by Seth Barder
It's odd thinking back on that now. Odd because when Josh was a kid he thought the man annoying. He figured it was his bad luck the old man caught him every year, no matter how hard he tried to keep clear of him. Now, years later, Josh understood why. God, in His infinite way, directed that man, subtly and without his knowing, to wherever Josh and his friends were. God was trying to get Josh’s attention at a young age. Josh wanted to think God knew the path he was headed so sent someone to point him back in the right direction. Why couldn’t God just send an angel to talk to him? An angel coming out of the opening sky, floating down on the sun’s rays to tell Josh he’s in danger of going to hell. Instead, God sends some guy who smelled weird to tell him to follow Jesus. It didn’t make sense. Who in their right mind would listen to some ordinary person trying to preach to them?
Josh shook his head. He knew the mindset he had back then. He was brash, stubborn, arrogant, prideful, indestructible, and a whole many other things. He may have never needed to be tempted by the devil, Josh walked head-long into sin. God put out His hand and Josh snubbed Him, He even placed in his heart a yearning for His Spirit when he read the booklet but Josh ignored it. He felt like the worst person who’d ever lived.
A few hundred feet of silence and Driton spoke up, “I'm sorry this is all troubling you, Josh.”
Josh hadn't realized he looked so troubled. He gave Driton a shrug but continued to stare at his bare feet on what should feel like a damp sidewalk. He couldn't shake how alone he felt inside.
“It's just all new to me, that's all,” Josh finally said after a few more steps.
“I know. I’m sorry it’s so difficult for you to get used to. Maybe if you look at it in another way. Think of everything you now see as your new world. Now you get to figure out how you’re going to live in this one.”
“It’s hard, Driton.” He said quietly, “This all feels like a dream. I’m not sure whether it’s a good one or bad one. To be honest, and please don’t get angry but, the more I’m here the more it seems like this is a bad dream.”
“I’m not offended, Josh. You can’t offend us. We know what you’re going through. We have to in order to help you understand better. And I hear you when you say it’s hard. If it’s any comfort no human has gone to heaven because they were perfect. Every human on earth has sinned. Every human has made bad choices. Remember us having this discussion before?”
Josh slowly nodded his head, looking back to the sidewalk, “Yeah, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”
Driton closed the gap between them and put his arm around Josh’s shoulder, “I know. I’m sorry.”
Josh felt like crying. He knew Driton was only trying to console him, but it made him feel worse. And he hated the feeling. His mind constantly pounded out all the things he’d done over his life that he shouldn’t. Things that not only hurt him now, but hurt others when he did them.
That old man was only trying to reach people for Christ, only doing what God asked him to, and Josh rejected him. He never gave Jesus a chance. Josh would have loved following Jesus. He would have loved it so much that he would have gone back to the fair, grabbed that old man’s hand or maybe even embraced him, thanking him for caring so much to reach out to someone like him. Josh imagined what the old man would have done then. But none of that happened.
Josh didn’t know why he kept torturing himself. He could have gone to heaven some time ago but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Josh thought of the story of Adam and Eve. They were curious as well. They wanted the knowledge God had, a way to explain the things they saw. That’s what got them into trouble. Not believing seems to be what gets all humans in trouble. Even Josh.
Chapter 12
