by Jus Accardo
“You get it?” I shrieked, and whirled on Cade. “Well, I don’t. You were the one who turned him in. You had to know what they’d do to him. You had a change of heart?”
“Yes, I did,” he replied in a hushed tone. He bent his head for a moment, and when he raised it and his gaze met mine, there was fury like I’d never seen before. “But I regret it every waking moment. It’s something that will haunt me until the day I die, and I would give anything to turn back time and let him die.”
“Why, though? Why would you let him out to begin with?”
“Because I didn’t think I could watch my brother die.”
“Your—” The rest of it lodged in my throat. I opened my mouth, then closed it, speechless. His brother? That maniac was Cade’s brother? How the hell did two people end up so different?
“Whatever blood once connected us means nothing now.” Cade stood, eyes fixed on Noah. “He signed his death warrant when he started killing people.”
I could see it in his eyes. Every word was the truth. For the most part. I had a feeling it wasn’t the killing people in general that turned Cade against his brother as much as a particular person. “You were in love with her.” The words stole my breath, and for some reason, made my chest ache. “Your Kori. You were in love with her and that’s why Dylan killed her. To get back at you for turning him in.”
A violent storm of emotion raged across his face. Agony and anger and regret. Guilt mixed with that painfully obvious self-loathing I understood better than I would have liked. If he’d never let Dylan out, none of this would have happened. His Kori would have never been killed, and he and Noah wouldn’t be stuck, getting dragged from dimension to dimension with no end in sight.
But there was more to the sadness in his expression. When he raised his head and our eyes met, I found it hard to breathe. “Yes. And, no.”
“I don’t understand. No, he wasn’t trying to get back at you?”
Cade shifted uneasily. He glanced back at Noah, who regarded him with what I could only classify as sympathy. “He was getting back at me, but not for turning him in. Well, that was part of it, but…”
Obviously something else went on between them. Something that had traumatized Cade as much as Ava’s death had twisted Dylan. “But…?” I nudged.
“Ava. I was the one who killed her.”
“You—”
“Bullshit.” Noah slammed his hand against the arm of the couch, then stalked across the room toward Cade. He pulled him up and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, giving a harsh shake. “I’m so sick of hearing this shit.” He shoved Cade backward and whirled on me. “He didn’t kill her. It was an accident. We were all drinking, acting like assholes. Cade was the only sober one. The only one being responsible.”
“Yet I still crashed the car,” he interjected.
“When the only sober person in a car full of drunks loses control on icy roads, that’s called an accident, man. Not murder.”
“He promised to kill you,” he said quietly, turning to me. “On our world and every other one he set foot on. Dylan swore that he would wipe you from existence.”
“Well,” I said with a wave in his general direction. “He’s slacking, because I’m still here, and I’ve got no intention of taking the long dirt nap.”
“This isn’t a joke,” Noah snapped. He nudged Cade out of the way and planted himself in front of me. “Personally, you’re just some chick who happens to be wearing my sister’s face, but to him—” He jabbed a finger in Cade’s direction. “It would kill him to watch you die all over again, and I won’t let him go through that.”
“Aww,” I said, crossing my arm. “Careful or I might think you care.”
His lips twisted into a scowl. “Don’t delude yourself. I don’t give a shit about you, or anyone else on this damn rock. I’m here for one reason.”
“And that is?”
“To make sure my boy makes it home in one piece.”
And with that, he pushed past me and made his way into the kitchen. A few moments later, I heard the hinges of the fridge squeal, followed by loud, obnoxious crunching. “Jesus. Does he ever stop eating? How the hell is he not, like, five hundred pounds?”
“He’s right about one thing. This isn’t a game. Dylan might be letting us think we have a fighting chance. That putting that cuff on you is his way of giving you some kind of advantage over the others. But it’s bullshit. He’s got no intention of giving us that key.”
