by Niyah Moore
She opened the door with a smile on her face. “Come in.”
The smell of kush hit me in the face. I didn’t like her smoking in front of my son, but she was a grown-ass woman, so I couldn’t chew her out about it.
“Where’s my son?” I asked, looking around.
“Down for a nap. Where the cash at, nigga?”
I rolled my eyes and handed her a wad of money. “That should hold you and my son for a while. Don’t say shit about no lights getting cut off, or I’m cutting back, straight up. You know, I’m still mad at you for that Twitter shit.”
“Come on. That was, like, two months ago. Get over it.”
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do.”
“Well, we’re even. You embarrassed the fuck out of me, curbin’ me for that fuckin’ stripper-ho bitch. Yeah, she thinks she the shit now, ’cause you took her up outta the strip club and made her a wife, but she still a ho if you ask me.”
“Man, you was fucking around with another nigga the entire time you were fucking me, Charity, so watch who you callin’ a ho.”
“Whatever.” She counted the money. “I don’t even need all this. I rather you just spend time with your son.” She was complaining, but she didn’t hand a nigga any of the bills back.
“I’ll do that. I got business, though, so chill with all that public shit.”
“Hey, I’m not trying break up your relationship, ’cause she bringin’ in that money. What’s good for you is good for my son, so I’m cool on your li’l wife. She’ll fuck it up enough on her own. I’m sure you’ll find out she’s been fuckin’ around Miami with some big-time D-boy named Nas.”
“What the fuck you say?” I asked, tensing up.
She laughed, as if it was funny. “Calm down. I’m just letting you know. I can’t have you out here looking stupid. You are my child’s father, and I do care about you. Keep ya eyes open, playa. That’s all I’m sayin’. Ya wife got her a li’l boyfriend.”
“Fuckin’ liar.” I stomped to the front door. “Kiss my son for me. I’m out.”
She slammed the door behind me once I was outside. The nerve of that bitch. Desire didn’t have no time to fuck around. Shit, if she knew what was good for her, she wouldn’t try me.
24
DESIRE
Alone
“He was here for maybe eight hours, and then he got back on the plane to go home,” I complained to Egypt, Nia, and Lala while we chilled in my room right after my photo shoot.
Luxury was supposed to stay so I could forget about Nasim, but with him leaving like that, it made me think only about how Nasim hadn’t wanted me to leave his hotel room.
Nia shook her head, as if she felt sad for me. “I can only imagine how you feel.”
Lala said, “The good thing is that we know Luxury had to get home to take care of business. With the rise of you and the Monnahan Boyz, the label seriously needs him, as the CEO, to be more hands on in the office. Well, at least until he selects a president who can fill that role. I hope that makes sense.”
It did, but it didn’t. My husband was supposed to be on my tour with me. That alone feeling had its grip on my heart and was squeezing the life out of it. It was killing me more each day. If this was how things were going to be, I didn’t know if I was cut out for it.
“I hear you,” I said. “I can’t wait to get back to the States.”
“Girl, fuck the States,” Nia said. “Shit, you got to see Paris for a few days, and now Spain for a week. People would kill to go to these places.”
“I think you’ll like the United Kingdom,” Egypt said. “I love London.”
“Do you think Luxury will come back before the tour is over?” I asked.
Nia and Lala looked at one another uneasily. I could tell that Egypt was thinking of how to answer me.
“So, that means no?” I asked, feeling crazy that these bitches knew before I did that my husband wouldn’t be joining my tour.
Egypt said, “The Monnahan Boyz will be in Baltimore, New York, and Dallas during the last week of your tour, and you’ll be in the UK, so he’s going with them.”
I wanted to cry, but I just couldn’t bring myself to mope around, not when I had to be so hyped up for these shows. Just when I was about to start feeling depressed, my phone rang.
It was Nasim, so I stepped out in the hallway to take the call.
“Hello,” I said, feeling my heart skip a beat.
