by Erin Trejo
“Her memory is gone?” Nikolai speaks but not to me, it’s more to himself.
“Not everything is gone,” I snap. I’m on edge. I’m teetering once again between the heaven in that room and the hell that is my life, especially with what I’m ready to do.
“She will get better, Cord. I know she will.” Nodding, I turn away from him and head back to the room. I can hear Jordy’s voice before I push the door open but when I hear Ava’s, I almost fall to my knees.
“You’re going to be fine now, Ava. Cord will take care of you.” Her little laugh stills my heart. I have to force my feet to move when they don’t move on their own accord.
As soon as I step into sight, her eyes find mine. Those blue seas of pureness that I’ve always seen shine just as bright now as they did before.
“You’re really here?” Her words slice through me. I swallow hard. Jordy turns and walks past me, slapping my shoulder on his way out.
“I’m really here,” I say softly. Tears fall down her cheeks. I can’t take it anymore. I move to her side in a few short strides, leaning down, pressing a kiss to her head. Her tears turn to sobs. They tear at my heart. They tear at everything that I have in me.
“No more tears, Ava. I will seek revenge on every single person that hurt you.” The sobs suddenly stop. I pull back to look at her, but her face is a blank mask.
“That’s why you’re here?” she asks. I don’t understand what she means.
“What?” Confused, I pull back a little further.
“Is that why you’re here? You came here just so you could seek revenge? Is that all that matters to you? Death?” It’s as though a knife was plunged into my chest. She’s wounded me.
“I came for you, Ava. You couldn’t possibly think that I would let whoever did this to you get away with it, did you?” Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears.
“I don’t know, Cord. I don’t remember what we were before. Jordy said that you loved me, but I don’t know if it’s true.” I gasp. I can’t believe it.
“I do love you, Ava. More than you know.” Caressing her hair, she shakes her head.
“I don’t know that. I don’t remember that! Get out! Just get out!” I stammer backward like she slapped me. She doesn’t want me anymore. I’ve ruined every single chance that I had with her.
She lays there in front of me, but she doesn’t want me.
Chapter 35
The days crawl by. I don’t like being in unknown territory but here I am, and all for Ava. She hasn’t spoken to me either. I sit in her room in silence. We had her transferred, and I made sure there is security at her door twenty-four hours a day.
“She will come around, Cord. The doctor said that there was a lot of damage to her head.” Nikolai tries to talk me through this. It doesn’t do any good. I saw the look in her eyes. She doesn’t want me anymore, and I can’t blame her.
“I’m sure she will. She needs to be herself again.” Taking a drink of the coffee I’ve been nursing for an hour, I try to close my eyes.
“She will. Once we get her home, she will be in better care. We will help her remember.” As much as I wished that was true, I know it isn’t.
“What shall we tell her? Should we tell her that the one thing she cared about was murdered, because of me? Or perhaps we should tell her that I am the reason she can’t remember in the first place. Wait, we should tell her that I am the devil and that she should run as far, and as fast as she can!” I roar. Throwing the coffee across the room, I shove out of my chair in the waiting room and stalk back down to Ava’s room. I push through the door with a nod to Luciano’s men before moving to take my seat next to her bed. Her eyes remain closed, her breathing is even. I don’t know if she’s truly asleep or if she’s just ignoring me but either way, I don’t leave her.
“You will never know how sorry I am. I will make this right. I know you don’t understand all of this right now, Ava, but you will in time. You may hate me when you do remember but that makes no difference now. I will make them pay for this, for you.” A single tear slides down her cheek. She heard me. The door flies open and Jordy stalks in. The look of pure rage etched across his face.
“You have news?” He nods his head as I stand.
“Luciano’s guys found Gambino. They had a nice chat. A few of the Gambino’s are missing, though. We can’t place their whereabouts.” Before I can ask any questions, Ava speaks.
“It’s a warehouse.” Her words are faint but we both heard them.
“What was that?” I ask moving closer as her eyes open and lock with mine.
“I was in a warehouse. I remember one red wall.” Her voice cracks as I move in on her. I grab her face in my hands, my lips mere inches from hers.
“Can you remember anything else? Any names?” The tears start to flow again. I press my forehead to hers before I whisper to her, “You are the strongest person I know. Thank you for living.” Pressing my lips to hers, I want to savor every inch of her but now isn’t the time. Now is the time we go to war. Now is the time that I begin my revenge. They threw me into the pits of hell when they messed with something that belonged to me, and now I will pull them down with me.
I left Nikolai at Ava’s side while the rest of us went out to have a look around. I got in with Luciano’s guys easily. They are all very trustworthy from what I’ve learned of them so far.
“Where would there be a warehouse district?” Sitting around the table at the hotel we are staying in, I look at the men that I now have at my disposal.
“There aren't any. This area is well built. Nothing like that exists here.” My eyes jerk from Linc as he speaks to Romero, who doesn’t look happy.
“You have information you’d like to share, Romero?” He knows my attitude is shit right now. They all know my mind is running on fumes and at any second I could lose it all together.
