Suddenly, in the middle of the sidewalk, Scott stopped, craning around to really get a good look at Eamon’s expression. “But not your current boyfriend?”
“I did tell them I met someone,” Eamon said rapidly. “But they were so worried about all the work stuff that was going on, and so worried that I might be taking time away from that for something inconsequential that I didn’t push it, and then the work stuff went on for so long and they’re still worried about me all the time and...” He trailed off, struggling for breath.
“Inconsequential?” Scott said. There were more important words in that whole mass of speech, but he couldn’t help snagging on that one, his confidence over how well tonight had gone draining away.
Eamon looked terrified. “You’re not inconsequential.” He spun around to put his hands on Scott’s chest, looking up at him with wide eyes. “I love you. But that’s how they think. It’s all inconsequential unless it’s practical.”
“And relationships aren’t practical?” Scott tried to keep the hurt he was feeling out of his voice, but he feared it was coming through anyway, making Eamon’s eyes go wider.
“Well, they’re not, are they?” Eamon said. He rushed onward. “But that doesn’t matter. I love you. I’ll introduce you to them. It was just not the right time before, but now, it’s different. Obviously, it’s different.”
“Different,” Scott said, trying to process all of this at once.
“Yes.” Eamon’s face was brightening a little. “In fact, you could come for Thanksgiving. Do you want to come for Thanksgiving?”
“Thanksgiving?” That wasn’t at all where Scott had expected this conversation to go.
“Yeah! In Florida. We could fly out. Make a little holiday of it?”
“Are you going to tell your parents I exist before then, or just show up with me on their doorstep?” Scott said drily.
“They know you exist,” Eamon said. “...Kind of.”
“Do they know my name?” Scott raised an eyebrow.
“I’ll have to get back to you on that,” Eamon said, wincing.
“But you talk to your mom all the time.” Scott had dated closeted guys before. It wasn’t fun, but at least he understood that, understood why they were hiding him. This just didn’t make sense.
“About work!” Eamon protested.
Scott looked at him confusedly. “You talk to your mom about work?”
“She thinks this whole sabbatical thing is going to ruin my career,” Eamon grumbled. “And she doesn’t even know about the hostile takeover plans.”
He was saying this like it was completely normal, but Scott knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t, right? It had taken him a little while to actually introduce Eamon to his parents, but they’d know Eamon existed practically since their first meeting – and it wasn’t all down to small-town gossip either. They knew about his work, obviously, but not in this kind of detail, not so that they worried about it when they didn’t have to.
“She knows about all that, but not about me?” he said, and instantly regretted it.
“What do you even want?” Eamon said, voice rising in anger. “I’ll tell them about you. I said I would. I’m not ashamed of you, Scott. I just had other things to do.”
His arm, under Scott’s hand, was trembling.
“I’m sorry,” Scott said at once. He was angry and confused, yes, but the thing that mattered was that Eamon was upset. That Eamon had revealed more about his parents in a few sentences than he’d said in months of being together.
Eamon scrubbed his hands over his face. “I just don’t know what you want right now. I’m trying to do so much–” He cut himself off, and looked up at Scott with big open eyes.
The kind of eyes that got Scott every time.
“I was just surprised,” Scott told him. He pulled Eamon to him for a hug, feeling the tension leave Eamon’s back as he squeezed him tight. “I didn’t mean to stir up complicated family stuff.”
“Complicated family stuff?” Eamon sounded way too confused for someone who’d just had the outburst he’d had.
“Believe me,” Scott said with a laugh. “You have complicated family stuff. But that’s cool.” He shrugged. “Remember when my parents had a five minute argument over which dog used to sit on me when I was a baby? Families are just like that.”
“Sure,” Eamon said, sounding uncertain. It was okay. Scott understood now. He’d always known that Eamon’s family pushed him too much, but he understood better now, understood the kind of pressure they were putting on his lover. They had all the time in the world to deal with that one.
36
Eamon
“You look a little rough, huh?” Scott said as Eamon walked into the shop one day with his laptop and his lunch.
Eamon glared at him. He’d been up all night, trying to finish ironing out all the bugs with this damn software. Just because it had been his own decision – inspired by an encouraging email from Kevin that implied he might have to be back in the city in a few days time – didn’t mean that he wanted Scott to notice how rough he felt.
“Bad night?” Scott’s expression changed to something more sympathetic. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch, you know. You could have stayed home and slept.”
That would have defeated the whole point of staying up all night, but Eamon didn’t say that allowed. He creaked his tired face into a smile instead and said, “But I wanted to.”
“You’re sweet.” Scott leaned over the counter to kiss Eamon’s cheek.
They ate lunch squished together behind the counter. Eamon couldn’t keep his knee from jiggling. He wanted to sweep everything off the counter and present Scott with his new, improved system, but he wanted to wake up a little first, to give it kind of a grand entrance. The sort of thing that would show Scott how hard Eamon had worked on it, what it meant to him to give this gift.
“You okay?” Scott asked after a while.
