by Seth Barder
Josh was surprised at how much he’d miss being on earth. Just thinking about leaving a place he’d called home for many years gave him a little lump in his throat. So many familiar things he was used to seeing daily he’d have to leave behind, he was already getting nostalgic. He’d never be able to visit his old stomping grounds like the fairgrounds or the park. He’d never again see that blue sky or the green trees again. He'd have to get used to a whole new environment. Did heaven have a blue sky? Josh thought of heaven as being in the clouds so could only assume there would be but if his journey had taught him anything it was that everything he’d learned wasn’t what it seemed.
He wondered if he’d see any of his family there. He wondered if he’d remember any of them or would their memory of each other be wiped away. He hoped not. Josh would like to know whether his mother was there or not. He hoped she was. Would she have known he’d been sent to hell? How happy she'd be if she recognizes him. How great it would be to see her and hold her in his arms again, knowing she’ll never leave him.
Josh was afraid he might not see his father in heaven. Sure the man was stern, but Josh may have been looking at it all wrong, through a young person’s eyes. Maybe it was Josh who chose to focus on all the negative things his father said. He did remember his father giving him some praise now and then, but the chastising he received from his old man seemed to remain with him longer him for some reason. It didn’t matter anymore. Josh only hoped he was a believer. His fight with cancer ended quicker than Josh thought it would. He wasn't sure if his ‘ol man was saved or not. He never thought to ask. Josh never saw him go to church and the name “Jesus” never came out of his mouth, for good or bad. Some basic principles of how to tell if a person’s a Christian weren’t as evident in him. It wasn’t as if he was a bad man. He was a good person. Josh never heard his father use foul language. He didn’t smoke and only occasionally drank. He was a good provider for his family too. Even when times were really tough his father would find some kind of odd job he could do: clean a truck-stop bathroom, mow a lawn, or simple manual labor for a contractor. He even went as far as walking up and down the county roads picking up cans that had been thrown out of vehicles as they sped by. His father was even good enough to go out of his way to help someone else in need, even if his own family was down to their last dollar.
Josh remembered he was a decent man, but was his father a Christian? Did his father believe that Jesus is the Son of God, came to earth, died on the cross for his sins and rose again on the third day? Josh wasn’t sure. Was there grace given to those who were just good people? The answer was probably in the Bible somewhere, but the last thing he wanted to do was ask Driton where something was in the Bible. He figured he should be able to piece it together from all he’s seen so far.
Josh remembered love was important, so was faith. Josh knew his father loved him, his older sister, and their mother. Josh was sure his father had some friends he cared dearly for. As for loving those who did evil to him? Josh wasn’t sure about that either. And as for faith? Josh was again at a loss. He knew his father never worried about where they’d get money for their basic needs. That was kind of like having faith, but did he have faith God would provide or was he just trying to think positive? Maybe that’s why Driton stressed people should show they’re a Christian by the works they do. It’s for others to see Jesus in them. Then Josh, as well as others, would have no need to wonder. He wanted to believe his father was in heaven but believing it doesn’t make it so. Even if his father had been a little hard on him growing up Josh would never wish a day in hell on anyone, no matter how much he disliked them.
“So?” Driton was still standing there waiting for an answer, “You ready to go?” He smiled.
He knew Josh would have a hard time leaving, just as Driton knew people have a hard time letting go. But Josh was ready. Finally ready to make the final transition to his real home.
“I am,” he said with a small, assured, nod and grin.
Driton nodded back at him then started off again. Josh faithfully followed Driton wherever he was headed.
Josh, being ignorant of how this would work, wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. He looked around, wondering if the scenery would change and they’d somehow be in heaven. But nothing changed. To his surprise, nothing out of the ordinary happened. They continued their walk through the city as if they were taking a leisurely stroll through some park. After every turn, Josh expected to be whisked away or something, but it didn’t happen.
“I figured there'd be a bright light from heaven shining down on us and raise us to heaven the moment I said ‘Yes’.” Josh said partially joking but partially serious.
