Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  I press my lips to hers, a slow and tantalizing kiss. The torment that was inside of her seems to slip away with each swipe of my tongue against hers. She’s still in danger. From Gambino’s, from me. I won’t let her go this time, though. There is no way that I could possibly lose her again.

  “I want to make you remember everything. I want that smile that I used to see on your face, the one that melted even the coldest of hearts. You’ve opened up something inside of me, Ava. You tore your way into me. I tried so hard to keep you at bay but there you were, stronger than ever.” I kiss her salty tears as they cascade down her cheeks. Of all the hell there is in this world, Ava is the heaven. How can I not want this in my life?

  How could a demon love an angel?

  “I want to go home but I don’t know where that is.” Her light laughter stirs my insides. My cock springs to life just from her words.

  “Your home is with me now. I’m never letting you go again. I can’t.” Her eyes widen. She didn’t expect that.

  “Is that ok? I don’t remember. I mean, I know you care about me. I just don’t know.” Caressing her cheek with my knuckles, I chuckle.

  “It will come to you, Ava. I promise you will be taken care of if you stay with me. I won’t let anyone near you ever again.” I see the resolution in her eyes. She wants to believe me; I know she does. The door opens and Jordy strolls in with a grin on his face.

  “Do we need to discuss the knocking situation again?” In a harsh tone, I look at him.

  “Nope. I know all about it. I have good news.” My stomach clenches hoping that its news of Gambino.

  “Gambino?” Jordy frowns before shaking his head.

  “Ava has been cleared for the flight home.” My stomach cramps. She’s coming home. Ava’s eyes dart from Jordy to me before I lean down closer to her.

  “This is good news, Ava. I can get you better doctors there. You can be comfortable in your own bed.” She still doesn’t understand that I’m not letting her go. She is never leaving me again; I can’t handle it.

  I guess I will just have to prove it to her.

  Chapter 37

  The flight was exhausting for Ava. Although her body is healing, her mind isn’t. She’s still remembering bits and pieces, but she’s worn down. She slept on my shoulder most of the flight, and now she’s sound asleep with her head on my lap in the back of the limo.

  “Do you plan to marry her, Cord?” I glance up to see the smile on Nikolai’s face.

  “I think we need to reconnect a little first.” Chuckling, I look back down at her. She’s everything anyone would want.

  “She’s good for you. I know losing Amelia really took its toll on you, but that woman was what held you together.” I know he’s telling the truth. I also know that my decision to bring her back into my home could mean more than I know.

  “She is too good. She’s pure and innocent. I’m a monster. I don’t know how I can make this work.” Nikolai huffs, pulling my attention back to him. “Say it. I know you’re going to anyway.” Jordy snorts next to him, knowing what’s coming.

  “You are how this world created you. Don’t forget that when you tried to push her away, she came back full force. She’s awakened a part of you that has allowed you to grow as a person, Cord.” I don’t know how much of that I believe. I know she opened a new side of me, but how long will it be before my enemies see that? How long before they realize my weakness and move in on it? Ava is that weakness.

  “She’s isn’t going anywhere. I will make it work. I want extra security brought in.” Nikolai nods, knowing all this already. He can see through me these days.

  The car comes to a stop in front of the house. I exhale trying to contain my excitement at having her home but also to control the emotions that are hitting me hard. Everyone climbs out and waits while I wake Ava.

  “Hey. We’re home, Ava.” She stirs in my lap before her eyes open.

  “Already?” The little squeak in her voice makes me smile.

  “You’ve been asleep for a long time. I have a doctor here to check on you.” I called ahead and had the doc come in. He isn’t leaving until he feels she is well enough. I pay him a high price to care for this family and I know he will do just that.

  “You don’t have to do all of this for me.” Yeah, her head is messed up worse than I thought.

  “They really messed that little head up if you doubt for one second that I would only have the best for you.” Ava sits up before I capture her lips with mine. She doesn’t stop me and for that I’m ecstatic.

