Chapter Tenth.
"There is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18. 24.
"You found Mrs. Travilla a decided contrast to the other lady,"remarked Mrs. Dinsmore, as they drove down the avenue at Ion; "pray,which do you think is right in her religious views?"
"There is no question in my mind as to which is the more attractive,"said Mildred, "or which seems to recommend her religion the most byher looks and ways; yet Mrs. Landreth's self-denial certainly appearscommendable, but--oh, I confess that I am really puzzled and must taketime to consider."
"Well, I hope you won't pattern after Mrs. Landreth."
"No, never!" Mildred exclaimed, with energy. "I know it cannot be rightto make home uninviting and cheerless; my mother has taught me betterthan that, both by precept and example."
"There is a letter for you, my dear," Mr. Dinsmore said, handing hiswife and niece from the carriage.
"From whom?" she asked, with interest.
"I have not opened it, but the address is in your sister Delia's hand."
"Ah! then it is just the one I want."
At the tea table Mrs. Dinsmore made an announcement.
"My nieces, Juliet and Reba Marsden, are coming on a visit here. We mayexpect them to-night or to-morrow."
"To-night?" said Mr. Dinsmore inquiringly. "They come by the stage, eh?"
"Yes; it passes at what hour?"
"Eight; Pomp," to the servant in waiting, "tell Aunt Phoebe to have ahot supper ready at quarter past eight."
"Young ladies, Aunt?" asked Mildred, looking up with a bright, pleasedface.
"Yes, eighteen and twenty. Company for you, I hope."
Mildred slipped away to her own room shortly before the time for thearrival of the stage. She had a lesson to prepare, a letter to write,and thought her aunt would want to have her nieces to herself for thefirst hour or two. Besides Mrs. Dinsmore had expressed an intention tosend them to bed betimes, that they might be fresh for the ball whichwas to come off the next evening.
On the stairway Mildred met her three cousins, Adelaide, Louise, andLora.
"Study hour's just over, and we're going to the drawing-room," theyannounced. "We've got leave to stay up and see our cousins when theycome."
"That's nice," she answered, "I hope to see them in the morning."
In the hall above, she passed Miss Worth on her way from the schoolroomto her own apartment. She was struck with the weary and sad expressionof her face, and paused for an instant, half inclined to offer hersympathy, and ask if in anything she could be of service.
But with a slight nod of recognition, the governess glided by, and thenext moment Mildred heard her door close, and the key turn in the lock.
"Poor thing! I dare say she is homesick!" thought Mildred, passing oninto her own room, which she found, as usual, very bright and cheery;a good fire, a table with an astral lamp, books and writing materials,drawn up near it, an easy chair on the farther side; the one invitingto work, the other to repose.
She had completely won Rachel's heart, and the young handmaiden tookespecial pride and pleasure in arranging everything to "Miss Milly's"liking, and being always ready to wait upon her.
Mildred sat down at the table and opened her books.
"Two hours for these and my letter to mother; then to bed and to sleep,that I may be able to rise early and secure the two morning hours forstudy before seeing those girls at breakfast," was the thought in hermind.
She set herself to her work with determined energy, but in vain; shecould not fix her attention. She conned the words again and again butwithout taking in their meaning. Miss Worth's sad face kept comingbetween her and the printed page.
"She is very lonely, she needs a friend, a comforter," whispered theinward voice.
"But she might consider me an intruder, trying to pry into her privateaffairs, forcing a friendship upon her which she has never sought--andshe so much older than I," was the answering thought. "And she is onlya governess. Aunt Belle evidently considers her quite beneath herfriendship, and might be displeased if I put her on an equality withmyself."
But Mildred blushed to find herself influenced by such a motive. Shetoo might be a governess some day and she would be none the less alady; it was an honorable and useful calling; and it ought to beconsidered far more creditable to earn one's bread thus than to bewilling to live upon the labor of others.
"No," she exclaimed half aloud, closing her book and pushing it fromher, "that shall not hinder me! but ought I to go?"
Dropping her face into her hands, she sent up a silent petition. "Lord,show me! I desire to acknowledge thee in all my ways, and I know thouwilt fulfill thy gracious promise to direct my paths."
Then she tried to put herself in Miss Worth's place. How utterly lonelythe poor governess was among them all! among, and yet not of them. Mrs.Dinsmore would as soon have thought of sympathizing with an automatonas with any of the human creatures employed in her service. Herdomestics were comfortably fed and clothed; Miss Worth's liberal salarywas always punctually paid; and what more could any of them ask?
