by Clare London
That he was uncovering secrets our Queens kept from us.
I shifted carefully, reaching for some of the older books and putting Kiel’s on the floor at my side. When I glanced down into the lower room again, I could see the two men clearly. They’d moved back to the front desk and were in my line of sight and hearing. Kiel had sat down at the desk and was trying to tidy some of the papers and books scattered over it. Zander stood at his side, dressed in his casual clothing, obviously off duty yet spending his free time—rather surprisingly—in the Library. I looked from one to the other, from Kiel’s serious, fascinated gaze to Zander’s arrogant one. I pulled back from the opening as far as I could so that they didn’t catch sight of me in return.
But from the looks of it, I doubted either of them had any interest in me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“WHAT IS it about these strange, dusty books?” Zander sounded genuinely bemused. “Most young men want something very different.”
“The blood, the glory, the battle, the swords.” Kiel’s voice was a gentler murmur. “I know. My fellows in the Remainder area were like that. They told tales of Remainder men who’d been put forward to the Choosing of Bronzemen, and they wanted it too.”
“Your sword training….” Zander paused, a smile on his face. “There’s no future for you in the Guard, I’m afraid.” I watched them from above and wondered how often Zander had been back to visit Kiel on the pretext of instructing him in swordplay.
Kiel shrugged, also smiling but more cautiously. “It’s lucky I don’t seek that, then. There are plenty of us who don’t have those skills. As an alternative, my fellows wanted a job that would bring them into the Household proper, to be seen by those of influence, maybe even the Ladies themselves.”
Zander laughed softly. He ran a hand over the cover of one of the books, dislodging some residual dust. “Are you hoping for that too, Kiel? That some Lady will take a liking to you and ask you to be more than her scribe?”
I wondered when he’d started to call Kiel by his name rather than “boy.”
Kiel kept his eyes fixed on the books. “No. I was happy to serve Mistress Flora and she was a good Mistress. And I’ll also serve the Queen, for as long as she needs me. But I doubt there are any other Ladies who’d be interested in me.”
Zander shrugged. There was an unfamiliar, confused expression on his face. “You’re not too bad for a man. Too thin, too bookish, too odd-looking to be one of the bedchamber servants or a favorite in the Ladies’ private theaters, but not bad overall.”
“Maybe I’m not interested in them,” Kiel muttered. He looked very flushed. He was a young man who obviously had trouble hiding his body’s reactions.
Zander stared at him for a second. “Not the Ladies?” He smiled, slowly. “Well, that’s fine. There’s no problem in that, is there? Remainders have a relaxed attitude to coupling, as far as I can tell. You can go with whatever young man you like—”
“Don’t!” The word burst out from Kiel like a small explosion of sound. He immediately gasped, as if he wanted to suck it back in. “Don’t make a fool of me, don’t mock me just because I’m younger than you, because I’m not a soldier, because I can’t fight like you, I can’t ever look like you, I can’t ever be like you!”
Zander looked shocked. He lifted his arm, and for a second I thought he might strike Kiel, angry with him for answering back so insolently. But to my surprise, he dropped his hand gently onto Kiel’s shoulder instead. “It’s not everything,” he said very slowly. To me, his voice sounded strained. “To be a Gold Warrior. To be like me.”
Kiel tensed up, and I thought I could see the glint of a tear in the corner of his eye. He pursed his lips, obviously keeping his misery or his temper in check. “I know, sir.”
“You mean you can imagine, surely—”
“No,” Kiel interrupted. I saw him screw his eyes shut, as if waiting for a blow. “I mean I know. I know what it is I can do—and what you can’t. You’ve been coming here to the Library, and you’ve graciously given me some of your free time. I appreciate that more than you can imagine, though obviously that’s not your real reason for the visits. You’ve been sent to watch over what I’m doing, I’m sure.”
Zander looked startled, and I realized he was about to deny that. I wasn’t aware of Zander being charged with any official responsibility toward the writing of the Queen’s History, although I’d have been just as surprised to hear a Gold Warrior admit to visiting a mere scribe on his own time. It was an intriguing situation. But in the meantime Kiel hurried on. “That’s fine, that’s your right, and I watch you in return. I can see how you behave here. But I’d never tell—I’d never mock you to others, to anyone. It doesn’t matter to me, you see.”