The air was suddenly much thinner. Colder, too. The certainty in his voice made the bottom drop out from my stomach. The kind of feeling that came with the sudden, violent slide from the top of a twenty-story rollercoaster.
“Ava’s death wrecked him. It tore apart his soul. There’s nothing left in there. None of the person he used to be. All that’s left is pain and anger. He’s nothing but a time bomb looking for a place to detonate.”
“Sounds like a fun guy.” I refused to let him see how freaked I was. Couldn’t. Dad once said the key to survival in times of war was equal parts persistence—aka stubbornness—strength, and good old-fashioned bullshit. Never let the enemy see you sweat. Cade wasn’t necessarily my enemy, but it was the same basic principle. “So what do we do? Try to find Ava? Try to find Dylan? I’m sure the commander could track her down fast if we just—”
Cade shook his head. “You heard what Dylan said. No army interference.”
“Okay.” That didn’t answer my question. “Then where do we start?”
His eyes grew wide. Like a bug, I couldn’t help thinking. “We’re not going to start anything. This is the first time I’ve seen you alive in almost a year. I intend to keep it that way.”
That’s when I lost it. I didn’t know if it was the way he was looking at me—a strange mix of longing and determination mixed with guilt—or the tone of his voice. Dominating and just a bit accusatory. “This is the first time you’ve seen me, period.” I stalked toward him, stopping an inch or so from his face. “I’m not her. I’m not your Kori.”
“I know that!” He flinched at my suddenly harsh tone.
“Do you?” I fired back. “Because the way you look at me, I wonder if you’re not exactly like Dylan.” As soon as the words spilled out, I regretted them.
I’d hit a nerve. His face contorted, a mask of fury and pain. He balled his fists tight and stepped closer, effectively backing me away. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
But I wasn’t a pushover. I’d never been one to back down. My mom always saw it as a weakness. Something that would get me into trouble. Dad fostered it. Fed my instinct to fight and challenge.
It didn’t really work out the way he’d planned though, did it? When Dad encouraged you to stand tall, he probably didn’t mean get into any and all trouble you can find…
I got right back in Cade’s face. Shoved him as hard as I could. “Do you think I’m blind? That I don’t see the way you stare at me? Are you going to tell me it never crossed your mind? That when you did find me, an alive me, that it would be just like getting her back?”
We’d surpassed inside voices and had moved on to screaming. The neighbors on the right side would ignore it. They’d always been a bit weird. But my left side neighbor, Mrs. Davis, would be close to calling the cops. I didn’t care, though. This needed to be said. It was something we needed to drag into the open, because I didn’t want it coming out to bite me in the ass further down the road.
Noah came stumbling through the doorway, a piece of carrot hanging from his lips. “What the hell is going on out here?”
Ignoring his question, Cade’s face reddened. He shoved me back. Not hard enough to hurt, but with enough force to send me stumbling backward. To let me know he wouldn’t be bullied. “I’m never getting her back,” he bellowed. “Trust me, I know that. And I know you’re not her. You’re the furthest thing from her. But if you think I’m going to let you die when I can finally prevent it, you’re fucking delusional.”
N
oah threw up his arms and stepped between us. “Hey man, let’s—”
Cade shoved him out of the way. He opened his mouth, but I wasn’t interested.
“That’s right. I’m not her,” I repeated, louder and with more bite. “I’m not in love with you, and you’re not in love with me. At this point I’m not even sure I’m going to be able to tolerate you long enough to figure this all out! It’s not your damn job to watch out for me or to save me. I can save my own damn self.”
“You’re wrong,” he seethed. The lower tone was actually more intimidating than his yelling. His eyes narrowed to thin slits as every inch of him tensed, a tightly wound string just seconds from snapping. “It is my job.”
