over his hips.
Locking myself in the bathroom, I clean up quickly. While I’m washing my hands, I force myself to look in the mirror. Shame washes over me. Guilt and shame. I’m a whore, a slut, and an adulteress.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
My hands shake as I dry them off on the towel and I try to figure out how I’m going to get Derek to leave me alone. I want him gone so that I can freak out, and cry, and hate myself. I inhale deeply and let out my breath. I need to be a big girl and just get him the hell out of here.
Opening the door, I notice he’s completely dressed and standing in the middle of my bedroom, his phone to his ear. He looks at me and shakes his head once before ending the call and shoving it in his pocket.
“Pres called. I gotta go, the club is sending Tinker over for the night,” he mutters.
I almost, almost, do a cartwheel. Derek walks closer to me and wraps
his hand around the back of my neck, before pressing his lips to mine in a firm, quick kiss. “See you tomorrow, babe. Can’t wait to taste more of that sweet pussy,” he rasps against my lips.
I shiver, but not from desire, from dread. Tomorrow I’m going to have to tell Derek that what we did can never happen again. Then I have to decide how I’m going to handle it with West. If I tell him, or keep it hidden.
Chapter Thirteen
IVY
I don’t sleep, not a single wink all night long. I rotate between tossing, turning, and crying. Then I spend time berating myself about what a whore I am, and what a terrible person I’ve become.
When the clock on my nightstand turns to six in the morning, I give up. Sliding out of bed, I decide to change into my gym clothes. Today I’ll spend my me time, that’s been allotted by not only my mother-in-law but also Mary-Anne and MadDog, at the gym.
Throwing my hair in a ponytail, I grab my phone and hurry downstairs. Tinker is standing at my coffee maker, completely dressed and watching the pot brew. His head snaps up and he looks at me. “Can you take me to the gym?” I ask.
He nods with a yawn. “When the coffee’s done,” he grunts.
I walk over to the table near the front door and grab my keys before making my way into the kitchen and open the fridge to get a bottle of water. Tinker snatches my keys from my hand, a travel mug in his grasp and walks to the front door without a word.
Hurrying after him, I rush to my car and climb into the passenger seat as I wait for him to lock up the house. Closing my eyes, I let my head rest against the back of the seat.
Silently, he gets inside of the car, starts the engine, and backs down my driveway. I’m thankful that he doesn’t speak the entire way to the gym, and when we arrive he parks the car and leans the seat back.
“How long you gonna be?” he grumbles with his eyes closed.
I wrap my hand around the door handle and shrug. “A few hours.” He only grunts and then I wrap my fingers around my phone and leave him.
The gym is practically empty when I walk inside, save for Chad, Brian, and someone running on a treadmill. I walk straight over to Chad and Brian, and the look on my face must put them on high alert because their eyes both widen and they hurry over to me.
“In my office, now,” Brian barks.
We quickly walk to Brian’s office and as soon as my ass hits the sofa and the door clicks closed I burst into tears. I tell them everything, more than I’ve ever told them before, and when I’m finished they both stare at me a bit dumbfounded.
“No judgments here, Ivy,” Brian murmurs. I give him a watery smile before my eyes shift over to Chad.
“Your husband was a dick, and he pretty much ditched you. I get it, I totally get it,” Chad announces. “Now, what are you going to do about it all? Leave him? Try to make it work?”
I shake my head as I close my eyes. “I know when I tell him that it’ll be over,” I whisper.
Chad snorts and my eyes pop open and focus on him. “Do you really think he’s innocent in all of this? I saw the man, Ivy.”
I bite the corner of my mouth and lean back on the sofa letting out an exhale. “He says he hasn’t been with anyone else,” I murmur.
“Oh, he says that and even if that’s true. What’s he been doing watching all of those people screw without you? I’m sorry, but that is not like watching some porn online. That’s live and in person.”
I laugh at his words, but I know he’s just trying to make me feel better about the situation. “I wouldn’t say that guys that go to the strip clubs are cheating, and that’s watching. I want to believe your justification, but I can’t.”
“If he went to the strip clubs every day for hours at a time, and never came home, then yeah, I would consider that maybe not cheating, but not a devoted husband either,” Brian announces.
My bottom lip trembles before I speak. “I thought I was so sure we were over,” I whisper.
Chad sits down next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, tugging me against his side and I press my cheek against his chest. “Maybe this is the wakeup call you both needed. Look, it’s happened. You can’t take it back, but what you can do is grow from it.”
I nod as more tears fall down my cheeks. He’s right. I can’t take it back, and he can’t take anything back. The only thing we can do is move on from now, and whatever that means I’m going to have to accept it. Even if it means that he doesn’t want me anymore.
“Okay, it’s time to work this stress out,” Brian announces. I nod in agreement and Chad stands, holding his hand out to me and helps me up.
“Training is on the house today,” Chad announces.
