by Mia Wolf
Mom returns to the sofa, and I watch the two of them enjoying their Sunday afternoon. I might not belong here, but this will always be my home. Until I make one of my own, I’ll always have a place to return to.
I regret not bringing my phone because all I want to do right now is talk to Maya, apologize to her for my behavior, hear to whatever requests she has; it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we can be together.
I drive back home, cursing my fate for running into Daniel when I did, and getting into the biggest mess of my life. I’ve lost six years of my life, and I’ve almost forgotten who I used to be before I joined Code Blue. I never cared that I’d forgotten, but Maya makes me want to remember all those parts of me that I have lost on the way. She has got to be my mate because I’ve only been away from her for less than a day and I’m already going crazy.
On my drive back home, all my thoughts are about Maya and how she was staring at me in the morning. If I hadn’t been so caught up with where she was going, I would’ve taken her into my arms and kissed her senseless. The thought makes me smile. There’s going to be a lot of talking to do before we get to that. I sigh. I’m not exactly looking forward to that, but hey, no one ever said this was going to be easy.
Chapter 33 - Maya
I wake up to see Sebastian’s calming brown eyes staring at me. A cold, gentle breeze comes in through the window, ruffling his hair. I’m convinced that I’m dreaming; it’s all so peaceful and beautiful and serene.
I reach out my hand to touch Sebastian’s cheek, but he catches it mid-way and presses it to his lips. I gasp because the touch sparks electricity in my veins. That feels too real. Maybe this is not a dream, after all.
“You’re here for real?” I say out loud, and he laughs, a perfect curl coming to his lips. I almost want to cry because I thought I had lost this; I thought that I wouldn’t get to see him again and that his smile would forever be a memory in my mind.
I screech and throw myself onto him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He holds me tight, as close as I would like to be to him.
“I’m sorry,” I say, tightening my grip on him even more.
It makes him laugh, which brings butterflies to my stomach. “I’m sorry too,” he says. “I should’ve taken my phone with me.”
There’s so much I want to say to him, so much to explain, but I can’t contain the feeling that I have right now. The overflow of joy, of having Sebastian pressed to my chest. I pull away and find his lips, sucking hungrily on his upper lip. He grabs me by the waist in response, lays me down on the sofa, and kisses me hard, pressing me into the mattress. I’m pinned under him, and I like it.
“So I’m not the only one who was dreaming of this,” Sebastian says between our kisses, but I’m too busy focusing on his mouth to respond.
We make out for a long time in silence, realizing we could fill our lives with a whole lot of this. Then when we are satiated for the moment, we hold back and address what’s been a long time coming.
“So we’re both too worried about losing the other person,” I say, expressing the genius realization I had after coming home to find it empty with no Sebastian in it.
“Before we get into that,” Sebastian says. “How many times am I going to find you passed out on the floor? Is there something you’re not telling me? Should I be worried? Let’s take you to the doctor just to be sure.”
My heart swells and warms. It’s going to take a little while to get used to someone worrying so much about me. Back in the village, every time I used to pass out in training, I always woke up in the exact same spot because no one was allowed to pick me up.
“I’m fine,” I assure Sebastian. “It used to happen all the time when I was a kid. I’m sure it’s the stress from our fights.” I say the last few words hesitantly, and Sebastian doesn’t look convinced. “Fine, how about this: If it’s still happening a month from now, we’ll get help. How does that sound?”
I can see that Sebastian doesn’t like the idea much but, perhaps to not cause another fight between us, he finally nods in agreement. “About yesterday,” Sebastian says. “I’m sorry about how I behaved, I really shouldn’t have. I was so desperate and worried about you. But I should’ve known better.”
He looks genuinely apologetic and hurt, and I take his hand into mine in a manner of consoling him.
“I’m sorry, too,” I say. “For acting out that night when I went out without letting you know or taking my phone with me. I could’ve easily left you a text, but I was too upset. The same thing happened when I left yesterday. I didn’t want to tell you because I was so angry.” I look into Sebastian’s eyes and can see that he accepts my barrage of guilt-ridden thoughts without question and accepts them as they are, messy and nonsensical. “We should make a deal.”
“What deal might that be?” Sebastian asks, a slight smile on his lips.
“You know what they say,” I say, trying to focus my meandering thoughts and thinking of the right words. Then they come to me. “No one goes to bed angry. Deal?”
“That sounds like a good deal,” Sebastian chuckles and tucks some loose hair behind my ear.
Whatever will come our way, I know that we’ll figure something out so that no one gets hurt. This is crazy. Crazy and unbelievable. This is how I’ve heard so many bear shifters describe this; this is what they say when they talk about finding their mate. It feels like you fit like lock and key and that any other way of being would pale in comparison to being with the one you’re meant to be with.
Yes, everything else in the world would pale in comparison to this.
Chapter 34 - Sebastian
It’s criminal how good I feel about life with Maya. It’s everything I ever imagined in my wildest dreams; all that and more. Ever since Daniel came into my life, I always kept the thoughts of finding someone at bay; I would’ve died single if it were up to me. And I would be happy to just spend every day with her going forward.
