by Clare London
Seleste raised her eyebrows. She tugged gently at the edge of her robe as if nervous, though I knew Seleste was rarely anything of the kind. “My mother… obviously she used everything at her disposal. She was determined to win. As indeed was I.”
“Maybe not magic, then.” I felt queasy, as if the solid ground was suddenly turning to loose sand beneath my feet. “Maybe something more familiar to us all. The Devotions your men take daily, as loyal citizens? They affect a man’s behavior in many ways. Their dosage might easily be influenced by someone in charge of a Household.” Seleste’s eyes widened. I’d struck the truth of it! “But I haven’t taken them for a long time, since I came to this Household. And yet I fought as fiercely as any of the other men.”
She didn’t speak, but her gaze darted to the mess of crockery and cups on the floor. She often provided refreshments when I was called to her room. We enjoyed fruit and breads that were never available to her other men, and rich wine that had a special, tart flavor I associated with Seleste’s pantry alone.
“So that’s what you did,” I said.
She’d drugged and manipulated me—maybe all of us—and not relied solely on the loyalty and skill of her soldiers. We had indeed fought as if possessed.
“What I do is always necessary,” she said, sharply now. “It’s no business of yours. You cannot question me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said very quietly. The subject was closed for now.
She grasped my chin and pulled my head up so our eyes met again. “Always my brightest soldier, my most challenging lover. Yet you’re holding back from me, Maen. I know it. Your information, your support—your passion.”
“That’s not true.” I met her gaze steadily.
“Men like you,” she said, sounding bitter. “That’s how I described you before. But there are no men like you, are there? That’s why I have you here, beside me. Because I desire it—and because I dare not let you stray.”
I was silent. I had nothing to say to her.
“You can’t still think of him,” she said abruptly. She dropped her hold of me. “The boy. I won’t believe it! He’s long gone. You know that. In exile, likely dead. It’s been over a year!”
I dipped my head, hiding my face from her again. “Has it?”
Seleste made a noise of impatience. “No man can yearn for that long. No man has that capacity. You live only for your duty and your position, isn’t that true? For your soldiers, for better, richer comforts. For your Queen. Men like you are servants of the city from birth to death, and devoted ones too.”
“Men like me…,” I murmured.
There was a sudden silence between us, tight with tension. There are no men like you, Maen, she’d said, and maybe she was remembering that too.
“Leave me now.” Her tone was sharper still. She tugged her robe around her and looked away, as if pretending to be distracted by papers on the table beside her bed. “Send in my women. I have preparations to make for tomorrow’s first Council meeting. I’ll be leading the agenda, unlike before.”
I nodded, standing up and gathering the rest of my clothing. I pulled my boots on and my tunic over my head, then gave the appropriate flat-palmed salute against my breast. “Because you are now the Queen,” I said, echoing her earlier statement.
As I stepped backward to the door, Seleste swung around, startling me.
“And you should remember that well.” Her voice was little more than a murmur, but her tone was cruel. “You live to serve your Queen. From birth to death, Maen.”
I didn’t answer, and I doubt she expected me to. I left the room in silence.
Chapter Eighteen
I’D BEEN waiting in Seleste’s outer office for an hour or more, but the latest Council meeting had gone on far longer than expected. For maybe the first time in my life, I was glad I was no longer a soldier of rank, for I didn’t have to wait at attention for that time. I was wearing my tunic and trousers, but inside Seleste’s Household I was allowed no armor or arms. That was a condition of my tenure, unless I had duties on the training field, but I had to admit it also made for a more comfortable time off duty.
Her secretary brought me water, but no one saw fit to explain why I was there or to suggest how long the meeting would last. Maybe I should have said yet another Council meeting; my Mistress had been absent for most of the last month on one official duty or another, ever since her accession as Queen. As much duty as the life of a soldier, I might have said if I were looking to amuse her. Instead I sat alone and restless, and I brooded on many things.
