Branded

by Clare London

  I pulled the door open as widely as I could, though the metal was old and bent in places, so it caught on the uneven stone floor and scraped across it. Every sharp sound made me wince with the fear of imminent discovery. I drew Dax out of the cell, supporting him. His legs were unsteady and one of his ankles seemed badly twisted. My heart sank at the thought of him trying to make his way undiscovered through the city and safely over its walls, let alone finding the Place among the rocks again.

  “I can’t leave with you,” I said. “I won’t.”

  He might stand a chance as a lone, disgraced Remainder boy. If, however, he had a notorious Gold Warrior with him, the Guard would show no mercy in hunting him down. “It’s not the life I’ve been trained for,” I said cruelly. “It’s not the life I want.”

  But he didn’t seem offended. I started to shuffle him down the corridor to the hatch, ready to bundle him in. His mouth twisted with an awkward smile. “You say the Queen-Elect has pardoned you. The talk was all around the barracks, how she favors you. If she takes you to her Household, she’ll never let you go, will she?”

  “No.” My voice was a whisper.

  He had a better understanding of my position than I credited him with. If I left with Dax, what would Seleste do? She would pursue me until death, I knew. Maybe not because of her desire for me, but definitely for the principle of it, for satisfying her anger at my disobedience. Either way, I wouldn’t be pardoned a second time. It would be death for me—and Dax.

  “Do you… care for her?” he asked hesitantly.

  I tensed up, gripping him more closely. “No.” It was treasonous to deny care for a Mistress of the city. Should I have recited my loyalty to the Household and my Queen, along with all her daughters? Maybe. But this was a time for just me and Dax—our last time. I knew what he was really asking me, and so I would be a man with him. I would have the honesty and emotions of a man.

  And the love.

  “I care for you,” I said. “I love you. Only you. Believe it. And so you must go now.”

  He staggered slightly in my arms, and as I caught him, I turned his shoulders so he faced me. He looked up, and the dark blue eyes stared again into mine. I couldn’t say anything to reassure him. I knew the chances of us being discovered, any moment now. I knew the chances of Dax being able to escape across the city unaided. I knew the chances of both our lives being lost.

  I kissed him. I took his poor, disfigured but beautiful face in my hands, and I pressed my mouth to his. The taste was pain and pleasure, mingled together. I held him and committed to memory the feel of his body as he stretched against me, and I allowed myself the smallest moment of mourning and regret.

  Then I held him away, steadying him. His lips were moist from my caress and they moved with the shape of my name. My groin ached for him; my eyes were sharp with salty fluid. “Go, Dax. Quickly, while there’s still a chance.”

  “No!” His good hand clung to my sleeve. “I belong with you. You belong with me. You’re my life.”

  “Idiot!” I hissed at him and he flinched back. “I’m your death—how many times must I tell you? My life is here, and I will not leave. This city is the only life for me. It’s all I know, all I can offer. I can’t belong anywhere else. But you belong with the Exiles.” And the girl Veli was there. Dax would have comfort from her, I knew. The sudden, unfamiliar heat of jealousy swept through me, and I swallowed its bile back down. “Besides, they’ll need you. You have useful military skills to offer them. You saw the work that was starting at the Place, their plans, their attacks on the city.”

  “You support that now?” He looked confused again. He held his good hand against the wall, keeping himself upright while I hacked at the ropes holding the hatch.

  I was working desperately, conscious of how long it was taking us, and maybe not mindful enough of the noise we were making. “No.” All my life I’d served the city. I couldn’t change that now; it lay at the very core of me. “But I see their world more clearly now.” I wrenched the last loop away and let the cut pieces fall to the floor. The hatch would bear Dax’s weight, and it was the only escape route he had. I turned back to him. “Things will change in the city. I’ll be here to see it. The city will need me again then.”

  “Your loyalty is no longer blind,” he protested. “How can you stay? How will you bear it?”