But there’s something I have to do before I can sit and rest with her. I still haven’t heard from Code Blue, and I’m slowly starting to realize that that is not good. Not good at all. This silence, this complete lack of contact and information unnerves me, and it’s time to take some action on my part. What if they’ve put Ash on Maya’s case? What if they’re still looking for her? I haven’t told them that I’ve located Maya’s whereabouts, but what if they’ve put one and one together and realized that she’s right here, with me?
I’m strong, I’m a good fighter, I know that even when I don’t usually show people that side of me. But I also know that I can’t take on Code Blue by myself. I need help. Which is why I’ve called Warren out here by the rotunda. As things stand, there aren’t many people I can ask for help. I’m not a big fan of asking Warren for anything, but I have to admit, he’s at least a good man. Besides, beggars can’t be choosers.
Warren is sitting on the edge of the rotunda, and I walk up to him like a school kid marching up to his teacher. I’ve always hated that about Warren; he has a strong big brother presence going on whenever he’s around me, and he doesn’t lose a chance to show it. I know where it comes from. He had a little sister to look after growing up, and after he ran away from home, he decided to project that onto me.
“You simply assumed that I would be free to talk to you on a Tuesday afternoon?” Warren says by way of greeting me.
“You still came, didn’t you?” I say far more cheekily that someone in my position should. Fine, I’ll admit it, I’ve always enjoyed getting on Warren’s nerves a little.
“Get to business, kid,” he says.
So I begin at the beginning, when I was little, and tell Warren about my life growing up. I tell him how normal it was, growing up in a typical bear shifter family. I was an only child, so I grew up getting the attention of both of my parents. Life was great, but I didn’t think of it that way at the time. I had bigger dreams, and I wanted more than what my ‘small’ bear village offered. Which is ironic, because the village tha
t I’m living in now is a fraction of my own clan’s. None of that matters now. When I left home and moved to New York for college, I was a small kid in a big city, and being the dreamer I was, I got involved with the wrong crowd and was blinded by Daniel’s ambition. I’ve got to give it to the man; he is a visionary. It sucks that he’s also despicable.
I tell Warren about the missions that I’ve run for Code Blue over the years, about the physical abuse at the hands of Daniel, about the hatred I developed for my job, and even about the money that it brings in. What’s all that money good for when I have no family or friends to spend it on?
Then I finally talk about my last mission and about Maya. How I told Daniel that I won’t be working with Code Blue anymore and how afraid I am that Daniel has found out that it’s Maya they’re looking for and is patiently waiting to get to her when he sees the chance. I’m certain that he would, and I can’t fight him and his organization alone.
“Are you serious?” Warren asks incredulously when I tell him that. “Do you really want to do this because of her? Or are you just using her as an excuse to finally leave them?”
There are truth and bitterness to the accusation, and it’s true that I’ve pondered the possibility myself, too.
“I know it’s difficult to believe, given how I used to be,” I tell him calmly. “But I want to protect her. Daniel wants to get at her, and sooner or later, he’ll find out it’s her they’re looking for. Yes, I’m partly being selfish, too, because I want a shot at this life with her. I’m done living like an instrument that Daniel can use whenever he likes. But more than that, I love Maya. And I’m willing to do what it takes to protect her.” I pause and give Warren some time to process what I’ve just said. “It’s a good thing he has trained me well. I channeled all that pain and made something useful out of it, so I know that when I face him, he’ll lose. But he runs an entire organization, and I can’t fight all of his minions on my own.”
Warren stares at me blankly, I can tell he’s confused.
“I’m not sure what you’re asking of me here,” he says.
“I’m asking you whether you’d be willing to help me find people who will fight Code Blue with me to protect Maya.” I stare into Warren’s eyes, hoping something will click in his mind because I have nothing else to go on here.
“I’ll talk to Joshua,” Warren finally says after pondering for a long time. “I’m not very good with these things, but I’ll help you in any way I can. You’re the kid who gave me a place to belong when I was lost, and that meant a lot. Sure, the place was pretty terrible. We nearly drank ourselves to death, but it meant something to me. I wasn’t alone in the deepest, darkest times of my life. That was all thanks to you.”
I nearly roll my eyes back into my skull at Warren’s cheesy words about our twisted companionship. But if I’m honest, I know it meant something to me too. Still, I’m not particularly looking forward to singing songs of praise to Warren and stroking his ego while he sits in front of me, enjoying it like a bottle of vintage wine.
“Does she know?” he asks, and I snap out of my brain.
“What?” I ask. “Who knows what?”
“Does Maya know that she’s being targeted by Code Blue?”
I shake my head, remembering the times I’ve found her unconsciousness over the past few weeks. “There’s no way I’m dragging her into this.”
“If she’s the warrior they’re looking for, she could be of great help. You’re just putting her in danger by keeping her in the dark. We need all the manpower we can get,” Warren says, raising his voice to convince me, but it’s not working. My mind is made up about this.
“I’m not telling her anything if I can help it. She has enough trouble to deal with as it is. She’s lived a tough life; the least I can do for her is not to add to the pile.”
Warren doesn’t look convinced and tries his best to reason with me, but I don’t budge. There’s no conversation to be had about this.
