by Briana Cole
Kimmy had bought me a box once and told me to keep them on the ready, because you never know when you would have a little scare. How right my best friend had been.
Sure enough, I pulled open the bottom drawer to my nightstand and there was the test box peeking from underneath a notebook, still wrapped in the grocery bag Kimmy had brought it over in. I opened the box and pulled one out. Trying not to think, I carried it back into the bathroom with me. I needed to do this now or I would lose the nerve. This was for reassurance. I wasn’t pregnant. Couldn’t be.
The positive symbol faded into the viewing screen before I had even finished peeing on the stick. My breath caught in my throat. Shit. Now what was I supposed to do? And when the hell did I get pregnant? My mind flipped backwards to my last sexual encounter. To be honest, it was too damn many to count. Me and Keon had been at each other for a while, sometimes with protection, sometimes without. It really just depended how horny we were feeling. Damn, I needed to call Keon.
I was halfway across the hall when I cursed. I couldn’t tell this man I was pregnant. And I couldn’t very well handle a baby now. Not when I was getting my own life in order. Neither one of us was ready for this responsibility. One day sure, but damn sure not today.
I stood in the middle of my room and tried to calm my increasing heart rate. I needed to think. I needed to calm down and think. The thought came to me as if Kimmy were there to place it in my mind herself.
I remembered when Kimmy had gotten an abortion. Well, did it herself in a sense. It was the previous summer, and Kimmy had insisted I spend the night. She had been a bawling mess saying what was she supposed to do and she was dead if anyone found out. I had assumed it was Jahmad’s but she never said and I never asked. We had gone on the internet and stumbled across a YouTube video of some girl saying she aborted her baby using a hanger. I had been scared but Kimmy had been desperate.
So she had lain in the tub, naked from the waist down, her legs spread on the lip of the tub while I had used the hanger tip to poke and prod until a gush of blood poured out. I remembered Kimmy had been sore for a few days and other than bitching about not being able to have sex, she was fine. She took a test a week later and the negative results assured us the simulated abortion had been successful.
I opened my closet and grabbed one of the wire hangers. If it worked for Kimmy, it could work for me. I would probably have to explain the blood to Keon if he asked, but I could just tell him it was my period and be done with it.
I stripped naked from the waist down and laid back in the tub like Kimmy had done, putting one leg up on the faucet and one over the side of the tub. I stretched the hanger so the tip was as straight as I could get it. Then, without thinking, I inserted the hanger.
I expected pain but surprisingly, the hanger went in easily. I almost didn’t feel it. I wasn’t sure exactly where to position the hanger so I just began to poke against every fleshly barrier the hanger touched, grimacing at the pinches of the hanger’s pricks. Uncomfortable more than anything but I remembered we had to poke hard to make the blood come out for Kimmy. So I did, crying out as the pain intensified. I used my foot to turn on the faucet. Maybe the water would muffle my screams.
Finally, I felt a piercing pain as the hanger made a hole in whatever I had stabbed inside. I felt the warm blood flow, bringing with it a burning sensation that had me snatching the hanger out and dropping it on the floor. The pain was excruciating as the blood poured to stain the clear water already pooling in the tub. My vision wavered and I prayed the abortion would finish before anyone came home. Of course we would have children, eventually. I had no doubt in my mind. But we had time for that, and when we were ready, I would give Keon all the babies he wanted. But today was not the day.
My vision blurred, only for a moment, so I lowered my body to a sitting position at the base of the tub. My heart was quickening but I felt that calm feeling beginning to consume me, taking me to that place far from here, far from the heartache. Then I smiled as I heard them, my girls, their laughter like a harmonious song of angels roaring in my ears. With them, maybe, was the other child I had gotten rid of a long, long time ago. The child not even Keon knew about. And as the room went out of focus once more and began to blacken like a vignette around the edges of my vision, I relaxed in the comfort of peace. Finally.
