Her face looked innocent but her actions were anything but.
I loved her. I loved her so damn much I didn't care that it was going to rip me apart one day.
Nell
Damon slept beside me with one arm slung over my waist. He was gorgeous and exceptionally so when he was sleeping. I ran my hand through his hair and bit my lip.
The sex last night was different. Amazing and scary different. It meant...something. It was painfully perfect.
His eyes flicked from side to side under his eyelids as if he was dreaming. I wanted to kiss them but I didn't want to wake him, not yet. Just watching him made my heart race. I could feel it, hear it, going crazy in my chest. My breath caught in my throat. The feelings I felt were overwhelming and a tear escaped, rolling down my cheek.
No! I loved him. I'd gone and bloody fallen in love with him. Chloe was right. Pressing my face into the pillow, I cried silently because loving him was the most incredible thing in the world and that hurt. I wanted to shout and scream at how unfair it all was but that'd get me nowhere.
Turning over, I wiped my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. The lump in my throat felt like it was the size of a watermelon. I had so many conflicting feelings that I wasn't one hundred per cent sure what to even think. I tried not to move as I cried. I didn't want Damon to feel the movement through the mattress and wake up, but I didn't want to rush to the bathroom in case that woke him too and he saw me. It was so overwhelming.
Pull. Yourself. Together.
I wiped my eyes a few times and took a deep breath. Everything was going to be alright. I could do this. I could be in love with him and not have it change anything.
Damon sighed and his eyes fluttered open. "Hey," he said, a grin breaking out across his sleepy face.
Gulping, I replied, "Hi." His smile gave me so much. I wanted him to be happy; I only ever wanted to see that smile. A tidal wave hit me again and I wanted to kiss him until I couldn't breathe, to tell him how much I cared for him.
I tried to focus on what Chloe had said about not being too hard on myself. Everyone had hang-ups and issues. I wasn't alone. I wasn't a bad person because I couldn't do something others did so easily. So why did I feel so fucking awful about it?
"Sleep well?" I asked.
Something was different with him. He'd always looked at me like he wanted to devour me but that look had a tenderness to it now too. The air felt thick and heavy so I tried to keep things between us light.
"Yeah," he whispered. "You?"
Best sleep ever. I'd never felt so safe and well rested. "Yep. Want me to take advantage of you in your sleepy state before we go down for breakfast? We have an hour before they stop serving."
A slow lopsided smile pulled at his lips. "Not going to say no to that." I rolled him onto his back and kissed him long and deep.
It was our last day in Scotland, neither of us had a hangover so we were going to explore a little.
His breath tickled my neck as he brushed his head against mine. "Hurry up," he said. "I'm hungry."
"You can't be."
"I can. I've been burning a lot more energy than usual and I'm going to need a truck load more for tonight."
Tonight was our last night; tomorrow morning we were driving home and would be back to separate beds and booty calls. It sounded horrible but it was exactly what I needed to get things back on track with our boundaries firmly back in place.
I turned around in his arms. "Yeah, what're you doing tonight?"
The look he gave me - all wild and wanting - told me exactly what we were doing tonight.
"Really?" I said, arching my eyebrow.
"Oh, really," he replied. "Hurry up and take some bloody pictures, we're stuffing our faces in five minutes and then I'm taking you back to the hotel."
I was absolutely not going to argue with that. Snapping a few pictures, I shoved my phone in my pocket and took his hand.
Damon, not one to break his word, kept me in the bed all day. I managed to pry him off me long enough to meet Chloe and Logan for dinner and then it was back upstairs. I think he knew this was it, all too soon we'd be back to reality and things would be different between us again. The last few days had been incredible and I wished they didn't have to end but they did and for the next eleven hours we made every second count.
I woke up with a heavy heart and the desire to block out stupid reality and stay in Scotland where we could pretend our closeness was purely because we were on holiday. We packed in silence and checked out in silence. Physically there was no distance, but no matter how close I stood to him I felt like we were on different continents.
