by Seth Barder
The bedroom was lit by a single lamp sitting on an end-table on the other side of the bed to their right, no wonder why he couldn’t see any lights from the front porch. It was just enough to illuminate the room, making the walls appear yellow. There was a dark brown dresser to Josh’s left, almost camouflaged by the dark brown carpet. Josh walked forward a bit, not entirely sure why Driton needed to be there. He could hear more clearly the sound of someone lightly sobbing. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the bed. From where he stood Josh stretched his neck trying to see what it was without having to move any closer, in case it was something that didn’t want to be bothered, like a demon.
Driton walked to the other side of the bed, sighing sadly as he did. Josh waited for a minute, he didn’t want to interfere with Driton’s business, but Driton didn’t move. Josh built up enough courage to step forward. On the other side of the bed, sitting on the floor next to the end-table he saw a young teenage girl. The lamp on her nightstand shone on her red shoulder length hair and down onto her arms and hands. She’d obviously been crying for some time that night. Josh, curious as always, moved closer to her.
“What’s wrong with her?” Josh asked looking at Driton.
Driton motioned towards the girl, “They’re back.”
Josh turned to look. He could see the two figures kneeling nearby, one on her left and one on her right. Close enough they almost touched her. Both figures were black as coal. Their baldheads, red eyes, and long, pointed, ears left no question that they were demons. The same type he’d seen walking around the city. The same he’d seen in that woman’s apartment. Josh wasn’t sure whether these were the same demons but their actions were familiar. They were close enough to whisper lies into the young girl’s ears, their voices so low Josh could only make out a few sentences. But they were sentences Josh remembered well.
“Why not?” One said, “No one’ll miss me anyway. It might be better if I’m gone.”
“People’d be happier. They don’t care anyway.” Said the other. “Anything’s gotta be better than this.”
A cold chill ran down Josh’s back. All the hairs on his arms and neck stood up, tingling as they did. Those were the same words he’d heard before he killed himself...the night that instantly sent him to hell. He remembered thinking those words were his own, the voice in his head sounded exactly like his. He couldn’t believe he fell for those lies. He almost couldn’t believe this beautiful, sweet girl could believe the same lines.
Josh looked down into the girl's hands. Both her palms were face up. In her right hand was the razor blade from a shaver. Neither of the demons laid a finger on her, but their words more than urged her. They were slowly convincing her it was the right thing to do.
“My God,” Josh said out loud, “Is this what it looked like the night I…?” He didn’t finish.
Driton was a little reluctant to answer. “Yes.” He said sounding like he carried a heavy heart.
Josh looked back at Driton and swallowed hard, “I never knew.”
“You’re not supposed to.” Driton was always to the point, “That’s why they’re so successful.”
Josh turned his head back to the young girl. He watched her helplessly as she stared at her wrists. Her arms were trembling some as she contemplated using that blade across her pearly-white skin. A gold bracelet around her left wrist shimmered as it crept down her arm near the spot she'd have to cut. Josh was by no means an expert on what was going to happen, and he couldn’t see into her heart, but he could see in her face that she was slowly breaking and about to give in to their unrelenting pressure. Back and forth with their lies the demons didn’t let up. Tears flowed a little more down her cheeks. Josh knelt down, his heart broke for the girl. He knew her feeling of uselessness and hopelessness. He knew what it felt like to think no one loves you. He knew the young girl would want it all to end so she could finally have some peace from her otherwise chaotic life. She’d never suspect things would only get worse. Josh thought about what would happen to her in hell. He had to shake his head a few times to get those thoughts out. It was despicable to think what those demons would do to her. She was just a child.
“Will she go to hell?” Josh asked. “She’s just a young girl.”
“But she’s old enough to be responsible for her own actions.”
Josh closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. This didn’t seem right.
“We gotta do something.” Josh was adamant, assuming this was what Driton was here to do.
“She's given the same choice you had, Josh. Where she goes from here is up to her.”
Josh’s voice raised some, “How do you expect her to make a logical choice when she’s got two demons whispering in her ear things that would make anyone feel bad about them self? I know.”
“That's their job—“
“Job!? I can’t believe this. You’re telling me you’re not going to interfere because it’s not your job!?”
“I’m sorry Josh, I don’t make the rules. She is more than able to make this decision on her own. I told you, demons don’t actually make the feelings surface in her, they point out things they hope will persuade her. They’re familiar spirits, they know her secret fears and doubts” Driton paused to think, “And they might throw in something new just to twist the truth enough to sway her a little more so she’ll do what they want.”
