by E. H. Lyon
Becca closes her mouth. She gets up out of her chair and walks to me, leaning against the sink beside me.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been there for you.”
“We didn’t tell anyone, and please don’t bring it up to Ave. So yeah, that is also the reason she doesn’t know I was going to propose. Life had different plans for us,” I reflect somberly.
Becca touches my hand. “Maybe you should be open with her, it sounds like it bothers you that she doesn’t know.”
“Geez, you and Gramps hand out the same advice.” I can’t help but feel sentimental and also have an itchy feeling that my sister is right.
Becca smiles softly. “Really? You spoke about it with him?”
I nod.
She slants a shoulder. “Then follow his advice. He was always the smart one,” she encourages.
“I will.”
Avery returns to the kitchen. “I’m back.” She smiles at me to let me know she is okay with all of this.
Walking to her, my arm wraps around her shoulder. “You will be seeing a lot of Avery in the future,” I announce to Becca.
“This is crazy! I mean, a month ago you were single and living a bachelor’s life. What is happening?” Becca asks theatrically yet throws on a smile now.
“It was just meant to be this way.”
Becca looks at me. “Fine. Not like you should take advice from me since I’m in the middle of a divorce. But I just want you to be happy. If it’s with Avery, then… okay.” Becca seems to be calming down and is genuine.
I look at Becca and indicate my head to Avery.
Becca continues after rolling her eyes. “Welcome to the family, Avery.” Becca throws on a smile.
Avery tries not to laugh. “Thanks. I love your authenticity.”
In that moment, I am grateful that Avery has the ability to not let people affect her so much. Well, everyone except me. I would like to think that I affect her a lot.
“Okay. Shall I get us all some breakfast?” Avery claps her hands together.
Breakfast with these two women? Something tells me this will be a long morning.
Avery got breakfast together in no time. Eggs, bacon, and she even threw together some corn muffins at record speed like the pro she is. After eating breakfast and talking about topics that were initiated by my niece—so, Freddy the fish, ballet, and ponies—Becca goes to grab their coats as Stella runs around.
I let an exasperated exhale leave me as I close the fridge to put away the butter. Avery gives me a reassuring smile as she wraps her arms around me.
“You survived my sister,” I compliment her, kissing her hair.
“She isn’t that bad. I could get used to her. I guess I should probably tell my brother too, at some point, about this change of events.” She motions between us. “It’s not a big deal, but maybe an adult thing to do.”
I nod, and even though it’s been years since I spoke to Greg, I offer, “Probably, yes. Want me to call him and speak to him?”
“How very chivalrous of you, but it’s not needed.” She grabs her phone, typing a message. “Plus, it’s already done.” She wiggles her phone in the air.
My phone pings, and I pull it from my pocket. I look at it and then Avery. “You didn’t.” I shake my head in entertainment. Then type something so Avery’s phone pings.
New Group Chat:
Avery: Hey, Greg, guess you have a shift. Just wanted to let you know that I have a boyfriend. You know him, actually. Remember Jake from your college days? Yeah, so, we are together, and actually five years ago we were together too. He rocks my world etc.
Me: Your sister is really something, you know that?!
Greg: Okay. Did I have too long of a shift, or did I read this correctly? A little crazy, but sounds legit and congrats!
Avery brings her hand to my face and kisses me gently on the lips.
“I hope you have more plans than an innocent kiss on the lips,” I prompt her.
“What, like tying me to your fridge so you can have your way with me?”
“I will be bringing you to your knees,” I tell her as I dive in for a deep kiss.
My sister clears her throat when she enters the kitchen in her coat.
“Sorry to, erm… interrupt? Thanks for letting us crash your breakfast. I know Avery doesn’t get too many Saturdays off, but Stella is super happy now. We’re going to be on our way,” Becca tells us genuinely.
Just then, Stella comes running into the kitchen and pulls on Avery’s skirt.
“Avery, what’s this?” Stella holds out the small box that has been jeering me from in a box on my shelf for five years.
My face drops, eyes widen, and that is nothing compared to Avery’s face turning pale with eyes bugging out.
Becca, who manages to grab Stella in record time and realizes what is about to transpire, quickly jumps in. “Ohh-kay then, that is our cue to leave. Stella, we are going to go and leave Uncle Jake and Avery alone. I think they need to, uh, talk…”
Becca gives me a gentle smile as she takes the box out of Stella’s hands and places it on the counter. She mouths sorry as she drags Stella back towards the front door. When they’re gone, I turn to Avery who is speechless and motionless.
After a solid few minutes of earth-shattering silence, I bite the bullet. “This isn’t how I thought this conversation would go.”
“What conversation?” she asks, blankly looking forward, leaning against the counter, and her face gives no indication of what emotion she must be feeling.
“The ‘I’m also to blame about the way we ended’ conversation. I made mistakes; I have regrets.”
“You did everything right. You wanted to be there for me, you didn’t want me to go; you respected my wish to leave. And now you are letting me have a second chance.”
