by Katie Ashley
Will’s face softened. “You took up for him?”
“Of course I did. He’s been my coach for four years.” I paused and drew in a deep breath. “And he’s your dad.”
Tears welled in Will’s eyes. “You don’t know what it did to me when they mentioned your name. When they said, he’d…” he shut his eyes before he continued. “that he’d raped you, too.”
“Will, don’t,” I urged.
He opened his eyes. “I-I didn’t want to even imagine it.”
Neither do I. That’s why I’m lying—for you and for me. I brought my hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from the gossipers.”
“I didn’t hear it from them…I heard it from the police.”
My hand jerked away to rest over my mouth. “What?”
He nodded. “They read off the charges when they came to arrest him.”
“They actually arrested him?”
Will leaned back against the field house wall. “Yeah, with handcuffs, reading his rights, and putting him into the back of the police car in front of all the neighbors leaving for work.”
I shook my head. “Will that’s awful.” I tried drowning out the voice screaming in my mind. Are you crazy? He deserved it! Hell, he even deserves to be gang raped over and over in prison for what he did to you!
“It was.”
Without another word, I reached out and wrapped him in my arms. “I’m so sorry.” I rubbed my hands over his back in wide circles. “I love you, Will. I know it’s a stupid thing to say right now, but I want you to know how very much I love you.”
He pulled away to kiss me tenderly on the lips. “I love you, too, Mel. More than anything in the world.” He wound his fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what I would do without you. My dad feels the same way.”
Saliva rushed into my mouth, and I feared I would vomit. Instinctively, my hand flew to my mouth. “Are you okay?” Will asked.
I nodded. In barely audible voice, I said, “He doesn’t think I said anything, does he?”
Will shook his head. “No, he knows that it was Jordan who made the accusations. When he heard your name, he shook his head and said, ‘She’ll testify for me’.”
BASTARD, the voice screamed in my mind. That fucking bastard! He knows what he did to me! He knows what he took, and he expects me to testify for him? Because of my love for Will, he’s using me like I’m just a pawn in his game. My chest tightened. But this isn’t about him, remember? It’s about the boy you love who holds you right now. It’s about protecting everything you hold sacred. I wrapped my arms tighter around Will. He laughed. “Hey now, you’re gonna squeeze me to death if you don’t stop!”
“I’m sorry. I only feel safe when I’m in your arms.”
He smiled. “Don’t be sorry. You squeeze me all you want then. It feels pretty damn good to me too.”
I stared into his dark eyes. “What are we going to do, Will?”
“We’re going to stay strong. The hearing will be in a few weeks. You’ll testify that Jordan lied about you being…” Will stopped abruptly, unable to repeat the word.
I nodded. “Yes, yes, of course, I will.”
“Once the judge hears the evidence, he’ll throw the case out the window. I mean, Jordan’s been in trouble most of her life. Hell, she’s probably been before most of the judges here in town.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
Will brought his lips to mine. “It’s going to be all right, Mel. As long as we’re together, we’ll get through it.”
“I know, Will. You’re all that matters to me.”
“But there’s something else right?”
I sighed. “Everyone was staring at me this morning. I know it’s only going to get worse.” Tears welled in my eyes. “And the team. What will they think about me when I show up for practice?”
“They know you, Mel. Once you tell them it’s all a lie, they’ll understand.”
No, it’s more like once I lie. I’ll only be a part of the team if I lie. I can only keep Will if I lie. I can only keep my sanity if I lie. “You think it’ll really be that easy?”
“Yep.”
Finally, I smiled. “This isn’t supposed to be the way it goes. I’m supposed to be comforting and reassuring you instead of you reassuring me.”
Will laughed. “We’re here for each other, remember? I’m all right, and you’re all right.”
“We’re all right,” I said, softly.
“Exactly.”
I glanced back at the building. “Don’t you think we ought to head back?”
