“When you put it that way, it’s easier, daed. Ya. I do see why it’s important. It’s just that . . . well, when I had to stay at their farm, when that blizzard hit . . . it was . . . difficult, staying out of her room at night.” John’s red face had become even more red as he made this admission.
“And?”
“I stayed in my room and prayed. I went downstairs for a glass of water. Daed, I don’t want to disgrace her or ruin her reputation. That’s the only thing that kept me from knocking on her door.”
“Good. I know you love her and it was a huge temptation. I am glad you resisted it, with God’s help. You are learning how difficult it is to truly love a woman, John. It won’t be easy, this next couple of years before you marry. I’m warning you of that right now. While you are courting Miriam, it is highly important that you keep her reputation as an honest woman in mind. Don’t put yourself or her into situations where her virtue could be doubted. If she does plan to take the Kneeling Vow, she must become very familiar with the Ordnung and she must protect her reputation. You and her parents can help her with that. It is harder for a young Amish woman than it is for a young man. In the end, you both have the serious responsibility of staying true to Amish beliefs and rules – and I believe you are very capable of that.” Samuel, giving John a serious look, clapped his hand on John’s shoulder.
“Denki. Thank you for believing in me. I will do everything I can to protect her reputation,” John promised.
***
The next evening, John drove the family buggy to the Beiler farm so he could visit with Miriam. Because the evenings were still cool, they visited inside the house, talking, laughing, sharing jokes and drinking lemonade. John had chosen to wear the dark-green shirt Miriam had given him for Christmas.
Miriam, seeing that he was wearing her gift, smiled softly at him.
“It looks . . . very good on you, John. Turn around and show me,” she said. As he slowly turned in front of her, Miriam’s eyes roved over his muscular, but lean torso. Feeling her heart pounding, she nodded. “It fits you beautifully. I will be finished with this next quilt earlier than I thought, so I would like to make another shirt for you – one you can wear as you work in the fields,” she promised.
“Denki!” John smiled. “Miriam, I have been wondering something . . .”
“Ya? What is it?” Miriam asked.
“Do you plan to take the Kneeling Vow? Do you want to learn and follow the Ordnung?”
“Well, ya, of course! I have never thought of not being baptized into our faith – it’s too important to me . . . why? Are you thinking of not . . .”
“Oh, nee, Miriam! Like you, our faith has carried me through some very difficult times. I am planning to take my own Kneeling Vow . . . I just wanted to see if you were going to do the same thing, that’s all,” John said.
“Oh . . .” Miriam said. She now understood more than she had before John had brought up his question. “Oh!”
“I will see you in the next few days, ya? It will be getting dark soon, so I have to leave,” said John, taking Miriam’s hand in his and caressing it gently.
“Ya, we will see each other soon,” Miriam promised.
Before he left to go home, he sought out Miriam’s daed and mamm.
“I . . . would like to speak with you for just a few minutes . . . “ John said, trying to keep his breathing regular.
“Certainly. Let’s go outside . . . I take it this is between the three of us for now?” Joseph asked.
“Ya, sir, it is,” John nodded, glancing quickly toward the quilting room, where Miriam had just gone.
Outside, the three sat on the long bench just outside the barn.
“Mr. and Mrs. Beiler, I have been courting Miriam for the last several months. We have grown close and I have developed . . . strong feelings for her. We talked this evening about our Kneeling Vows. I wanted to see what she had thought of and whether she’d made a decision. She told me she’s going to be baptized . . . and so am I. Mr. and Mrs. Beiler, our faith is very important to both of us. It’s gotten us through some very painful times,” John said.
“And you want . . .?” Joseph asked.
“I want to marry her. I’m asking for your permission to propose to her,” John said, feeling a distinct quaver in his voice.
Joseph and Sarah looked at each other, surprise in their eyes.
Sarah thought about her youngest child, now nearly an adult. She had seen six older children meet, fall in love with and marry young Amish men and women. Her home would be empty, probably within the next two or three years. Knowing this, her heart gave a twinge.
