by Seth Barder
Josh followed close behind Driton, doing his best to keep his mind occupied so as to not cause him to do or ask stupid things. It was difficult. He still felt a little down knowing what he should have done with his life instead of wasting it on useless things. The positive way to look at it would be that he’s now privy to secrets only a certain select group of people knew about. It was as if he’d been entrusted with some valuable piece of information only given to those who’d proven themselves worthy enough to deal with this hidden knowledge. It made him feel like he was actually worth something, that someone really believed in him. It made him want to cry. He’d never felt so close to God than he did then. Looking at the positive did help. Josh was already feeling better.
But he also felt good because he knew he’d truly changed as well. The nervousness and tenseness he first felt when they walked through the city was gone. He still saw demons doing their “job”, as Driton put it, but Josh was less frightened of them now, viewing them more as a part of life instead of a threat. He knew they weren’t going to jump on him the moment they saw him. They did their thing and he did his. Gradually Josh has learned to accept things the way they are, regardless if he liked it or not. By him not worrying about the negative things he saw, he found himself feeling more relaxed and a little freer.
Josh looked up at the sky. It was near twilight now and the stars were beginning to come out. He thought of God far up there in heaven looking down at the people on earth. What a beautiful place it will be up there among the stars. The heaven he could see looked peaceful and beautiful, how much more the heaven where God sits. Josh tried to think of the most beautiful scene. A golden throne surrounded by white fluffy clouds. Sitting on the throne was God—Josh never envisioned God having a body like everyone else, He was more like a bright light with no discernible features, a God who was physically there, but wasn’t. Just for good measure Josh added a rainbow above God’s throne, it was his imagination, he could do with it what he wanted.
Josh settled it in his mind. Any question or comment he had, he’d wait until he was in God’s presence…or Jesus’ it didn’t really matter too much to him. Josh felt ready to go to heaven. Everything down here was nice to see and he’d miss it, but Josh was ready to start his new life. It would also mean leaving Driton. Would he ever see him again? Josh would definitely miss him. He’d become a good friend and companion. Josh figured by now Driton would be glad to be rid of him. Josh thought of all the stupid things he did. He felt like an idiot asking so many dumb questions then not believing Driton when he answered him. Josh felt ashamed he ever asked anything in the first place. But Driton took everything Josh had done like a true angel would. Josh knew he’d never have the patience Driton had if anyone acted the way he did. If anyone came across Josh with an attitude or didn’t listen to him he would’ve taken that person straight to hell without thinking twice about it and wouldn’t feel the slight bit of guilt as the person pleaded for mercy as they burned. They didn’t listen so they should pay for it. He was glad he wasn’t an angel. It made him appreciate Gods abounding grace being able to look into a person’s heart without judging them for the things they said or did. Josh could see what it would take to be a genuine Christian. A person who could forgive another from their heart, just like Driton had talked about. Not bringing the bad deed back up, no matter how awful it was, and acting as if it never happened. A genuine Christian would have compassion on even the worst of sinners, even if the other person isn’t a Christian. Someone who is genuine can give grace to others when they don’t deserve it. It wasn’t about getting even with someone who made you angry or hurt you. Genuine Christianity is doing everything in your power to lead that person to want to change their own life and live it for Jesus Christ.
Josh felt like he should apologize to Driton before he left for the way he treated him but was afraid he’d open some wound he created. He didn’t want to leave Driton on bad terms. Driton did say angels don’t get angry so the only other option was that he might get sad. Do angels cry? Josh thought they did. If they can feel joy, they should be able to feel sorrow as well. Josh wasn’t sure what he’d do if Driton started to cry. He knew it’d make him feel bad again then he knew a flood of guilt and shame would rush through his mind of all the things he’s done to him. Then he’d start thinking of Nikki and how he’d treated her. And the thoughts would keep going until Josh felt just as bad, if not worse than he had before. Josh decided against mentioning anything, hoping to just leave all of it behind him. Driton was right, Josh needed to forgive himself and look ahead to what God has for him. Everything in the past is gone. God doesn’t remember it so neither should Driton. It made sense so Josh dropped the idea.
“Do you need a little more time?” Driton asked while Josh was deep in thought.
“Huh?” Josh asked as if coming out of a stupor.
How long had Josh been standing there staring? The streets looked empty and dark except for the streetlights. Those that worked shined partly on the sidewalk and partly on the street. Their humming and buzzing were more distinct now that all the traffic was gone. Some old plastic grocery bags twisted and turned in the light breeze. Josh wished he could feel that breeze again.
Driton chuckled, “Do..you..need..a..little..more..time?” He said slower this time.
“Oh, uh…no. I think I’m okay now.” Josh answered, still trying to get his mind together.
“You sure? You look a little…uneasy.”
“No, no, I’m okay.”
Chapter 15