Driton was quick to catch on, “You watched way too many movies, Josh.”
Josh smiled. Driton was right, most of what he knew about heaven and hell he got from TV and movies. Both made it look as though if someone were really bad on earth their torture in hell would be minor, if at all. It was nothing like that. You sin a little or you sin a lot, if you don’t follow Jesus’ teachings, you're going to the same hell as everyone else. Really bad things happen to everyone. Josh trembled to think of going through all that for eternity. There wasn't even a chance to get used to any of it, everything was so sporadic, he never knew what kind of pain he'd be going through next. If he’d been there much longer Josh could just imagine what other things those demons would have thought up to do to him. Josh thought of that poor woman he met when he first got there. He remembered how scared she was of him. Probably thought he was going to hurt her or something. He couldn’t blame her, Josh thought Driton was there to hurt him when he first showed up. He thought of all the wicked things done to that woman over and over again, things that would never stop. Josh cringed. His heart went out to her. He wished he could help.
“Driton?”
“Mm-hm?” Driton stopped walking so he could give Josh his full attention.
“When I went to hell, before...,” Josh paused thinking about all the horrible things that had been done to him.
“...some...things happened...,” Driton was delicate in trying to help Josh continue his thought.
“Yeah...um...I met this girl, er, young woman actually. I was just wonderin’ why...she was there?”
“In hell?”
“Yeah.”
Driton wasn’t sure how he wanted to answer such an easy question, “Well...she sinned,” Driton said to the point.
“Well, yeah, but...what did she do? Specifically?”
“You shouldn't worry about things like that, Josh. You could wonder that about everyone sent there. And we honestly don’t have that much time.”
“We have eternity.” Josh quipped. Driton closed his eyes, snickered to himself and shook his head, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Josh said quickly, “What I mean is, she's the only other...soul I met there and she looked so frightened…so frail.” Josh’s smile faded away remembering the look on her face when he touched her, “She just didn’t look like some evil person that belongs there. I jus’ wondered what someone like that could have done to end up there.”
“Because she’s a woman?”
Josh took a quick moment to think about it, “Well…now I do, I guess.”
“She had a problem letting go.” Before Josh could say anything Driton continued, “She was hurt by someone and couldn't let go of it. She is one that could not completely forgive the person who had done the wrong to her. Remember we talked about forgiving people from the heart?” Josh nodded, “She said she forgave him, maybe trying to convince herself or others, but God knew her heart. For many years following she harbored it there. She couldn't let go and became vindictive. She was hurt and wanted the other person to hurt. She wanted them to pay for what she felt was the full cost of making her feel the way she did. She wanted to repay evil with evil when Jesus asked His followers to repay evil with goodness. That means doing every kind of good for the other person. She couldn't bring herself to do that. Because she couldn't forgive from her h
eart, God couldn't forgive her of her sins, no matter how many times she asked Him to. She died at a young age and He counted all her sins against her. On the outside she might have looked like a good person, but nothing is hid from Him.”
“So, she was a believer.”
“Of course. But she didn’t know her Bible very well. She went to church, volunteered with a women’s group from there, and so on. But she chose to do only the Bible verses that appealed to her, not everyone. It’s not uncommon. People do that every day,” he said with a shrug. “Find the verses you like, ignore the rest. Find people who are like-minded as you so you can feel justified in what you do and how you feel and ignore everything else. She’s in hell simply because she couldn’t forgive.”
Josh swallowed hard, that look she gave him still seared in his mind. He did remember the two of them discussing this some time ago but now he had a face to go with everything they talked about. Even though they had talked and Josh understood everything, for some reason now he didn't think something like that was worth someone going to hell. Obviously, it was though. How small and socially acceptable it seems to hold on to the bitterness when something hurtful is done to you, a way of justifying what they want done to the perpetrator. That being true, how many more people will be going to hell for eternity because they can't truly forgive?
“How’s that fair?”
“Her going to hell?”
“Well, I understand why she went but…okay, let’s just say someone sinned against her...”