As Mildred mentally reviewed the events of the past weeks she realizedas never before how entirely apart from them all this one member ofthe family circle had been--her presence ignored in their familiarchat--except when it related in some way to her duties--her wishes,taste, convenience never consulted, no interest taken in her welfare,no inquiries regarding her health or happiness or as to whether herletters--usually handed to her at the breakfast-table when the othersreceived theirs--brought good news or ill.
Ah, now it came to Mildred's recollection that that morning's mailbrought a letter for Miss Worth; and had she not looked a little palerthan her wont at dinner? and were there not traces of tears about hereyes?
Her hesitation was at an end. She was quite sure that if bad news hadcome to her she would be glad to have the sympathy of even a child, ora dumb animal; and only waiting to ask for wisdom to do and say theright thing, she rose and went out into the hall.
The stage had just driven up to the door, and the sounds coming frombelow told of the arrival of the expected guests, gay, girlish voicesmingling with those of her aunt, uncle and cousins.
She lingered a moment thinking how pleasant it would be should thosegirls prove congenial companions to her, then going to Miss Worth'sdoor she tapped lightly on it.
A step came slowly across the room and the door opened.
"Excuse me," Mildred said, blushing and hesitating, "I do not wish tointrude, but I thought you looked sad and had perhaps heard ill news;might be homesick, in need of a friend even if it were one who had onlysympathy to offer."
"Come in, won't you?
"It is very, very kind, Miss Keith; I did not expect it; and--and I dowant a friend," was answered in hurried, tremulous tones, as Miss Worthstepped back to allow her visitor to pass in, then closed the door andset a chair for her near the fire.
A writing desk stood open on the table, an unfinished letter lying uponit.
"I'm afraid I have disturbed you," Mildred said, glancing at them. "Youare busy?"
"No, I found I could not say what I wished, or perhaps did not knowwhat I wanted to say," the governess answered with a dreary sigh.
Silence fell between them for some moments, Miss Worth, who had resumedher seat, gazing abstractedly into the fire, while Mildred was tryingto think what to say, and silently asking to be directed. But shewas not the first to speak. "Does life ever seem to you a weary roadto travel, Miss Keith? A burden that you would be glad to lay downforever?" asked the governess. "But I forget. You are so young, sohappy, that you can know nothing of such an experience. At your ageI was gay and light-hearted too; as well I might be--at home in myfather's house and abundantly supplied with comforts and luxurieswithout thought or care of mine. Ah, times are sadly changed with meand all who are nearest and dearest to me. But excuse me! I have noright to obtrude my private griefs upon you."
"Please don't feel so," Mildred said, sympathetic tears springing toher eyes. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you! how I would liketo comfort you! and I know it is sometimes a relief and comfort just topour out our sorrows to a fellow creature. And O, Miss Worth, I wishyou knew what a comfort it is to tell them all to Jesus!" she added lowand feelingly.
"Is it? Do you think he can hear? that he listens? that he cares?"
The look that accompanied the questions was half eager, half skeptical,and full of unexpressed longing.
"I have not the least doubt of it," Mildred answered with earnestconviction in her tones. "'God over all blessed forever,' he iseverywhere present. He has, as he himself declared, all power givenunto him in heaven and in earth; and he is so full of love andcompassion that he deems nothing that concerns his children, one way oranother, too small for his attention. He would not have even the littlechildren turned away when the parents brought them to him, and he caresfor the sparrows.
"'Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall notfall to the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your headare all numbered. Fear ye not, therefore, ye are of more value thanmany sparrows.'"
"But I am not one of his children;" sighed the governess. "I have paidno attention to these things, Miss Mildred; I did not seek him in mydays of prosperity, and I cannot expect him to care for me now in myadversity."
"But he is so loving and compassionate, so ready to forgive. Heproclaims himself 'the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious,long-suffering and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy forthousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.'
"'Come now and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sinsbe as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red likecrimson they shall be as wool.' Jesus said, 'Him that cometh to me Iwill in nowise cast out.' You say you want a friend, Miss Worth, andthere is none other that can compare with Jesus in love and tenderness,in power and willingness to do all you need."
"A friend," repeated Miss Worth absently, more as if thinking aloudthan talking to her visitor, "yes, that is what I need; what I havebeen longing for for days and weeks; more especially to-night; but,"and she turned her face abruptly toward Mildred, while her voice took atouchingly pathetic tone, "I know not how or where to find the One youspeak of; nor can I believe that he would receive me if I did; that hewould care to help and comfort me. Why should he?"
"I don't know, except that he is so good, so kind, so loving!" Mildredsaid, her eyes shining. "But dare you doubt his word? the word of himwho tells us that he himself is the truth?"
"Does he say that?"
"Yes, 'I am the way and the truth and the life.' Oh, believe hislove--the love of Christ which passeth knowledge! 'Herein is love, notthat we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be thepropitiation for our sins."
