by E. M. Foner
“I worked undercover a few times at your training camp posing as an unemployed actor helping your agents understand Dollnick culture,” Lume replied. “Sorry about the deception.”
“Comes with the territory,” Joe said. “I hope you taught our agents the proper way to ask directions to the bathroom. We had to fire a Horten actor on that account.”
“I like to think I earned my pay.”
“If you’re done with us, Flower, we should get to the pre-wedding party,” Woojin said. “The ceremony isn’t for another thirty minutes, but I don’t want to make them nervous.”
“Wait. Could I ask you a favor, Joe?” the Dollnick AI inquired.
“Try me,” the EarthCent ambassador’s husband said.
“Beowulf should have the ability to identify foods that the Cayl will enjoy. I want him to taste a fruit cake for me before I try marketing in their empire.”
“Sure, just get it to me before I return to Union Station and I’ll let you know what he thinks. But if it’s like any other fruit cake I’ve had, the alcohol content will be too high for the Cayl to issue it as field rations.”
“I intend to market the fruitcake for holiday consumption only. I’ll have it wrapped and waiting for you when you leave,” Flower promised. “Don’t forget your hat, Woojin, or the wedding won’t be official.”
“What was all that about?” Joe asked his old commanding officer as Jeeves led the way to the nearest lift tube.
“Apparently Flower has decided that the future lies in packaged foods, and in addition to being popular with the aliens, alcohol-soaked fruit cakes have an excellent shelf life,” Woojin said. “Flower got the idea from a baker who joined at our last Earth stop intending to retire. He lost his savings in a scam and she hired him to cook for the alien spies who eat in the small cafeteria we were just in.”
“You’ve got an interesting command.”
“If you can call it that. My main duties seem to be making announcements over the public address system and performing weddings, though to tell you the truth, I’ve got no complaints. Lynx works a lot harder than I do keeping track of the business activity on board. Flower didn’t even tell me until after the fact when some mercenary process-servers fired across her bow in an attempt to deliver her a Dollnick court summons.”
“I can imagine how well that worked out,” Joe said with a laugh. “Why didn’t Lynx come with us?”
“She’s stopping home to pick up Em. We couldn’t find a sitter and Flower sent a bot.”
“I’ll mention it to Donna’s girls when I get back. Maybe they’ll expand InstaSitter beyond the Stryx stations.”
“That would mean having Flower do the back office and monitoring work that Libby does for InstaSitter on Union Station,” Jeeves pointed out.
Woojin and Joe exchanged a look, and the EarthCent ambassador’s husband decided that trying to expand the babysitting service to the Dollnick colony ship probably wasn’t the best idea he’d had.
“You’re here,” Julie greeted the captain when the two men and Stryx Jeeves entered the small room at the back of the improvised wedding hall. “I can’t believe how nervous I am.”
“You look lovely,” Woojin told her.
“The groom is one lucky man,” Joe agreed.
“At first, I thought he was too old to get married again, but he’s in great shape for his age, and why shouldn’t he have another chance for happiness?” Julie said. Then she pointed at her ear for a moment and added, “The bouquet is here. I’ll be right back.”
“Just how old is the groom?” Joe asked after the girl ran out.
“Well, he did two full contracts on Dollnick ag worlds, and a stint as an independent trader, so I’d guess in his early seventies,” Woojin said.
“Is he rich?”
“I think he has a pension from the second Dollnick contract. Why do you ask?”
“Isn’t she around five decades too young for him?”
“Five decades too young for whom?” Nancy announced her presence. The off-white gown she was wearing looked suspiciously like it had been stored in a garment bag for the last fifty years. “And who are your friends, Captain?”
“Joe McAllister and Stryx Jeeves. Joe served under me in the mercenaries and he thought that Julie was the bride.”
“We’ll have a problem if she is since I’ve already moved my things into Jack’s cabin. We’re going to keep mine empty and use it as an office for the cooperative.”
Julie reentered the room with the flowers and announced, “Bill and Harry just brought the cake in so you can start any time.”
“You carry the bouquet,” Nancy told her. “Your skin holds up to the contrast better than mine.”
“Let me ping Lynx,” Woojin said. “She’ll be mad if I start without her.”
“She’s here,” Julie told him. “I saw her with your daughter. They’re sitting right in the front.”
“I’m too old to wait a minute longer than I have to,” Nancy said. “Anybody who can’t show up twenty minutes early for a wedding is just coming for the food, so they won’t miss anything. Somebody cue the Barry Girls.”
