by Willa Okati
“You must have a cold. I haven’t showered yet.”
He felt Alexander’s chuckle and shivered when Alexander held him a little closer. “That’s not what I meant, smart-ass. ‘Better’ means… you smell warm. You’re not shivering, and you’re not wound so tightly you’re a flinch away from pulling your joints apart.”
Zach winced at the mental image but -- he knew that feeling, and he’d been afraid of it sometimes himself. “You run hot. You always have. I can’t help but warm up, this close.”
“I warm you, but the gas fire on full blast didn’t?”
“Smart-ass, yourself,” Zach muttered. He butted his head against the sturdy muscle below Alexander’s collarbone. “Don’t get cocky.”
“To thine own self be true.”
“Except when it makes you a pain in the ass.”
That made Alexander laugh, too loudly at first until he brought it down. “I really did miss the way you can whip everything right back. No one’s ever called me on the carpet like you can.”
“No one dared take a whip to the big bad Alpha mastiff?”
“Something like that. I spent a while looking for someone who would, you know.”
Zach stiffened slightly as Alexander turned them in another circle. “Did you ever find anyone?”
“A few. Some that tried.” Alexander paused. “Does that make you jealous?”
Another punch to the solar plexus, another flare of frustrated anger, a slower ebb. Zach ground his teeth together -- he knew when someone was trying to yank his chains. Alexander didn’t play fair, and he really had gotten a little mean as he got older, but who could blame him? Not Zach. He’d taught that lesson himself and it was time he owned up to it.
“Yes,” Zach said. “It does. Does that make you happy?”
“Not really.”
Now that took Zach by surprise. “Why not?”
“You don’t need me to answer that.” Alexander raised one shoulder. “But I will. They weren’t you, and it wasn’t the same, and after a while I wasn’t interested in pale imitations. So I looked for something as different as possible, and I found that. Lots of that.”
The first attack had made Zach angry. This one hurt.
But he was who he was, and he said, “Good. That’s what you should have done. I hope you were happy with that.”
“Sometimes. Not for long enough. Some of them stuck it out for a while, but they mostly called it quits before too long.”
“Why?”
“I called your name in my sleep one too many times.”
The hits kept coming, and any second now they’d crack Zach open. He knotted one fist and punched Alexander in the ribs again, even though he bruised his knuckles doing it. Ow.
“Neither of us ever learns,” Alexander said. If he’d even felt the hit, he didn’t show it. He tucked his chin against Zach’s shoulder, resting it there. Which put him in the ideal position to whisper to Zach, lips tickling his ear. “I’ve already asked way more than ten questions, but I’m not in the mood to play by arbitrary rules tonight. Do you ever wonder what would have happened, when I asked what I asked that day, if you’d said yes?”
Zach drew in a shivering breath. Yes. So many times, yes. He shut his eyes tight and pressed his head tighter still to Alexander as he lied, because he couldn’t help it, “No.”
Alexander shook his head slowly, the rasp of his stubble harsh on Zach’s neck, but let that go too -- diverted, if not forgotten. But he wasn’t one to give up either. The roughness of that beard scruff should have irritated both Zach’s skin and temper, but somehow it made him want to moan and lean closer instead. “I can smell the difference between truth and lies out of you again. And I have wondered,” he said. “Sometimes during the day. Mostly at night.”
His hand drifted down Zach’s back, as slow as the tide and equally unstoppable. Equally unforgettable.
He would not tell Alexander what those words did to him, the hot clench inside, the empty yearning it woke in his belly and pelvis. Aching. Burning. “You dreamed about me? Really? Sap.”
Alexander’s chest vibrated with amusement. “You say that like you only now figured it out.”
Zach made a pfft noise. “What did you dream about? Hearts, flowers, big church weddings?”
“Sometimes. Those were mostly during the day. But at night…” He touched his lips to Zach’s neck, lips parted. Hot breath, a flicker of tongue, then a sweep, tasting him. “At night, it was different.”
Zach’s eyes slid shut. He reached up to pull Alexander away, but somehow his fingers ended up tangled in Alexander’s hair, holding him there. “Stop it.”
“Make me.”
