by Mia Wolf
When the car starts to slow down, I know we have arrived because I see Andrew’s car parked straight ahead. The boy pulls over right behind it and gets out of the vehicle. I don’t because I don’t feel safe doing so until I see Andrew emerge from behind his BMW.
Relief fills me and tranquilizes me as soon as I catch a glimpse of his face. Our eyes meet for a second and right then, we’re in this together. We don’t move; he stands on the road while I’m still in the car. We don’t need to be close to each other right now to know that whatever happens, we’ll be fine.
Andrew is talking to the group of men outside now, his back towards me. It now dawns on me that when he said that he left home, he meant that he ran away from his bear village. His father had plans for him he had said, perhaps he wanted Andrew to become the alpha. Is that what’s going on?
I remember Joshua’s duel with Raymond back in the village and how Jessica felt torn and withered like a lily when she saw him wounded, bruised, and limping. I couldn’t really understand her distress back then, but now that I imagine Andrew getting hurt the same way, something rips open inside of me.
I step out of the car and walk to where Andrew is standing, stepping in between him and the men. I can tell that the group is confused about what I’m trying to do in the middle of an argument, but I clear all of their doubts with my next move.
I slip my arms around Andrew’s neck and kiss him deeply like I will never get another chance to feel the touch of his lips. He’s just as taken aback by the action as the other men.
When I pull away from Andrew, I whisper “I love you” into his ear so quietly that I’m afraid that if he hadn’t flinched, I would’ve believed the words gone with the summer breeze.
But Andrew heard them. He gently kisses my forehead which is the last painless thing that happens to me this night.
Chapter 29 – Andrew
Rose kisses me on the mouth, and my mind forgets where I am, that the alpha of the clan has just challenged me to a duel, that tonight is going to be bloody. None of that plagues me while the scent of Rose’s sweet perfume fills my lungs and nostrils. At that moment, there is only peace. She takes a step back from me when she’s made her point, and I can see the look on everyone’s face like they can’t believe what’s happening.
Just when I think Rose is about to step to the side, she whispers a quiet “I love you” into my ear. Her words ring and ricochet in my head until I snap myself back to the present. There is no way I’m losing tonight, I tell myself. Besides, I’ve already won.
Ryan doesn’t understand the smirk on my face, but he doesn’t need to; it’s not meant for him, anyway.
The boys are dressed in surprisingly casual clothing for a duel, but I realize that’s only because they’ll transform and rip them apart anyway. I look down at my own clothes and shake my head when I realize I’ll have to say goodbye to my favorite black jeans. I’ll make sure to land a punch on Ryan’s nose as a payment for that. He’s been infuriated ever since we were little. Some things never change.
Then again, I would have to say the same thing about my father. For a brief moment, I think about the scowl on his face when he looked at me or, more accurately, looked down on me. I never really understood what I had done to anger him so absolutely.
We walk off the road and into the woods to our right. Ryan had chosen to intercept me at this spot for a reason. The forests are thick here stretching for a mile away from the highway so we won’t be running into any passers-by.
I have never witnessed any duels when I lived in the village, but I have fought against my father countless times growing up, both in my human and in my bear form.
The night air is thick and hangs unmoving except for the occasional gust of wind. I can feel the summer in the air.
Making our way through the forest, we follow Ryan who seems to have a very specific venue in his mind. All this is very uncanny. How long has he been planning this? Have I underestimated him this time?
I observe the build of his body; his muscles are well-formed, toned, and in good shape. As a fitness trainer, however, I know a lot more can be won if you control your mind instead. Running a marathon is as much a feat of mental prowess as it is a test of your physical limits.
We arrive at somewhat of a clearing with fallen trees around and the ground covered in dead leaves. So deep into the forest, the air is damp, and I’m starting to sweat a little.
“So how are we doing this?” I ask. “We don’t have a legitimate proctor with us.”