Josh scoffed, not accepting Driton’s explanation. He faced the girl again then moved in closer to try and hear more of what the demons were telling her.
“Don't get too close, Josh,” Driton warned, “Those demons will think nothing of pushing you back.”
Josh eased forward until he was about six feet away from them. It was as close as he felt he would be allowed to get. Josh tried to listen, but the demons were closer to her ears, whispering even quieter. Josh could tell by the way she moved her arms and looked up to the ceiling as if searching for some kind of sign she was becoming more convinced this was the right thing for her to do. Again he noticed the golden bracelet on her wrist sparkling, taking his attention away the look her face. It had moved in such a way that Josh caught a glimpse of the lettering. He thought the first letter resembled an “N”. He squinted his eyes to make out the rest. One by one he spelled out the word N-I-K-K-I. It didn’t fully hit Josh at first. She was just some girl with the same nickname as his own...daughter. Who happened to have red hair. Red hair his daughter inherited from him. But this girl couldn’t be his daughter; she was much older than the five year old he remembered.
Josh stood. “What's her name?” he asked with a little apprehension.
Driton didn’t speak at first. His face was expressionless. He couldn’t believe Josh didn’t know. “Josh.…,” just the tone of Driton's voice made Josh more nervous.
“What's her name?” he asked sharply. Driton didn't answer. Josh turned his head towards Driton, “How long was I in hell?”
Seeing Josh wasn't about to back down Driton relented, “You were in hell for eight years, Josh. This is Nicole…your daughter.”
Josh felt numb. Even his mind wasn’t working properly. He tried to put all the pieces together but was having a hard time. It couldn’t be true. His daughter wasn't supposed to turn out like this. He remembered her as a sweet, happy little girl. She was so cute the way she tried to say words like chicken but could only get out “chicky” as her eyes lit up, proud of herself for saying words like a “big girl”. Josh remembered he could barely hold in his laughter the day he heard her use the term “chicky-chicky-bock-bock” as a new means of saying the word. He remembered her as a curious little thing, always wondering how things worked, so much so that her questions of “why” would begin to irritate Josh and his wife. Even while Josh struggled to believe this was really his daughter, he recognized the nose on her face she’d inherited from him. It was unmistakable. It sloped down smoothly, but at the end it jutted out almost straight ahead. He’d hated it on himself but thought it was cute on her. She even had the cleft in her c
hin like he did. Then there were the features she’d inherited from her mother: her eyes and high cheekbones. This had to be her, but she wasn’t the little girl he remembered anymore. What could have happened to make her turn out like this? How much she’d changed in such a relatively short time. The bright-eyed girl had somehow lost her shine and was now in a dark and disturbing place.
One of the demons said to Nikki, “Your father did it, he's not suffering anymore. It was easy.”
Josh about fell backwards as though he were going to faint. The choice he made to end his life, now many years ago, could be the tipping-point of his own daughter. Believing he went to some wonderful place would make it much easier for her to go through with it.
“No.” Josh said, more to himself than those around, then moved a little closer.
Driton moved next to Josh, placing his hand on Josh's chest, “Josh, you can't interfere. It's her life, her choice. She's going to have to take responsibility for her own actions.”
“How can you say that? She's my daughter!”
“I know, Josh,” his voice still calm, trying to sound comforting, “Even though that's true, we can't interfere.”
“What!?” Josh didn't understand but thought it was Driton who didn't. “Nikki!?” he yelled at her trying to get her attention.
“Josh...,” Driton's hand was still on Josh's chest keeping him from getting any closer.
“Get off me!” he slapped Driton's hand away, “Nikki!?”
“Josh,” Driton moved in front of Josh to keep him from going any further, “you can't.”
“What do you mean I can’t? You think I'm gonna stand here while my daughter’s about to destroy her life!?” he was getting more agitated, “Nikki!” Josh yelled louder hoping she'd hear some hint of his voice, but she kept staring at her wrists. Her breathing was getting heavier now like she was building herself up for something.
“Josh, this is her life,” Driton tried to reason now holding Josh back with his whole body.
“And I'm her father!! Nikki!!” Still she didn’t hear. Still the demons whispered to her. Josh was becoming more afraid for her life. He yelled at the top of his lungs, “NIKKI!!”
“Josh,” Driton said again.
Josh tried pushing Driton away from him, “Aaaagh!!” Driton stood so firm, it was Josh who was moved back.