There was a discreet tap at the door, and a soldier entered, a Silver Captain. Not one of Seleste’s own Guard, so I assumed he’d been part of the spoils from the battle. The city still hummed with tales of that day, of the courage and drama of the fighting, of the fate of the other sisters—notably the last few to surrender—and of the hero status of the Gold Warriors, Zander the best of them all. Despite his chastisement on the day of the battle, he was back in favor and as arrogant as ever. Every soldier had been threatened with severe punishment if he spread the story of Flora’s attack on Seleste, but luckily the popular tales had plenty of other, more positive news to tell. There’d also been a stream of visitors to the Royal Household every day since the battle, either on official business for the new Queen or on less official—but maybe more interesting—business, to see and bid for the captured soldiers who were not required by the Royal Household. Seleste had made her exclusive choice for the Royal Guard within the first few days, with Zander at her side.
Whereas I had no hero status, no praise in the common ale-bar songs. Instead I sat in her office as a civilian of sorts, waiting to know what she had in store for me.
The soldier glanced at me, and his eyes widened. I wasn’t unused to the effect, but it still made me weary. “The Queen’s secretary is through that door,” I said. Was he here with a message, or for disciplinary reasons? There were no other soldiers with him. “You may leave your message with her.”
He didn’t move away. He was also unarmed, though he wore the daily breastplate to show he was a serving soldier. He was black-haired and slim, his eyes an unusually deep shade of gray. They stayed fixed on me, and he showed no signs of leaving the office. “I’m here to meet with the Queen and her Gold Warrior, sir,” he said. His voice was slow and had a thick sensuality. He sounded respectful, but there was a hint of calculation underlying it. He still stared at me. “Are you…?”
“Please.” I frowned slightly. “You’re not here to see me. I’m not the Queen’s Gold Warrior. Not even one of them.” Nevertheless I stood so that I faced him from a similar vantage point.
He took a step toward me. “You have the bearing, though. I took you for a Gold Warrior, sir,” he said more boldly.
He was a couple of inches shorter than I was and a few years younger. His face was suddenly more familiar. “I saw you in the battle,” I said. “You’re one of Mistress Flora’s men.”
“You brought me down,” he answered, nodding. “Although I am—was—one of her best, as she herself would tell you.” And then he smiled. I was startled, both at his boast and at his apparent cheerfulness after having been defeated. “I’ll have a scar on my belly to show for it, but that’s a matter of pride for me. Such fine fighting is what I’d have expected from your reputation. You’re Maen from the Exchequer, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “I was. Now I’m in the Royal Household.” I couldn’t tell him what position I held, for I had nothing official now the battle had been fought and won. He’d moved even closer, now within a foot of me, still gazing steadily at me. “Stand back, soldier,” I said. “The Queen isn’t here at the moment, so you should return to your barracks and await another call. Unless you have a preferential position in the Royal Guard?”
His face fell, and he took a step back, though not far enough to satisfy me. “I’ll have that soon, Maen. That’s why the Queen needs to see me.”
“Needs?” I was almost amuse
d by his arrogance.
He flushed. “Her sister may have fled the city, but I’m a prize worth having in her personal Guard.”
“What do you know about your previous Mistress?” I asked sharply. No one had found Flora’s whereabouts since the scene at the arena.
His eyes narrowed as if he suspected he’d just been indiscreet. “There are rumors she’s fled the city, Maen. Nothing more. I’m just repeating gossip. But if there was anyone she’d contact in the city, I’m sure it’d be….” He paused and tilted his head to one side, as if to share a rueful joke with me. “Well, her Queen, of course, that’s what I was going to say. And so, Maen, when I’m in the Guard, will I be close to you?”
There was something about his unnecessary, repeated use of my name that unnerved me. He’d dropped the deferential “sir” completely. “No. I have no duties in the Guard at present. You would be under the command of one of the Queen’s Gold Warriors.”
“Are they all good men? Will I enjoy being under one of them?”
His eyes looked clear of mischief, but I couldn’t believe a trained soldier would ask such a ridiculous—and provocative—question of me.
