by Erin Trejo
And I like who the fuck I am.
Ava
“Oh my god. I thought for sure my dad was going to come home early. I did not want to explain to him where the hell I was going today. He has been such an overbearing asshole,” I tell Taren with the roll of my eyes as I look out the window. I hear Taren giggle slightly before she actually speaks her mind.
“I don’t understand why you don’t leave. He’s such an asshole.” Blowing out a breath, I say something to her that I’ve never said to anyone.
“Truth?” Looking over at her, she nods her head.
“He has all my accounts locked. I can’t get into them. I get a six hundred dollar a week allowance,” I say with disgust. Taren’s mouth hangs open, but she keeps her eyes on the road. For that, I’m thankful.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that? Why does he do that?” Pulling the visor down, I check my eye liner in the mirror before I answer her.
“Control. It’s all about the control with him. The accounts are frozen until I turn twenty-one. If he wanted to push the issue, I’m sure it could go on much longer,” I mumble. Pulling up to the stop light, Taren turns to me. I hate the pitied look that she’s giving me right now. This is exactly why I haven’t told her a thing. I do what I do. I am who I am. Do I hate being me some days? Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean I can change it.
“You can always tell me these things. If you ever need anything, just ask. I didn’t know he got that strict on you.” Grabbing my hand and pulling it into hers, she smiles at me. I love Taren for the most part, but she doesn’t understand me or my life. She doesn’t get the way my family operates and to be honest, I don’t want her to.
“I didn’t want to tell you, Taren. Now look at you. Look at how you’re looking at me.” She quickly pulls her hand back before speaking again.
“I’m sorry. That’s shitty though, Ava. You don’t deserve that. You’re the best person I know.” Shrugging my shoulders, it is what it is. I can’t change it.
“I just hate it, that’s all. I’m tired of it. Mom stays locked in her room; dad is so demanding. I had to re-clean the house today. He made me a list of things to do.” Blowing out a breath, I turn back to the window and watch as the world goes by.
Everything outside of the house seems so distant. It’s as though it’s so close, yet it’s so far away. You know how you feel like something is within your grasp just to take that step and fall flat on your face? That’s how my life feels.
“Forget about him tonight. Let’s have fun! Eric is paying and he’s getting us into the after party. I heard it was at this big ass club or something.” Knowing Eric, it probably is. He only goes for the biggest and best parties around. I guess that’s one plus to having him as a friend. Taren is the only one that I can truly rely on anymore. I don’t trust easily after Daniel. I don’t have it in me. My life seems to crawl along at the slowest speed ever. I just want to find a way to make it on my own, without the world looking at me as the Governor’s daughter.
Sometimes that feels like all I’ll ever be. In reality, that’s who I am. I’m not allowed to work. I don’t get to attend college. My father wants me to play the part of the loving daughter that does everything she’s told to do without question. I want to rebel. I want to make his life as much of a hell as he makes mine, but with my accounts being locked and my father in full control, there is no way I can do that. Don’t think I haven’t thought of the many ways I could make him regret treating me the way he does but at the end of the day, I am nothing more than his pawn. He can play me like another piece of his puzzle and when I don’t fit, he will toss me to the side. I actually await that moment. I want to be tossed to the side. Maybe then I can finally find out who I’m truly supposed to be in this world, because the daughter of Governor St. Clair is having a hard time sitting idle.
Cordae
My muscles are corded tightly as I roll my shoulders back. They haven’t announced who it is I’m fighting tonight, not that I really care. Ashley, I think that’s her name, rubs my shoulders before I shrug her off. I don’t need her distraction tonight either. Women are just that, distractions. At least that’s one thing I’ve learned over the years with my uncle. I’ve seen them come and go and each time it doesn’t faze me. I don’t care to keep a woman around. I don’t need one. They come a dime a dozen and being who I am, I can pick one up at any given time.