“Josh, I can't let you. That's not how it works.”
“What do you know!!?” If Josh weren’t so angry, tears would probably be streaming down his face right now, “All we have to do is go over there and remove those...those...,” Josh couldn't think of a word to describe those things manipulating his daughter.
“That's not how it works,” Driton said again calmly.
“'How it works'!? 'How it works'!? I'll tell you how it's supposed to work!” Josh pointed his finger at Driton, “You're supposed to be good! You're supposed to help those in need! You're supposed to do what’s right! You’re supposed to protect and serve humans! But you don’t, you’re just happy to sit back and allow something as wicked as this to happen to a child!? What kind of angel would do that!!?”
As angry and confused as Josh was, his own words somehow echoed in his ears. Over and over again he heard them. Josh thought about what he just asked. He immediately stopped his raging. It was then he realized something and all the anger drained from his body.
“You're not an angel at all are you?” there was a knowing tone in his monotonous voice.
“Of course I am, Josh...,” Driton said sincerely. Then a small, fiendish, smile crossed his face, “...just not the kind you think.”
Josh stared at Driton, then he looked at the floor to sort it out in his head. All this time... all this time Driton stood in front of him and wasn’t who he appeared to be. He should have known. But how could he? He just assumed by the way Driton looked. Of course, Driton never said he was a demon either. It was the things he said that made Josh believe he was an angel. He twisted things…like a demon would. Driton was right, he wasn’t the kind of angel Josh thought he was. He was a fallen angel, one of those that had been kicked out of heaven. How could Josh be so stupid? Josh’s mind rushed through various conversations he and Driton had.
“…you killed yourself. People who commit suicide go to hell. No matter what…”
“Are there a lot of you guys?” Josh asked
“We have enough,” Driton smiled.
“Sounds confusing.”
“Well, it's only confusing to those that have been deceived…"
Like a rush of wind Josh came back to reality. His eyes were shut tight. He didn’t want it to be real because if this were real it only meant one thing for him.
“What, is this not what you expected?” He said motioning his hands over his snow-white robe. “You need a more believable angelic figure?”
Driton pulled back and a bright light shined in from behind him, as bright as the sun. He morphed into a ten foot tall being with large white wings spreading out wide to his left and right. His eyes glowed like white-hot embers. Even his face radiated beautifully. His white gown glowed brighter than before, like pure snow reflecting the sun’s light. From somewhere above him Josh heard the sound of a thousand voices singing.
“Peace be unto you,” Driton said in a loud booming voice.
Then, all at once, Driton returned back to his original form. And Josh found himself back in the gloomy bedroom.
Driton chuckled, “You wouldn't believe how many people we fool with that one.”
Josh breathed heavily trying to keep his mind and emotions from getting out of control.
“Josh,” Driton said still smiling, “You really should have read your Bible more. It held the key to your life. And, in fact, your very soul. You failed to do what was asked of you when you were alive. It wasn’t complicated…all this is your fault.”
Josh became incensed. He'd been deceived by the one person he thought he could trust and he had trusted him. Now Driton had ripped that from him and was about to allow his daughter to go through the same hell he had. Again Josh imagined the things they'd do to her there. It seemed almost unthinkable, and it’d all be because of Josh.
Josh couldn’t hold back his emotions any more. He went ballistic. He rushed towards Nikki but was stopped by Driton. Josh yelled at the top of his lungs, trying to get her attention. The vein in the middle of his forehead bulged out farther than it ever had. The skin on his neck pulled tight as he stretched it trying to get an inch closer. He yelled for her while trying to push forward but Driton was so much stronger. Josh knew he’d never get through, causing his anger to turn into rage. He didn’t care Driton superior to him. He stopped from pressing forward, backed up a bit to give himself some room, and began hitting Driton in the chest and face with his tightly clenched fists while spouting his anger at him.
“Josh.” Driton was still unfazed by Josh's anger and physical abuse, “Josh.” he said calmly again.
But there was no calming him down now and Driton knew it. Josh drew his arm back, clenched his fist, and thrust it at Driton’s face. In the middle of Josh’s swing Driton’s face distorted to reveal the hidden evil behind that angelic demure. Driton let out a frightening demonic guttural yell then his face returned to its peaceful and comforting look. The two seconds this took to happen scared Josh severely. He backed away quickly, but now it was Driton's turn. He only had to start moving for Josh to know Driton was going to strike. Josh’s rage rapidly turned to fear and he cringed not knowing exactly what to expect. Driton took a step forward, swung his arms so they crossed. Both sounded like flaming swords swinging in the wind. He swung them again, striking Josh with the backs of his hands. At his touch Josh disappeared in a burning fade and glowing embers, throwing his head back in pain.