“Of course they are.” I took his inquiry at face value, but wondered how much longer Seleste and her Ladies would be. “What’s your name, soldier?”
He smiled again, as if I’d given him a personal compliment. There was the slightest blush on his face. If I hadn’t seen him fight well in the battle, though immaturely, I’d have thought him a very new recruit. “Darius. I was one of Mistress Flora’s finest Silver Captains. Had she won, I would’ve been promoted to Gold, there’s no doubt about it.”
“She didn’t,” I said brusquely. “You’re a prisoner of this Household now, and of my Mistress’s whim. You can take up the matter of your promotion with her if you dare.”
His reddening was from embarrassment now, and his look was angry. His eyes were astonishingly expressive. “You’re very harsh, Maen, when I only hoped to show you admiration.”
I frowned. I didn’t know what to say to him that he might take notice of.
“After all, you can ill afford it.” His voice was suddenly sharper. As I stared back at him, he smiled, maliciously this time. “You’re used to respect, I imagine, like our civilians are used to the air they breathe. It can’t be easy, falling from the highest position a man can have, to being a kept animal.” I was astounded, and my face must have shown it, for he flushed more deeply, though he didn’t back away. “Maybe you’re a pet, Maen, rather than something wilder. But then, I wonder what else the Queen might make of someone with a reputation such as yours. And we both know I’m not talking about the military reputation now.” He lifted a hand to his mouth, lazily wiping a drop of saliva from its corner. He sucked it slowly from his fingertip.
“You offend me,” I said as calmly as I could.
He shrugged, pleased with that effect. “I’d like to be under your command, Maen,” he murmured, his voice low but clear to my ears. “Under you.” He breathed more heavily than before, and as he’d just said, we both knew he no longer spoke of military matters. “It makes me hard just to hear your voice. I promise I wouldn’t disappoint you—I’ve never had any complaints, from man or woman.” His eyes glittered as if filled with tears, though his mouth was firmly set. His gaze raked down my body as if he were measuring me. “A man of your experience, of your looks…. I’ve never allowed any man to bring me down like you did in battle—unless I liked it. Did you like it too, having me lie at your feet? Defeated? Bleeding? Totally at your mercy?”
I stared back at him coldly. He was attractive, as I’d noted on the battlefield, but I was in no mood for his insinuations. I’d known men like him—of course I had—but as I’d thought in the battle, he was a fool. “You may leave now, soldier. I have no business with you.”
“What’s the matter?” He looked at me, puzzled. “The Mistress can’t possibly give you everything you need. You’re a man of passion, Maen. I can see that. You need it, and I’ll make it good for you. It doesn’t matter who commands me on the field, I can satisfy a cock in any barracks—”
“That’s enough!” Darius’s arrogance was offensive in an entirely different manner than the disrespect from a fellow soldier such as Zander. I could smell the sweat from his body, and I was disconcerted to find it arousing. My physical instincts betrayed me too often, although I fought to control them. It was much harder without the Devotions to rely on. I’d touched very few lovers apart from my Mistress over the last year, and I preferred it that way, although it wasn’t an easy path. Darius didn’t look the kind of man to exercise a similar self-restraint. I suspected he traded on his sexual appeal far more than his other skills. “I’ll be leaving now, so you can wait here for your orders for as long as you wish.”
“What is it?” He looked agitated. “For Devotions’ sake, why are you refusing me? Look how strangely you’re acting.” His gaze traveled down over my groin, and his voice dropped to a low sultry hiss. “I want you, Maen. I have since the day of the battle. What’s wrong with that? It’s natural. Commonplace, surely. Tell me where I can find you after my meeting with the Queen. I’m all yours, then, cock and ass. Discipline me if you like, use me so fast and so hard that I scream your name when you come inside me. You’re a fool to pass up an offer like—”
I had him pinned against the wall in two seconds. My hand was tight around his windpipe and his eyes bulged with shock. “Maen….” he croaked, clawing at my fingers.