Joseph realized Miriam was now old enough to contemplate becoming a married woman and, eventually, a mamm of children of her own.
“I am glad – we – are glad to hear that. Yes, our faith is very important to us,” Joseph said slowly. He looked at Sarah, who gave a tiny nod. “We have no objection. In fact, we are very happy that you want to spend your life with her, but we would ask you one thing. She is still young and she must finish her rumspringe. You have our permission to ask her, but would you wait for another year or two? You must be baptized into the church before marrying, as well.”
“Denki! Denki! Ya, I will wait, but I do want to let her know of my intentions, if you don’t mind,” John said, trying to catch his breath.
“Good. Yes, that is fine. We will urge her to speak to Bishop Stoltzfus about her baptism into the church as well,” Sarah promised.
Inside the quilting room, Miriam peered outside. Seeing the Fisher’s buggy still parked outside, her brow creased in confusion, then her jaw dropped.
Oh! He’s talking to mamm and daed! That’s why he asked me about whether I’m going to be baptized. Miriam’s hand covered her heart, now pounding strong and hard. Looking to the empty doorway, she scuttled to her comfortable chair – it wouldn’t do for her mamm to see her peeking out the window at John’s buggy. She picked up the almost-finished quilt with shaky hands, and then set it down again. Closing her eyes, she said a silent prayer for calm – it wouldn’t do for her shaky hands to cause her to make a mistake on a very expensive Amish Wedding quilt.
At home, John sat down with his mamm and daed.
“I spoke with Miriam and she plans to take her Kneeling Vow. She’s still on her rumspringe, but I don’t think she’ll change her mind about being baptized. She told me that her faith is just too important to her.” John let out a huge, shaky sigh. “Then, I spoke to her parents and asked them for permission to ask Miriam to marry me. They gave me permission, but asked me to wait for a year or two, until she’s a little older.”
“Ach, good! You will make each other a good husband and wife!” Emily exulted, clasping her hands together.
“It’s as I thought, John. She is young and I had a good idea that they would want her to wait until she is a little older. Are you disappointed?”
“Nee, daed. How can I be? I have permission to propose in a couple years, but I will be telling Miriam what my intentions are. I want her to know that I am falling in love with her. Besides, it gives us more time to get to know each other,” John said firmly.
“John . . . just remember to respect her. Don’t put her into situations where her character or virtue could be questioned,” Sarah said.
John colored. “Mamm, I talked about that with daed. She – Miriam – has nothing to worry about from me. I want to protect her good reputation as much as you want to. Don’t worry . . . I will do nothing to hurt her. She is too precious to me,” he said.
Sarah gave a quick nod. “Good. Just keep your love for her in mind when you go courting her.”
***
Miriam woke early in the morning a few weeks later. Listening, she realized she was hearing the pitter-patter of rain as it hit the house’s roof. Stretching luxuriously, she threw her blankets back and got up. Dressing and coming her hair, she made sure she was presentable. Downstairs, while she and Sarah made breakfast, someone knocked at the d
oor.
“You keep working on the eggs and I’ll get that,” Sarah said. Wiping her hands on a towel, she answered the door.
“Emily! What is it? Come in. Coffee?”
“Denki. Sarah, we are needed at a difficult birth. The mother is young and it’s her first child . . .”
“Say no more. Eat before we go, because we don’t know how long it will be before that baby is born,” Sarah directed. As Joseph walked in from the barn, she began filling plates with scrambled eggs, hash brown and bacon. “Joseph, Emily and I are needed at a birth. We’ll leave as soon as we’ve eaten.”
“Oh, what about Miriam?”
“Daed, I’ll stay here. I can get dinner ready. Besides, I need to finish a quilt. Mamm, don’t worry. Take as long as you need. I know what you plan to make, so it is no problem,” Miriam said.
“Good,” Sarah said. She and Emily began eating quickly. Miriam was right – they didn’t know what they would find when they arrived at the Hofstetter farm and they might be there, helping the new mamm for several hours.