Chapter 10
Kimera
Three days. It had been three days since Lupé had left out of the house and expressed she was going to the store to get some essentials. Three days since I’d tucked a little ‘help me’ note in her purse explaining as much as possible in as few words as possible and asking, no begging, her to mail the note to my family in Atlanta with my whereabouts so they could send help. Three days since I had been on pins and needles, watching the security monitors like a hawk and anxiously awaiting her return so I could see what happened. But as the sun set, yet again, on day three and rose on day four, still no Lupé. And I was beginning to lose all hope.
Every so often, I would ask Leo about her in hopes he would reveal something. But hell, he had been so tight-lipped with me ever since the restaurant fiasco with Naomi. Besides, he had beat my ass so bad that night that I was trying to stay out of his way as much as possible.
Still, I did muster up enough courage to ask one day at breakfast, and then again another time at dinner, since he appeared to be in such a good mood. Either way, his answer was always the same, ‘still with her family.’
I had even tried to casually push the issue by suggesting we reach out to her. “I mean, she’s like family to us,” I reasoned, picking at the pot roast on my plate. “I miss her. The boys miss her. Maybe it’ll be a nice gesture to call and send our love. Just so she knows we’re thinking of her.” Leo had simply said “no,” and that was that. So, I had no choice but to sit back and just wait.
Obi’s wives took turns coming over to help out with the boys. Well, I guess that’s what they were doing. They never stayed long, never really played with them. Would just drop in, sit out by the pool for a couple hours, maybe pour the children some juice, and then they were gone. One of them, I don’t even remember which one, actually went in the boys’ room to get a diaper once. And that was to hand to me. So apparently, that was the extent of their childcare duties. Part of me felt that they were just extra eyes to keep tabs on me. But maybe that was my paranoia.
I don’t know why the extra security because it wasn’t like I planned to bother Naomi anymore. She had already shown she wasn’t about to do anything to help and now, she was so wrapped up in planning her and Leo’s ceremony she couldn’t care less about what I had going on. So, I was really back at square one and didn’t know what to do next.
After an extended period of time without Lupé, Leo brought home this new woman who didn’t speak even a little bit of English, only Spanish. So even trying to communicate with her had been an epic failure. Once she started taking care of the boys, that allowed me more time to ponder my situation and try my best to strategize some other escape. Still, none of my ideas seemed like they’d be successful, or safe.
I woke up one day and was surprised to see the house nearly empty. Not even Kareem was at my door when I stepped from my bedroom. I glanced both ways and padded to the boys’ room, noting the neatly made beds.
Fernando was in the kitchen, sitting at the bar area sipping on a mimosa with his face in a Better Homes and Garden magazine. He immediately sprang to his feet when I entered.
“Bonjour Mademoiselle,” he greeted, rounding the counter to the refrigerator. “I was waiting for you to get up so I could make you some breakfast.”
I accepted the glass of mimosa he poured for me and took his seat at the counter. “Where is everyone?”
“I believe Monsieur took everyone out shopping for the day.”
Jealousy stung at the casual comment. Of course. Naomi and the boys could all go out with no questions asked. Meanwhile, I might as well have been dragging a ball and chain around this mansion.
“Did Kareem go too?” I didn’t even know the question had been on my mind until it left my lips. What did I care? If he was, even better.
“I’m not sure.”
Fernando was moving at lightning speed, rattling pans and sprinkling seasonings on whatever he had sizzling on the stove. Pretty soon, he was sliding a plate with two omelets and some chopped fruit in front of me, standing back to admire his work.
I thanked him as he handed me a fork but I paused before digging in. As delicious as it smelled, I had to admit this felt too good to be true. This was the first time I had been alone since I arrived. Maybe...
“Fernando, can I see your cell phone?” I asked, casually.
Fernando frowned. Clearly, he was waiting expectantly for me to enjoy his meal and I was prolonging the process. “Sorry, Mademoiselle, it’s not on me at the moment.”
“I have one.”