“Spare me,” I countered before he could launch into some righteous speech about this all being his fault and how he wanted to make things right. I didn’t give a damn. “You screwed up.” I softened my tone but held my ground. “I get that you feel guilty. I understand that you feel like you need to fix it. I don’t know crap about what kind of girl your Kori was, or how the dynamic between you two played out, but me? I’m not a damsel in distress. I don’t need saving. I don’t want it. And I don’t want you.”
Some of the anger left him, and his shoulders sagged. “You don’t understand. Dylan—”
“Is a bad guy. Yeah. I get it.” I gestured around the room, trying hard not to let my temper get the better of me. “But this is my world, Cade, not yours. These are my people to protect, and it’s me who’s going to lose my family—hell, my life—if we fail. If you need to be involved so damn badly, then help me figure out how to get this thing off. Help me stop Dylan from hurting more people.”
Noah huffed. He looked from me to Cade and nodded slightly. “This isn’t all about her,” he said softly. His lips slipped into a frown. There was a spark of sadness in his eyes, but also something stronger. Something I recognized. That trademark Anderson determination. It was the same look I’d seen on Dad’s face as he gave me his life must go on speech after losing Mom. “We left home to stop Dylan from doing more damage. She’s right. We need to stop him from wiping out more innocent people. There’s no Tribunal here. That means there are three clueless people out there on his radar. Three people who are currently unaccounted for. They don’t deserve to die.”
Cade refused to look at him. Instead, he kept his gaze locked on mine. A shiver shot up my spine. “And if it puts her right in the crossfire, then that’s okay, because she’s not our Kori, right?”
Noah held up his hands and shook his head. Just once. “I didn’t say that, man. You know I loved my sister. We were close… But she wasn’t like Dad. Wasn’t like you or me. She wasn’t a fighter. This one is annoying as shit, but I really think she can hold her own.” He eyed me, tip to toe, then gave a slight grin. “She can hack it. I think she’s too stubborn to go down easy.”
Cade finally turned, glowering. For the longest time he didn’t speak. Just stared. Like he was contemplating Noah’s assessment. Trying to decide whether to lock me in the basement for safekeeping or let me help resolve this thing.
“This is a bad idea,” he said finally. To Noah, he added, “I know better, but as usual, you’ve talked me into going along with something I know is going to end in disaster.”
Noah grinned like a kid who’d just been given an entire candy store. “When have I ever done anything like that?”
Cade stared at him.
“Okay, okay. Maybe once or twice… But we can do this. I think this is the shot we’ve been waiting for. A way to put this thing to bed once and for all.” He punched Cade in the arm. “We can go home, man. Home.”
Cade shook his head. “This is a bad idea,” he repeated.
I smiled. It was forced. A tool used to hide the fear I really felt. But right then, it was all I had. Falling apart wasn’t an option. Neither was running. This was something that needed to be faced head on. Laces tight and guns at the ready. I would kick ass or die trying. “Most of the fun stuff usually is.”
Chapter Eleven
While Noah took the commander’s jeep to check out some of Ava’s more typical haunts, Cade and I “borrowed” Dad’s SUV and set out to track down this world’s version of his Tribunal. Three people named Odette Ferguson, Miles Hann, and Penny Bloom.
It was just after noon and we were sitting in traffic, still several miles from our first stop. Penny Bloom’s. Cade had been quiet, and although I enjoyed the silence, I had so many questions. Questions I might not get another chance to ask.
“I—she—” I swallowed. There was a part of me that didn’t want to know, and another that couldn’t wait. “My mom—what’s she like? Is she—”
“Alive?” he finished for me.
“Yeah.”
His lips split with a smile. It made me instantly jealous for reasons I couldn’t quite reach. “Very much so.”
The bigger question on the tip of my tongue—the biggest one, really—was what is she like? Was she like my mom? Did she have a thing for tacky blue lawn flamingos and junk food? Did she love cheesy horror movies and chocolate-covered popcorn?
“Cora has always been a huge part of my life,” he continued. “My parents were…less than what a kid could hope for. She and the general were the best kind of surrogates.”