“Why don’t you go find a cock to suck?” I say as I turn to face her. She looks down at my shorts like I was the obvious choice. Too bad I’m not.
“No, no. Not me sweetheart. I’ve had it, don’t need it again.” Chuckling to myself, her face reddens before she storms from the room. I just watch her go.
“What did you do that for? I would have taken her.” Jordy laughs while I shake my head.
“I would have thought you already had her, Jordy.” Chuckling, I wait for Tim, the owner of this lovely establishment to come and let me know it’s my time.
“Shit, I had her sister.” Wiggling his eyebrows, I look at him and shake my head.
“She has a sister? Damn, I didn’t know that.”
“Obviously not or you would have fucked her too.” Jordy’s words fade as the door opens. Tim walks in with two sluts on either arm with a giant shit eating grin on his face. Not that I don’t like Tim, no scratch that. Tim is a fucking prick that takes what he wants but also gives me the chance to fight in his clubs. If it wasn’t for him, no one would touch me. Not with the last name I carry.
“You ready to make some money, Cord?” I narrow my gaze at him as if he was really asking me a question. When am I not ready?
“You know I’m about that money. Who am I fighting?” Shaking the girls off his arms, he moves closer to me, a simmer in his eyes. It’s a fire that I like to see.
“We have you matched up with Spencer. It should be a good fight. Money’s flowing out there like water man,” he says. My grin spreads across my face hearing that word. Hey, money does make the world go around as do other things in my world. I don’t need the money. I have plenty of it, but I like the idea of it. I like that I’m making it and doing something I actually give a shit about to get it.
“Sounds like a good crowd.” Nodding his head, he steps back looking at Jordy.
“You brought that motherfucker in here looking like that?” He asks, as he points at him. I chuckle under my breath as I follow his gaze.
“I told him that he looked like roadkill.” Tim chuckles before grabbing his girls again and heading toward the door. “Get with me after the fight, Cord. We’ll set up some more shit.”
“Sounds good.”
“You’re up next. Get your ass out there.”
This is a high for me. A release of sorts. I can take out my aggression in ways I can’t normally. The feeling of being free, if only for the night is what keeps me coming back. Aside from the blood. That has always been a fascination of mine. If I can make it bleed, I can make it feel. That’s something I don’t know much about anymore. Not in a long time. My emotions aren’t what they used to be. In fact, they are basically nonexistent. Just the way I want them to be. I’ve learned over the years that if you don’t feel, you can’t be hurt.
Ava
The place smells like death. There are people all over from all walks of life. From the rich to the poor, they’re all congregated here to watch some guys beat the hell out of each other. I hold tight to Taren’s hand as Eric drags us through the crowded room. When he finally stops and motions to the seats, I take the aisle seat. I don’t like being pinned in between so many people.
“I’ll get drinks,” Eric yells over the crowd as Taren looks for her potential fuck buddy for the evening. When her eyes catch on one man, I almost lose it. He looks like he stepped out of a sixty’s reality show. Leave it to Taren to spot that one.
“Oh no. Don’t you dare!” I laugh. Taren turns to catch my gaze before I completely lose it. The laughter erupts out of me when the crowd grows quiet. I catch a few stare
s, but it doesn’t bother me. I just flip them off and follow along with the rest of the crowd. The announcer comes over the speakers, breaking all my laughter and pulling my attention.
“Now that you’ve had the chance to take a break and see some of the fights, we have our main event for you. Get on your feet and welcome to the cage, Spencer “The killer” Hampton!” The crowd goes insane as we all stand. Following everyone else’s gaze to the aisle next to me, I watch as a man comes bouncing down it in red shorts and a hoodie. People reach for him but all the men guarding him swat them back.
“Now we have a favorite tonight! Welcome Cord “Demon” Royals!” The crowd goes louder this time as I watch for the man.