“What’s up, gorgeous?”
“Nothing much. Just left a shoot.”
“Nice. Where you at now?”
“Barcelona.”
“Spain. That’s mad dope, yo. I saw your Snap with Luxury. I know you’re glad that he could finally make it to be with you.”
I sighed. “He was here, but then he left. Looks like I’ll be in Spain for a week and the UK for another week without him.”
“You playin’?”
“No, I’m not playing.”
“What? That’s lame as fuck to me. Not dissing your husband but seems to me he only put a ring on your finger to make sure you wouldn’t fuck around.”
“Don’t seem like that worked too well, did it?” I said, feeling butterflies fluttering in my tummy.
“How you feel about him not being there?”
“How you think I feel about it?”
I was so mad at Luxury for not sticking around for my shows. Then he dumped Nia and Lala on me, as if that would take the sting off the wound. I still wasn’t all that cool with them like that. They were friendly and all, but if he thought any one of them could replace Mina, he thought wrong. Nobody could replace Mina.
“What if I was there? Would that cheer you up?” Nasim said.
That sounded good, but I already knew what that would lead to. “We already talked about this. We can’t kick it like that.”
“Shit, we don’t have to have sex. You act like all I’m trying to do is smash. We can talk and do whatever you want to do. Plus, I need a little two-week vacation.”
“Uh-huh. I doubt that you want to come all the way to Spain and the UK to do Netflix and chill. What you doing right now?”
“I’m shopping for a new Rolex.”
“Nice.” I got to thinking. I had a nigga who wanted to see me and be with me. My own husband didn’t. “Hey, so why don’t I pay for your flight, ’cause I don’t really want you flying all the way over to Spain on your dime. And I’ll get you a room to my liking. How does that sound?”
“That sounds cool, but I can pay my own way. You know how I roll.”
“I do, but let me do something nice for you, since you want to do something nice for me, like spend a week in another country to keep me company.”
“Okay, I’ll roll with it this one time. Just let me know. What else is going on with you?”
“I don’t want to bore you with my boring-ass life. Being a so-called celebrity is not what it’s all cracked up to be. I work so much that I don’t have time to enjoy shit. All work and no muhfuckin’ play.”
“You can talk to me about anything.”
“It will take hours,” I sighed.
“I got hours.”
“Well, I don’t really know what to do with my relationship right now. I love Luxury, but I can’t help but feel like this nigga is hiding something.”
“You try talking to him?” he asked.
“It’s like I don’t know what to say.”
“From the outside looking in, I know you love him. He must love you too. How can he not? But he gotta figure out how to balance work and married life, you know? If you’re feeling any kind of way, you should talk to him. You gotta learn to communicate a whole lot better. Feel me?”
“I hear you,” I said, not trying to hear that. Luxury was supposed to know what I was feeling. Who would want to be halfway around the world without their new husband?
“I’m just keeping it real. I’m your friend, Desire.”
Egypt peeked her head out the door, and I held up my finger. She we
nt back inside the room.
“Hey, I gotta go. I’ll call you later. Send me your email so I can shoot you the itinerary for your flight. Okay?”
“Yeah. Talk to you soon.”
I went inside the room, and Egypt said, “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but we going to the bar. You coming?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m going to get some rest.”
Egypt nodded. “Okay. Good night.”
“Night,” Lala and Nia said as they followed Egypt out of my room.
“Night, ladies.”
As soon as they left, I jumped on my MacBook to book the flights and the hotel for Nasim. It was expensive, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have the money. I made sure to put him in hotels in Spain and the United Kingdom that were near mine. If Luxury wasn’t going to be here for two weeks, I was making sure I had my own company.
* * *
Luxury confirmed that he would be with his brothers for the next two weeks, and he made it clear that he would not be joining me for the rest of my tour. I didn’t understand this sense of abandonment I felt. Of course, I had lost my best friend and my father, and Luxury was supposed to fill the void for me. But I used to be so strong, I used to be able to stand on my own two feet. I supposed that the deaths in my life had taken a toll on my self-esteem.
