by Jus Accardo
“I’m not helping you. I don’t care about you.” He inclined his head toward the floor as Cade rounded the bar. “I care about him.”
“I saw a motel down the road. We can probably scrape together enough cash for a room—” He looked from me to Noah, then tilted his head. “What? What’d I miss?”
Noah stood so fast that the chair wobbled over backward. The sound barely registered over the music. “Go ahead.”
Cade narrowed his eyes. “You’re not coming?”
“I’ll catch up.” There was a distinct chill in his voice, one I knew was meant for me. “I’m hungry. Going to grab something to eat.” And without another word, he turned on his heel and stalked to the door.
“He’s hungry. What a shocker.”
As I followed Cade from the club, a nagging feeling nibbled at my gut. Stopping to crash for the night was the right call. We’d be useless if we were too tired to think straight. But I couldn’t help feeling like it was a mistake. Like something bad would happen. I looked at the clock. We didn’t have much time left.
I don’t have much time left…
...
While Noah scurried off to sate his seemingly endless appetite, Cade and I took the bus down the road to the small dive motel. They were surprisingly full, the only room left being one of the larger suites with a balcony. Of course, we were short on cash. But Cade, being a charmer when he wanted to be, was able to flirt the night clerk into giving the room to us at the standard rate.
Cade texted Noah our room number, then settled on the bed closest to the door. “How you holding up?”
I flopped down on the bed across from him and began untying my sneakers. “Well, I can’t say it’s been boring…”
He snickered and tipped an imaginary hat. “I aim to please, ma’am.”
Silence stretched out between us then, and even though it was annoyingly comfortable, I felt compelled to fill it. Maybe because time was running out. If by some miracle we succeeded and found Ava, if Dylan kept his word and unlocked the cuff, I’d be safe and staying here, and the boys would be moving on. And on the other side of that same coin, if we failed, they’d still be moving on and I’d be bidding farewell to the land of the living. Either way, our time together was coming to an end, and there were things I couldn’t help wondering.
“You mentioned something about constants. About the same general circles of people.”
He leaned back and kicked his feet onto the bed. “Yeah?”
“Is it—when you—” Crap. Why the hell was this so hard? “In the worlds where we both existed, were we…”
“Together?” he finished for me.
See? How hard was that?
“Yeah.”
He didn’t frown exactly, but neither did he smile. The sadness in his eyes hit me like a punch to the gut. “I’m not sure what you wanna hear, Kori.”
“The truth.”
“The truth is, yes. In all the places we’ve both been, we’re together. Always. Without fail.” He slid off the edge of the bed and stood.
I opened my mouth, then closed it. I couldn’t say it’s not what I expected him to tell me, but his words, spoken out loud, were like a two-ton weight wrapped around my neck. “Is that—do you see that often?”
He was still standing. “It’s not like my sphere of knowledge goes out that far. We skip from place to place—technically the same place—and deal with the same people.” I noticed the fingers on his right hand had begun to fidget. “I mean, sure, it’s not like we’re the only ones. Your parents are always together. And there’s this girl, Ash, who’s popped up in other realities, always tied to Noah.”
“But not where you’re from?”
His expression was sad. He glanced at the door, almost like he was worried Noah might walk through, then sighed. “Not where we’re from. If we ever get home, I know the first thing he’ll do is look her up. She’s kind of his white rabbit, you know? Each time he sees her it gets a little harder for him.”
“Did he—is she here?”
Cade shrugged. “I don’t think so. He doesn’t say it outright, but I know that’s why he’s always going off on his own. He’s looking.”
“But why be so secretive?”
“Because he’s Noah?” Cade let go of a short laugh. “I mean, he knows I know, but it’s not something he has to verbally acknowledge, so that makes it okay. In case you haven’t noticed the guy’s a little rough.”
“So it’s what, like fate? You and me? Mom and Dad? Noah and Ash…?”
His gaze locked on mine and I found that my heart rate had inadvertently jacked into overdrive. He shrugged. That was all. Yet the action had me swallowing back a lump and consciously telling myself not to stand up and back away. “When this all started, I would have laughed at the idea of that. Now? Who knows? I’ve come to realize there’s a lot about this—about the universe—that I just don’t understand.”
My body lost the war with logic, and I stood to meet him, taking a single step forward until we were nearly nose to nose. “I think I might understand how Noah feels.”
“Oh?” His voice came out thick, and he, too, visibly swallowed.
“I’m betting he feels cheated. Kind of like I do.” A powerful wave of sadness washed over me, but that wasn’t all there was. It brought with it something else. Something empowering in a way I’d never felt before. “You come into my life from out of nowhere and stir things up. If that wasn’t bad enough, I find out that you’re apparently like this perfect match for me. That somewhere out there, multiple versions of me are happy…with multiple versions of you.” I sucked in a breath and dared myself to move just a fraction of an inch closer to him. “Yet here, in my reality, the universe cheated me out of the chance to know you.”
“It doesn’t seem fair,” he said, voice husky.
“It doesn’t,” I agreed. “And now you’re standing here—” I let out a short laugh. “Basically against all odds and what most people would say, common sense. You’re literally an impossible situation made possible. A miracle.”