He made a face. “What excuse are we gonna give them for being late to class?”
“We can say we got called up to the office.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I mean, I’m sure they know what’s going on, so they probably won’t question us.”
I picked up my purse and book bag and followed Will back into the building. After being with him, I felt revived—at least for the moment.
Thursday I faced the firing squad by going back to school. I’d spent all of Tuesday afternoon with Detectives Pendley and McKay of the SUV unit as well as Mom’s lawyer. When I was told that Coach T would probably be arrested Wednesday morning, I decided I better stay home. I turned my cell phone off, and I didn’t take any calls on my home phone either.
So as I headed back to school, I was a little nervous. It was pretty much a guarantee that gossip had fanned through the entire school the day before. Even though I wouldn’t have to face Coach T, there was the rest of the student body, including Melanie, to contend with.
I eased my black BMW into a spot. It was five minutes until the bell rang, and everyone hurried into the school. I sucked in a deep breath before grabbing up my purse and book bag. Like I’d done years before in beauty pageants, I pulled my shoulders back, jerked my chin up, and walked into the building with my head held high.
My stoic front didn’t last long. I’d barely gotten past the front office before someone bumped into me. “Hey, watch it!” I cried.
“Lying bitch,” the girl murmured under her breath.
“Screw you,” I called over my shoulder.
I started towards my locker. I couldn’t ignore the looks of hatred people gave me, nor the comments people made as they passed me. But I kept right walking as if nothing had happened.
When I got to my locker, I gasped. Scraped into the metal was the word, “WHORE”. Beneath it was “LIAR”.
Conversation silenced around me. Everyone stood stock still, waiting for my reaction. Tears stung my eyes. But I wouldn’t let them see me cry. I whirled on my heels and started back down the hall.
I barely made it in the bathroom before I started crying. I locked myself into the handicap stall and sobbed. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to make him pay. I wasn’t supposed to get punished too! I mean, why were they doing this to me? Didn’t they know what he did to me? That he’d used me and just threw me aside?
The sound of the door opening silenced my tears. I stood up and wiped my eyes. When I heard the stall close next to me, I walked outside. I glanced at myself in the mirror and groaned. My face was all splotchy, and mascara stained my cheeks.
I bent over the sink and washed my face. As I patted it dry with a paper towel, the stall opened.
It was Melanie.
When she saw it was me, she gasped. She started for the door, but I stopped her.
She ducked her head and stared down at her shoes. “Let me go,” she protested in a whisper.
“I know what happened.”
She jerked her head up to stare at me. “You don’t know anything but lies! I mean, it’s one thing for you to pretend you were raped, but I don’t know why you needed to drag me into it!”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “If it’s nothing but lies, how come I found your panties in his futon cushions?”
Her body tensed, and I wanted to laugh at her. I mean, only Melanie could be “Miss Priss” and get uncomfort
able with the mention of her underwear. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Your panties with the word “Captain” embroidered on them.”
The color drained from her face. She swayed back and forth, and for a minute, I thought she might pass out. Her body trembled all over like a leaf, and because of how green she looked, I fought the urge to back up just in case she hurled or something. But she also looked like she was concocting a reply in her mind. Then like in a truly bipolar moment, she shook her head. “I don’t care what you say. Maybe it was my underwear. Maybe it fell out of my bag after practice, did you think about that?”
When I saw she wasn’t going to throw up, I leaned forward. “He was playing us, Melanie. Don’t you see that?”
A sad expression crossed her face. “You really had an affair with him, didn’t you?”
“What if I did? What if I slept with him for three months before he tossed me aside? And what if I wanted to make him pay for hurting me? Maybe you ought to consider punishing him too!”
“But I wasn’t having an affair with him!” she protested, but her resolve deflated. Instead of the steely bitch she was just a second before, she seemed broken. Her lip quivered, and she appeared on the verge of tears. So maybe she wasn’t having an affair with him. It was kind of a long shot to begin with. I mean, why would she be interested in Coach T when she had Will aka Mr. Perfect all to herself?