Julie ran out again and signaled the three sisters who had joined Flower’s Paradise at Timble. The trio began playing Mendelssohn’s wedding march on a violin, viola, and cello. Julie returned with Bill, who looked like he had been hastily stuffed into a borrowed set of clothes.
“Are you sure Jack wants me as best man?” he asked. “I’ve only met him once.”
“I’m not walking down the aisle with just a bouquet for company,” Julie told him. “You said you wanted to date me, so man up.”
“Here are the rings, dear,” Nancy said, handing Bill two gold bands. “Just keep your fist closed until Woojin asks for them and they won’t get lost. I believe you’re supposed to be up front waiting for us, Captain.”
“Right, I’ll see you there,” Woojin said. He made his way quickly around the seated guests to stand next to Jack, who was waiting all alone at the front of the common room, looking rather paler than usual.
“You two go quick before the music runs out,” Nancy told the young people. “And you, what was your name again?”
“Joe. Sorry to crash your wedding, but—”
“I like your suit. You’re walking me down the aisle.”
“My daughter made it for me,” Joe said, offering Nancy his arm. “I’m guessing you didn’t have a rehearsal.”
“You guess correctly,” the bride said, setting off with measured steps. When they reached the end of the aisle, she let go of her escort’s arm and went to stand on the other side of Woojin. Joe took the open seat between Lynx and where Jeeves was floating.
“From time immemorial, the greatest privilege granted to a ship’s captain is that of binding a couple in holy matrimony,” Woojin began. “We are gathered here today to witness the beginning of a new life for Nancy and Jack, who requested I keep the ceremony short because they want to maximize the time they have left to spend together. Bill, do you have the rings?”
Bill pulled a white-knuckled fist out of his pocket and opened his cramped fingers over Woojin’s palm.
“Nancy, Jack. Please take your partner’s ring and place it on their ring finger,” the captain continued, and then waited for the couple to comply. “Do you, Jack, take Nancy to be your lawful wedded wife?”
“I do,” Jack said.
“Do you, Nancy, take Jack to be your lawful wedded husband?”
“I do,” the former schoolteacher answered in a ringing voice.
“Then by the power vested in me by EarthCent and by wearing this hat, I now pronounce you man and wife. That’s as short as I can make it, and you may kiss the bride.”
As Jack bent down to kiss his petite wife, the Barry Girls started playing a popular tune that everybody recognized, though nobody knew the words. When Nancy came up for air, she told Julie, “Throw the bouquet. I don’t want to spend my wedding night with a rotator cuff injury.”
Julie searched the audience for the youngest unmarried female, and settling on Brenda, threw the bouquet directly at her. It came to a dead stop at the top of the arc, then reversed course and came right back at the young woman.
“Are you doing this, Flower?” Julie demanded, dodging to the side. “It’s not funny.”
“I think it’s kind of funny, and it demonstrates excellent control of manipulation fields for a Dollnick AI,” Jeeves commented to Lynx. “Libby told me that Flower needed some matchmaking advice and asked me to stop by in my capacity as a former troubleshooter for the Eemas dating service. Flower’s instincts are good, but her approach is a little too muscular. Still, I’d say the experiment is a success.”
“What experiment?” Woojin asked, joining the group.
“The question was never whether Flower could assist Humans, it was whether humanity had anything to offer Flower in return. It’s not my decision, but based on what I’ve seen, I’m sure my elders will extend the operating subsidy beyond the current contract.”
“With all of her new businesses, she may not need—” Woojin paused and pointed at his ear. “Flower insists I state that my views are my own and do not reflect the opinions of this colony ship.”
“Do me a favor and grab the bouquet,” Julie begged Bill. “Flower isn’t answering me and I look like an idiot with a bunch of pink and white roses following me around.”
“I’ll catch them, but first I want you to agree to a real date, with dancing and a goodnight kiss,” Bill said. “And we both get Flower to promise not to listen in or offer advice.”
“Done,” Julie agreed.
“Too muscular my foot,” Flower transmitted to Jeeves triumphantly. “I’m the one who taught Bill to negotiate like that. You can tell my mentor that everything is going according to plan.”
From the Author
You can help keep Flower open for business even if you were born too early to grab the space elevator up for her next stop at Earth to shop in the bazaar. Tell a friend about Independent Living and the Union Station series.
If you like science fiction without wars, you should also enjoy my AI Diaries trilogy, which starts on present-day Earth with Turing Test. You can sign up for e-mail notification of my new releases on the IfItBreaks.com website or find me on Facebook.
About the Author
E. M. Foner lives in Northampton, MA with an imaginary German Shepherd who’s been trained to bite central bankers. The author welcomes reader comments at [email protected].