  I slid my hand around behind his neck, gripping him to me. He understood me too well. “I’ve been well trained,” I said with bitterness. “I’ll bear it. Whatever changes, I won’t deliberately betray my men and my Mistress. The city will still need to be defended, and the Queen-Elect will find a use for me. My duty will support me.”

  He stared back, his eyes misted and his expression grim. “Now who’s the fool?”

  I frowned, bent my head slightly, and brushed a kiss on his lips again. “If it hadn’t been for you, I would have died at the Place. You saved my life. Let me save yours.” When he struggled against me again, I gripped all the harder. “Please. Have respect for me, however poor a Gold Warrior I’ve been to you. Get out now!”

  And suddenly another voice came from the end of the corridor, cold and clear above our hissed whispers. “And where is your respect, Maen, for the men you betrayed? For your Household and your Mistress’s law?”

  Dax’s eyes rolled as if he were about to collapse. I grabbed him close, and together we turned to face Fremer.

  There was a horrified silence from us all for many seconds. I knew we only had the knife to defend ourselves. I also knew I’d never use it on Fremer, not in this situation. It was all over.

  Fremer took a couple of steps toward us until his body was effectively blocking the archway. His eyes skimmed over Dax, not interested in him. His gaze was for me alone. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “I have no defense,” I replied as calmly as I could. “But the boy doesn’t deserve to die.”

  Fremer didn’t move, and I was momentarily confused. Had he suspected I would try to free Dax? Had he noticed the missing knife? I remembered the way he’d sent Tarnus away, how he’d turned away from me in the room outside, as if disgusted by me. His guard had slipped long enough for me to palm the weapon in secret. Or had it?

  “You may despise me as a soldier,” I said slowly. “But I think you have compassion for me as a man.”

  Dax gripped my arm, knowing my words could be judged as traitorous. I kept my gaze steady and my body firm, accepting whatever Fremer might decide. He was a fine, loyal soldier, but he’d also known intimacy with a man he cared for. I could recognize that now. I hoped for something more from him, though I knew I had no right to it.

  Finally Fremer let out a long deep breath. His eyes ranged over Dax, then glanced at the hatch behind us. For the first time, he seemed to take account of the boy’s condition. There was no change in his expression when he spoke again to me, and his voice was still cold, but his words were a revelation.

  “The courtyard behind the kitchen is poorly guarded. There’s also a spare horse or two in the back stables there. The Queen-Elect’s men have commandeered our own beasts and left a couple of their tiredest mounts to recover here until their next visit. No one’s interested in them, but the beasts are well trained. They know their way back toward the eastern gate. A man could take one and ride along the outer perimeter for some time without being challenged, as long as he dismounted before the first checkpoint. There are several places in the walls where a single man could leave the city without permission.”

  Dax tensed beside me, silent. I didn’t dare turn to look at him just yet. “It happens, I know,” I said. “Men have left the city with our silent sanction—”

  “And sometimes not,” Fremer interrupted. “Don’t take me for a fool, Maen.”

  I inclined my head slightly toward him. “I would never do that. Then a man would only have to strike north.”

  Fremer nodded back. “It’s a matter of some miles, I believe, but with fair weather and a firm will, the man
would pass out of the city’s sight.” He gathered another deep breath. “Forever.”

  Dax made a small sound beside me, and now I turned back to him. “Go,” I said in a low, urgent tone. “You’ll never have this chance again.”

  “What about you?” His gaze darted to Fremer too. “I won’t leave you in danger.”

  Fremer spoke back to him sharply, though he still looked only at me. “That’s none of your business now, boy. I know what’s happening here, what this will mean. It’s for Maen and I to settle.”

  I looked at Fremer in amazement now. “Thank you,” I said, but his look never changed. There may have been a flicker of pain in his eyes, but then again, I may have been mistaken. “You were always a fine soldier, but this—”

  He grimaced, interrupting me again. “I may understand how you feel, but I’ll never accept it. It’s sacrilege. You’ve destroyed the honor of this Household. Don’t waste my moment of confusion with more of your deviant behavior. I must find Tarnus now. He’s been gone for too long. He may have met with an accident.” He turned to go back through the archway, then paused. “Maen.”

