by Piper Rayne
But he hadn’t felt the same way. That was made abundantly clear. The worst part, other than the crippling rejection and the pity that shone from his eyes, was his disappearance the next day. He’d left in the night and moved across the country to take a job that no one knew much about.
I couldn’t not read into his quick departure. He left because he couldn’t stomach the thought of being around me. Of seeing me and knowing my not-so-hidden feelings.
I didn’t regret telling him. I was proud of what I’d done. I wasn’t the kind of person to sit around and wonder what if. So in the dim bar light, as we celebrated, I thought the moment had been right. Now or never.
I just hadn’t factored in how hard never hit the heart.
“Belinda, open the door. I’m freezing my balls off out here.”
Shaking out of my thoughts, I roll my lips together, back and forth as I stare at the door again. I have to open it, I know I do. I’m just not ready.
“Belinda! Christ.” His mutterings are getting more desperate. And could I hear the chattering of teeth?
Not giving myself a moment to overthink my next actions, I quickly flip the lock and pull open the door. I’m pushed back immediately as Luke’s large body rushes in, the door slamming behind him. My eyes are wide in shock as I take in his partially covered face.
“Jesus, Bee. Took you long enough.” His hands come up to pull down the scarf that is tucked under his chin and unzip the top of his jacket so he can breathe.
His words don’t register right away. I’m transfixed by the scruff that’s covering his jaw. I have an instant need to touch it. Luke looks…different. If it’s humanly possible, which I didn’t think it could be, he looks even better than I remember. Bigger.
“You look different.”
“How can you tell with all the layers I have on?” He smirks at me. There’s a fluttering in my chest.
“Umm, yeah.” Inside I’m screaming at how moronic I sound. Could I at least string a normal sentence together? After all this time apart, I should be over him, over this stupid crush. Yet I know with one look in his kind, dark brown eyes that I’ve been lying to myself.
Clearing my throat, I tilt my head up so he can see me more clearly. “You didn’t have to come get me. I would have been fine to walk to the subway.”
“That wasn’t going to happen,” he says, giving me a strange look as his eyes take in all of me. “And there was no way I was going to say no to your Babcia. I can’t risk being denied her cooking. I’m a growing boy.”
“Humm,” is all I’m able to get out. He definitely has grown. And filled out. And become a walking fantasy. This is a nightmare.
“So,” he draws out, looking around the small hallway and into the kitchen, “are you ready to go?”
“Oh, umm, yes. Just let me…grab my cookies.” Before the words are out of my mouth, I’m walking away from him. I wasn’t going to take home the leftover sugar cookies I had made this morning, but I have an inkling after this ride home I’m going to want to eat my feelings. Plus, I need a minute away from him to get myself together. This is fine. Everything is fine.
Luke is leaning against the door frame as I walk back to him. The slight tilt of his lips makes me think he knew what I was doing. We both stay silent as I pull on all my winter gear. When there’s nothing else for me to button, zip or wrap, I force myself to look at Luke. With a tiny nod, we both head for the door. One of his hands presses into my lower back, guiding me.
The snow is beautiful, falling rapidly around us as we make our way down the stairs. My lips twist up in worry when I reach the bottom. This is it. I’m going to be alone, in a tiny space with Luke, for the first time since I admitted my feelings and he walked away. I see his hand motion to the side where a dark green SUV is parked.
My steps slow on the freshly fallen snow. The boots I’m wearing aren’t heavy duty and I can feel my soles slipping. Luke has me pressed to his side the second one of my boots skates across the ground. Holding me firm and secure.
“Sorry,” I mumble, not looking at him. I have layers of clothing and a jacket on, but I swear I can feel the heat of his body pressed against mine. I try to step away from him, the closeness sending tiny fireworks through my bloodstream, but he doesn’t let me go.
“Got you,” he says softly, a hint of a smile in his voice. I don’t look at him to confirm, I can’t. I don’t trust myself not to turn into even more of a moronic mess in front of him all because he’s back…and touching me…and being sweet.