Why did Luxury need to be with his brothers and not with me? I wondered. Something felt fishy, and I wasn’t feeling this at all. I needed Luxury more every day. I was used to him dressing me, telling me what to do every minute of the day, and now he wanted me to be without him. We argued about it for the next two days, and he apologized and sent flowers and candy to my hotel room, but I was still mad.
The only thing that cheered me up was the fact that Nasim was on his way. As soon as Nasim touched down and arrived at the hotel I had booked for him, I told Egypt I was going to bed really early because I was exhausted, and didn’t want to be disturbed. She didn’t seem to mind, since she and the girls were out sightseeing. I gave Meek the night off, which he was happy about.
Before I could head out, Luxury decided to FaceTime me.
“Shit,” I exclaimed. Exhaling, I tossed my purse down and lay in the bed, just in case Egypt had told him I was going to bed early.
“Hey,” I said after the camera loaded.
“Hey, baby,” he said, staring all dreamy eyed into the camera. “What you doing?”
“Trying to get some much-needed rest.”
“Damn, you must be tired, ’cause you ain’t even took off your makeup yet.”
“I know. I miss you,” I said to deflect from the fact that I had fresh makeup on my face to go see Nasim.
“I miss you too. I just wanted to jump on here and see your face real quick.”
“You look nice,” I said, noting how handsome and fresh he looked.
“Thank you. Pray for me before I get on this plane. A nigga hates flying, for real.”
I paused. He had never told me that he hated to fly. When we’d jumped on that private jet to Vegas, he’d been cool as ever. “Luxury, you have a fear of flying?”
“Well, kind of. Quick flights are cool, but I prefer the bus kind of touring.”
I thought about it. Flights overseas were the longest. “Tell me that’s not the fuckin’ reason you ain’t here right now.”
He hesitated before he said, “Look, I know it sounds fucked up, but . . . Okay, I don’t like flying over water. I know you’re safe and you got Egypt, Lala, and Nia to keep you company. It took a lot for me get on the plane the last time. I don’t want to sound or look like no bitch around you.”
“What? Are you serious? I can’t believe you. Why didn’t you just fuckin’ say that, nigga?” I said, spazzing.
“I didn’t want to sound like no pussy-ass nigga.”
“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Look, I’m not about to do this with you. I’m tired and ready to go to bed. I gotta go.”
“Baby, don’t get off the phone like this. Just try to understand.”
“Bye, Luxury.” I ended FaceTime.
I waited for a little while to compose myself before leaving my room. I took the stairs so I wouldn’t run into the girls in case they were on the elevator. I didn’t want to have to try to come up with a lie. I walked to the hotel where Nasim was staying, as it was only a block away.
25
LUXURY
Monnahan Boyz
I made Desire so mad that she wouldn’t even pick up FaceTime for me after she hung up. I had managed to guide her to stardom, but now she didn’t know what to do with herself when I wasn’t around. I had thought this tour would be a good opportunity for her to get that foreign money and forget about the pain of not having Mina and her pops, but the distance was causing a major problem in our relationship. She had every right to be upset and feel a little lost, but I could tell she was hiding something from me. No matter how tired she was, she never went to bed with her makeup on. Never. That was the first red flag. I had to call Egypt on FaceTime to see what was good.
Egypt picked up, and it looked and sounded like she was out somewhere. She put in her earpiece and said, “Hey, Luxury.”
“Hey, E. Where y’all at?”
“Me, Lala, and Nia found us a little bar, and we’re having some drinks. Desire didn’t want to come, because she’s tired. She’s back at the room.”
“I know. I just got off FaceTime with her. How she been?”
“She’s been a mess. When she’s not onstage, she’s crying and in a screaming rage. I mean, she misses you like crazy. Why are you torturing her like this?”