It was Zander’s turn to tense up. His fingers tightened on Kiel’s shoulder. “What are you talking about? Tell me what you think you know.”
Kiel winced: Zander’s grip was strong. “The books scare you, sir. Zander. You avoid looking at them, you avoid talking to me about them. You avoid reading my work or contributing directly to what I write. You can read, I know you can, but not as well as some of the other soldiers. Not as well as Maen, or… or me.”
Zander was silent for a moment.
Kiel coughed nervously. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything—”
“I never had the time,” Zander broke in. He sounded defensive. “I was taken for a Bronzeman even younger than they are today. I was only a boy. But it was all I’d ever wanted—to be a soldier—and I had little interest in learning anything else. I knew no other way to live. My first Mistress….” He drew a stronger breath. “Let me say, it wasn’t as good a Household as this one. She had little money, few allies, and a vicious temper. She had no time for her soldiers’ well-being, let alone their education. There were so few of us, and as the newest recruit, I was the worst slave there, of less standing than one of the serfs in the Royal Household. I was nothing more than… well, I was a servant like you, Kiel.”
Kiel’s eyes were wide. Like me, he’d never known anything of Zander’s background. He made a soft sound of sympathy.
“Don’t presume to pity me,” Zander snapped. There was a dangerous glint in his eye.
Kiel stuttered. “I didn’t mean… but how did you get away from there?”
“The only way a soldier can. I accompanied her to a Choosing when I was a new Silver Captain. She got into an argument with one of the Negotiators over the price of a Bronzeman, though I knew it was really because she’d bid above her means and couldn’t afford to pay.” Kiel was watching him, fascinated. Zander shook his head. “To renege on a purchase at Choosing time is the worst thing a Mistress can do. There were many people there watching her—I doubt she’d have had any reputation left at all, at the end of the day. But one of the people nearby was a Lady from the Queen’s Household. She was in Mistress Seleste’s employ and she approached my Mistress and made a more than generous offer for me. It was enough to cover my Mistress’s debt and save her humiliation, and so the trade was made. I went back with my new Mistress and joined the Royal Household.”
Kiel stared at him for a moment. Zander’s cheeks were flushed with pride. “It was what you deserved,” Kiel said quietly. “To be in a Household where you’d be treasured and nurtured. You’re the best now, not the worst.”
Zander stared back. “You astonish me time and again, scribe, you have such a strange way about you. But you’re surprisingly sharp, it seems, finding things I’d prefer hidden. Maen told me you were clever, and I should have listened to him.” His eyes darkened, and the muscles of his shoulders tightened up. “Did you think to use that knowledge about my reading against me somehow? To earn you either reward or revenge?”
“No!” Kiel looked angry now. He pushed his chair back abruptly and stood up, throwing off Zander’s hand. “If I did, I would’ve said before now, wouldn’t I? I’d have told Maen or one of your Guard, to humiliate you. Maybe even the Queen, though I think s
he doesn’t care. Or maybe I’d have come to you in the night, bowing and begging but with no more sincerity than one of your poorest kitchen serfs. Maybe I would have offered to forget what I know, for the sake of your patronage, or in return for something from you that would mean a lot to me….”
“And what’s that?” Zander growled.
Kiel had faltered. “Nothing. I want nothing from you.”
Zander grasped his arm again, pulling the young man toward him. “Liar! Tell me what you’re really thinking, Kiel. Your talk is just a blind, a diversion, because that’s something I’ve learned. You chatter and you let us think you’re a foolish boy, and meanwhile your eyes follow me and your smile matches mine. Somehow, without words, without orders, you draw me back to this mausoleum of a place to talk to you, to try to find out what’s so different about you, that fascinates me against my will, when I should be with my men, or out drinking, or practicing the things I know and admire and am a master of….” His voice trailed off, and he looked astounded at his own outburst.
Kiel gazed back up at him. “Nothing,” he repeated, but more firmly. “I want nothing you don’t want to give freely. You don’t have to worry about me. I don’t want to humiliate you or harm you at all. That’s the opposite of what I want! For Devotions’ sake, all I want—” He stopped, going rigid in Zander’s grip.