The first thing I see is the blue shorts. When my eyes travel up, I can see exactly why they call him demon. He looks like pure evil at its finest. The black hoodie he wears is drawn down low over his face, but when he tilts his head slightly up, his eyes are menacing. Something dark lurks in those eyes as he scans the crowd before his eyes land on mine. Something jolts in my stomach as he makes his way down the aisle. The men behind him keep him moving but his eyes never leave mine. Piercing me so deep, that I can feel his gaze in my soul. When he steps up next to me, I almost faint. The sight of him right beside me sends shivers over my body. He doesn’t miss my reaction to him either. His lips curl into a cynical smile before winking at me.
Arrogant asshole. My eyes don’t leave him though as he pulls the hoodie over his head. Tattoos adorn his body but the one that catches my attention is the navy emblem that rests on his upper arm. His body is built of pure muscle. I can’t take my eyes off the way they ripple as he moves. The man is a beast of his own making. I’m intrigued.
“Someone has found a fuck buddy.” Taren elbows me in the ribs yanking my attention back to her. I bark out a laugh.
“I doubt that. He’s arrogant. Just look at him.” My eyes move with hers back over to the guy who’s now climbing inside the cage.
“He’s hot as hell!” Taren yells, causing my face to blush.
Heat creeps into my cheeks as I watch the man bouncing around. My mind drifts as we wait for the show to start. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. Why was he looking at me like I was a piece of meat? When I hear the word fight, my attention is torn from my thoughts and back to the cage. Fists fly, kicks soar through the air. The immense amount of power that flows through these men is astonishing.
Demon, as they call him, has the man around the neck, his massive arms bulging as he slams his fist into the guy’s face. My stomach churns when you can physically hear the crack of the man’s bones beneath Demon’s fist although he seems pleased with it. Blood bursts free of the man’s face as the crowd goes crazy. Is this what they love about it? What he loves about it? There has to be a reason that someone like him would be in that ring. I’ve seen fights before, been to a few with Taren and Eric, but this? This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The crowd is so loud, cheering them on. I glance around and look at the people in the crowd. They all scream, smiles on their faces. No one even attempts to step in and stop them. Not when blood continues to drip from his opponent, not when the man hits the floor in a heap. Not even when the Demon stands proudly over his bloody and broken victim.
Cordae
I knew I wasn’t going to lose that fight. Spencer is a bitch and they all should have known that. In fact, I’m a little pissed that Tim matched me up with someone like that. I would have thought Spencer would have given me a little more fight than he had. As I stand in his office collecting my money, I think I’ll bring it up to him.
“Why Spencer?” I ask. Tim looks up at me from the pile of money that he counts in front of him.
“What are you talking about, Cord?” Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair aggravated that he even has to ask.
“You knew he was shit. You knew I’d take his ass out!” Feeling that all too familiar anger as it rises within me, Tim stops what he’s doing.
“Mickey set up the fights tonight. He knew there was a big crowd. He knew he could draw out a couple more g’s on this one.” Huffing, I take a step towards Tim’s desk before grabbing an extra stack of cash.
“What the hell, Cord?” Tim flies out of the seat before coming around the desk at me. Before he can speak further, I grab him around the neck, slamming him onto the desk.
“Extra g’s floating around here and you hold out on me?” Tim shakes his head no before I narrow my gaze at him. It’s not that I need the money because God knows I don’t. It’s the principle.
“It was Mickey, man. That shit in your hand is his, Cord, not mine.” Releasing the hold I have on him, he coughs as he pulls himself together.
“Tell Mickey he owed me for that shit.” Stuffing the cash in my pocket, I turn on my heel and head out of the office. Jordy stands outside waiting on me, inhaling the warm night air.
“You ok?” Nodding my head, I stalk past him towards the truck. I open the door and grab the small bag out from the seat before stuffing my cash inside of it. Returning it to its rightful place, I climb in and wait on Jordy.
“What did Tim say?” Slamming the key into the ignition, I start up the truck. I love the rumble of the engine as it purrs to life.