“Maen!” The call at the door was a different voice, and an angry one—the voice of my Mistress. “In the name of the city, what are you doing to that Silver Captain?”
I continued to stare at Darius with disgust, and he stared back, his full lips turning a little blue. His hands dropped to his sides, and he stopped struggling. He showed no fear this time, only a strange, gruesome kind of excitement. It was more distasteful than his resistance. I loosened my hold and let him sink to the floor, his legs crumpling, his returning breath rattling in his throat.
I knelt, my gaze on the floor. My own breath was tight and angry, and I didn’t want Seleste to see that reaction in my eyes. “Forgive me,” I muttered. “This soldier’s message is not for me.”
Seleste made a small sound of impatience. She loosened her cloak and let it fall back into the hands of one of her Ladies. Four of them accompanied her at all times during the working day, sometimes more. She snapped her fingers for refreshment, and another of the women rushed over to the table to fetch wine. We made a strange tableau there: Seleste running her hand through her long dark tresses, shaking them free of her hood; Darius scrambling shakily to his feet, his face red and mottled; and me on my knees at the feet of my Queen.
“It’s becoming a tiresome habit,” she said, “this brawling with my men. You need proper occupation, Maen.”
“I’m here at your wish, Mistress.” I glanced up to find her gazing back at me. “I’m hoping you’ll have a suitable job for me.”
She looked pale and weary. “We’ll discuss that shortly.” She looked over at Darius, who now also knelt formally in front of her. His hand was on his breast in salute and his head bowed, but his gaze darted up curiously to catch sight of her. Many soldiers never got to be so close to their Queen. He was fascinated by her, as so many of them were.
“You’re Darius, I believe? Rumor has it Flora found you amusing. Can you fight as well as you amuse, soldier?” She didn’t wait for his answer but turned to me instead. “What do you think of his talents, Maen?”
I frowned. “I have little knowledge of them, Mistress.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Enough to know you find little amusement in him.”
Darius made some small noise of protest, but neither of us looked at him.
“Zander helps you make your decisions about the Guard, Mistress. I no longer have a valuable opinion.”
Her eyes softened as she gazed at me. “I doubt that.” I was startled to see sympathy in her eye
s. “But you should trust me to know what’s best for you. Get up off the floor now. I expect you to wait patiently for me until I’m ready to see you, not to leave at the first signs of boredom.”
Then she turned back to Darius. He dropped his head again in respectful obeisance, but not until he’d caught her gaze and held the look for a few seconds. There was the hint of a hopeful smile on his face; he moistened his dry lips. His hair was tousled from when I’d grabbed him, but I didn’t think his untidiness was the issue in question.
“You’ve asked for this meeting ever since you came here, I believe?” She sighed. “Your determination is commendable and you’re built well. I’ll consider you for the Royal Guard.” He gasped and started to thank her but she waved him to silence and beckoned for one of her staff to come over and make the necessary note.
I was standing again by now. Seleste glanced from me to the kneeling Silver Captain, then back to me. She looked thoughtful, and I wondered how much of our exchange she’d heard before she entered the room. “You should consider him too, Maen,” she murmured. She smiled rather mischievously. “I said you needed proper occupation. I’d add amusement to that list too, and definitely of the type he can offer.”
I bent my head to her, remaining silent, conscious of the other Ladies standing in the background and watching us. I knew Seleste spoke to none of her staff the way she spoke to me—and also that it wasn’t always a privilege. If we’d been alone, I would have answered her provocation differently.
She sighed again and turned, restless from what must have been a difficult meeting, or maybe looking toward the next. “Leave now,” she said to Darius. He got to his feet, his eyes shining. “You can report to Zander at first light tomorrow. And tonight….” She paused, her gaze settling briefly on the red marks that my grip had left at his throat and the dark curls of his hair clinging to the sweat there. “Come to me after my supper. My secretary will tell you when. Let’s find out what in Devotions’ name Flora saw in a persistent young soldier like you.” She didn’t look my way, but she knew I was watching her. “I’ll need some distraction at the end of this day. Some occupation of my own.”