“…And I could have asked you to marry me no matter what. I still could have told you I loved you, like I had planned to,” I confess. “But I didn’t.”
Her eyes shoot up to me. An exhale escapes me as I didn’t plan on saying that like this.
“What do you mean?”
Christ, her poker face is killing me right now.
A deep sigh escapes me. “I am trying to be honest with you.” I pause and debate how to continue. “I was going to… uh… I was going to ask when we planned to go away that weekend.”
She must be recalling the timeline and her eyes well. Her hand grabs her hair, trying to let the information sink in. “But you never got to.” It barely comes out.
Nodding softly, I reach out to her, but she steps back.
“I need some air.”
Chapter Twenty
Jake
“What woman wants to hear that someone was going to propose to her, but didn’t?” Lucas shoots out before he drinks from his bottle of beer. He’s sitting on a reclining chair in my living room and props his feet on the coffee table.
Avery went for a walk, but then texted she needed to stop by the bakery and wanted some space. I called an S.O.S. to Lucas because I could use an ear.
A deep sigh escapes me as I sink into the sofa in my living room. “It’s called honesty. Trust me, I know the timing did not work out for us. But in the span of one week, we went from planning our future to her walking away. I thought I had more time,” I defend as I begin to pace the living room.
“I’m not sure telling her how you felt then is the best move. If it was true feelings, then maybe she doesn’t want to be reminded of what she walked away from?” Lucas offers with an unsteady voice.
My hands glide through my hair as I let out a growl.
“I fucked up,” I admit.
“You didn’t fuck up; you just maybe need to work on your wording, which is kind of surprising since you use a lot of words in your job. Like, a lot,” Lucas reminds me.
I give him a scowl. “Ave isn’t my job. She is everything else in my life.”
Lucas studies me for a second. “You can turn this around, man. I know
you can. Just maybe focus on the present.”
I bite my lip and think about it. “You’re right, the now,” I agree.
“Great. So, you stop focusing on the past maybe?” Lucas prompts.
“She brought it up,” I defend, which is a low move even for me.
Lucas holds up and wiggles the black ring box. “And you still hold on to an engagement ring from five years ago.” Lucas gives me a knowing look.
“I didn’t know what to do with it. I kind of threw it into the box of everything else I lost at the end of that summer.” I scratch my head.
“Fair enough, but that’s then. What are you going to do now?”
I grab my beer from the coffee table and consider my options. “You’re right, give me the box,” I request and hold my hands out. Lucas throws it to me, and I catch it.
“You’re going to propose?” Lucas looks at me, confused.
“Nah… not today.” I tilt my head to the side.
Sitting with my grandfather, I have a coffee in my hand. We are sitting on chairs next to the window.
“What’s troubling you?” he asks as he studies me.
I blow out a deep long sigh. “I unintentionally hurt Avery, I think.”
“Oh?” Even for an old man, his tone goes high.
I look to him. “I was going to propose to her five years ago, but it didn’t work out. She never knew until Stella accidently found the ring box yesterday morning.”
He chuckles. “My great-granddaughter can be a showstopper.” He coughs a little. “Hmm. She is more than an ex-girlfriend, isn’t she?”
I nod yes.
“She looks at you the way someone who you will spend your life with is supposed to look at you,” he mentions, and his words float in the air as I think about it.
“I feel like the past keeps coming back to us.” I look far ahead out the window at the winter day.
Gramps laughs to himself. “So, you’re both not following my wise advice of living in the present then.”
I turn my attention to him, because he is right.
He continues, “You two don’t need to make it so hard for yourselves. If you both want to be together and try, then don’t overthink it. Create new memories.”
Reflecting on that, I must agree. “We have maybe been overthinking it. We just want it to work and don’t know the right way to find our way back to one another.”
My grandfather reaches for my arm. “You already found your way back to one another. That’s clear.”
My lips tug at that, as it’s true. “I should just lay it all out for her. No more keeping it inside.”
“You could buy her some flowers too and maybe throw in a ring.” He smiles.
“One day. Okay, Gramps, I’m off. I need to go to Avery. Knowing her, she is burying herself in baking.” I stand up and throw on my coat that was hanging on the back of the chair.
“Perfect wife material then.”
I shake my head at my grandfather’s humor. “Soon,” I remind him.
Avery
My bowl of cookie dough looks a little lifeless, probably because I gave up halfway through. A reflection of my mood.
“Here, have a tea,” Abby offers as she hands me a mug and comes into the kitchen at Smokey Java’s. “You’ve been stress baking,” she comments.
I nod gently before another tear falls. Abby brings her arms around me for a hug.
“I know. It happens when you get a reminder of what you walked away from,” I explain as I sip from the mug.
“You mentioned Jess’s advice about laying your cards on the table. Did you lay all your cards on the table?”
I let my head flop side to side. “I didn’t think I needed to as it was going the direction I wanted it to.” I get top marks for admitting I love him, but I didn’t tell him I only see a future with him, or that I’m scared that one day he will wake up and realize he’s too scared I’ll hurt him again.