“Someone did sin against her.” Driton pointed out
Josh knew he’d misspoke. He held up his hands, gesturing for Driton to let him continue, “Right, but let’s say that person, years later, sees the error of their way and turns to follow Jesus with their whole heart. Okay?” Josh wanted to be sure Driton was following him so far.
“Okay,” he said half-nodding.
“Now, that person follows Jesus for the rest of their life, dies, and goes to heaven. Right?” He paused again, being sure Driton would agree.
Driton had a suspicious look on his face, “Right.” He said slowly.
“Okay, now the woman, who had to bear this for what I’m assuming is a long time and has had a tough life because of it, goes to hell.”
Driton’s expression, nor his tone, changed, “Yeah.”
“How is that fair? She’s been through a lot already, but now she’s forced to endure hell while the other person can do evil then live a life of peace and rest?” Driton was about to respond when Josh continued, “That means if I live a sinful life then repent on my deathbed I'll go to heaven. It's like a 'get in free' card.”
Driton waited to see if Josh was finished, then he answered, “It's not all so black and white, Josh. First of all the deathbed repentance isn’t a guarantee. No one knows when they’ll die. Anyone in the world could be killed in a robbery, get a terminal disease, or get hit by a car and die. That’s why people say, ‘No one is guaranteed tomorrow.’ Only God knows when a person’s time is up. Those people who hope to repent in time might not have enough of it. It’s not a chance I’d want to take if I were human. Forgiveness might seem minor to humans, but it's huge in our world. We talked about this, Josh.”
“I know, I know.” Josh said it, but he didn’t sound convinced
“It’s not about being fair, it’s about showing people God’s true nature. God loves humans no matter what evil thing they do to Him. This is helpful for people who cuss and scream at God, use His name as if it means nothing to them, or flat out tries to do everything against Him because they feel He let them down, they’re hurt and want Him to know how He made them feel. God wants people to show the same kind of love He shows to them.”
Josh understood, but his human side kept gnawing at him. That woman, lost somewhere in hell, being tortured. His mind was muddled with thoughts now, so many it was hard to think of anything else, anything pleasant or positive. He looked around again at the bustling city hoping something would clear his mind. It was still daylight out. It looked close to evening. The cars and people quickly slowed to an almost standstill as if emulating what his mind was going through. It wasn’t though. That was how things worked here and even though he’d been around it for this long, he still wasn’t sure why things happened the way they did.
Josh watched the people, observing how they walked, dressed, and reacted to the world around them. His envy for them returned. They still had a chance to ask for forgiveness and turn their lives around before it was too late. They were able to hold their loved ones and cherish every day with them before they were taken away from the only world they’ve known. It must be similar to what angels think as they walk among the humans. Certainly it was what demons did. Seeing humans get a second chance at life when they don’t. Josh could empathize. He wondered what the woman thought when she found herself in hell. “Why am I here? I don’t belong here.” The same thing the preacher would after living his life through a lie.
Josh caught glimpses of angels walking gracefully near the human they were assigned. Equally visible were demons among their assigned “job”. It was becoming much easier to accept seeing both angel and demon among the people. He was starting to get used to the whole thing. He thought about how much he knew now. He felt like someone who had just eaten the fruit of knowledge. His eyes were opened to this secret spirit world. Yet, Josh knew he’d only seen part of what was going on. There was an entire world out there—different nations following false gods, or demons to be more precise—and in all these countries Jesus’ death and resurrection had been preached but few chose to follow Him. He could question why but he already knew the answer. It was the same reason he hadn’t. He didn’t think he needed to. Inwardly he groaned as he relived his life again. His only consolation was Jesus died for his sins. That was something that made him smile. This perfect love He gave to him because He knew Josh wouldn’t be able to do it on his own.
Josh looked at Driton, smiled and said, “I’m sorry, Driton. I’m really ready to go now.”
Driton returned the smile and nodded, “Okay,” he said, and they were on their way again.
Chapter 17