“Tell me something about her,” I said, closing my eyes. I pictured Mom’s face, the summer breeze fluttering her hair. I could still picture her smile so clearly, but lately I’d found myself wondering if I was starting to forget the sound of her laugh. I remembered she had the slightest accent—but only when saying certain words or when she’d get upset. She’d sort of rolled her Rs. “Anything.”
I opened my eyes to see Cade smiling. “She liked rats.”
“Rats?” I giggled. “That’s…weird.”
“Not when you think about it, really. Cora loves animals—especially the ones she feels are misunderstood.”
“Ahh,” I said. They had that in common. My mom had loved animals. We would have had an entire zoo’s worth if moving from place to place hadn’t been our way of life. To supplement her critter craze, though, Mom and I made monthly trips to the zoo. Whenever we moved someplace new, it was the first thing we scoped out. Well, technically the second. The first thing we did was take note of all the local junk food joints for when Dad went out of town. “Bet she loves pigs, too.”
He laughed. “Crazy about them.”
I shifted sideways in my seat, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Suddenly I was ravenous for more despite the ache in my chest. Even the most unassuming detail would fascinate me. It didn’t matter that we weren’t talking about my mom. This was still Cora Anderson. It was still, in some small way, a part of her. “Tell me something else.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Ya know, she said something to me once. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it makes so much sense now.”
“Oh?”
“She said she was proud of you. Said that if there were an infinite number of you out there, she would love each and every one more than her next breath.”
I didn’t respond. Couldn’t, really. My chest constricted, bringing the ache back with a vengeance, and suddenly breathing was that much harder. There was a lump in my throat, making it impossible to swallow. Was knowing she was out there, still alive and well, but unreachable to me, enough? I was starting to think it wasn’t. I was starting to sympathize with Dylan despite his methods. The idea of getting a lost loved one back was tantalizing. The very definition of temptation.
“So you guys are close?” The words were cracked and frail, and in that moment, I was terribly afraid of losing it. Of breaking down and dissolving the carefully constructed walls that had held all the pain at bay.
He nodded. “We are. She’s one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. You’re just like her.” He paused, then frowned. “Well, my Kori was, anyway.”
I tried not to take it the wrong way, but it was impossible. The wave of pain that had crept in was swept a
way by a sudden spike of anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just that they were both softer. They saw the good in people no matter what.” His expression darkened a little. “Even when the darkness is right there in front of them, they’re always expecting change. Always thinking they can incite it.”
“And what about us?” I felt the heat rush to my cheeks—and this time it had nothing to do with the way he was looking at me. “If you were so close with my—her—family, how did she feel about you being with her daughter?”
Cade shrugged, oblivious to my indignation. “In my world, it was an inevitability. The four of us had been friends since, like, kindergarten. We were always just part of the family. We got older and things progressed. I guess they all expected it. We complemented each other.”
“That’s sad,” I said, folding my arms.
He pulled the car alongside the curb, in front of a pale yellow Cape. When he shifted to face me, his expression darkened. “How is it sad?”
I shrugged, slightly vindicated by his irritation. I should have just left this subject alone, but for some reason, I couldn’t. It was like the universe was taunting me. Teasing me toward confrontation. One day, he might get to go home. His Kori might be gone, but his Cora wouldn’t be. It was stupid, but I was jealous that he’d get to see my mother again and I wouldn’t. Twisting his words in a way that might hurt him made me feel slightly better—which made me feel horrible. “Well, it doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. I mean, I’m no expert, but complementing someone?” I snickered. “Certainly doesn’t sound like something epic. Love isn’t supposed to be predictable, Cade.” I’d never been in love, but my parents were soulmates and I saw how they treated each other. There was nothing boring about their relationship, even after all those years together. I still remember all the surprises they would plan for each other, each trying to outdo the last gesture. Their relationship was what I wanted mine to be one day. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