“As Linc said, there aren't any warehouse districts here. However, there are some about an hour out. If you don’t amp up your security, I wouldn’t suggest you head over there.” Clearly, I’m confused. I get that this isn’t my territory but at the same time, they do know who I am.
“Do you not understand that this has turned personal?” Romero nods his head. He knows.
“I’ll be your lead man then. I know you, but I also know that area. I grew up around there.” Finally, we are getting somewhere. I look around as the rest of the men continue to have soft conversations around me.
My mind wanders to places it shouldn’t go and I know that. I wished that I could stop it, but there is never an end to it. Ava needs me now more than ever, but how do I get through to her until her memories return? How can I make her remember how much I love her? The good things?
“If you want to make it back by dinner, we should get going.” Pulling my gaze back to Romero, I nod.
I push myself out of the chair and head toward the door when Jordy grabs my arm.
“If your head isn’t right where it needs to be, sit this one out. I won’t fucking lose my best friend.” As much as I’d like to argue with him, I don’t.
“My mind is right where it always is. Blood.” Jordy nods his head before holding the door open for me.
“We’re taking our personal cars. We travel a few minutes apart. We can’t go in there all at once or we’ll draw a crowd.” Listening to Romero as he manages Luciano’s and my men, I must say that he has proven to be a great asset to me.
I never knew how much power that man held within him. When we get home, I believe a promotion in the ranks is in order.
“I don’t want any of the Gambino’s killed. That isn’t what we’re looking for. Not now anyway. I want them alive within reason.” Chuckles sound off around me. I suppose that should have been said differently, but my point was made.
If they are dead or almost dead, there is no reason in having them. I need information, and the last time I checked, the dead don’t speak.
“Let’s move!” Romero rounds up the guys as we head out to the cars.
My stature changes. My attitude changes. Everything about me flips itself on edge.
This is me. This is the demon that so many fear. The darkness that swallows so many whole.
This is, Cordae Vitale.
The hour ride eats away at me. Trying to remain calm, when all I want is to see someone bleed to death, is harder than you could imagine. Some would say that I’m sadistic. They wouldn’t understand the way I feel, though.
Being who I am has set many things in stone. I don’t know that I will ever be able to recover who I was before the demon became a part of me. I don’t know that I would want to, either. Being who I am has brought me too many realizations over the years. One being that I am a monster. No matter how you try to sugar coat it, it is what I am.
I’ve also come to realize that there is darkness everywhere. So much so that I feel content and at home with it. Pulling to a stop, I look out the window. Romero wasn’t lying about the area that we’re in.
“There aren’t many warehouses here. We hit them simultaneously.” Nodding my head, I pull off my jacket, revealing my holster. I don’t care who lives around here, they will know why I’m here.
Romero eyes me but says nothing. That may be a good thing. Too many dark thoughts circulate in this head to have to worry about killing one of my own.
“Let’s do this.” Climbing out, Romero motions for the others to move on to the other buildings, while we head toward the one furthest from us.
My breathing has kicked up a notch as reality hits home. How can I tell them not to kill or hurt these assholes, when all I want to do is feel the blade of my knife as it slices its way through their veins? My jaw clenches as my muscles cord. It’s going to take some kind of restraint for me not to kill each one.
“Stay behind me.” Jordy gives me an order which I agree to. He wouldn’t let anything get near me, not even a bullet. We slowly make our way into the warehouse when I immediately hear people talking. My lips curl into a devious grin ready to take what they took. My fingers flex on the gun in my hand as we walk cautiously through the warehouse. It’s not until I see that blood red wall that I lose control.
My body shakes with a new kind of rage. I shove past Jordy and Romero without a second thought, moving quickly toward the sound.
I don’t give a shit who it is that’s in there, I will kill who I don’t need. As I round the corner, I chuckle at the sight before me.
“Was I not invited to this party?” Heads snap up from the lines of coke they were hovered over.
Guns are drawn but what’s the use? I’m already ready for this.
I shoot the first woman that I see before aiming at the next. A few shots are fired from them, one landing in my arm.
The hysterical laughter that rips from my throat startles everyone into freezing.
“Which of you are Gambino’s?”
Chapter 36
I had a hunch that these people were idiots. I should have known better than to think otherwise. Jordy, Romero, and a few others, move to surround the rest of the men and women.
“An answer would be appreciated unless you’d all like to die today.” The women cry after watching one of their friends die in front of them. I can’t say that it bothers me, though. In fact, it gives me a sick thrill. When no one speaks, I motion to Jordy to bring me one of the other women. He drags her kicking and screaming as the other women only scream louder.
“If there is one thing that could ignite the beast in me, it would be screaming women! Now, if you are not screaming my name as I fuck you, shut the hell up!” I roar loudly. Gripping the woman around her throat, I place the gun to the side of her head. I wait for the others to control themselves, if only slightly.
“Now that I have your attention, let’s play a game. I ask a question, you answer. If you don’t answer, this sweet lady here loses a finger.” She wiggles in my grasp, whimpering. Sliding my gun into my holster, I pull out my knife.