Eamon was mostly considering that he’d never previously thought sandwiches took a long time to eat, and was still chewing. He smiled, lips tightly shut, around a mouthful, and gave Scott a thumbs up.
Scott patted his knee. “It’s cool.” He sat with his shoulders back, contemplating his own sandwich, and Eamon wondered – not for the first time – how he managed to be this relaxed.
Finally – finally! – they finished their sandwiches and cleared away the papers they’d been wrapped in. Scott dipped into the back room for a moment to wash his hands, and Eamon decided this was his chance.
When Scott came back, the laptops were already set up on the desk, the data transferring between them with frustrating slowness.
“What’s this?” Scott asked.
“It’s my present to you!” Eamon said, throwing his arms wide.
Scott smiled at him fondly. “What’s the occasion?”
“No real occasion,” Eamon said. “I just finished, that’s all.” He could explain the complicated situation with work later, when Scott really understood his great idea.
“Finished what?” Scott sat down on his stool, tilting his head back and forth to look at the two screens. “Is this about the calendar again?”
“Not just the calendar,” Eamon said, a little put out that Scott had guessed so quickly. “I remade your whole system!”
“Did it need remaking?” Scott said, a hint of humor in his voice.
Leaning against the counter, Eamon made a face. “Maybe not need, as such.” He perked up as the laptop at his side dinged to indicate that the transfer was complete. “Let me install, and I’ll show you.”
The installation only took a moment – this was his program after all, and he’d optimized it properly – and then he was flying through the new system, pointing out the bugs he’d fixed in the calendar, the new format for saving appointments, the integration of the repair shop calendar, the possibilities for phone integration...
He was nowhere near done when the expression on Scott’s face finally registered. “And the optio
n for multiple user accounts...”
Scott was biting his lip, brow furrowed. “It’s great, Eamon. I just... I’m not sure I understand.”
“You’ll pick it up,” Eamon said a little desperately. “It’s very close to your old system, I promise. Just a bit...better!”
“I understand what it is,” Scott said. “But I don’t understand why. I mean, thanks and all. But I’m a little confused.”
“I fixed the bugs!” Eamon said.
“And I appreciate that,” Scott said slowly. “But the rest of it?”
“Your system was kind of old,” Eamon said with a shrug. “And you have to admit, it might be a little hard to use for anyone else.”
“But it worked.” Scott shook his head. “And there is no one else to use it.”
Eamon reached for Scott’s hand. “Don’t you think you deserve something a little better?”
Scott winced. “Is my system that bad?”
“It’s not awful or anything,” Eamon said earnestly. “But you have to think of the future, right? What if you needed to expand a little, or get some more employees, or...” He trailed off as Scott’s confused smile melted into something a lot more uncomfortable.
“You know, those things might never happen, right?” Scott said.
“But they could–” Eamon started.
Scott held up a hand. “But this shop might just be me fixing bikes here forever. You know that, right?”
“Is it so awful to want more for you?” Eamon said, trying to joke, hearing the wobble in his voice. His new system was better. Why couldn’t Scott see that? Why didn’t Scott want to see that? If he could just get Scott to try it, he knew Scott would understand.
“Want more for me than what?” Scott’s voice rose with frustration. “My dream job? My dream life? This is what I’ve always wanted. I thought you understood that!”
“I do understand,” Eamon said. His hands, wrapped around the edge of the desk, were shaking. “But you’ll need to make some changes in the future, won’t you?”
Scott stared at him, his face a mask of emotion.
“Is it so terrible to find some more employees?” Eamon tried. “Then you can come with me to Columbus. I just heard from Kevin, there’s going to be another board meeting and they’re going to see about taking me off sabbatical. I’m going to need to be in the city more, Scott. I want you there with me.”
“And my whole life?”
“I’m not asking you to give it up!” Eamon said, frustrated.
“You are!” Scott was almost shouting now. “I can’t run the shop from hours away.”
“You can with this system,” Eamon told him. “You’ve got complete control. You just need someone here to actually hand out the bikes and do the occasional repair–”
“Repairs are my business!” Scott flung up his hands. “I can’t afford to hire people to do what I do on my own!”
“But I could help you!” Eamon yelled.
“I don’t need your help!” Scott yelled back.
They stopped, panting, and stared at each other.
“You took my help before,” Eamon started, trying to hold his temper in check.
Scott took a deep breath. “I asked for that help. That wasn’t you trying to change me!”
“I’m not trying to change you!” Eamon’s voice was rising again.
“Oh, you’re not?” Scott laughed bitterly. “Changing my whole system. Offering to subsidize me. I built this place from the ground up! It’s not the biggest, but I’m making a living. I’m living my life. And you want to turn it into some little hobby shop that I run with your money.”
“You don’t have a problem with my money when it’s paying for groceries,” Eamon snapped.
Scott snarled. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything? You want me to leave town – do you understand what you’re even asking?”
“Not permanently. Part time! “ Eamon said desperately. “I’m asking you to be with me!”
“You’re asking me to change everything I am, everything about my life!” Scott slammed a hand down on the counter, making the laptops dance. “I’ve told you how much Sellis Creek means to me, how much it means to be able to make my home in the place I grew up! I thought you understood that this place was special!”