There was sudden tense silence between the pair of them.
Zander pressed very closely against the young man. His free arm was on the far side of Kiel’s body and I couldn’t see it fully, but I saw the hand slide down past Kiel’s hip and grip his buttocks.
Kiel didn’t protest. In fact, he arched up against Zander’s chest and dropped his head back, baring his neck. I knew what that movement signified between two men. “Freely given,” he said again, but now his voice was very quiet.
“You can feel it as freely as I can.” Zander’s hips ground slowly against Kiel’s and the younger man moaned softly. “You can feel me, my cock swollen hard against your thigh. That’s what being here with you does to me.” Zander sounded both amused and surprised by his reaction. “This isn’t what I expected. I still don’t know what it is about you, but…”
“You want me to leave you in peace?”
“…but I want to find out,” Zander murmured. He bent his head and nipped at Kiel’s neck.
Kiel sighed gently and turned his face to meet Zander’s. There was a short, clumsy moment as he bumped into Zander’s nose, gasped a soft, anguished apology, then tilted his head more carefully to fit against the soldier’s. His cheeks were flushed a very dark pink. When Zander pressed his mouth onto the younger man’s, Kiel opened up willingly. Zander leaned in even more closely, his tongue thrusting into Kiel, his grip tightening on Kiel’s ass. He snaked his other hand around Kiel’s neck and tangled into the hair at the nape. He tugged Kiel’s head back, holding his body fiercely against his chest. When they finally broke from the kiss, both of them were panting. Kiel looked exhilarated.
“I’m not a soldier,” Kiel whispered. “I’m… you called me ‘boy.’ You have your choice of all of them, the men. They’re magnificent. I’m—” He swallowed, hard. “—too thin, too bookish, too odd-looking.”
Zander laughed, but it didn’t sound cruel. “Yes, all of that’s still true. I could have the fine body of any Silver Captain, maybe Gold Warriors too, and I could have them on my bed, waiting for me, any night I come back to the barracks.”
“I can’t come there!” Kiel looked shocked.
Zander looked down into his face, still holding him as tightly. “I suppose not. You’d be thoroughly laughed at.” When Kiel opened his mouth to protest, Zander put his fingers against it to hush him. It was a surprisingly tender gesture. “I would be laughed at too, Kiel. I don’t enjoy that much. It places me with you, not them. And that’s not amusing in my world.”
Kiel’s face twisted with proud anger. “I know what you’re saying, I’m just a servant, soldiers have no time to waste with lowly creatures like me, you think I don’t realize that? A servant isn’t worth the time or company, maybe good to run errands in the barracks, to wash and shave you, to fetch your clothes, to admire your body and give a quick, convenient service to your cock.”
Zander’s grip tightened and he grinned mischievously. “That sounds good. Is that what you want to do?”
Kiel wriggled a bit, his face reddening afresh. I knew how strong Zander was, yet I suspected he wasn’t using his full strength and Kiel could have pulled free if he’d wanted to. “You already have youngsters in the barracks for that, those who follow the soldiers shamelessly, squabbling for your favor, who fawn over you and kneel for you, lifting their tunics so you can reach their bare ass easily enough, offering you any relief you want.”
“I don’t want them.” Zander’s words were a whisper now into Kiel’s ear, but the air was so still I could hear them clearly. “I want you to relieve me. I know how ridiculous that is of me, but that’s how it seems to be. And I’m not used to holding back from what I want. Are you scared of it? I can be gentle. I can show you—”
This time Kiel did pull away, if only to the outer extent of Zander’s arms. “No,” he said sharply. “Thank you, soldier, but I don’t need tuition. I’ve done it before and I was not too bad at it, I believe, even if I didn’t much care for it.”
Zander sucked in a breath. He seemed unusually agitated. “You should have said. I don’t take anyone who’s unwilling, although I know there are soldiers who do.”
Kiel made a sound of frustration. “I can’t explain myself to you properly. That’s what you do to me, and it’s not at all comfortable. But I’m not unwilling. Not with you.” He shook his head, his face still pink with excitement and embarrassment, and his fair, fine hair brushing against Zander’s upper arm. “It was unsatisfying before, because… because I had no interest in them, the other men. But I’m not nervous of the physical things, the things you take for granted. Your hands on me, or your cock in my mouth, or….” He was very red now, but his expression was determined. “It’s not that. But I can’t explain how I feel about you. What more I want, what I’m afraid of.”