I shuffle the rest of the way to his SUV, supported by Luke.
“You really should have better boots, Bee. Especially if you’re walking in snow.”
“I do have heavy-duty boots. I was just in a rush this morning to get to the bakery. Usually I’m snow ready.”
He makes a sound of approval as we stop by the front passenger door. The automatic locks go off and Luke opens the door for me. I give a hesitant smile of thanks. Thinking that he’s going to leave me and head for the driver’s side, I gasp when his hands clasp my waist and guide me up to the seat. My jacket hikes up with the movement, revealing a small sliver of skin to the frigid night air. The sudden shock of cold is immediately replaced by Luke’s warm fingers skimming the area. My entire body shakes.
Pulling my legs in, I twist in my seat, catching Luke looking at me in a funny way.
I may be reading into things, but I swear the look was…desire? I’m not sure. I just know I’ve never seen him look at me that way before.
Although a lot has happened between us and he’s been gone the last year, Luke and I were still friends. We always would be. Our families were close, and he’s best friends with my brother. I could let the past go and move forward like nothing happened…probably.
Giving my body a scan with his piercing gaze, he shuts the door before quickly walking around the SUV. Getting in, he turns the car on and cranks the heat. We sit in silence.
At least I hope it’s silent. I can feel my heart beating erratically in my chest, the thumps echoing in my ears. As quietly as I can, I take a deep breath.
“I almost forgot how cold the city can get.”
“You’ve only been gone a year,” I say, not believing he could forget a Canadian winter.
“I know,” he laughs, “but where I was, there were only two seasons. Hot and superhot.”
“Where were you?” I ask, my voice quieter than I want it to be.
Luke turns to me but doesn’t say anything. His body is tense and the hand that is resting on the steering wheel has formed into a fist. Has my question upset him? I watch confused as he seems to have an inner battle with himself. Then, as if the words pain him, he speaks.
“Austin. I’ve been in Austin.” My mouth forms a small O.
He slowly pulls out of the back alley where the bakery has employee parking. The crunch of the snow under the SUV’s tires is oddly soothing in the strained silence.
I clear my throat. “I don’t live with Brendan anymore. Do you know where you’re going?”
“Yeah, I know where your apartment is.”
I wasn’t going to read into that.
A small buzz, followed by a vibration against my leg, has me hunching over for my backpack. Pulling out my cell, I see Babcia has texted me again, wanting confirmation that I’m with Luke. I send her back a quick response, knowing she won’t relent until I tell her I’m okay.
Shoving the phone back into my bag, I fold my hands on my lap, looking up to see if we’re almost to my place. “Umm, you’re taking the long way. You realize that, right?”
“Yes,” is all he says, his focus still on the road. The snow has stopped falling but the wind is going strong.
Is he doing this on purpose? Taking the long way at a snail’s pace to my apartment because he wants to spend more time with me? No, that can’t be right. If he wanted to spend time with me, hell if he wanted an update on my life, he would have found a way to reach out to me over the last year. You didn’t just di
sappear for a year and then turn up thinking that everything would be the same. That isn’t going to happen. At least not overnight.
“So, tell me, how long have you been working at Bake, Rattle & Roll?”
Not pulling any punches, I give him the truth. “Almost a year. I got the job the day after you left.”
His head dips forward and his jaw flexes in the shadows cast by the streetlights. A zing of satisfaction zips through me at his acknowledgment of his leaving.
“Well,” he begins, straightening up again, “that’s really great, Bee. I always knew you’d follow your passion of baking. And you teach too?”
Damn it. He’d zeroed in on my weak spot. I love talking about the pastry classes.
“Yeah, though the classes just started. It’s something new we’re trying but I really love it. Tonight’s class was my third.”
“What are you teaching them to bake?”
“Right now, because of the season, it’s traditional Christmas cookies. Like sugar cookies and crackle cookies.”