“I care about my work too, you know,” Eamon said furiously. “I’ve been letting things slide, letting things happen, drifting away in some dreamland with you because I thought we had something, something that would last even when it wasn’t so convenient for you anymore.”
“Being with me is letting things slide, huh?” Scott looked angrier than Eamon had ever seen him. “Just say it to my face: you don’t think I’m good enough.”
Eamon didn’t know what to say to that, but the anger rising in him certainly did. It knew exactly how to push Scott’s buttons, exactly what to say to leave him just as hurting as Eamon felt. He didn’t have to mean it, only to spit it out into the world. “And are you good enough?” he taunted, the words burning his tongue as they left his mouth. “You can’t take one step towards change when it’s staring you in the face.”
“I guess I’m not as modern as you,” Scott spat. “But we can’t all abandon everything when it becomes difficult. Can’t all just ditch a business we spent years building to run around and play at being local somewhere else.”
“I didn’t ditch CarreSys!” Eamon shouted. “They kicked me out!”
“And why did they do that?” Scott snorted. “It’s because of behavior like this. Can’t stand to see anyone do anything differently from the way you’d do it, can you? You wanted an office of people you could control. Well, you can’t control me!”
“Why the fuck would I want to?” Eamon snarled, ripping cords out of laptops heedlessly and stuffing his own machine back in his bag. “Some two-bit small town boy who doesn’t even want to see the wider world out there.”
“I can’t believe I thought you respected me,” Scott said.
“Respect what, exactly?” Eamon said tauntingly. They were still so close, smashed into the minute space behind the counter. Scott’s chest was heaving with every breath, his mouth red with biting at his lips. He was still so fucking hot, even when Eamon wanted nothing more than to scream in his face.
“That’s it.” Scott’s arms, stiff as boards, were trembling. Did he want to settle this another way? Like the cowards at Sellis High who would rather let their fists do the talking.
Eamon scoffed.
Scott’s jaw clenched. “Get the fuck out of my shop.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Eamon snapped. “I’m already gone.” He swung his bag over his shoulder and slipped around the side of the counter. “You won’t have to fucking see me again, I can promise you that.”
“Go back to the fucking city then!” Scott yelled after him as the door swung shut behind Eamon with the clatter of bells that used to be so home-like and now sounded like nothing but a dirge.
37
Scott
When Scott, hands shaking, watched Eamon storm out of his shop, his first thought was that he never wanted to see the man again. He should have known that Eamon never thought he was good enough. His own fucking boyfriend couldn’t tell his damn parents that they were dating, and he wanted Scott to believe he should drop everything – drop his entire life – and go live somewhere new with him?
Furious, he found himself going over every interaction with Eamon in his mind, turning them over like jewels, looking for the flaws, the cracks, the details hidden by their first sparkle. The ease with which he found those flaws disturbed him: Eamon had always wanted more, hadn’t he? He’d always talked about Scott’s business expanding, Scott doing this or that or something else new. He couldn’t even stop himself from telling Scott’s parents that Scott was on the upswing, because keeping consistent wasn’t good enough anymore.
Nor, apparently, was Scott’s income. He’d never known how much money Eamon really had, only that Eamon always r
ushed to pay when they bought groceries or lunch or even a damn drink down at the Wick. Something he was, clearly, regretting now.
His hands shook where they rested on the counter. How long had he been lost in thought? He glanced down at the clock on his laptop screen and scowled at the view there, Eamon’s perfect new program still blinking away helpfully on the screen.
With a snarl, Scott slammed the screen shut. He’d figure out how to get rid of Eamon’s fucking ‘gift’ some other time.
For today, pen and paper would have to be good enough.
This approach worked for another couple of days, but Scott, much to his annoyance, couldn’t keep away from his laptop for longer than that. He’d been answering emails on his phone, but now he needed some receipts and his whole accounting system was on that one laptop. Or on the backups, technically, but somehow he’d never quite gotten around to checking in with Suzanne about those.
It was because he’d been so tied up with Eamon all summer, he thought grimly to himself. He’d been letting everything else slide. How no one had called him out on it yet was some kind of miracle.
Instead, infuriatingly, the only thing anyone seemed to want to talk about was where Eamon was. He couldn’t stop in at the bakery for a loaf of bread without someone telling him cheerfully that they hadn’t seen Eamon in a couple of days and was he all right? He’d mumbled something and left with his bread, but what he really wanted was to tell them that he was never going to see that stuck-up asshole ever again.
He didn’t want to yell at anyone, but he was starting to feel like it was the only way he could get free of Eamon’s influence. Surely he’d only have to scream at one other person and the information could just pass around town without a problem?
It had certainly gone around town fast enough when he’d kissed Eamon outside of the Wick.
He didn’t want to think about it.
He didn’t want to think about anything to do with Eamon, though how he was going to avoid it when Eamon had managed to completely replace his usual appointments and accounting system with this new mess was still a mystery to him.
Love in Tandem Page 20