“Where is Gambino?” They look around at each other before looking back at me. When I get no answer, I know it’s time to have some fun. Grabbing the woman’s hand, I cut. I close my eyes as her screams pierce my ears. The feeling of my knife carving its way through her bone sends a shiver over my body. Making someone suffer is exhilarating for me. It’s a high very few would understand.
“Let’s try again. What’s your name?” Pointing to a man that sits at the edge of the table, I wait.
“Bernardo.” Pulling the woman’s hand up, I slice through another.
“Full name please.” He doesn’t look thrilled with that. Too bad, I suppose I should have given better directions.
“Bernardo Terantino!” I nod my head as I make my way around the table. No one speaks the word Gambino but there are a lot of Terantino’s here. I cut off a few more of this bitch’s fingers before I let her limp body fall to the floor. She passed out after the second one.
“Well. I didn’t find what I was looking for.” Pulling my gun out, I aim at the first man.
“We answered you!” Oh, how I like the thrill of the begging. I pull the trigger as I make my way around the room. I shoot each one between the eyes which they should be grateful for. I could have made them suffer.
“Wake this bitch up.” Kicking the woman, Jordy is the first to move as I wander through the room.
“Such a shame.” Looking at all the unused drugs that they have lying around, I’d say they were using their own shit.
“Timmy, do you have a use for this shit?” Asking one of Luciano’s men, he nods with a grin.
“Bag it up. Why let it go to waste. I am feeling generous after all.” I say. The laughter erupts in the room as Jordy yanks the woman to her feet. I walk back toward her slowly, with a purpose. Gripping her face roughly in my hands, I force her gaze to mine.
“I let you live. Not out of choice, out of necessity. You will go back to your family and let them know that I was here. You will let the Gambino family know that I was here. Your family was a casualty of war, a war the Gambino’s wanted with me. You make sure to be a good little girl and let them know that. Understood?” Growling in her face, her eyes widen before she nods.
“Good. Now go!”
As if life has ever made sense to me, I try to figure it out. Is there really a meaning behind it? I’ve always heard people talk about the meaning of life. I think it varies from one person to the next, though. The meaning to my life is my family. The empire that I build to better accommodate the future of the Vitale family.
If this is the truth, then why do I feel as though I’m failing? Of course we have the money and more importantly the power, but in the end, what does that mean? I’ve never been one to dwell on the past or even look forward to the future, but as I sit here in this damn hospital room, I rethink it all.
Her. That one person that managed to sneak their way inside the walls I had worked so hard to build, lies there in silence. I was always told that women are a weakness. They are like a disease, but Ava isn’t. Ava’s a drug. A drug that slips its way into my veins. It spurs me forward. It fills me with such a sense of peace that I want more of it.
If Ava is my drug, then I am for sure an addict. Even now after several years, I find myself drawn to her in so many ways. A moth to a flame doesn’t come close to what I feel. If there was a way to fuse her into me, I would do it. As much as I tried to push her away, she knows my darkness. She knows the demon inside of me. She’s met him, she’s loved him. She’s brought him into her world. Her eyes flutter before they slowly open. I don’t move, knowing that she doesn’t truly want me here. I try not to focus on her eyes, the eyes that draw me in every time.
“Oh, God. Is that blood?” Ava tries to push herself up but I’m faster than her. I move with precision, lowering her body back onto the pillows.
“Don’t move like that!” I snap at her. I didn’t mean to, but she is making this harder for me.
“You’re bleeding.” Her eyes travel my body heating every goddamn inch of me.
How can an angel emit so much heat?
“It isn’t all mine,” I speak softly. I don’t want to say it to her. I don’t want her panicking either.
“Did you find the men that took me?” God, I wish I could say I had. I fucking hate myself for not being able to.
“No. We found the building but there were just a bunch of junkies in there.” If only they were the Gambino’s. I want so much blood from those motherfuckers, I can taste it.
“I didn’t know if you’d forgotten me.” My eyes shoot to hers. How could she ever think I’d forget her?
“Never. I wanted you safe, Ava. I never wanted to let you go.” Her eyes tell a story that her lips don’t.
“But you did.”
“I only did what I thought was right.” Why do I even try to?
“Was it right?” Shaking my head slowly, I know it wasn’t. I didn’t want her harmed or ending up dead like Amelia, but I risked her life nevertheless. I never wanted anything to happen to either of them.
“I've thought a lot about that day. It killed a part of me that I didn’t even know was alive. It tore at me every day and every goddamn night, Ava. I didn’t want you in my life so that you’d be safe. And look what that did! It could have killed you; I could have killed you.” Her hand comes to touch mine as every nerve fires off inside of me. Her touch is so warm and so much like I remember it.
“I remember you making me leave. It hurt. I know I came here to make myself a home, but I can’t remember what happened.” Tears cling to her lashes before I lean down and kiss them away.
“You will, mia bella ragazza.”
“You called me that a lot, didn’t you?” Asking me to reassure her of her own memories kills me. Nodding slowly, I lean into her lips.
“What does it mean?” A small smile creeps across my face.
“It means my beautiful girl.” Ava smiles and the rest of the world ceases to exist. In this moment, she is the girl that brought light into my soul.