“You teaching any Polish cookie classes? Damn, those little ones you used to make with that gun-thingy were amazing.”
“Spritz cookies,” I answer, amazed that he remembers. “No, I haven’t included those in the class. Maybe I should…” My voice trails off.
“Everything you make is delicious but those were always my favorite.”
I can’t help the smile that takes over my face at his comment. I tuck my chin to my chest so he can’t see. The last thing he needs to think is that we’re on good terms. I’m still very confused over all his actions.
“So,” I say, infusing my voice with a nonchalance I don’t feel, “I didn’t realize you were home for the holidays.”
“I’m not.” My heart falters, then stutters back to life in my chest. “I’m home for good.”
Home Not Just for the Holidays
Luke
The second the words are out of my mouth the atmosphere in the car changes. She’s trying her hardest not to seem too interested or too attentive. And I can understand why. I had been a bastard to her a year ago.
It’s taking everything in me not to spill my guts to Belinda. So much has happened over the last year, not all of it good, and most of it had to remain confidential. I shouldn’t have told her where I’d been, but I guess that small detail is okay. Everything else would have to wait.
I just hope to God she’ll give me the time.
“For…for good?”
I nod, glancing at her quickly before focusing on the road again. The weather is too unpredictable right now to not be on top of my game. I need to keep her safe, even if I’m the last person she wants to be around. “Yeah. I even started looking for an apartment today. Slim pickings though around the holidays.”
“He’s looking for an apartment,” she whispers to herself, not realizing I can hear her entire inner dialogue, a habit she’s had since childhood. “It’s fine. You’re fine.”
I have to press my lips together to hold back my smile. Tonight is turning out better than I could have ever planned. No sooner had I dumped my bags in Brendan’s guest bedroom than I was out the door, needing to find out where Belinda was. The one person who I knew I could depend on to not rat me out for asking questions was Grandmother Effnert. The woman loved to talk about her granddaughter. She’d opened her door to me with a big smile…and then had smacked me over the head.
“’Bout time you got your butt back here. My girl won’t wait forever.” I swear my heart dropped at her words. Even thinking about Belinda with some other faceless guy has my hands tightening on the steering wheel. Leaving hadn’t been my choice a year ago but once the case was closed and everyone was safe, I got back here as soon as I could. I’d told Grandma E that, leaving out some details that Belinda deserved to hear first, and she’d lifted her chin before ushering me in.
Thirty minutes later, a small miracle happened—the beautiful flurry of snow that had been falling gently in the dim sunset started to pour down. Grandma E had changed the muted TV station where she’d been playing reruns of The Big Bang Theory to the weather channel, grabbing her phone as soon as she saw the overnight forecast. She’d eyed me for a moment, shook her head, then sighed.
“You got one shot to make this right with my girl. Go pick her up, get her home safe and for God’s sake, tell her how you feel.” I didn’t need to be told again. I wouldn’t get one-on-one time like this with Belinda any other way. Well, unless I showed up at her apartment out of the blue. I had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate that.
Belinda’s words shake me back to the present. “So where are you staying then? With your parents?” I can tell that she doesn’t want to ask me that, but curiosity gets the best of her. God, I love it when her stubborn streak wins out.
“I’m staying in Brendan’s guest room until I can find something of my own.”
She makes a rude sound before bursting with laughter. “You’re staying with my brother?”
“He’s not that bad.” I glance at her for reassurance but get only a bemused shrug.
“I can’t believe you’re staying with the Grinch for the holidays. Are there any Christmas decorations up?”
I have to think about that.
“No.”
“Ha!”
“It’ll be fine.”
“Sure,” she sarcastically agrees.
“Fuck.”
She laughs again at my plight.
“You can pull in here,” Belinda breaks through my thoughts, her finger pointing out an almost hidden visitor parking lot. I don’t want to let her go just yet. I took the long way to her apartment on purpose, driving as slow as I could without endangering anyone. How the hell did we get here so fast?