His expression didn’t change. His gaze didn’t flutter. There was hardly any air in the room, and all the warmth in the world seemed to be pooling in the pit of my stomach. It was like ten thousand pounds of pressure was building up inside me, and if I didn’t do something to alleviate it I would explode and take the entire world with me.
“I know I’m not yours. You had your me—and I’m so sorry that you lost her.” My voice wavered just a little. “But…”
The small bit of distance that existed between us was banished as Cade grabbed my arms and pulled me forward. A second later, his mouth covered mine. His arms wrapped tight, holding on as though I was the only real thing in the world. Like I was the last safe place amidst a raging storm. I’d never felt anything so intense. Purely cosmic and right with the world, while at the same time, wrong.
Very, very wrong.
This boy didn’t belong to me. I had no right to feel the things I did. I shouldn’t be taking comfort in the way it felt to be locked in his embrace or taste his electrically charged kisses. It was like I was betraying myself, that other Kori. She didn’t deserve to have the man she’d loved stolen by her doppelganger. Yet despite what that little voice was whispering in my ear, I didn’t pull away. I couldn’t. I’d never believed in destined pairs. The idea that everyone on Earth had that one true love—that soul mate—walking around just waiting to be found, made my head spin. But standing there with Cade, this boy who existed, yet had never been born, made me question my previous way of thinking. It made me wonder…
With a gentle nudge, I was on the bed, on my back with Cade hovering just above me. A lock of hair fluttered across his forehead, dipping in front of his left eye and making the scar more visible. Our eyes met and his lip twitched, tugging up at the side with a wicked grin. He bent his head, and a second later, began planting a series of tiny, yet scorching, kisses along my neck.
This was something on an entirel
y new level for me. It was equal parts exciting and terrifying. Add to that the black cloud of danger and the possibility of my imminent demise swinging overhead like a freshly sharpened pendulum, and my future was looking much shorter than anticipated. The truth of it all gave me courage. Made me bolder.
This might be the only chance you get…
I slid my hands down Cade’s torso and gripped the edges of his shirt. After a single moment of hesitation, I was pulling it over his head. The motion was awkward and graceless. The material caught at his arms, then snagged at his right ear. He had to help in order to free himself. But he didn’t seem to care. If anything, it made him more enthusiastic.
He brought his lips back to mine and, with even more vigor than before, kissed me. It was like all the air in my body leached out with that kiss. From the tips of my toes to every single strand of hair on my head, I felt it. My insides quivered, and my skin hummed. Raw passion and unequaled desire. A need so intense that it nearly overshadowed the entire world. In that moment, I wanted it to. I wanted it to drown me.
And I almost let it.
There were so many reasons to keep going and just one to stop. Unfortunately, for me, it was a doozy. I braced both hands against his chest and pushed gently. He froze instantly.
“Cade,” I whispered, my breath coming in short, uneven pulls. His eyes blazed with hunger and I had to focus hard on what I wanted to say to keep from pulling him back down. “I—”
With one fluid move, he was up and sitting beside me. “If I apologized it would be a lie, and I’m not a liar, Kori. That’s one thing I’ve never been. We’re here and alone, and I wanted to kiss you. So I did.”
I heard the words, but his voice betrayed him. He might not be sorry in the traditional sense, but he was feeling guilty. I sat up and tucked my feet beneath me. “There’s nothing to apologize for. In case you didn’t know this, it takes two people to do what we were doing.” I sucked in a breath. I could do this. Tell him the truth. “And it’s not like I didn’t want you to kiss me.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Then—”
I held up my hand. “Please. Lemme get this out.”
He nodded.
“Under different circumstances, I can see this.” I gestured between us. “I think we’d have a shot at being something amazing. But I didn’t get a Cade.” I reached out and pressed my index finger to his chest lightly. “I didn’t get this Cade. A different Kori did—and she has your heart. She always will. I’m nothing but filler—and that’s not something I want to be.”
“Kori—”
“I wanted to know what it would have felt like. To have a you…just for a few minutes. And I shouldn’t, because I don’t have a you. I think I just need to take a step back because, if I make it out of this alive, things will go back to normal. It’ll be ten times worse if I fool myself into believing this thing between us is more than it is.”
“More than me trying to hold on to the girl I lost, you mean?”
I swallowed back the lump creeping up my throat. Did he have to put it so bluntly? “Yeah.”
His eyes darkened. Not anger, but a sadness so profound, it seemed to drain the life right from his body. “I’m sorry that I—”
I slid off the bed and took a step away. “Please, don’t. I meant it when I said you had nothing to apologize for.” I forced a smile and wondered if he could tell it was 100 percent fake. “It was a fun way to pass some time. I should go get cleaned up. Get some sleep, ya know?”
“Yeah.” He stood as well. “I think that’s probably a good call.”
Chapter Sixteen
I took one of the bedrooms while Cade took the other. Sometime after I’d gone to sleep, Noah must have wandered in, because when I woke up a few hours later and ventured into the sitting room, I saw him perched on the balcony.