“So, will you help me?” I ask and stand up to end our conversation because I see Maya walking up to us.
“Yeah,” says Warren. I shake his hand, feeling immensely grateful.
Maya comes up to me and kisses me full on the mouth. I notice Warren staring at us from the corner of his eyes before averting his gaze.
“Hi, Warren,” Maya says, curiously looking between us.
“Hi, Maya,” Warren replies.
“Now, if you’ll excuse us, Warren,” I say and take Maya away from the rotunda and uphill to the lawns that overlook the village.
The sun is hiding behind the trees to our right and to our left, the twilight is painting the sky. We sit and marvel at the beautiful scenery in front of us, and I’m almost sucked into the moment, forgetting that I have a long road ahead until I’m finally a free man.
“So, what did you tell Warren about me?” Maya asks playfully. There’s a glint in her eyes and mischief in her grin.
“I told him how obnoxiously nosy you are,” I say, touching Maya’s nose and laughing when she yelps in surprise. In the far west, the sun has already set, the final red streaks dissolving into a dark purple hue.
“We’re hosting a dinner tomorrow,” Maya says, lightly nudging me with her elbow.
“Is that so? What are we celebrating?” I ask.
“Well, I thought it would be a good idea to make some friends around the village. We run into people all the time, let’s put some names to faces and—”
“You’re terrified about this, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Maya blurts out. “I’m terrified as hell.”
I put a comforting arm around her, and she lays her head on my shoulder as we stare at the rotunda and the village.
“I invited Ashley, so Warren will probably be there too. Then I invited Jessica and Joshua, and I also called Sarah. I don’t know if she’ll be bringing anyone. Oh, and Ashley mentioned that she could also bring her friend, Rose, so that we can meet her, too.”
Suddenly, the lights go on at the rotunda, and the sight knocks the wind out of me. The rotunda is ablaze with yellow and orange lamps, wreaths of fairy lights encircling the perimeter. Jack-o-lanterns trail up the winding path into the opposite side of the village. Slowly, the lights on people’s front porches are also turned on. The village was beautiful before, but now, it’s a spectacle to behold.
“I could paint this.” I thought I’d said the words in my head, but judging from Jessica’s enthusiastic reaction, I’ve said them aloud.
“What a great idea! You totally should!” she says.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” I say, but I’m already choosing the colors in my head. I don’t say this to Maya because I’ve decided to keep my artistic interests to myself for now. Besides, there’s not much I have to say about it. I’ll just do it when the inspiration strikes, and it usually turns out to be pretty fun.
“So, what should we do about food?” Maya asks as we’re enjoying the gorgeous fairy lights at the rotunda and the starry night above us.
“You know what? I think I’ll take care of the food,” I tell her. “I’m actually pretty good at it now that you mention it.”
“First art and now cooking?” she says, lifting her head and staring up at me, her eyes full of curiosity and wonder. “Are there any other hidden talents you haven’t told me about?”
I look at her face, illuminated by the lights all around her. She has a radiant quality to her. I don’t respond to her question, instead smiling at her and pulling her closer to go back to basking in the dreamlike beauty of the cave village. There’s so much she doesn’t know about me. But I’ll tell her when the time is ripe. We have the rest of our lives to talk to each other, to explore each other’s history and secrets. First, I need to make sure that we make it out of this alive.
Chapter 35 - Maya
I’m setting the table for our dinner party while Sebastian is cooking. Delicious smells are wafting towards me from the kitchen, and I’m surprised at Sebastian’s fantastic
cooking skills. He made me taste the lasagna he made, and it’s absolutely delicious. When I asked him who taught him to cook like this, Sebastian shrugged and told me he learned it on his own.
“I had a lot of free time on my hands,” he said.
It’s funny how I feel like I’ve known him forever, and yet there’s a whole history to him that I’m unaware of. There are so many layers to peel off, there is so much to unravel about his past, and I’m excited to find out more about him in the time to come. I must admit that I’m also a little scared of what he’ll tell me when he’s ready for it, because a part of me expects that Sebastian’s past has been painful, like mine has been. Thinking about my own past, it suddenly occurs to me that I’m not as jumpy anymore, no longer so paranoid about every moving object in my vicinity. Whenever there’s a random noise somewhere in the house, my heart doesn’t start hammering in my rib cage as if there’s imminent danger anymore. My mind has stopped conjuring up the worst-case scenarios; it’s calmer now.
Right now, though, a threat of a very different nature is keeping me on edge. I inhale and exhale as I set the plates, trying to return the calm to my body.
I jump a little as Sebastian puts both of his hands on my shoulders from behind. “It’s going to be fine,” he assures me and kisses the top of my head.
I try my best to believe him because if I’m realistic, there’s nothing to worry about. Just a bunch of people getting together to eat. Sebastian has just returned to the kitchen to look after the food when the doorbell rings.
I open the door to find Sarah there, dressed up in a beautiful yellow sundress. She looks absolutely stunning, with large gold hoop earrings and her hair looking like she just walked out of a movie.
We hug, and I welcome her.
“I can’t believe I’m the first one,” she says and hands me a bouquet of white lilies.