But then a revelation came crashing down on me. The harshness of it was so fierce I was the one trembling instead of Melanie. My memory flashed back to her Monday night in the parking lot with her messed up hair and smeared makeup. They weren’t willingly hitting it in his office. He hadn’t turned me away that night because he had been with someone.
Oh, no, it was much worse than that.
I stared at her in disbelief. He had screwed her—the panties were proof of that. But it wasn’t by her consent…he had truly raped her.
I gasped. “Oh my God!” My mind shattered with the thoughts of what he had done. To his star…to his son’s girlfriend. It was too much. I slammed back against the sink and shook my head. “He raped you, didn’t he?”
Her eyes widened in horror. “NO!” she screamed.
I couldn’t believe she was in complete and total denial. “It’s true, isn’t it?”
Melanie head shook back and forth so fast she looked like someone twitching with Parkinson’s disease. “Stop saying that! He didn’t do anything to me!”
“I was waiting for him in the parking lot Monday night. I saw you leave the school after everybody else. I saw how you looked!”
“No, no, no! I’d been running and sweating at practice.”
I couldn’t believe she was still denying it. I would have wanted him to fry if he’d really raped me. Why would she want him to get away with it? “Why are you lying for him?”
“I’m not!”
I reached out and grabbed her arm. “You have to tell the truth, Melanie. You have to make him pay for what he’s done.”
She slung her arm away. “Stop it! He didn’t do anything to me. You’re just a spiteful slut who shouldn’t have been sleeping with a married man.”
Before I could respond, Lauren burst through the door. Her eyes narrowed at me. “What the hell are you doing? Isn’t it enough you gotta lie about Coach T, but now you’re harassing, Mel? Jesus, you’re pathetic!”
I jerked back like I had been slapped. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Whatever.” She turned to Melanie. “Come on, Mel. Let’s go.”
“You better tell the truth!” I cried, as Lauren put her arm around Melanie and led her out of the bathroom.
My fingers dug into the sides of the sink. As I thought about Coach T raping Melanie, I fought my gag reflex. What kind of unimaginable bastard was he? How could I have possibly loved someone who would do such a vile and disgusting thing?
I flung my head back and stared back at my reflection. It was all such a fucking mess.
***
At lunch time, I headed to my usual table. Tara and Brandi were already there, but the rest of our crew was missing. It had been two days since I’d seen them. Tara had called and left several messages, but I didn’t return them. I knew she wanted to talk about Coach T and what I’d accused him of. But I didn’t want to talk about it with her. Somehow I was afraid if I did, she might break me down and get the truth out of me.
I eased down into a seat. “Hey guys.”
“Hey,” Tara said softly.
When Brandi didn’t respond, I stared up from my lunch-bag. She glared at me, her green eyes narrowed. “What?” I finally asked.
She shook her head in disgust. “You know what.”
“Um, no, I don’t. So why don’t you save me the trouble,” I countered.
“You and your Coach T story.”
“It’s not a story.”
Brandi snorted. “Yeah, it is. I saw how you used to flirt with him, how you looked at him. You wanted him.”
“Yeah, I may have flirted him, but I sure as hell didn’t want him to rape me!”
“He’s a good man—he’s a married man!”
“You’re just pissed because he’s your darling Will’s father, and if he’s in trouble or hurt, Will’s hurt. You’re pathetic.”
The venom rolled off my tongue before I could stop it. It was the only self-defense mechanism I knew—hurt others if they hurt you.
Brandi stared at me with a wounded expression before snapping up out of her chair like a rubber band. “Go to hell, you lying bitch!”
As she stalked away from the table, a couple of kids glanced in our direction. Wide-eyed, Tara shook her head. “What are you doing, Jordan?”
“What am I doing? She started it.”