I watched him for a minute, wondering what my Noah would have been like had he survived—not that I’d wrapped my head around him existing in the first place. Would I have followed him around as a child, idolizing and irritating him at the same time? Would we have bickered until Mom couldn’t stand it anymore? Noah hated me, but I realized in that moment that I didn’t feel the same. I found myself wanting to ask questions. To connect with him in some small way. And despite every cell in my body screaming at me to turn around, I made my way out to the balcony.
“Hey.” I stepped out the door and tugged the sleeves of my hoodie down over my fingers. It wasn’t freezing, but the breeze in the air was chilly enough to make me shiver. “Can’t sleep?”
I expected a snide remark, or possibly a simple-but-to-the-point go the hell away, but instead all I received was silence.
“You can crash in the other room,” I tried again. I felt like an idiot for being so nice after the way he’d talked to me at the diner, but for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting to gain someone’s approval. I didn’t want Noah to hate me. Obviously we weren’t going to be BFFs, but hell. I would have taken a simple, civil conversation. “You know, if the couch was keeping you up. I won’t be able to fall back asleep.”
Still nothing.
And that was my limit. There was obviously no gray area with Noah. He would never see me as anything other than an imposter. “Whatever,” I whispered under my breath.
I jerked open the door and lifted my foot to step inside when he spoke. “Something happened.”
“Something…?”
He turned and pinned me with a glare. “With you and Cade. Something happened between you. I tend to wander off. He hates it. Will sit up and wait until I walk back through the door no matter how long it takes.”
“So?”
“So, he wasn’t waiting tonight. Only one explanation for that.”
“Maybe he was tired?” I let the door close and took a step away, thankful for the darkness, because there was no way my face wasn’t cherry red.
Noah stood and came forward. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”
A million fury-fueled responses sprang to the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t push them past my lips. I was too shocked to be insulted. “No.”
Eyes narrow, he folded his arms and leaned back against the railing. His expression was neutral, but the spark in his eyes screamed disbelief. I’d never wanted to punch anyone more than I did in that moment.
But the desire came and went, and I found myself feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. “He kissed me.” I had no idea why I said it. I didn’t owe Noah an explanation, nor did I have any desire to give it. Yet I found myself preparing to vomit one regardless. “He really kissed me.”
He was quiet for a moment before snorting. “I’ll bet.” The venom in his voice held the smallest hint of pain.
The shock dissipated, replaced by white-hot fury. While I was sympathetic that the guy had lost his sister, I wasn’t going to stand around and let him insinuate something seedy had happened. “What the hell does that mean?”
He grinned. “Whoa there. Ease up. I’m not implying anything scandalous.” The smile faded just a little. “I’ve seen you two together. Multiple versions. I get the attraction. The I’ll bet was all on Cade.”
Not what I’d expected. “Why?”
He pulled the chair around and gestured for me to sit. I did, and he slid to the floor. “If you hadn’t noticed, he’s an all-in kind of guy. Cade wanted my sister’s heart, body, mind, and soul. The entire package. Kori wasn’t as hardcore as him.” He snorted. “In fact, she was kinda cold. She was my sister and all, but man, the way she shut him down sometimes… You wanna talk about repression? My boy could be a case study.”
“So they never—”
He laughed. “Are you kidding? She’d barely kiss him.”
A chill that had nothing to do with the cool breeze washed over me. I knew Cade’s interest in me had more to do with what I looked like than who I really was, but hearing Noah say it like that, basically implying I’d been used to get something he hadn’t been able to get from his Kori was like a
bullet to the brain.
“I loved my sister. We were real tight. But she wasn’t like me. Wasn’t like Cade.” He picked at the edge of his jacket. “Honestly, I never understood what they saw in each other. Don’t get me wrong. I love the guy like a brother—I’d take a bullet for him ten times over—but he was never what I would have called Kori’s type, ya know?”
“Why not?”
“Kori always fit inside the box. Good grades. Good attitude. Never got in trouble, always followed the rules. Cade and I were the troublemakers—well, me more so than him—but, you get me? I guess you could say she was kind of like our voice of reason, ya know? That little whisper of conscience that sits on your shoulder and steers you in the right direction when you make a mistake?”
“It doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship.” I suddenly understood Cade’s comment about how they complemented each other, but to me it seemed more likely that they held each other back. Mom and Dad had disagreed, sure, but when it came down to it they egged each other on. They were constantly pushing each other toward the next adventure, the next challenge. They made each other more vibrant, not less.
“It wasn’t. But Cade didn’t see it. He had it all planned out.” Noah made a sound halfway between a laugh and a snort. “The guy plans everything. Drives me nuts. They were gonna get married, have the whole two-point-five-kids and picket fence… But he never stopped to ask her what she wanted. What she had planned.” He glanced my way, then turned in the opposite direction. “It was never going to happen.”
I thought about the light in Cade’s eyes when he spoke about her, the unmistakable devotion. Could he really have been that blind? “What was never going to happen?”
He didn’t answer right away. His expression contorted. An odd mix of amusement and regret. “Them. Not in the way he wanted. They weren’t right for each other. I knew it. Kori knew it…”