I have never seen or been to a duel, but I’m aware how it all works. There is a panel of three proctors that watches the match closely and ends it when the duel is over. I need to make sure that this is done fair and square and that Ryan doesn’t have any reason to keep coming back for me again and again when this is over. That would be a grave inconvenience, especially considering that I am not alone anymore; I have Rose with me, and I don’t want her to suffer on the hands of my clan.
I take a moment to observe her in the middle of this mess; she seems calm and composed, but there is a single crease on her forehead. I swear to make it up to her once this is over if she still decides to be by my side.
I don’t want to fathom what I’d do if she chooses to go. I cannot lose all sense of a family twice in a lifetime.
“Isaac is a proctor,” Ryan reveals flatly then sighs as if it’s a bother. “We duel by the rules until Isaac calls it close and we have a clear winner.”
Ryan takes off the red vest that he’d been wearing and tosses it on the ground on the opposite side of the fallen trees. I notice that the trunks are forming a kind of arena about the size of a swimming pool. The space is large enough for a bear fight.
Rose and the boys step away and stand outside of the clearing while I step into it. All of my father’s teaching comes flooding back to me like a tide washing away the life I have lived after it. I’m back to being sixteen again as my father leaves me out in the sun all day because I couldn’t beat him in a match. Everyone else in the family was informed not to let me in or give me food or water. From my father’s perspective, I needed to learn discipline and not to think of failure as an option.
I grit my teeth as his forever unimpressed face flashes in front of my eyes, and I see his image reflected in Ryan’s eyes.
Isaac marks the commencement of the duel with a gesture of his hand.
I switch to fight mode, the space I had built within myself as a child every time I was facing my father. I don’t feel when I’m like this; there is no pain or fear. The only thing my eyes see is victory.
Ryan lurches forward in a motion so quick that I am only able to dodge it by a hairline distance. There is only a flash of his silhouette, and then he’s standing right in front of me. I take a couple of steps backward trying to get a strong footing after losing all sense of balance from that first attack.
He is impossibly fast.
When he tries to pull off the same move again, this time with more precise calculation and more lightness in his stance, I see it coming. He might be fast, but I learn fast. I’m able to not only dodge the attack in time with ease but also place my foot between his as he tries to leap which results in him tasting the dirt. He doesn't stay down for more than a second and stands up, putting some distance between us in defense.
I don’t give him too much time to think or plan his next attack and slam my fist into his jaw. My hand meets the side of his face as he tries to retreat, but it hits him just enough to disorient him. The inner me gets no satisfaction from such small wins, though, so I re-focus even before Ryan has the time to pull himself back to his senses.
This time I kick with my right foot and aim it at Ryan’s chest right when he’s back in position. This one hits the bull’s eye, and Ryan gets pushed back a few steps until he crashes to the ground. He instinctively reaches for his chest, trying to rub the area of effect while coughing at the same time.
He’s taken a hit, but his ego won’t let him stay down. B
y the time I’m back into position from the round-house kick, he’s already hurtling towards me with wobbly steps. The trouble with unpredictable moves is that it’s hard to prepare against so I don’t give him the chance to throw me off balance and take several steps away from him. He’s forced to stop himself as the distance he had been calculating suddenly changes.
My mind is Zen; I’m not giving him an opening. His defense is pretty unpolished, almost as if he didn’t take into consideration defending himself while practicing. Typical of Ryan, but it’s going to cost him his title this time.
Obviously, there is no way Ryan is going to play a game where I have an unfair advantage. If I’ve mastered being a human, he’s going to play the bear. I ready myself for that moment because I know it’s coming soon.
Ryan is still coughing when I go for his hand this time. I pretend to reach for the left and grab hold of the right one which was wide open. Rookie mistake, boy. I twist it around which makes Ryan twist along with it, and I lift him up when he’s caught in the trap and throw him back to the ground.
This enrages him to no end. There is a growl in his throat when he lands with a crash. When he gets up, he bolts towards me in his human form. Then, the fabric of his shorts rips and the sound echoes in the single moment of silence. I’m not foolish enough to take an incoming bear attack in my human form, so I transform just as quickly, but he’s a split second faster than me and manages to push at my chest with his claws.