  “Come on.” Pulling away from her mouth is like cutting off my arm. I don’t want to lose that connection at all. I step out before helping Ava, pulling her into my side. Her eyes light up as she takes in the house in front of her. I don’t know if she remembers it or that she’s seeing it for what feels like the first time.

  Either way, I don’t care.

  Wrapping my arm around her waist, I lead her toward the steps when she stops. Her body stiffens beneath me right when I hear her gasp.

  “Cord. Where is my baby? Where is my little girl?”

  She’s hysterically yelling as she looks at the spot I found Amelia. She has to be thinking of her.

  “Everything’s going to be okay, Ava. You’ll remember in your own time.” Trying to comfort her, I don’t want to be the one to tell her that Amelia is gone. I want her to remember that on her own. Maybe I’m a coward for not wanting to tell her. I’d like to think that I’m protecting how fragile she is right now.

  “No, she has to be here, Cord! Where is she?” Her screams only get louder, more hysterical. The front door flies open as I try to wrap my arms around her.

  “Hold her still.” The doctor speaks as he fills a syringe. I nod knowing that he’s going to try and calm her. Squeezing my arms around her, I try to soothe her, but this is new territory for me.

  “Shh. You’re going to be okay.” It’s killing me. It’s tearing me apart piece, by fucking piece.

  “Cord, please.” The drugs flow through her system as her eyes flutter. My grip on her tightens as her little body goes limp in my arms. I lift her, cradling her to my chest as the Doc speaks.

  “She’ll be out for a while. Brain injuries can fluctuate things. If she’s remembering something, it may just be too stressful for her right now.” I nod my head as I look down at her long blonde hair trailing over my arm. She looks peaceful in her sleep.

  “Take her to bed and I’ll look at that arm.” Nodding toward the wound I forgot I even had, I nod. I make my way past everyone and into the house. Such a surreal feeling passes over me. It’s been so long since I’ve had Ava in my arms like this. It’s been even longer since I’ve felt this kind of peace. I take the stairs two at a time eager to get her in bed, in my arms. I hate that her first night home has to be like this. I wanted her awake. I wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes. I kick the door closed behind me before moving toward the bed. Lying her down gently, she looks so perfect.

  My chest tightens with thoughts of the past and future. They collide in ways they shouldn’t be able to. I take my time and slowly undress her, getting her out of the garbage the hospital had put her in. Once I have her completely naked, I strip out of my clothes too. Crawling into bed next to her, I wrap her in my arms and breathe in her scent. So much lost time that I can never get back. So much regret. I hate it all, but I still think I did what was right.

  Didn’t I?

  Chapter 38

  Sleep never came last night as much as I wished it had. I’m losing strength with every day that passes. Doc stitched my arm up before checking on Ava. Overall, he said she looks good for what she’s been through. I can’t say that I agree with him, but he would know best. I brush her hair away from her face before her eyes open, locking on mine. She seems content.

  “You’re still here.” Her groggy voice makes my heart leap.

  “Where else would I go?” Leaning in closer, I brush my lips over hers. So soft, yet broken.
<
br />   “I remember you.” I gasp at her words. She remembers me.

  “What do you remember?” A part of me is afraid to ask, but the other part needs to know.

  “Everything. I remember the way you kissed me. The way you would look at me like I was the only person you saw. I remember you, Cord.” Her eyes fill with tears. My heart swells bigger than I ever thought it could.

  “Do you remember how much I love you?” Pleading words come from my throat. I need to know that she knows this.

  “I remember you pushing me away, but I understand why you did. I know you love me, Cord.” God, just hearing her say it sets my body at ease. She doesn’t realize just how much those words mean to me.

  “I never wanted to let you go, Ava. I knew I had to.” Pressing my forehead to hers, I can’t breathe.

  “I know. Promise me you won’t push me away again, Cord. I don’t think I could handle it.” Her sobs eat at me. As much as I know what I’m about to say is a bad idea, I can’t help it.

  “Never. I’m never letting you go again.” Ava leans up pressing her lips to mine before pulling me closer.