I didn’t even bother looking to the door. The man’s voice was sickeningly familiar and no amount of time or distance could lessen the disgust.
I no longer had an appetite, but since Fernando was staring, I used my fork to cut off a corner of the omelet and took a bite. It smelled appetizing, but I couldn’t taste a damn thing. Not with Tyree smirking at me from the kitchen doorway.
He inched towards me, dressed casually in some skinny jeans and a lime green tank top. His feet were bare and he carried the fresh scent of soap like he had just gotten out of the shower. I didn’t care how many times the water hit him. After everything this man put me through, he would never be rid of the filth that followed him.
“I have a phone,” Tyree repeated, and for emphasis, he held his cell phone in my direction. “Did you want to use it?”
Yeah, to knock it across his head, but of course, I couldn’t say that. So I just sat and stared while he stared back, the phone held close enough to touch my arm, that glint of amusement in his eyes. I broke our little staring contest first, stabbing at one of the ripe strawberries. Damn him.
Tyree shrugged and stuffed the phone back in his back pocket. “Okay, suit yourself,” he said. “But you can’t say I didn’t try.”
“Monsieur, did you want me to fix you something?” Poor innocent Fernando, so oblivious to this torture.
“I’m good, thank you,” Tyree answered, never taking his eyes off of me. “Fernando, why don’t you run out for a little while? Get some fresh air. Just be back in time for dinner tonight.”
Fernando nodded his appreciation and was gone within seconds. Now I was alone with Tyree, the man who had kidnapped my child, me, and Adria, the man who had killed Tina and had even threatened to kill me, the man who was on the down-low with Leo, and was so jealous that Leo had feelings for me. And, I shuddered at the last thought, the man who was only not slitting my throat at this very moment because of his love for Leo, and Leo’s love for me.
Tyree leaned against the counter, a little too close to the chopping block I noticed, but he kept his movements fluid and casual. Like we were just two old besties catching up on a random morning.
“I haven’t seen you in a minute,” he said at my prolonged silence. “How you liking Texas?”
I pushed my half-eaten plate aside and rose. We weren’t about to do this shit. Tyree caught my arm as I headed for the door, his grip tight on my wrist.
“Damn, you can’t even speak, boo?” he said, feigning shock.
“I’m tired.”
“Oh, I’m sure you get plenty of time to rest.”
I snatched my arm but his fingers tightened. “What do you want?”
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.”
“You may want to hear what I have to say. I’m trying to help you.”
I smacked my teeth. “You ain’t trying to help shit. You’re the one that got me in this mess in the first place, remember? Now I’m supposed to believe you have my best interest at heart?”
Tyree let my arm go and lifted his shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. “Well, Kimmy Boo, who else do you have?”
I started to respond but my eyes lifted at the movement on the security monitor. A car was pulling into the camera’s lens at the driveway gate, and I damn near shitted a brick. Never had I ever been so thrilled to see Lupé’s battered Ford Focus since she’d been hired.
“Excuse me,” I said, not hiding the triumph in my voice. “I have to get the door for Lupé.” I turned and headed to the front door, pulling it open as Lupé’s car pulled to a stop near the six-car garage. I smiled and waved, surprised when she did not return the gesture. A few minutes passed and finally, she emerged looking completely exhausted. I remembered she told Leo she had been dealing with her sister in the hospital.
“Hey, Lupé,” I said pulling her into a hug as she stepped onto the porch. “We missed you around here.”
Lupé nodded and stepped past me into the house. She tossed a small smile at Tyree before turning to me, her eyes solemn. I hoped she wasn’t going to talk about anything now. Not in front of him.
“Leo went out shopping with the kids,” I volunteered so she wouldn’t get any ideas. “But he should be back soon if you want to wait around. I know the boys missed you. How is your family?”
Lupé’s nose crinkled in confusion. “My family, Señora?”
“Yes. Leo mentioned your sister was in the hospital.”
Lupé shook her head slowly, as if she were trying to comprehend English. “I just came back to get my things,” she said, turning and heading to her room.