"Ah, but am I included in that word 'our'?"
"'Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will giveyou rest.' 'Whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.'Could invitations be more comprehensive?"
"No; I think not. But how, Miss Mildred, how shall I come? I was notreligiously brought up and am very ignorant on these subjects."
"'With the heart man believeth unto righteousness.' 'Believe on theLord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.'"
"But what am I to do?"
"Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts:and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him;'quoted Mildred, 'and to our God for he will abundantly pardon,' 'onlybelieve;' for by grace are ye saved, through faith; and that not ofyourselves; it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man shouldboast.'
"Do you not see that Christ has done it all, kept the law for us, borneits penalty in our stead, and now offers us the justification of ourpersons, the sanctification of our natures, and adoption into God'sfamily all as a free gift, the purchase of his blood. We cannot meritit, we cannot buy it; it is 'without money and without price.' All wecan do is to accept the offered salvation and forsaking every otherhope and trust, lean wholly upon Jesus."
Miss Worth seemed lost in sad perplexing thought, while Mildred's heartwent up in silent petition on her behalf.
"Tell it me again," she said at length with emotion; and Mildred triedto make a clearer statement than before.
"It is so simple and beautiful--God's plan of salvation--" Mildredsaid in conclusion, "only to give ourselves unreservedly to the Lordand trust wholly in him. Jesus said, 'This is the work of God, that yebelieve on him whom he hath sent.' And of his sheep, he says, 'I giveunto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall anypluck them out of my hand.'"
"Yes; but I want a friend now:--for this life: its cares, troubles,trials, perplexities. Does he promise that?" asked the governess, witha wistful, longing look.
"Oh, yes, yes indeed! in very many places," Mildred said. "'Thispoor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all histroubles.'
"'He shall deliver thee in six troubles; yea in seven there shall noevil touch thee.'
"'Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thoushalt glorify me.'
"'Cast thy burden upon the Lord and he shall sustain thee.'
"'Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplicationwith thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And thepeace of God which passeth all understanding, shall keep your heartsand minds through Christ Jesus.'"
Again a few moments of profound silence, while Miss Worth seemed to bethinking deeply, then turning to Mildred, "I cannot express my sense ofyour kindness," she said, "and--" she paused, hesitated, but went onhurriedly, and with emotion, "I will seek this Friend of whom you havebeen speaking, for I sorely need such an one. But you," she continuedwith increasing emotion, "you have so generously offered your sympathy,yet refrained, with true delicacy, from showing the least curiosity inregard to my troubles. But it would be a relief to confide in you tosome extent, if--if you would care to listen."
"I should be much interested and very glad to be of service," Mildredanswered gently. "And I think I need not assure you that yourconfidence will be sacred."
"No; I am quite certain of that," returned Miss Worth; then went on togive a slight sketch of her past life; or rather of some parts of it;for she did not deem it necessary, or wise, to tell of all the trialswhich had fallen to her lot.
Her father, she said, had been in the early part of his career avery successful business man, and in her childhood and youth she wassurrounded with luxury; but reverses came, loss followed loss, tillthey were reduced to absolute poverty. Then her father died and theburden of her mother's support, as well as her own and that of ayounger sister, fell upon her.
There was an older sister who had been married for some years; buther husband was dissipated and worthless, and she had several littlechildren to provide for as best she could. The mother and Delia, theyoung sister, lived with her, but Miss Worth paid their board, andclothed them.
The letter received to-day was from Mrs. Marks, the married one, anddrew a sad picture of toil, privation, and bitter disappointment.Her children were sick, her husband came home drunk every night, tothreaten and abuse her, and then the mother fretted continually overtheir reverses and her own ailments, fancied or real; and Delia wasdissatisfied because she could not dress like other girls in the schoolshe attended. The letter wound up with a request for a loan, and a hintthat the sum paid for board of the mother and sister was too small.Also a little note was inclosed from Delia, asking, indeed almostdemanding, money for the purchase of a new dress.
But of these Miss Worth said nothing.
Mildred was full of genuine sympathy, and showed it in a way that wasvery soothing and comforting.
Yet, after she was gone, the burden rolled back upon the heart of thepoor, lonely governess. She sat long over the fire, hands clasped inher lap, head bowed upon her breast, vainly striving to solve theper
plexing problem how she was to meet all the demands upon her slenderpurse.
Her disposition was noble and self sacrificing; she would havewillingly denied herself all superfluities in dress that her mothermight not miss her accustomed luxuries, Delia go without finery, orMrs. Marks and her children be overworked or underfed; but it wouldnot do; Mrs. Dinsmore's governess must be many removes from shabby inher attire.
Mildred at Roselands Page 10