Zander breathed heavily, his gaze on the rapid movement of Kiel’s mouth. “You want to know what I think? I think there’s too much going on in your head. I think you’re slightly mad, despite your sharp mind, and I don’t understand half of what you say or why you feel the need to argue with yourself. And yet I still return to see you.” He sounded almost angry with himself, but his gaze had fixed on Kiel with a kind of fascination and a gentleness I’d never seen in his expression before. “However, I can see the fear in your eyes, and I’m sorry for that. I want you, but I won’t take you unless you want it too. It should be something enjoyable, something for entertainment and release.” He frowned, although his eyes glinted with desire. He ran a fingertip along the line of Kiel’s jaw. “Freely given, you said, remember?”
Kiel smiled gently. “I remember. You listen to me, Gold Warrior.”
“Yes, obviously I do. It seems I’m slightly mad as well. I must have caught that from you.” Zander’s voice was soft, with an underlying thread of suppressed laughter.
They were silent again for a moment. I was amused to watch two men who were usually so sure of themselves so lost for words in the face of each other.
“Do you want more, Kiel?” Zander dipped his head again, brushing his mouth over Kiel’s. “Do you want me?”
Kiel didn’t answer directly, but he tilted his face back up to Zander’s and took another kiss. This time their lips were even fiercer and Kiel slid his arms around Zander’s waist, pulling them closely together.
Zander gave a deep, growling sigh.
“Let me,” Kiel whispered, pulling away again. “Let me show you how much I’ve always wanted you.” He crouched down in front of the soldier, his hands trailing down Zander’s thighs as he lowered himself, snagging the rough fabric of the uniform trousers. His fingers lingered over the swelling at Zander�
��s groin, his palm instinctively curling into a shape that might cup it. Zander’s body tensed up.
“Scribe?”
“Too much thinking,” Kiel muttered. His eyes were bright and he was smiling. “You’re right about me. Sometimes it’s best just to act.” He knelt deliberately on the hard wooden floor of the Library, his head at the level of Zander’s hips, and his harsh breath aimed between the other man’s legs. He slipped his hands to the inside of Zander’s thighs and nudged them farther apart, making Zander shift his feet to a wider stance.
The Gold Warrior’s breath hitched in his throat. “Yes,” he murmured. His head went back; his voice was deep and hoarse. “It seems you are definitely not too bad at this.”
Kiel smiled more slyly. He reached up and loosened the fastenings of Zander’s trousers. With a single sharp movement, he tugged them down to Zander’s upper thighs, letting his cock spring free. It was thick, bobbing up against Zander’s belly and shining with damp anticipation, but Kiel didn’t look intimidated by it in the least. He leaned forward and swiped his tongue slowly and greedily along its length. Zander reached blindly behind him to grasp the edge of the table, holding himself upright. He looked down at Kiel, amazement on his face. Kiel gazed back up at him quite boldly, and licked his lips. Zander groaned and reached out a hand to tangle into Kiel’s hair. “Don’t be scared,” he growled. “Don’t be timid with me. That’s not what I like.”
Kiel didn’t answer, but he nodded as if he’d already guessed that. It was unusual to see him so silent, but of course he needed his mouth for other matters. His lips slid carefully but firmly over Zander’s cock, his hands anchoring himself against the strong thighs. I saw the muscles of his shoulders clench, and the sudden tension in his own thighs and buttocks. His head moved as slowly as torment might allow, back and forth on the soldier’s erection. Zander grunted his pleasure with every stroke. And Kiel made sounds too, not always a familiar thing for such service, but I wondered with amusement whether that was a reflection of the young man’s love of expression at all times. He made soft humming noises in his throat as he sucked and licked, and it sounded as if he were genuinely enjoying himself. I knew of Remainder servants who did, indeed, ingratiate themselves into the barracks and plead for attention from the soldiers, though I’d never encouraged any of them myself. To my knowledge, they were quiet, submissive, and often very passive lovers.