Grabbing her cloak and purse, Sarah waved goodbye to Joseph and Miriam, then hurried out with Emily.
“Well, it looks like Mrs. Fisher and your mamm are still in high demand, doesn’t it?” Joseph asked.
Miriam chuckled. “Ya. It’s good though – they are using their nursing knowledge to help others. I think I’ll get the vegetables and meat ready for our dinner, then work on my quilt. Then, I’ll cook dinner and we can eat. I don’t think she’ll be back by dinnertime.”
“I doubt it. You may also have to prepare supper. Do you know what your mamm had planned?”
“I think she was going to bake some chicken and make potatoes and vegetables,” Miriam said. “I’m ahead on my quilt, anyway. I’ll make dinner if mamm is still gone.”
“Okay, just as long as you know she might be gone for some hours,” Joseph said. Standing, he took his plate to the sink and ran hot water over it. “I have several orders to work on, so I’ll be in the shop. Let me know if you need me,” said Joseph.
“I will. Be careful in the shop!” Miriam stood and gathered the plates, cups and silverware. After washing the dishes and cleaning the stove, she prepared the vegetables and made sure the meatloaf was ready to bake.
***
Sarah and Emily heard the screaming even before they got inside the house; the screaming of someone very young and extremely desperate. There was a ragged quality to the voice as if the owner had been screaming for a long time. It was a girl’s scream, punctuated by intermittent cries for her mamm. As they walked across the porch and knocked on the door, they prepared for the worst. It was going to be a long, horrible day.
The door opened inward revealing a man in his early thirties.
“Jacob,” Sarah began, her lips pressed tightly together in a fine line. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she stepped into the kitchen. “Where is the child.” Screams gave her an answer, and she quickly headed towards the bedroom, followed by Emily. In the bed was a girl, hair plastered against her forehead, a reddening quilt covering her. She was thin, pale and shaking. Her eyes were opened wide, sweat running down her forehead.
“Please help me,” she sobbed. “I want my mamm. It hurts so much.” Another wave of pain came upon her and her words dissolved into howls as she grabbed at Sarah’s arm.
Jacob stood by the door, shifting silently from foot to foot. Sarah placed her hand on the girl’s distended belly, feeling her, then placed her other hand between her legs under the quilt. “Water’s broken and there’s a lot of blood. The baby isn’t turned completely around, but at least it’s not completely breached.”
Emily shooed Jacob out of the room as the pain passed and the girl quieted. She hurried into the kitchen, put a big pot of water on. “I’m going to need a lot of towels, and you should call a driver.”
“Why?” Jacob grumbled. “Is the girl going to die?”
Emily stopped for a moment looking at him. “I don’t know.” She replied finally, but we may need to take her to the hospital if we can’t deliver the baby.” He turned and went for towels as Emily shook her head silently, returning to the bedroom. Sarah wiped the girl’s forehead with a warm cloth.
“Where are her parents? Her mamm should be here/” Sarah made soothing sounds to the girl who seemed more confused than anything.
“I want my mamm,” the girl cried. “Please. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I don’t want to have a baby anymore. Can you make it stop?”
“Elizabeth, I need you to listen to me,” Sarah held the girl’s hand even though it hurt her because the girl was holding on so tightly. “I want you to think of the sea. As the pains come I want you to breathe in with it. Think of the ocean waves as they come to shore. As the pain ebbs and starts to go away, think of the sea waves going out. Match your breathing on a count of four. Count with me – one, two, three, four....”
Emily turned back to Jacob who was standing in the kitchen holding towels. Taking them from him, she said again, “You need to get her mamm here. I don’t understand why she isn’t here. The girl needs her mother at a time like this.”
Jacob shrugged his shoulders, turned and put on his coat and hat and went out the door. It closed behind him, Emily watching him go. She went back into the bedroom and spoke softly into Sarah’s ear, “Why did he marry a child.” Sarah shook her head and continued to coach the girl and dry her forehead.