  “Yes?”

  He sighed very softly. “If you have any honor left, don’t let any taint of this escape lie with me.”

  DAX WAS small enough still to fit in the hatch. It shuddered alarmingly when he climbed in, and the boards creaked with years of neglect, but I thought the ropes would hold. I tested a couple and knew the mechanism well enough to operate it from below. I’d winch him up to the kitchen courtyard, and the rest would be up to him. I thought he could probably ride well enough despite his injuries; he’d always been a good horseman. I thought he could find a place in the city walls where a man might slip out quickly, unseen. I thought….

  I was filling my head with plans and thoughts, just to suffocate the swelling pain in my heart. I think he understood at last, for he was silent. His eyes were wide and wet with unshed tears as he stared at me from inside the hatch.

  “Obey me now,” I said hoarsely. “Will you promise me that? Get as far away, as quickly as you can. Seek help at the Place. Find a life you can live.” Be happy, I wanted to urge him, but my voice failed me in that. “Promise to obey me in this, Dax.”

  “Is that a command?” he said softly.

  “No.” I groaned with misery. “I’m no longer your commander.”

  “For you,” he said quickly, and his voice shook. “I’ll do it for you, not for any order.” He reached a hand to my face, brushing at my skin, touching the wet trail on my cheek. “You’ve always been my commander, and you always will be.”

  “Go,” I urged. I couldn’t find any more words. I grasped at the rope of the hatch, but at the same time, gripped Dax’s shoulder with my other hand. I couldn’t choose between the conflicting objectives. Then the hatch swayed under his weight and I needed both arms to steady it. When it settled, I released my hand for a second to pull something from the pocket under my tunic. “Take this.” I pressed it into his hand.

  He stared down at his palm, and I saw his throat convulse with a painful swallow. The small gold hoop of my earring glinted against his dirty skin. I’d removed it for safekeeping when I was in the Place and never returned it to its rightful place. Instead, I’d hidden it and kept its whereabouts secret, reluctant to surrender it. It was the symbol to me of everything I’d been in the city, everything that had now gone. I had nothing else of my own to give Dax. I watched his fist close around it slowly, wonderingly. Now it was a symbol for us alone.

  I started to pull on the ropes, and the hatch began to edge its way up the channel to the kitchen above. Dax watched me every step of the way. Just before his head disappeared out of sight, he shifted around as if suddenly panicking. “Maen!”

  I paused, leaning on the rope. “There’s no time for more.”

  “There will be,” he said sharply, startling me. “I will see you again.”

  “No—” I started. I was suddenly very weary of the misery and the pain, and the knowledge of how much more of it there was to bear. I didn’t think I could take another argument from him. I was afraid of weakening and causing our deaths.

  “I will!” He thrust his fist out toward me in an abrupt, jagged gesture. “I’ll keep this and return it to you one day. We won’t be apart forever.”

  “Show courage,” I whispered.

  The hatch shifted again and he passed out of sight. It was the hardest thing I ever did, hauling the weight of the wooden cage up to the outside world, with nothing to see but the bare walls of the cellblock and the mist of grief in my eyes.

  I thought I still heard him for a moment more. Maybe I was hallucinating. “Seleste will have you. She’ll be your Mistress. But what will you be, Maen?”

  The hatch shuddered against its moorings; it had reached the courtyard. I fastened off the rope and leaned back against the stone, exhausted.

  What will you be, Maen?

  I will be lost, I thought to myself, close to collapse, my mouth trapping desperate wails of horror and pain inside me. I will be bereft.

  THE QUEEN-ELECT Seleste called me to her quarters at dawn. When she came through to the entrance hall an hour later, she found me patiently waiting for her, groomed, dressed in uniform, and standing at attention. She was accompanied by her Guard, but they stood some way behind her as if told to keep their distance from me. I wondered what they’d think of my future role in her Household. For that matter, I wondered what I’d think of it myself.