“I’m not trying to. Does she seem a little depressed?”
“She’s close to it, but I figure it’s because she’s out here without you.”
“Yeah? Well, she knows I’m afraid of flying over water now. She hung up on a nigga after it slipped out.”
“Damn. Give her some time. Once she gets home, she’ll be fine.”
“A’ight, E. I gotta get over to Lav’s, so we can get to this airport. I’ll call back once I make it to B-more.”
“Okay.”
I ended the call and grabbed my suitcase. I turned off the lights as I walked through the house. Then I drove to Lavish’s, with heavy thoughts on my mind. During the short drive over to his place, I tried not to be mad at myself for slipping up and telling Desire about my dumb fear. She was going to find out sooner or later. I just hoped she wasn’t too mad at a nigga.
I got out of the car after pulling up in Lavish’s driveway. I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. I pulled out my cell and called him, but the call went straight to voicemail. I hit Frill’s line to see if he would answer.
He answered, sounding like he was still asleep. “Hello?”
“Nigga, answer the muhfuckin’ door. I’m outside.”
I stood there for another minute before Frill opened the door.
“The fuck? Y’all niggas still asleep?” I shouted.
This was typical Lavish and Frill bullshit. They always partied all fucking night when I said that we had to catch a flight the next morning. I walked down the hallway toward Lavish’s bedroom.
“Please tell me you’re up, Lav,” I hollered when I reached his closed bedroom door.
Now I was frustrated. We had thirty minutes to get to the airport, and that was pushing it. I should’ve known I had to get here earlier, because this was their typical bullshit. I opened the door to Lavish’s bedroom, and I shook my head. Girls were sprawled out all over his bedroom, and they were all sleeping. Some were half naked. Some were completely naked. Blond girls. Dark-haired girls. White. Black. Latin. Lavish was wildin’. I didn’t see him, but I could hear the shower running in his bathroom. I went to the bathroom door, so I could let him know it was time to go.
“Lavish, nigga, we gotta go,” I called through the door.
The door was opened by a woman who was dripping wet. It looked like she had just jumped out of the shower. Her slim but cur
vy chocolate body greeted me. “He’ll be out in a minute,” she said with a smile as steam escaped into the bedroom.
I shouldn’t have stared at her for so long, but she was fine as fuck and that body . . . I turned away quickly.
Lavish said, “Baby, can you hand me a towel from the linen closet?”
She turned away from the door and walked over to the closet. She grabbed a thick towel and walked back to the shower. He reached his hand out to get the towel.
“Lav, why are you just now getting out of the fuckin’ shower? I told y’all to be ready when I got here,” I shouted.
“Why you always bitchin’ ’bout us being late? Ain’t nothin’ new. You bitch at Desire this same way?”
“Fuck you, muhfucka. Don’t worry about my wife and me. Hurry up and get yo’ ass dressed.”
The dark-skinned beauty arched her eyebrow, giving Lavish an intrigued look.
“What’s up, baby? You lookin’ like you need something,” Lavish said to her as he stepped forward. He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her into him.
“We ain’t got time for all that. Hurry the fuck up!” I yelled, and then I walked out of his bedroom. I made my way quickly through the house to find Frill.
He was in the hall bathroom, brushing his teeth.
“Y’all know how I am about time. Y’all keep playing with my time,” I groused.
“Chill, big bro. We gone make it on time.” Frill tossed his dreads out of his face so he could spit in the sink.
I sighed loudly and paced the hallway, looking at my watch. I instantly felt like I had made the biggest mistake in choosing to stay here with these niggas. I should’ve just faced my fear and stayed at Desire’s side.
26
DESIRE
Doing Me
Fuck Luxury with his lying ass. Why wouldn’t he want to tell me the reason he wasn’t with me on this international tour? That was the stupidest shit I had ever heard. I was his wife, and although our relationship had moved at the speed of light, his fear was something I should’ve known off the top.