Zach didn’t. His fingers flexed once, and that gave away the kind of picture that a thousand words couldn’t.
“You dream about it too.” It wasn’t a question, but a sure and certain statement. Alexander’s arm fitted more snugly around him now and his hand dipped lower still, brushing the small of his back. Where did he learn that? That a hint, a whisper, did more than a shout and a fistful of ass? “I think you dream about the same things I do. Where we’d be if you’d let yourself say yes.”
How had this turned so fast, so sharply?
“I can’t help your dreams.”
“Can’t you?” Alexander took Zach’s earlobe between his teeth. “I dream about you saying yes. Fucking you again and again that night, not giving a damn about anything else, until you were pregnant and there was no going back, not ever, and you wanting every goddamn bit of it.” His words were warm, straight into Zach’s ear, and they made him quake under his skin. “The way you do now.”
Zach’s body rippled, his muscles flexing and bunching, going wet where he shouldn’t. “No.”
“Liar.” Alexander’s mouth moved again, resting over where Zach’s pulse was hammering so hard that he must have felt it. Bastard. He teased his fingertips ever so slightly lower. “Liar.”
“And what if I am?” Zach shoved him, for all the good it did, a weakened Omega and an Alpha at the peak of his strength. “You want the truth? This is the truth. I. Did. The. Right. Thing. We were too young to even think about mating, getting married, children for God’s sake, no matter what I --”
He stopped himself before he could finish that and turned, fast -- and realized, right away, what a mistake that’d been.
Alexander’s arms tightened, holding him steady around the ribs and hips, back to chest. Pressed this close, he could feel how hard Alexander was, and when his breath went shaky he knew Alexander guessed the state of him too. He slid the hand at Zach’s hips around, down, where he could tease a few fingertips along Zach’s belt buckle, hook the tip of one underneath and tug.
“Don’t lie to me anymore tonight.”
He ground against Zach’s ass, rougher now, insistently hard, so hard he must have ached. Zach’s body moved back against his, pressing into it. The sound they made was obscene, wet and sticky, and so goddamn sweet it made both moan, both groan, made Zach reach back for whatever he could grab onto and hold.
“You like that,” Alexander murmured. He turned Zach around again and fitted them together. Thrust his thigh between Zach’s, the friction so good that he almost sobbed as he hitched forward. He had his hands knotted in Alexander’s hair again, pulling as hard as he wanted. “I like this. I like you the way you’ve always been, wanting me to want you. I remember your body like it was yesterday. I hear it. It’s shouting at me, telling me how much you want to fuck. I can almost feel you coming open. You need a cock. You want mine.”
“My body doesn’t know what’s good for it,” Zach whispered. He couldn’t let go. “I don’t have to listen to it. We were -- dancing. Just dancing.”
“We still are.” Alexander pulled Zach tight against him, hips to hips. He was so hard. They both were, yet the abruptness shocked Zach. Too much sensation. Too fast.
He tried to push Alexander far enough away to let himself breathe. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”<
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“I know,” Alexander said. “But I did.”
Zach stiffened, then pulled away in a rush, retreating. “That’s not fair.”
“Should it be?” Alexander advanced on him, taking back every inch Zach had gained, and he didn’t look cruel the way Zach had accused him of being, but like a man who had reached the very end of his tether, and there was no telling what would happen now. “I have everything -- everything -- on the line here, Zach, and I know this is the last chance I’ll ever have so no, I’m not being fair. Nothing about this is. I want to fuck you, and you want to fuck me. Say it. Say it, out loud.”
Zach gritted his teeth, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Damn you, Alexander. Yes. Are you happy now?”
Generals on the battlefield must have given commands and barked responses with the same kind of fire in their bellies: forward, forward! And to hell with the consequences. “Yes,” Alexander hissed.
Now he was the one who was lying.
No. Zach could tell Alexander wasn’t happy. He was angry, frantic, desperate, and starving as badly as Zach was. But Zach, God help him, had reached the end of his tether too, and there was nothing left to do but let it snap, and fall.