I looked to Tyree who just stood there, watching us closely. I trotted behind Lupé to keep up. Hopefully this was just her way of giving us some privacy. Thankfully, Tyree did not follow.
Lupé’s room was smaller than the regular bedrooms, just enough for a full-size bed. But the bed was on a platform with drawers underneath, which she immediately sank to her knees to begin pulling out. Her clothes were inside, folded neatly.
I approached her, lowering my voice. My anxiety was on an all-time ten but it was apparent Lupé had other more pressing things on her mind.
“Lupé,” I whispered glancing over my shoulder. “Did you get my note?”
“Señora, please.” She paused long enough to look at me, her eyes tearing up, her lips quivering. “I don’t want any trouble. I love my family.”
Confused, I kneeled down beside her as she burst into a fit of sobs. “Lupé what do you mean? What happened?”
She sniffed and pulled a used piece of tissue from the front pocket of her slacks. “I don’t want any trouble. Just please let me be on my way.”
“Are you really quitting? Why?”
“I can’t have no parts of this, Señora.” Lupé’s eyes were filled with sadness as she looked to me once more. “Por favor, I just have to go. For my family. I can’t help you.”
I shook my head. No, this plan couldn’t be failing. We were so close. “Lupé, do you still have the note?” My whispers were louder than I intended but I suddenly felt the urgency as Lupé resumed stacking her clothes on the bed. “If not, just let me write another one real quick—”
“He knows,” Lupé hissed, shaking her head. “He will kill me. I have to go.”
Her English was so broken and her accent had gotten thicker with her emotions so I knew I couldn’t possibly have heard what I thought.
“Who knows?” I pushed, grabbing her shoulder. “Who, Lupé? Leo?”
“Señora, please,” Lupé wailed.
“Lupé, what’s wrong?” Kareem’s voice had me snatching back and quickly standing to my feet. I’m sure I looked all kinds of guilty but still, I was in a frazzled panic. What was Lupé talking about? Who knew? How?
Lupé bent her head at Kareem’s voice, her hair sweeping down to cover her tear-streaked face. “Lo siento, Señor,” she murmured. “I am sorry. I am leaving.”
Kareem looked from her to me, suspicion marring his face. He used his head to gesture towards the door. “Let’s let Lupé pack, Saida,” he said to me.
&n
bsp; My feet felt dead as I wheeled them to move, out of the room and straight to the back of the house. I needed air. And vodka. But right now, air would do.
The smell of rain hung in the atmosphere and little drizzles caused ripples in the pool as I took a seat on the damp lounge chair. It actually felt good, the sprinkles of rain pelting my face, like a figurative cleanse. Washing away all of the disaster that had taken place. And it wasn’t even noon yet.
Kareem sat on the lounger beside me and did me a favor by letting me enjoy the solitude. Thank God. It was the least he could do. I broke the silence first.
“Didn’t know you were here. Thought you had gone with Leo and his ‘family.’” I made sure to emphasize that last part.
Kareem chuckled. “Nah. I don’t do shopping.”
“You don’t do much of anything,” I countered. “Except watch me all day and night.”
“Apparently Leo feels you’re somebody that needs to be watched.”
I snorted and didn’t bother commenting. Of course he did.
A beat. Then, “I know what you gave Lupé.”
The way he said it so casually, I had to flip back through my mind to make sure I had heard him correctly. He watched me for my reaction but I gave him none. Inside, I was scared shitless. What was he going to do? Was he going to tell Leo?
I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet, hoping he would just reveal everything. How was he about to use this to his advantage?
“I told Lupé she had to go,” he went on. “For your safety. The chick was ready to go running to tell Leo everything because she was so afraid.”
Suddenly uncomfortable, I eased up into a sitting position, still eyeing him cautiously. “How do you know all of this?”
Kareem looked out at the water, watching the drizzles slowly pick up the pace. “Leo has cameras everywhere. He is watching you when you don’t even know it.”