The shittiest part was I didn't know if I could ever get past not wanting anything serious. I had no idea if I would ever feel such peace again.
I was so sad to leave Scotland. The wedding had been amazing and spending so much time with Damon was more than I could have ever expected. We got along so well, I fell in love, and now I was scared that something would come along and ruin what we had when we got home. Or someone would. He deserved to have everything he wanted. He wanted something real eventually.
Chloe and Logan still had a few more days before they were flying off to Italy for a fortnight. Most of the wedding guests had already left and now me and Damon were packing up the car ready to head home.
"I don't want to leave," I said, pouting at him.
Leaning over and chuckling, he tried to bite my lip but I managed to arch my back away from him before he could reach.
"We could stay. I wouldn't mind having you to myself for longer."
"Appealing," I said, straightening my back and giving him a kiss. So unbelievably appealing it hurt to think we couldn't do it. "But I have to be get back to work and there are things I need to do first."
"What things?" He asked, clamping me in his arms.
My heart raced as I fitted against him in the best way. He was comfort and I was getting greedy. "Seeing my mum, seeing my dad, sorting out all the clothes from this weekend, redecorating my bedroom."
"Redecorating?"
"I don't like the purple wall anymore. It needs to go." Call me crazy but I wanted the colour of the walls in my room to be the same colour as the walls in the room I fell in love with Damon in. Yeah, I was crazy. But I couldn't have him the way I wanted to now so I wanted whatever I could get.
"You need help with that?"
Would he have offered if we hadn't had this weekend to grow unbelievably close? We'd started out as acquaintances, had unbelievably amazing sex one night at a party that led to the friends with benefits pact, started spending time alone together around booty calls, and became friends. But we didn't really hang out unless there was sex involved. We invited each other on nights out or to go over but it was so we could have sex. This offer was decorating help. It was different. But we were friends too and friends helped.
The logical part of my head was screaming at me to tell him I was okay to do it alone because the line between casual and so fucking not casual was too close to see. But my heart, Jesus my heart wanted to see him at every opportunity I got.
"That'd be great, thanks."
I was being too hard on myself again. There was the word friend in the sodding title we'd given ourselves. I didn't have to keep him at a distance because by definition we were supposed to help and support each other. Oh yeah, no part of that is bullshit, I'm justifying to myself.
Damon
We started the journey flirting shamelessly and making plans to decorate her room and go out - and in - a couple nights. But the more distance that was put between us and Scotland the more distance appeared between us. I knew this was coming but I wasn't ready for it.
The way I saw it I had two options. Try to find out what was behind her absolute reluctance to commit and risk her backing off completely. Or go along with what we had before Scotland. Neither sounded that appealing if I was honest.
"My family are coming to mine tomorrow night but they'll be gone by nine if you
want to come over?" I asked. The plans we'd made so far meant I wouldn't see her for two days. It wasn't really a long time but it felt like it. I also wanted to get on the topic of family and past.
She looked over and smiled. "Sure." I had no doubt that she would turn up a little after nine to be on the safe side. "You're not cooking for them, are you?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not that bad."
"Right, with dishes that have no more than two ingredients. Like cheese on toast or frozen pizza."
"I make a mean cheese on toast. They're lucky they're getting fed."
She smirked. "You're ordering in, aren't you?"
"Yes. Unless you want to come and play chef, I'm ordering Chinese."
"I'd make a rubbish chef but feel free to save me some Chinese."
"Oh, I can't promise there will be any left. You want Chow Mein, you arrive on time."
Her mouth dropped. "You told me to come at nine!"
"No, technically I told you my family would be gone by nine."
Was she willing to come when they were there? That was huge for her but I want convinced she wasn't just playing the game.
"You said I could come after if I want."
Sighing, I gripped the steering wheel harder. Fuck, she wound me up. "You're more than welcome to come earlier, Nell."