He crashed into Alexander before Alexander could crash into him. His mouth on Alexander’s, eating at him open-mouthed and messy, his legs around Alexander’s waist, his weight held up as if it were nothing and yet Alexander dropped them both to the floor so fluidly they barely jarred. They landed with Zach on top, Alexander taking the brunt. Between one kiss and the next he’d rolled them both over to put Zach under him, and the things he said made Zach burn.
“I want you, oh God, I want you, I want you so much, I never stopped wanting you, I --”
He pressed his mouth to the gap where Zach’s shirt had come open. A sharp jerk and the fabric gave way, parting as he pulled, giving him room to bite a string of burning marks all the way down. Zach’s hips jerked up as his insides melted, flowing and shifting as if he were made of water, not flesh and bone, and he went hard, so hard, so fast. Alexander felt it, or saw it, didn’t matter which. He put his mouth over it without bothering to shred his jeans off and pressed his tongue --
Zach’s arms were around Alexander’s shoulders, without knowing he would do that.
Zach’s knees were locked around Alexander’s waist, without meaning to put them there.
Zach’s back arched till his neck ached, desperate, willing to --
To do --
Anything --
And get the ending right, this time.
“Zach.” Alexander kissed his way down Zach’s hip before he let go of him, breathing hard and swallowing dry, cheek pressed to the inside of Zach’s inner thigh. “God, Zach, I need you.”
Want. Need. Was there a difference? Yes. No.
He drew one deep breath, and then another, and reached down to brush his fingertips through Alexander’s hair. His hand shook too much for more. “Yes. Alexander. Yes.”
Alexander’s eyes flew open, and he stared at Zach with such pure shock that it would have made him laugh at any other time. Not now.
“Now.” Zach found his grip, and pulled at him; he wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to haul a big Alpha up, but he’d be damned if he wouldn’t try and once he got the idea there was no stopping Alexander anyway; he came in a rush, a surge, dropping with all his weight on top of Zach and kissing him as if he’d die if he stopped.
Zach’s hands weren’t shaking now.
Somehow, somewhere in all the sensation, every other piece of clothing vanished, peeled away where they were tacky-sticky or slipped off, tossed to the side. Hot skin warmed Zach all the way through, right down to his bones. He couldn’t follow where Alexander put his mouth, he moved so fast and with such hunger, but he felt every one of those kisses and he ran after them, collecting each one to keep safe in his head for later. Kisses on his hips, his navel, the very last bit of skin above his cock.
“Don’t --” Zach found the breath to warn. “Don’t. Too much. I’ll come.”
Alexander nosed at him, but only once, and backed away. “Not yet you don’t. Not till I’m in you.”
“Fuck!” Zach bit at the back of his hand, but barely stopped himself from coming even so. He couldn’t catch his breath; he was burning alive. He raked his nails down Alexander’s back so he’d feel some of the flame too. “Fuck. Oh, fuck. If you want that, Alex -- no, Alexander -- hurry. I can’t wait. Alexander.”
“Call me whatever you want,” Alexander breathed, sliding on top of him, high enough for their bodies to fit. He lifted Zach’s thighs, kissing beneath them as he guided himself where they both wanted him, and then -- in --
Tight, hot, easy as a tongue sliding through molten honey. Hard, so hard inside him, as good as he remembered; no, better, he knew what he was doing now; they both knew, and Zach still couldn’t get him deep enough or hold him tightly enough. He panted hot and open-mouthed against the salt-slickness of Alexander’s shoulder. Biting him.
“Oh God.” Alexander seized his head and pulled it back to crush, to bruise him with the kind of kiss that said I want to eat you alive, I want to have all of you. His cock throbbed inside Zach as he groaned and curved his back, pressing deeper still. He couldn’t go deeper, but he worked his hips as if trying to, grinding their bodies together. “God, so good, so good for me, you feel so good inside.”
He did, oh fuck, he did. Zach rolled up, but that wasn’t enough. He had to feel. He reached between them, gliding slickly on the sweat and his own lubrication, flowing so smooth, making everything easy, easy. Alexander arched up with a sharp moan at the feel of Zach wrapping a hand around the base of his cock, barely able to fit but pressing himself down to make room. Zach stroked him once, then -- could he get in there? He didn’t know, but he had to try -- slid two fingers inside himself alongside Alexander’s cock, and --
Oh. Oh God. An ice-cold shock shot down Zach’s spine. “Stop.”