I lose balance, reeling backwards and Ryan takes the opportunity to claw at my hands, my chest, and my face. The cuts hurt right away, and I let out an animal scream at every one of them.
He doesn’t give up this lead and starts punching my gut. I hear the ribs crack, but I’m done taking a beating. Ryan is too focused on my torso, and I find my opening to head butt him which incapacitates him in one fell swoop. He tumbles backward and falls on his back. It’s my turn now to claw at him and turn him into a punching bag, and he takes the beating for a while.
In a sudden burst of power which I can’t place the source of, Ryan grabs hold of my leg which makes me reach for him for balance, but he gets out of the way and lets me fall and hit my head on the ground. I have double vision, and the whole world starts spinning. I know I’m losing the game.
It’s almost as if I see Ryan towering over me in slow motion, or perhaps he really is moving in slow motion because he knows I’m down for good. I can feel the thud of footsteps as he closes in on me vibrating through my massive hunk of a body. I see his claw coming at my face. Thanks to my father, though, my mind doesn’t accept defeat, and even in my half wounded state, lying on the ground, having a split vision, I see the one opening.
Ryan’s claw is a centimeter away from my nose when both of my claws dig into his neck. It shifts his balance instantly, and his claw loses all its momentum. The scream comes next, and he growls and gruntles while I’m holding his neck, finally slumping down to the ground. Seeing me go in for the kill, Isaac comes in between us.
I reluctantly pull away from the bloodthirst, from the killer-instincts that my father had carefully carved into my brain.
I want to be able to look Rose in the eyes after this.
I roar instead of hurting Ryan any further and run away into the woods. I push away the shrubs, claw at the tall grass, and stampede through the woods until my lungs start hurting.
I may have won, but I hate the fighter inside of me. It’s a testament, a hold that my father will forever have on my soul. He corrupted me even before I could grow a thinking brain of myself, and now it doesn’t matter how infrequently this side of me appears. I know it’s always lying dormant inside.
I leap off a tiny hill, and the rumble of the thud spreads through the forest, making tiny animals run and scamper away in fear. I lay on the ground and look at the stars to calm the frenzied blood rage on my mind. I dig my claws into the dirt until they stop itching to pierce into flesh.
You’re not a monster. Don’t let him turn you into one.
Chapter 30 – Rose
The doorbell rings at two in the morning, and I immediately know it’s Andrew. Isaac drove me back home after the fight was over even though I wanted to run after Andrew instead. Isaac stopped me from following him while I was in tears, screaming and kicking at him in madness. We all saw the rage and murderous instinct in Andrew’s eyes, but I couldn’t leave him like that. Alone and hurting, bleeding and bruised.
Back when I was in the hospital after losing consciousness at the Regal fashion week, he stayed by my side even though I snapped at him.
Andrew bangs at the door lightly when I don’t open it right away. As I unlock it, I feel his weight on the other side of the door. He loses his balance once I open the door. His head is down. Without looking up, he rests his head on my shoulder. It’s heavy, and I realize that this is the first that Andrew has done that: placing the full weight of his head on my shoulder. The action makes me realize that he’s not okay.
I don’t ask him anything; we don’t speak a word. His forehead remains on my shoulder, and we both stay glued to the spot in the middle of the doorway. I sieve his hair through my fingers lightly, admiring its silver hue. Eventually, my eyes travel down his naked back which is full of claw marks and gashes so deep that they still have wet blood coming out of them.
I know that he’s a bear and I know the wounds will heal soon, but it doesn’t make the heartbreaking sight less gruesome. I notice more cuts and bruises on his arms and try to find a place to hold him without touching any injuries.
He coughs as if trying to say something.
“Rose,” he finally manages to enunciate.
“I’m here,” I reassure him.