Josh was immediately back in that black hell he started in, on his knees and holding himself from of the physical and now mental pain he was in. Out of the darkness Driton suddenly appeared and began circling him.
“Who do you
think you are?” it was the first time Josh had ever heard that tone in Driton's voice, like a parent talking down to their child. Driton glared at Josh, lording over the fact he was fully in control of him. “You think you can just come here and change the way things have been for thousands of years? You really think you can take us on? Command us to do your will? You're a pathetic and weak little human. Your days of worrying about living are over. Didn't we give you everything you ever wanted? The women, the money, the drugs, the alcohol? Everything you asked, we gave it to you. You think there wouldn’t be a price to pay for it? You think we do it because we like you?” Not once did Josh remove his hands from his face. “This…!” Driton spread his arms wide, looking around at the cavernous blackness “all this is what you’ve been working towards. This is your end, Josh.”
Josh started to cry, “But I don't belong here,”
“Don’t you? Didn't you enjoy your life on earth?”
“I didn't think it was coming from you.”
“Who do you think it was coming from? You think God's going to give you all those women to have sex with? You think God's going to give you all that money when you abuse it like you did? Do you even know God? You obviously don't because if you did you might have been a little more receptive to His leading. Or maybe you thought hell wouldn’t be that bad? You’re not like us, you’re a mere human.” Driton looked at Josh with disgust, “You’re lower than us. We are the ones that control you, not the other way around. Like puppets we control you. We may let you think you’re in control, but in the end, we have you. By the time you notice it, you’re here. Just like we have you here now.”
Josh made a pitiful effort to compose himself and crawled to Driton, grabbing onto his leg, “Please, just…just let me go to my daughter and help her, or you…you go and tell her for me, just…just please don’t let her come here. I beg you.” Josh sunk to the charred floor and buried his face in his hands sobbing next to Driton’s feet.
Driton knelt down next to him, “Josh…,” Driton’s voice changed back to that comforting tone, it cut Josh worse than when he was talking down to him. “…you refuse to hear a thing I say. I suggest you hear me now because it will never change. Whether she comes here or not is her choice, just like it is with the rest of the world. Everyone is given a chance to change their life and do what’s right. Everyone hears the story of Jesus. Whether they choose to be faithful or not will determine where they’ll spend their eternity.”
Josh grabbed onto Driton’s robe clutching it until his knuckles were the same color as the cloth. His head dropped slowly towards the ground. He began to cry bitterly, knowing there was nothing he could do in exchange for his daughter’s life. There was nothing with which he could threaten. And there was no one he could appeal to, at least, not anymore.
“Tsk, Josh.” Driton’s voice was full of pity. He knelt down next to him, allowing Josh to rest his head on Driton’s shoulder. Josh cried even more, wanting so desperately to be comforted. “There’s so much I haven’t shown you. I wanted to show you how angels protect humans. I wanted to show you how it is we can move things.” Driton paused again, stroking Josh’s fine head of hair. “I wanted to show you those demons whose job it is to make your life in hell even worse.” Josh moaned out of fear, “See, it’s just not enough that you be sent to hell, condemned to burn and be tortured. It’s a terrible thing, but that’s purely physical pain. And, as you know, your body gets rejuvenated when the flames dissipate.” Josh held his eyes tighter, not wanting to think about the pain he knew was inevitable. “Few people realize there’s another type of pain inflicted on everyone who comes here, which, in some people’s opinion, is far worse. That’s the mental pain they go through knowing they could’ve prevented all their suffering simply by…well, I think we both know what should’ve been done, I won’t belabor the point. But also to know they’ve led others to do the same. This pain never ends. It will always stay there at the forefront of your mind for all eternity. The demons whose job it is to provide this torture?” Driton leaned closer so he could whisper into Josh’s ear. “That’s me.”
Driton’s kindly face turned back to disgust. He was sick of looking at Josh and removed himself from Josh’s grip. Josh, now weak and feeling the most helpless he ever had in his life, fell limp to the floor kicking up a fine charcoal dust from the ground. Driton just stood there, staring at him. There was no more loving compassion. He loathed Josh’s very existence.