“That was low to bring up Will. You know how obsessed she is with him.”
The expression on Tara’s face broke me. “Okay, okay. I was a bitch. I’m sorry. It’s just you have no idea what today has been like for me. People calling me names, my locker’s been vandalized. Stupid me, I’d hoped my two best friends would be here to support me—not give me shit the moment I sat down.”
Tara refused to look at me. “You have no idea what it’s been like for us either.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“You weren’t here yesterday when the shit hit the fan, Jordan. Brandi and I were the ones getting the looks and being pushed and shoved in the hall. And for what reason? Simply because we’re your friends.”
I chewed on my lip, unsure of what to say. “I didn’t know—”
“Maybe you would have if you’d bothered to answer your phone last night!”
“I’m sorry, Tara. I mean, I was in with the detectives all yesterday. I was worn out and didn’t want to talk to anybody, okay?”
She shook her head. “I had a right to hear it from you, Jordan.”
“I know you did. And I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
“I hope you are. We’re been best friends since third grade. I would hope you’d feel I had a right to know what was going on with you—especially something as serious as being raped.”
“You are my best friend, and yes, you had a right to know. I made a mistake. I promise it won’t happen again.”
Tara sighed. “You promise?”
“Yes, I promise.”
She fidgeted with the buttons on her sleeve before sucking in a deep breath. “Jordan, I want to ask you something, and I want you to give me an honest answer.”
My mind spun with her question. No, Tara. Not you. Please don’t make me do this. Don’t make me lie to your face. But I didn’t give in to my emotions. Instead, I angrily shook my head. “Don’t you start this bullshit too!”
“I know how you felt about Coach T. You told me one time that you loved him, remember?”
“Yeah, and if memory serves me right, I also remember being drunk off my ass!”
Tara’s eyes flashed. “Don’t try to blame it on alcohol. You
sobbed for an hour and told me how much you loved him.”
My throat went dry. I swallowed several times before I shrugged nonchalantly, as if she didn’t have me cornered with my lies. “So, maybe I did like him. And maybe because I was drunk, I exaggerated how much I liked him. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him to rape me!”
Tara pushed her lunch bag aside and leaned in on her elbows. “Tell me the truth.”
“He raped me,” I insisted.
“I’m your best friend. If you can’t tell me the truth, how can I be your friend?”
My heart beat rapidly in my chest. I wanted so much to tell Tara the truth—to tell someone what had really happened besides my Mom, but I couldn’t. There was too much risk. So, I forced the lie from my lips one last time. “I was raped.”
Tara stared at me, her mouth hanging open in astonishment. Then she silently gathered up her things.
“Wait, don’t leave!” I cried.
“Did you not hear anything I just said? If you keep lying to me, I’m not your friend anymore, Jordan. When you decide to tell the truth, you come and find me.”
And with that, she stalked away from the table, leaving me all alone. I sat in shock for a few seconds, trying to gather my thoughts. Then I realized what it must look like for me to be sitting by myself. So, I gathered my things and started out of the lunchroom.
There was really nowhere for me to go. I couldn’t go out to the sunshine of the courtyard. I would be in the same situation. No one wanted to have anything to do with me. As I cast my eyes toward the library, I realized that wasn’t an option either. You had to get passes in the morning to go there.
Finally, I took my things and started for the parking lot. For the remaining thirty minutes of my lunch, I sat in my car, my coat pulled around my shoulders, and my iPod plugged in my ear. I didn’t listen to my usual rap or pop playlists. Instead, I listened to classical music in a desperate attempt to drown out my problems.
It didn’t work.
After my horrific run-in with Jordan, I spent the rest of the school day in a fog. I went through the motions, going to class, taking notes, poking the food on my lunch tray, but my mind was miles and miles away. Now I had the answer to why she had claimed I was raped. She’d found my panties and thought I’d been voluntarily sleeping with Coach T. The very thought made me shudder with disgust.