Alexander wouldn’t ignore him, but he wasn’t hearing him. Too gone. He rolled his hips and bit at the hollow under Zach’s chin, slid his own hand between them and kneaded over the concavity of Zach’s stomach. “Thin. Too thin, but the way you’ll look when you have my baby in you… Wanted you, wanted this for so long --”
Zach understood, with a sickening drop from his throat to his guts, what Alexander had thought he meant, why he’d done it this way even if all of it hadn’t been a conscious choice.
His head spun with thoughts coming too quickly to process. If they made a baby together right now the way their bodies wanted, the way Zach wanted so much -- wouldn’t that be as bad as tying Alexander down by doing it years ago? Alexander had gone out and seen the world, but not all of it. There was so much left and Zach couldn’t steal that from him, he couldn’t.
“Alexander.” Zach gasped at a thrust so deep it made him pulse inside, and -- no! He pushed hard at Alexander’s chest -- clutched at him instead -- no, no, focus, focus --”Stop. Alexander. Stop.” Taking hold of Alexander’s hair, he pulled up hard. “Stop!”
Alexander looked up, confused. His hands flexed on Zach’s hips. “What’s wrong?”
“Stop,” Zach said again, gentler this time. Didn’t he know what it felt like, even if he’d only done it to himself sometimes, to be so deep and wanting nothing more than to go deeper. It wasn’t easy to come back from, but he had to, he had to. “Stop.” He slipped his fingers out of himself, up, and showed Alexander the streaks of white trailing down the backs of his knuckles. Not come, not yet, but so damn close it made his heart pound at the risk of it all. “You’re not wearing a condom. Stop.”
The ragged sound of their breathing filled the silence. Zach couldn’t feel anything but body heat and the shaking of their muscles, both of them shuddering with the effort it took.
“Oh. Oh, I -- I get it. I think. You don’t want that part yet?” Alexander asked, plainly trying to work through it, to make himself believe anything but what he was trying to deny. “No, you’r
e right. You need to be healthy first. Then we can try.”
Zach moaned. He shouldn’t touch Alexander when he was like this, when they were both so weak. Yet he couldn’t stop touching either, no matter how unfair it was. He arched his hips, unable to help it even if it was cruel. His body would gulp down any seed it could catch hold of. Swallow it like dust swallowed rain.
Alexander moved his mouth over Zach’s throat. The tip of his tongue traced a pattern through the light sheen of sweat on his skin. “Please, Zach, please. I love you. I could pull out. At the end. I’m strong enough. I don’t want to, but I --”
“I don’t want you to either!” Zach tried to punch Alexander in the pectorals, but his wrists wouldn’t work and his fingers wouldn’t make a fist. “Don’t you get it?”
“No. I don’t. I can feel it in you. I can smell it on you. You do want me. You care about me. You’re holding me so close that I --” Alexander thrust deep, and Zach could almost feel Alexander swelling inside him when he hit that spot that made Zach bite back a cry. It escaped when Alexander whispered to him, full of confused desperation, “You said yes. I heard you say yes. Don’t take it back now.”
Zach smoothed Alexander’s hair back, but he couldn’t speak. The only words he could think of was that old refrain, and he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
“I --” Zach swallowed, so hard. “I never said I didn’t want this.”
Then, the fierceness faded and left the lost boy in its place. “Then why? I don’t understand. Why?”
“Because I want it so much I might give it to you, and I can’t. I can’t!” Zach shoved Alexander, angry and rough now. “Pull out now. Do it! If you care about me at all, Alexander, then let. Me. Go.”
Alexander shuddered again, a motion that made Zach think of earthquakes that tore the earth apart. But he did it. He had to use his hand, and it almost didn’t work. Once an Alpha was inside an Omega, and the Omega needed it this much, muscles clamped down and wouldn’t easily let go. Slick dripped down his legs as their bodies separated. Soaked and soaking, his body leaking in slow pulses that made him quake inside and out. The scent had to be overwhelming. Alexander’s cock gleamed with the stuff, shiny over the dark, stiff rod that still strained toward Zach’s body.