We spend the entire morning working out. When it’s lunchtime, Brian goes and gets something healthy from this great little deli down the street, and we eat together.
I spend the day with my friends, even though there are probably about a million and five things I need to do at home, I put them aside. I can’t spend any more time alone and inside of my own head. I’ll continue to berate myself and cry.
ROSALIE
“Who is this guy?” I ask.
Riley parks her car in what seems like the furthest spot from the mall’s entrance as possible. I watch her, and wait. Glancing behind us, I look for the prospect that was assigned to watch us for the day. Riley lost him, totally and completely lost him.
Her dad is going to lose his shit when he finds out. Then again, so is my dad. We’ve had someone protecting us for weeks, but Riley said it couldn’t be that big of a deal because we aren’t on lockdown. So, as soon as she could, she lost her tail and now we’re at the mall to meet some guy she’s been secretly seeing.
Riley smiles widely before she starts to gush. “We met online. Oh my gosh, he’s so freaking cute. He’s twenty with blond hair and blue eyes. We’ve been talking, texting, and Facetiming every day for three weeks.”
My eyes widen at her words. Riley isn’t really one to date much. Mostly because of who her father is. I have a feeling I’ll be in her same shoes in a couple of years. Boys at school are either afraid of our dads, so they pretend we don’t exist or they think we’re hoes. Not that any of those boys matter to me. I only have eyes for Bailey.
“He’s bringing a friend for us too,” Finley grins.
My mouth gapes open a little and my face heats with embarrassment. “They know you’re thirteen, and Benny has a little brother so he’s bringing him along. He’s going to love you, Rosalie,” Riley grins. I don’t respond to her, choosing to stay quiet. Doesn’t she realize, I don’t want any other boys?
Once we walk inside of the cool mall, I see them. I don’t have to know anything about them to spot the group of boys across the food court as the ones we’re supposed to be meeting. There’s a tall blond, a shorter brunette, and another blond. They’re all wearing boots, jeans, and leather jackets. Even from a distance, I can tell that they’re trouble.
“I don’t have the best feeling,” I murmur tugging on Finley’s hand.
Finley smiles widely. “Don’t worry, babe. They’re cute right?” she laughs. “We’ll have fun and Bailey won’t even know. Besides, you need a little practice before you dive in head first with my brother,” she winks.
The three of us walk toward the three of them, and I feel nothing but dread with every step we take.
IVY
I’m sucking down an ice-cold protein and fruit smoothie in Brian’s office, late in the afternoon when my cell rings. I reach for it, from its spot at my side on the sofa and read the name of the person calling. It’s Mary-Anne and I assume she wants to drop Rosalie off from her shopping date with Riley and Finley, or maybe have me come and pick her up.
“Hello?” I murmur as I answer the call.
I hear a sob and heavy breathing. “Mary-Anne, what’s wrong?” I yell as I stand.
Brian looks up at me from his paperwork and must read the panic written all over my face because he quickly stands as well and hurries to my
side.
“It’s the girls. We can’t-we can’t-we can’t find them,” she blubbers. “The prospect, he can’t find them.”
All of the blood drains from my face. “What the fuck are you talking about? Where’s Rosalie?” I demand.
Brian takes the phone from me and places it at his ear. “Calm down, honey. I’m Brian from Ivy’s gym. Now, tell me what’s happened,” he murmurs soothingly. “Okay, I’ll have her at the clubhouse in just a few minutes. Please tell me though, are you driving there yourself? How about you do me a favor, sweetheart, and stay put. We’ll come and pick you up on the way.”
I’m standing frozen in fear, my body trembling slightly as Brian ends the call. “Okay, now we’re going to go and get Chad. I’m going to close down the gym, and we’ll all head right on over to your girl’s house,” Brian calmly explains.
My eyes meet his and I can tell he’s worried, which scares me. “I need to call, West,” I whisper.
“How about I call him, Ivy? I got a little more information from Mary-Anne and I don’t think he needs to hear your panic and fear right now,” he offers with a smile. I give him a jerky nod as he goes about his business of closing down the gym.
A few minutes later Chad and Brian are both in the office and I watch as Brian punches some button on my phone and places it to his ear. What seems like hours later I hear Brian talk. “Hey, West it’s Brian from Ivy’s gym. Look, can you give me a call back when you get a chance. I have Ivy with me so just call her phone.”
Chad wraps his hand around mine. “C’mon, let’s go.”
“Tinker is my driver, he’s in my SUV we can just take that. I have to call my mother-in-law,” I ramble.
Brian hands me back my phone as we walk toward the SUV. I ask my mother-in-law if she can take the boys for one more night. She asks me if everything is okay, and I lie, really badly. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her everything’s fine. She doesn’t push me either. She agrees and ends the call.
The Notorious Devils MC: Complete Collection BoxSet Page 184