The few cars parked in the lot are buried in snow. It looks like no one has shoveled this lot in days, not just hours. I park in the closest space to the building’s entrance and reach across the console to stop Belinda. “Wait for me,” I tell her, hand gently clutching her thigh. Her eyes go to her lap and she swallows. When her gaze comes back to mine, I can see her pupils are dilated and there’s a longing in their depths.
Her tongue peeks out, wetting her bottom lip, and I watch with fascination. I want those plush lips on mine, I want to know her taste and discover the sounds she makes when I devour her. Just not right now. I still have to earn her trust back.
“Wait for me to come around,” I repeat. The harsh cold hits me as soon as I climb from the SUV and my dick calms down. I’ve been hard since the moment I laid eyes on her. Rushing around, I open Belinda’s door and help her down. The snow goes past her ankles and she laugh-cries when chunks of it fall into her boot.
“Ahh! Damn, I really wore the wrong boots today—” She’s up in my arms before she finishes her sentence. “What are you doing?” she gasps.
“Your boots aren’t made for actual weather. I’m making sure you don’t break your neck.” I reach in for her backpack, twisting a strap around my arm before locking the doors.
Her green eyes are big in wonder as I start walking us to the lobby entrance. She doesn’t relax in my arms, but she does lean closer, seeking my heat.
“Keys, babe,” I tell her as we get closer to the door. Reaching for the backpack, she opens a pouch on the side and takes out a small key ring. Balancing her in one arm, I use the other to take the keys from her and swipe the pass over the security scanner. The doors click open.
“We’re inside now. You can put me down.”
“I don’t really want to,” I tell her honestly. Slowly, she tilts her head toward me, taking me in with a look that I can’t read. When we get to the elevator, she slips from my arms, but stays close. Tonight isn’t about what I want. I need to show her that I’m back for her.
We ride the elevator in silence. I can see her sneaking peeks of me out of the corner of my eye. When we get to her front door, I unlock it, but don’t move to open it. Instead I turn back to her, placing the keys in her hand and stare into her larg
e confused eyes.
I don’t know what to say to her. Telling her the truth tonight doesn’t feel right, but I can’t leave her with nothing.
“I’m sorry, Bee,” comes out before I’ve thought everything through.
Her head bobs up and she looks up at me through her lashes. Her voice is barely a whisper when she responds. “For what?”
Placing a hand under her chin, needing that small connection, I take a step forward. The nylon of our jackets rub together as our bodies meet. “For not reaching out after I left. For leaving.” My lips quirk up in a self-deprecating smirk. “For not being as brave as you. That all changes now.”
I close the remaining space, my hands framing her beautiful face. Slowly, ever so slowly, I lean down and kiss her cheek, catching the corner of her mouth too. A tiny sigh leaves her lips. Then without another word, I hold open her front door and watch her safely walk inside. Not leaving until I hear the lock click and the thump of her backpack hitting the ground.
That went a lot better than I had hoped.
Now I just had to pull a Santa—and make her believe in me.
Express Your Elf
Belinda
“Absolutely not. No way.”
“Please, Belinda. We can’t find anyone else to fill in on such short notice.”
“You realize what you’re asking, don’t you?”
My brother tries to fight his smile but fails. Oh, he knows what he’s asking of me. Or more like guilting me into. The bastard is taking advantage of my good nature and over-the-top holiday spirit.
“I know, Bee. But think of the kids. They’ll be so let down if there are no elves to help Santa.”
I scrunch up my face. I crack an egg more aggressively than planned on the edge of the electric mixer. I really don’t want to help my brother today. The idea of having to put on…oh God, I can’t even think the words, they make my skin crawl. If it was anyone else asking me for this huge favor, saying no would be so easy. With Brendan, it’s almost impossible. He’s one of the best people I know, the best brother, and it’s very rare he asks anything of me. So, it would be cruel of me to say no to a simple request. Even if it means putting on the guise of my greatest enemy: the elf.