She bit the inside of her lips, clamping her mouth together. It was something she was considering. Well, fuck me. I expected a flat out no from her. Meeting the parents was a big step and we both knew full well that we'd passed the stage of being able to pass it off as a friend meeting a friend's family thing.
"Um..." She frowned, and I could see her internal debate. I wasn't going to help her get out of it but I wasn't going to push her either. This was her decision to make; I just hope she made the right choice.
"Is that a good idea? You don't have one of those mum's that will be planning a bloody wedding whenever you mention a girl's name, do you?"
Yes, I absolutely did and Nell was the only girl I'd mentioned to her too.
"She won't be trying to marry us off," I said. Because I would give her about three thousand warnings beforehand.
"Okay," she said, visibly uncomfortable and unsure. "I'm in then."
If we weren't stopped at traffic lights I would probably have crashed the car. Her saying yes to meeting my parents was about the last thing I'd ever have expected.
"Great," I replied, too stunned to say more. It was a major breakthrough. After this weekend I knew things would continue to change between us, even if we did go a few steps back to begin with, but I never expected it to happen so soon. She was trying and that meant everything.
I relaxed, knowing that although there was more distance now, she seemed to be willing to work on whatever it was holding her back. It gave me hope and when it came to Nell hope was I all I had.
We were apart the next night, for the first time in three days, and I was so ready to have her with me again. My parents were due over any minute and Nell looked nervous as she lent against the worktop chewing her lip to bits. She looked like she wanted to bolt but she didn't do it, so that was a good sign.
I handed her a second glass of wine and she smiled gratefully. Part of me wanted to reassure her but that felt like a couple thing to do. After all this was just supposed to be a friend meeting a friend's parents. She was a flight risk and I wasn't about to highlight the fact that this was so much more than an innocent meeting.
"What time are you ordering dinner?" She asked.
"Are you hungry?"
She shook her head. "Just wondering. Am I dressed too slutty?"
"What? Where the fuck did that come from?"
"I don't know. Sorry."
I put my beer down and walked over to her. "Nell," I said, lifting her chin. "You don't look at all slutty, you never do. Not gonna lie, you look edible and I'm having to remind myself every two second that my parents will be here soon so I can't bend you over the worktop." Her eyebrows shot up. "But you definitely don't look slutty. Relax, okay?"
She was wearing a dress, but it was very casual and very maddening. Her long, toned legs kept pulling me in, begging to be caressed and then wrapped around my waist. Her hair was messy and curly, just the way I loved it.
With my hands on her I had very little self-control. I lowered my head and brushed my lips teasingly against hers. "You look beautiful, Nell." Before she had the chance to react I sealed my mouth over hers and kissed her. She reacted to that quickly enough and gripped the sides of my t-shirt. I groaned into the kiss as she pushed her body to mine.
I took a step forwards and placed my hands on the worktop either side of her waist, blocking her in. She whimpered and hooked her leg up around my backside. The best parts were all lined up and I didn't care that I was supposed to be exercising some control right now.
I gripped the back of her thigh, kneading the flesh with my hand. God she was fucking amazing. "Nell," I growled into the kiss, feeling harder than I'd ever been before. I needed her so badly. Running my hand further up, I almost came in my fucking boxers - she was wearing lacy French knickers. If they were white I didn't care who came knocking at the door.
"Damon," she said, panting as she pulled back and gripped the wrist of the arm that was working its way to the front of her underwear. "We can't, your parents will be here any second."
I groaned in pain and shook my head. "I don't care, we'll pretend to be out if they come." Nothing was stopping me. I dropped to my knees and she gasped.
"What're you doing? You can't!"
Oh, I fucking could. The underwear was white. My nostrils flared and my dick strained against my jeans. I lifted her dress higher so the bottom of her stomach was exposed. There was nothing in this world better than having my hands on this woman.