I’m taken aback when instead of Andrew’s forehead, his lips touch my shoulder, and a moan escapes my mouth. He lightly pulls the white sweater I’m wearing to the side and nips at my bare skin.
“Fuck,” I say out loud because I don’t know what else to do with myself. He’s turning me on in his wounded state. He can’t be thinking of having sex right now, can he?
All rational thought dies down when his lips travel up the side of my neck, and he plants light kisses around my lips. He doesn’t kiss me on the mouth but instead nibbles at my lower lip. My body is tense, and I feel unable to touch him because he’s wounded and bloody everywhere, while he continues to torture me with his lips.
“Andrew, what are you doing?” It’s a throaty, raspy murmur of an inquiry which does more harm than good because Andrew is kissing me hard now.
In a moment of sanity, I pull away from him and place a light hand near his collar bone where I don’t see any bruises to stop him from getting closer to me. The request is denied even before I’m done completely making it.
His lips are on me again, and I don’t know why he’s doing this. I won’t be able to control myself for too long.
Andrew is sucking on my lips when I manage to say “no” out loud. He stops kissing me and instead looks me in the eyes, and I see both a deep hurt and a ravenous hunger in them. Two conflicting feelings at war and I know Andrew is trying to solve both of them at the same time.
I place a hand on Andrew’s cheek, and a single tear falls down my fingers. There are five deep wounds across his eyebrow, injuries from talons digging deeply into the skin. They have marred his perfect face, and even though I know the injury will heal, I can give him whatever he wants right now to make the pain become a little less.
“I love you so much,” I say which makes Andrew’s expression turn dark and his hooded eyes lock onto mine.
He shuts the door behind us and pushes me against the wall, but before doing so, he gently puts a hand between my back and the concrete surface to cushion me. The weight of Andrew’s body alone puts enough force on me that my breath hitches, however. He’s hungrily lifting up my skirt while we make out, and I’m holding onto him only by his neck because there are no wounds there.
When he can’t reach my skin through the layers of my skirt, he p
icks me up and takes me to the bedroom throwing me onto the bed a little more roughly than he normally would. The first thing he does when I’m lying on the mattress is to get rid of the skirt. I’m now in my underwear, plus I still have the white sweater on. Andrew straddles me and unbuttons his jeans which I notice are a different pair than the ones he had been wearing before the duel. He pulls them off and throws them to the ground in a bit of anger and returns his attention to me.
He places himself between my legs, and I wrap them around his waist. His mouth travels down my neck, peeling off the white sweater with his teeth and freeing one of my breasts from the bra. He sucks it hard and the sudden pain makes my neck curve. I shut my eyes as torture mixes with pleasure while he sucks on my nipple, occasionally grazing his teeth over it.
His one hand is pinning me to the bed while he teases and taunts my boobs with his tongue, flicking the pert nipple with his tongue when he’s done with the left one and moving onto the right one. I slowly feel his other hand snaking down my thigh then travel up again to rest on my ass. He gives it a good squeeze once, twice, three times, making a massaging ritual out of it.
The feeling of his mouth on my breasts makes electric signals shoot right down my core, and I can tell I’m getting wet. The sensation makes me writhe and wriggle under Andrew. Perhaps, the fact that I clenched my legs gave him another idea. His hand leaves my ass then slithers inside my panties, and his fingers find the space between my legs even though I try to make it hard for him to do so. When I attempt to grab his hand with mine, he intercepts it with his other hand and pins it to my side, silencing all my complains.
In any case, by the time I can stop him his fingers have already found the sensitive nub down there. Andrew puts pressure on my clit which makes my walls constrict and my back arch. I’m not sure how long I can take this. That doesn’t deter Andrew from enjoying the tantalizing assault that’s making my ache for him rise unbidden. I can feel that my clit is now swollen from Andrew’s finger massage. When his pace reduces, I think that he’s done, but he slips his index finger inside me making my breath hitch from the sudden invasion. He swirls and twists it inside, slowly at first then more rapidly. When he pulls it out, he covers my clit with the same wet fluid.