  We gazed at each other for a moment. When she averted her eyes first, it was by no means a measure of surrender. “I hope you are well rested.” Her voice had its usual imperiousness, though it was maybe a little harsher than at other times. “We have a long journey ahead of us, and I won’t accept any delay.”

  I bowed my head to her. “I’m fine, Mistress,” I said calmly. “I won’t give you cause for concern.”

  She raised an elegantly darkened eyebrow. “I doubt that, Maen, but I can, and will, deal with that as it arises.” She looked closely at my face, obviously for some evidence of my emotional state. My eyes had only a bathing of saltwater to try to hide the weariness and sadness in them, but I met her inquisition steadily.

  “I expect you’ve heard that the boy escaped last night,” she said. “My Captain had an unfortunate accident on the stairs, it seems, and was knocked out from the fall, leaving his post unattended. I believe the prisoner also evaded another Silver Captain, one of your Guard. Though, of course, let’s not forget that you’ve been stripped of your Warrior position now, haven’t you? You have no Guard anymore. No rank.”

  “No, Mistress,” I replied. “I have no rank.”

  She frowned slightly. “The Captain from this Household was a strong one, but he was beaten unconscious to the ground. I’d not have expected a Bronzeman to have the nerve—or the strength—to do that, particularly after a round of my questioning. If I’d not seen the wounds on the Captain’s body myself, I might have been less forgiving toward him for his failure on watch.”

  “His Mistress will judge his service fairly,” I said. Then, as her eyes widened, suspecting deliberate insolence, I added swiftly, “As you will mine, Mistress.”

  Her eyes narrowed again, and she stepped closer to me. I could smell her perfume; it made my head swim. Despite what I’d told her, I’d not slept at all the previous night, nor had I eaten properly for a while. “You know we’ll find the boy sooner or later, and execute him. And if by some stroke of luck he escapes the city… well, he’s in a very poor state, isn’t he? I doubt he’ll last another cold night, alone on the rocks.”

  She reached out her hand and touched the bare skin of my neck. She was gentle, and her voice suddenly became softer. “But that’s no longer your concern, is it? You’re mine now, and I don’t allow any interest in anything—or anyone—without my express order.” It was a marvel, the way her voice could change from cruel strike to caressing stroke in a moment. It had kept her people fearful and loyal to her for many
years, and had conversely been the downfall of many who underestimated her. Whatever Seleste had been—or would be—to me, I had nothing but admiration for her. And a healthy caution toward everything she did.

  “Maen, have I ever shown you anything but respect?” Her expression was smooth, but her eyes flashed a deep, warning darkness. “I’ll punish you if you warrant it, but you must surely expect that of my position. You can expect an equivalent reward too, if that also is warranted.” Her breath was warm on my throat, and when I glanced down at her, her gaze was fierce. “To aid a prisoner in escape is punishable by execution.”

  “I know that, Mistress.”

  She walked slowly around me, her gaze taking in my bearing and my uniform. I’d stood like this for over an hour now, but I knew better than to show exhaustion. Finally she paused behind me, her voice humming against my ear, naked of its jewelry.

  “Before we leave the Household, I must speak with Mistress Luana about the security of the cells. Go to my room and wait for me there.”

  I saw a couple of the Guard stir in surprise at this tolerance of me in her private quarters. The zealous Warrior Zander wasn’t with them, and I wondered in what room Seleste might have left him. I hoped not to meet him in more intimate circumstances, but then we were both at our Mistress’s mercy, wherever—or whatever—she wished us to be.

  I walked calmly past the other soldiers. Every single eye was on me.

  Show courage, I’d said in the cells, all those hours ago. I needed to do the same myself. I wouldn’t allow myself to think any further than that—to wonder, to hope.

  For this was how my life would be from now on.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I LAY on the sumptuous bed in Seleste’s private quarters with the Queen-Elect’s warm, naked body cradled in my arms, and I realized two things. Firstly, how easy it would be to crush the breath out of her slender frame with my bare, strong hands; secondly, how quickly I’d accepted I would never do this.