"Hold it up," I ordered, handing her the fistful of material. She did as I said instantly, even going as far as lifting it higher so I could just about make out the bottom of the matching bra.
Gone was the Nell that worried about being interrupted. She moved one leg to the side, giving me much better access just as the doorbell rang.
Groaning, I shook my head. "No. No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening." I'd never hated my family before. "Be quiet," I said. She clamped her legs together as my hand travelled up the inside of her thigh. "Don't stop me."
"You're kidding, right? Your bloody parents are two walls away!"
"So?" Her mouth popped open and I groaned. "Don't do that when I'm so close to blowing already."
Turning her nose up in mock disgust, she stepped to the side leaving me desperate, worked up and still on my knees.
She took a deep, composing breath and fluffed her hair. "Rain check."
"We will pick up where we left off," I growled, standing up.
"I know. I don't like your parents," she grumbled.
"Yeah I'm not to keen on them now either."
"Okay. You'd better let them in then."
"You'll be here when I get back? You're not planning on climbing out of the window, are you?" I asked, rearranging myself.
Rolling her green eyes, she replied, "Bloody go and let them in!"
I left Nell in the kitchen, not wholly convinced that she would stay. It certainly looked like she wanted to run. Opening the door, I tried to smile genuinely but they'd just stopped me getting inside Nell.
"Hey, Mum, Dad," I said tightly.
"Damon!" Mum instantly went in for a hug, I kept my distance but hugged her back. "Where is she then?"
God my mother was so excited to meet Nell and I was certain that she'd say something, or many things, embarrassing but I was on too much of a high that Nell had agreed. Today was a huge deal and that was all I was focused on. Plus I was still coiled too tight to give a shit.
"Your mum's been talking about this since you said Nell was joining us," Dad said, rolling his eyes.
"Great," I muttered sarcastically.
I walked my parents into the kitchen where Nell was nervously che
wing that lip again. She was going to bite it off if she kept on like that. She was leant against the granite worktop with one leg crossed over the other. As soon as she saw us she stood properly.
"Mum, Dad, this is Nell. Nell, my parents, Hannah and Nick."
"Nice to meet you," she said, giving them a million dollar smile. There was no way they wouldn't fall in love with her.
"You, too, Nell," Mum said, stepping forward and giving her a hug. Nell wasn't at all prepared and even though she did hug her back it was a bit robotic, much like mine was.
"We've heard a lot about you, it's nice to put a face to a name," Dad said. He needed to stop saying shit like that right now. I gave him a curt look. I'd given Mum a warning but not Dad. He wasn't supposed to need one.
"And you," Nell replied, shaking my dad's hand and maintaining that killer smile. "Can I get you a drink since Damon isn't offering?" She said, gesturing to the liquor and wine on the side.
Mum laughed and nodded, and I knew she was won over already. "Red would be lovely. Nick will just have coffee since he's driving. Damon, put the kettle on then."
I felt like I'd stepped into an alternate universe. Nell had taken place as my girlfriend, whether she meant to or not. Probably not. You didn't offer your fuck buddy's parents drinks in his home.
"Damon," Mum said again.
I peeled my eyes off Nell and looked up at my grinning mother. "Kettle. Right."
Nell
I knew what I was doing was against everything Damon and I stood for but here I was sharing a drink with his family. We'd probably broken almost every single rule we'd made when we started sleeping together.
If there was an award for the most unsuccessful friends with benefits agreement we would be shortlisted. And then probably win. Still I didn't leave. I didn't even leave when Damon's mum kept giving me secret smiles. How invested in us was she? People weren't supposed to want more for us, it'd just lead to disappointment. If Damon had told her something he shouldn't even be thinking about, I was going to have his balls and not in the way he'd want.
"Oh come on, Nick," Hannah said, shaking her head. They were having an argument about when their first date was. From the amusement on Damon's face I guessed it was something that came up often.
Our Chance Page 14