“You were given such a precious gift. A gift we’d be willing to tear the whole world apart to attain. And you threw it aside for other things. You deserve to be here Josh Hedges. You and everyone like you. We won’t stop until we’ve brought as many of you here as we can. Even if we have to deceive entire nations. You’re done, Josh, wallow in your own doing.”
That said, Driton turned his back on Josh and started towards the darkness from which he came.
Josh stood up, his face filthy from the ground. “Driton?” he whimpered out. Driton stopped, halfway in the darkness and half in the light. Josh was thankful he stopped. Driton’s royal blue eyes glowed even brighter now, how deceptive looks can be. Josh stood to his feet. He wanted to plead for help but couldn’t. “Just, please, tell me what happened. Tell me what happens to Nikki.”
Driton flashed a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry Josh,” Josh’s eyes brightened with a glimmer of hope, “you might just end up seeing your daughter again.” Driton backed away into the shadows until all Josh could see were his magnificent royal blue eyes glowing in the darkness until that too faded away.
Josh stood there looking pitiful with his question still hanging in the air. He agonized and analyzed whether Nikki would actually do it. Then those thoughts, those horrible, horrible thoughts began. Because Josh hadn’t been a father to her, he was held accountable for it. Because he hadn’t told her about Jesus, he would be judged. Because Josh took his own life, she might do the same. He thought committing suicide wouldn’t hurt anyone else. He thought everyone would be happier without him. None of that happened. What it did do was cause more misery. How long would Josh have to wait before he knew what happened to her? He might never know. He would be forever guessing, forever tormented, forever knowing he could have prevented it. All this and Driton’s unwillingness to say one way or the other made Josh’s blood boil.
Gritting his teeth, his eyes and face turned blood red, and his whole body tensed. Josh exploded into a fit of rage, “DRITON!!” His voice echoed
He yelled in the direction Driton disappeared, but Driton was long gone now. Off possibly to deceive another poor soul into thinking he was sent by God to take them out of hell. Josh thought he’d seen evil on earth, but nothing compared to the kind of evil Driton inflicted. He yelled once more, that’s when he heard the sound of a flame being lit…reminding him of his old gas furnace igniting. An orange glow shimmering behind him reflected off the back of his neck and red hair. He could feel the heat even before he turned around. When he did, he saw the darkness being engulfed. There was nothing Josh could do. He was done, he was finished, and he knew it. This was it. This was his eternity. Angry, betrayed, guilt ridden, and bitter he took every bit of it and yelled.
“AAAGH!!! AAAGH!!!”
From Hell
Chapter from the next book: To Hell
Chapter 1
The sun was creeping up the eastern sky peeking over the high oaks and maples keeping the meadow of wildflowers protected from harsh winds and allowing the dew to have a few more minutes to sit. Each colorful flower glistened as the sun reflected off of them. Animals came out early. The birds began calling out to one another. Bees were already humming away as they hovered from one flower to the next. Even a few deer braved to come out from the protection of the woodlands to pick from the fresh grass.
Rustling out of the woods ran a woman and man, each smiling, happy to be in this wonderful place. Their snow-white robes made them stick out from the surrounding area. The man was chasing the woman, but it was a
ll in fun. Deer looked up from its munching, but there was no fear at the sight and sound of these two prancing around. It was nothing new to them they’d seen angels before, since the dawn of their creation. Their royal blue eyes and large wings were nothing that alarmed them. It was the spirit that emanated from them that each animal tuned in to. And these two were no threat.
The woman’s kinked hair bounced as she ran, the grin on her face never leaving. She was radiant and beautiful. Her dark skin only helped to magnify her eyes, hair, and wonderful smile. The man, closing in behind her, was lighter with golden hair. Near the middle of the meadow he finally reached her and, grabbing her by the waist, tackled her to the ground. The woman let out a happy squeal as he did then laughed as they fell to the ground.
“I never thought you’d ever catch up with me,” she said still giggling.
“I would’ve caught you sooner if you hadn’t cheated.”
“Cheated?” she said.
“Yes cheated.” He didn’t say any more. He only gave her a look as if to say she knew what he was talking about.
The woman looked up at the fluffy clouds gliding along the blue sky. “Well,” she said, “I just figured you didn’t need any help catching up.”
“Ha!” he said, “You’re the one who’s trying out to be one of Michael’s soldiers.” The woman grinned and gushed. “You should have no reason to cheat.”
The woman turned serious, “You really think I have a chance?" The man didn't answer. He was busy making out cloud formations in the sky. "You listening to me, Driton?"