  “I need you.” Her whispers against my mouth send heat flooding through me.

  “You’re hurt, Ava. You need to heal.” Our lips brush together as our breathing mingles as one.

  “No, Cord. I need to feel you.” Who am I to deny something so beautiful what she wants? I keep my lips near hers as I slide my hand between her legs.

  So wet, and ready for me.

  “I’ve missed you so much.” My words make her body shiver.

  Positioning myself between her legs, I slide into her slowly. Her breath catches in her throat as her head tips back. The slow motion of my hips sends chills throughout my body. I never thought I’d feel her wrapped around me like this again. After I’ve had my fill of her, we settle in silence that lasts for days. Days of having her in my arms is heaven.

  I grab Ava’s personal things off the chair where Nikolai left them when we brought Ava home. It’s been a few days, and all seems settled. Ava has calmed slightly as her memories slowly return. It does my heart good to see her smiling as much as she is right now.

  “Here’s your phone. I didn’t think you wanted your clothing.” Passing Ava the phone, she smiles up at me.

  “I don’t want the clothes. I like being in nothing.” The fire in her gaze calls to me.

  “I like you in nothing, too. I have to go to a meeting. Jordy is going to stay back with you today,” I tell her. Ava’s smile fades slightly. I know she doesn’t want me to go but this is important.

  “I won’t be long. We’ll have dinner wherever you’d like.” Pulling Ava off the bed, I press my lips to hers. If anyone would have told me that I would have her back in my arms, I would have called them a liar. I never dreamt that she would be here again.

  “Ok. I’ll be waiting.” Those three words seep into my skin. Bumps ignite over my body.

  “You keep making me feel like that and I won’t leave.” Her eyes sparkle before she lays her head on my chest. In this moment, I’m lost in her. I’m lost in all that is Ava. This is what I’ve dreamt of having, her in my arms, and here she is. But with everything good, I know there comes a bad. It’s inevitable. It’s the way of my life. It’s never faltered, and I don’t see that changing now. Pressing a kiss to her head, I pull back to look at her.

  “Mia bella ragazza.” I breathe the words as I look into her eyes.

  “I need to go. If you need anything, tell Jordy.” Her smile radiates through the room. She’s so immaculate.

  Pressing another kiss to her head, I turn and leave the room.

  I walk down the hall in complete bliss. A bliss that I have to get under control. I can’t leave the confines of this house with my guard down. I can’t be weak. Jogging down the stairs, I turn to Jordy.

  “Stay with her. Anything happens, you call me.” He nods, knowing that I’m not playing around. Nikolai steps up next to me, exhaling as he adjusts his jacket.

  “You ready for this?” Taking a deep breath, I nod.

  “We have to make things move forward. This is the only way I know how to do that.”

  Chapter 39

  Plans can change much like the seasons. Worry and regret are evident in everything I see these days. Not knowing if I’m making the right decisions is hard for me to accept. I’ve always been on top of my game, always comfortable in the decisions I’ve made. Lately, those decisions seem to have come back to haunt me. Business is moving forward as it should be, though. Taking risks is what we do. So why does this risk seem to be so great? Why is it eating at me?

  “We can reconsider.” My eyes come up to find Nikolai studying me with intent.

  “Would it make a difference?” He shakes his head, knowing that it wouldn’t. I didn’t make this decision lightly; in fact, it’s been on my mind more so than ever. It’s a matter of opportunity. It isn’t a decision to be made lightly. I take great pride in all that I do.

  “We will receive a great amount of backlash with this choice.” I nod once. I already know.

  “I’ve thought that over as well. I don’t think we, nor the Luciano family are going to be able to make a move if the Russians move back in with them around. I’ve spoken to Roberto. He agrees this is the best choice.” I know the repercussions of my actions. In fact, I know them all too well. That doesn’t mean I like them, but business is business.

  “Luciano is a strong leader. He will handle the Chicago family as well as Italy.” I glance at Nikolai as he sits there so calm and collected.