“Well, that wasn’t the right play,” Abby informs me.
“Ya think?” I tell her sarcastically.
“Just tell him. And trust me, the guy is crazy about you.”
“I know that too. Maybe it’s more that I keep feeling this guilt because I left. The last few weeks, I’ve realized that maybe everything happened the way it was supposed to, and we did find our way back to each other. But being reminded of what could have been still stings a little. I don’t want to feel guilty anymore. We’ve spoken about it. He doesn’t need to walk on eggshells around me, which is why I think he never told me about the ring.” I try to understand as I play with the wooden spoon in the bowl.
“You should let the guilt go. You’re both heading on a really good path forward. The future sounds good,” Abby tells me attentively as she touches my arm for reassurance.
“I know. Just sometimes to get to the future you need the right closure from the past.”
“Do you have it now?”
“I don’t know.” All my questions have been answered, we have talked about everything. I know the changes in our life are good, and I know we’re still meant to be together. But I can’t shake the fact that I hurt him. It still taunts me silently in the corner of my heart. That ring was a reminder.
“Listen, I need to go. Are you sure you’re okay?” Abby asks as she grabs her coat.
“Abby,” I give her a pointed look. “It’s the middle of the afternoon, you moped around with me for a good hour, and I have a bowl of cookie dough in front of me. If that doesn’t scream that I’ll be okay then I don’t know what will.” I offer her a weakened smile.
20 minutes later, and I’ve managed to salvage my cookies. Looking around the kitchen of Smokey Java’s, a deep sigh escapes me. Then I quickly shudder when I hear someone behind me. Yet, I’m not scared because I know who it is. My eyes close then open, as I feel him walking towards me, and already I feel like I am evaporating out of my skin.
“Not sure I should be back here knowing our history of counters, wooden spoons, health and safety, and the fact that I may be the last person you want to see. But I’ll take my chances,” Jake announces lightly as he places a bouquet of roses on the counter in my sight. The gesture makes my lips tug.
“I know a good attorney to get me out of the health and safety fine. Plus, he seems to be listening to his grandfather’s advice on flowers.”
A soft sound escapes his mouth as his hand touches my arm gently, forcing me to turn to meet his eyes.
“Yes, because I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”
My eyes flutter up. His eyes hold mine as his fingertips gently touch my arm.
He is so incredibly handsome. Different to when he’s in a suit. Casual Jake is equally sexy. Jeans, dark blue t-shirt that stretches enough to see his hard chest, his watch. Those sparkly brown eyes holding my gaze. This man. The guy who always showers me with a protective and leading nature, who gets my humor, brings out my sensual side, and who I want to love forever. I just want to throw my arms around him and tell him.
But he doesn’t give me a chance.
“I think we have an incredible future together, and we have gotten so much closure the last few weeks on so many things. We both have regrets for how we ended. But maybe we should cut ourselves some slack, because our beautiful surprise was just not meant to be. And it hurts because there was nothing we could have done to change that. It was your choice to walk away. But I also made mistakes. There are so many things I didn’t tell you. I should not have given up so easily and should have followed you, begged, I don’t know, done anything to bring you back. But I didn’t. I didn’t even tell you I loved you when I was madly in love with you. I never stopped.”
He grabs my hand, but my eyes don’t leave him, and I am speechless. My eyes burn a little from the tears welling up, and my heart aches from the new flicker of happiness starting.
“Now, I just want you to not walk away again, and I know that if you try, I won’t let you. We didn’t have the last five years, but here we are now. I
’m not going away, and all indications are that you’re not going away either. I made my choice the moment I saw you again, I want to move on with you. I want it all again with you, I want new things with you. I want to be the everything that you dreamed about. No more could-have-hads, we have it now.” His heartfelt monologue is honest and answers all my questions.
Perfection.
No wonder he must be good at closing arguments in court.
I step closer, but instead he stops me again with words.
“I’ll give you space, but please think about what I just said… we have it all now.” His thumb quickly grazes along my cheek before he turns and leaves, giving me no time to speak, or rather, my own body struggles to develop words to come out of my mouth.
Well, that doesn’t help, but maybe the extra time to think will do me good, as I can’t go forward with this man unless I know that I will never break his heart again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jake
Standing in my oversized rain shower full of steam, I let the hot water fall down my skin as I rub a hand through my hair and then take in the water on my face. As the hot water loosens my muscles, all I can do is hope that I got through to Avery. I didn’t give her a chance to respond, and giving her time to think may or may not be good for me.
An exhale escapes me as my hand grips the shower faucet to turn off the water. Emerging out of the shower, I grab a towel that is waiting on the hanger next to the door. The steam clears as I take a few steps and I stop with a racing heart when I see who is in front of me.
“I told you not to give me your key,” Avery states as she leans against the bathroom vanity, still in her black cotton dress from earlier.
Words cannot come out of my mouth, and she picks up on this.
“You left before I had a chance to speak,” she continues.