“And why isn’t her mother here.” Sarah shook her head sadly. “Let’s just work to get this baby born, and if necessary, get her to the hospital if things go more wrong than they already have.”
“He is an idiot. When her labor started, he should have sent for her mother.” Emily squinted and handed Sarah towels. I’ll get the hot water, and let’s get her off this filthy sheet and quilt.”
“It will help if you try to stand,” Sarah gently helped the girl to a standing position. “I know it hurts, but it’s something we’ve done for centuries. You’ll be fine.” Emily hurried around the bed pulling the bloody sheets and quilts off of it, laying down plastic, then towels and finally a fresh sheet. Sarah helped the girl to sit on the edge of the bed. “We’ve sent for your mamm.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Glancing at her watch, Miriam made a mental note to come back to the kitchen shortly after eleven so she could start dinner. Hurrying to the quilting room, she got busy right away. Two hours later, she stood and stretched her neck and back, then glanced at her watch. Seeing that it was nearly time to start dinner, she shut her sewing machine off and hurried into the kitchen. Forty-five minutes later, she removed a bubbling, fragrant meatloaf from the oven, taking it to the table with the rest of the food.
Joseph walked in, sniffing appreciatively. “That smells wunderbar!” Washing his hands at the kitchen sink, he returned to the table. “If your mamm is not back by mid-afternoon, you might want to get started with supper,” he said after swallowing.
“Ya. I have the chicken ready to go into the oven and I’ve picked out vegetables we can eat – I hope you won’t mind if they’re ones that mamm and I canned last summer,” Miriam said.
“Nee, it is no problem! Whatever you feel like making will taste wunderbar, Miriam . . . ah, and there is your mother!”
Sarah walked in quietly, her shoulders slumped slightly.
“Mamm? What happened?” Miriam asked, fearing her mother’s answer.
“No matter what we tried, the baby died. He was born too soon. He could not live outside his mamm’s womb. Emily and I tried everything to stop her labor, but it was too far advanced. Ach, why her parents let her marry this young, I do not know! She was bleeding, so we forced them to take her to the hospital.” Sarah slumped in exhaustion on a kitchen chair, forcing tears back.
“Oh, no! Was it Elizabeth Hoffstetter?” Miriam asked, shocked. She’s only fifteen! “Mamm, how old is her husband?” Miriam was half-afraid to hear the answer.
“Ugh, Miriam, it is bad. He is past thirty. Why h
e could not choose an older wife, one who is more-capable of bearing a child, I do not know.”
Miriam lost her appetite. Pushing her still-full plate back with her thumb, she frowned.
“Isn’t that unnatural for a man his age to want to marry someone who’s still almost a child?” she asked.
“Ya, it is, daughter. Jacob Hoffstetter has always been . . . odd. I think this time, that his . . . preferences are going to get him much unwanted scrutiny from the state. Thankfully, the bishop registered his objections to their marriage. What worries me is that her parents didn’t seem too worried,” Sarah said.
Joseph set his fork down and pushed his own plate back as well.
“I’m not hungry, either. Ya, the state will investigate. If Bishop Stoltzfus kept a record of his conversation with Jacob and with Elizabeth’s parents, we – the Amish community – will not be blamed. The scrutiny will fall exactly where it should. On Jacob Hoffstetter. I’ve always thought he was too attracted to underage girls. Do you remember when he started to follow Miriam home from school?”
“Ya! I do! I talked to the bishop about it . . .” Sarah said.
“He scared me when he was trying to get my attention. That’s why I asked for permission for rides home with Katy. Her father never allowed Jacob to come around us. Never. Mamm, you go rest. I’ll clean up and put the food away. I think we’ve all lost our appetites anyway,”
“Denki, daughter. I am tired and very sad. I will come downstairs after a nap and make supper.” Running her hand over Miriam’s hair and kapp, Sarah walked slowly upstairs.
After hearing the sad news, Miriam found she had to force herself to focus on finishing the Wedding quilt.
John came to the house that night. The mood in the Beiler home was still somber.
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