“Mickey wanted that couple extra g’s off the fight. Too bad he didn’t get it,” I snap. Jordy chuckles as I pull out onto the road. Checking my mirrors, I don’t miss the goddamn black SUV that pulls out behind me.
“He has that security shit amped up, huh?” Glancing over at Jordy, I nod. He’s noticed them around.
Men in suits with little earpieces. It’s hard not to notice them. It isn’t like Jordy doesn’t know who we are, because he does. Jordy just never judged me and always stood by me, which is why I like him. I know my uncle has been grooming me to take over the family business but I’m still young. I want to live while I can. At least that’s the plan for now. I’ll always know that death lurks around every corner in my life.
It’s inevitable.
Ava
The music is pounding in my ears, but the party is completely insane. Bodies litter the dance floor while drinks are being freely passed around. I grin to myself proud that I finally came out tonight. It’s been a while and honestly, I was tired of being locked in the house like a caged animal. Even out here I can still feel it in the air.
“Told you it’d be fun!” Taren hollers so half the club can hear but I just nod my agreement.
We make our way through the crowds of people towards the bar when I notice a bunch of guys with white powder lined up in front of them. Sniffing it up their noses, one turns to me with a giant grin before motioning me over. That’s not my thing. Shaking my head, he chuckles before going back to what he was doing. I follow along behind Taren before she passes me a glass.
“I’m not old enough!” Hollering back at her, she laughs before turning her attention towards Eric. I look at the amber liquid in the glass before shrugging and taking it down. The burn is a welcome reprieve.
Setting the glass down on the counter, I turn to watch the people dance and move around. I wish I was that free. A freeness where I wasn’t so afraid to be myself, to have fun no matter what the cost. A hand on my arm jerks me from my thoughts as I follow it up to the last person I wanted to see tonight.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Glaring at Daniel, he smiles down at me making my insides churn.
“It’s a party! I know the owner. Who did you come with?” Flipping my head around to look for Taren, I don’t see her anywhere. Damn her! Great friend I have!
“Not you. Leave me alone,” I snap, jerking my arm free of his. I head towards the sign for the bathroom hoping like hell that Taren has her ass back here. I don’t want to deal with Daniel any more than I have to. Spotting the women’s bathroom I beeline towards it when I’m grabbed around the waist. Shaking myself, trying to get out of his grasp, Daniel pins me against the wall with his larger body.
“Don’t fight what we feel, Ava.” His lips cras
h into mine as bile rises in my throat. I don’t want this asshole anywhere near me, let alone with his mouth on me. I bite his lip but that does little to get him to move. In fact, I think the sick fuck actually likes it.
“Get off me!” I scream loudly when he moves his lips to my neck. I can’t believe that he’s acting like this. You would think he would have found another woman to harass but I guess not. I can hear him chuckle right before he’s being yanked away from me. I can’t see the other person’s face but from this angle he’s massive. Daniel hits the wall on the other side of the hallway before a fist slams into his face. Wrapping my arms around myself, I can’t seem to find it in me to move. I just stand here shaking like a coward.
“Get the fuck out of here!” The man growls at Daniel before recognition registers across his face. They stand in a silent stand-off that I’m pretty sure will end badly when Daniel points at the man.
“You better watch your ass, Vitale!”
When the man turns back to me, my heart stops beating. It’s him, the one from the fight. Only that’s not the name they called him. His hand comes up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lip gently. I gasp at the feeling of his fingers caressing my skin.
“You’re bleeding.” His voice is low and dark but there’s something in his eyes that I can’t place. Shaking my head, he tilts his to examine me. His fingers run along my neck, wiping at the blood that lingers from Daniel’s lip making my body quake.
“It’s not mine. I bit him,” I say softly. A small snort escapes him before his mask is back in place. His eyes are heated but he isn’t really looking at me. It’s unnerving and I find myself drawn to the mystery of him.