  Thoughts of what the family would be like if he were to be in charge have filtered through my mind lately. He would be a strong, fair leader. He knows his place and holds it dearly.

  Shaking my head, I look back out the window. So many things tug at me, but I have to force them back into the darkness where they belong. No mistakes can be made now. I have to pull this off with finesse and skill, both of which I possess. Pulling up in front of the restaurant, Nikolai shifts in his seat.

  “You are more than welcome to sit this one out. I know how much of a past lies between the families.” His eyes come to meet mine and a new look I’ve never seen takes over him.

  Authority.

  “This is my job, my life, Cordae. Never insult me by asking me to sit out.” The complete look of rage is etched across his old worn face.

  “My apologies.” Words that have never left my lips tumble free as his eyes widen.

  Respect is something that is demanded in this world. It isn’t to be taken lightly, and it isn’t given freely. You prove yourself time and time again that you are truly deserving of it.

  Nikolai is the epitome of worthy. He has never faltered.

  We recompose ourselves before stepping out of the limo. Striding toward the restaurant, I examine the area. This shouldn’t be an issue. I glance at Nikolai as he nods his head. Everything is set up as expected. Romero holds the door as we both step inside. A piece of the past is being left at the door. What’s about to take place is going to rock our world to the core.

  “Gonzo.” I grasp his hand in mine as he nods.

  “Bonoto.” Shaking hands with a man I’ve known since I was born doesn’t even register in this moment.

  “Allergo.” Nodding to the last man as he stands and grasps my hand, my stomach clenches.

  This is it. This is the first second of the rest of my life. This is a defining moment in who I am as a leader, as a Boss.

  “Please, let’s be seated. We are all glad that you were able to attend this meeting, Cordae, although we aren’t sure why you called for it.” My eyes linger on Gonzo. Leonardo Gonzo. Boss of the Gonzo Family. A man that my uncle worked closely with for years. A man that runs a lot of the downtown business region.

  “Let’s drink men. We shall discuss this over dinner. Hopefully we all agree to things before this is over.” I state. The men nod as the women bring rounds of drinks and food. As much as I’d like to sit here and eat, I know
that’s not what needs to be done. The men, all Bosses of families in the area, eat their food while I nurse my drink. My eyes travel over the restaurant noting the three armed guards near the back. If I see them, Nikolai does as well.

  “Should we begin?” Clearing my throat, I glance around as they all nod in agreement.

  “I’ve called this meeting for one reason only. The Russian Bratva is closing in. Luciano has experienced great loss at their hands in Chicago. I offered soldiers which were used but are no longer able to hold them off.” Allegro throws up his hand.

  “Vitale, this has been discussed. We agreed that we would not be getting into the middle of that war.” Keeping my composure, I nod.

  “I do know this as well. My concern is that once the Bratva overthrows Luciano, then they will come seeking opportunity here in New York. I, for one, am willing to pull out all my reserves to make sure that doesn’t happen.” Bluffing. I’m good at it.

  “We are not, Vitale. We have had meetings with the Bratva that have ended with our approval of them running here. They don’t step onto our land, and we don’t step onto theirs.” Fire burns through me. I knew they had a secret meeting, but the terms were never disclosed to me.

  “My hopes for this evening men, was one of agreeance. You may want to lie down and bed the Russians, but I will do no such thing. You are making a mistake in not taking this time to listen to what I have to say on the matter.” Nikolai can see where this is going. I see the way his hands twitch at his sides. He’s ready for this war just the same as I am.

  “We’ve settled on this Vitale.” Gonzo grins as I look around the table.

  “You’ve forced my hand. As the Boss of the Vitale family, you have forced me into this.” They look at each other as though they’ve won.

  “We are family, Cordae. It’s unfortunate that you don’t agree with us.” Bonoto stands adjusting his jacket when I hear shots being fired. Straight through my shoulder, I feel the burn. My stance doesn’t falter, though. I see all of the men with their guns drawn, aimed at me. Is this the way I was meant to go? In a bloodbath of the families?