by Ward, Vivian
Only halfway down his cock, his tip is already at the back of my throat. Sliding it in and out, I tease him—much like he did to me before he finally allowed me to come—and continue running my tongue along his hardened length. His moans tell me that he likes this but I want to do more. I wrap my hand around the base of his thick cock and begin pumping it back and forth while I continue to suck him.
He inhales a sharp breath as he looks down at me. “Oh, fuck, Victoria,” he exhales.
Before he utters another word, he grabs me by the hair and shoves his entire length down the back of my throat. I try as best I can to take him in but it’s too much. He’s too thick! My gag reflexes start to kick in and all I can think about is how I can’t breathe, how veiny his cock feels in my throat, and whether he’s going to let go or not.
His hips begin thrusting back and forth as he fucks my mouth like it’s his little toy and my eyes start to water. Within seconds, my eyes and cheeks are wet from the watering and I feel like I’m going to retch all over him. My throat begins making a gagging noise as his cock is buried to the hilt. Quickly, he removes it, leaving a thick trail of spit and bile from my mouth as he pulls out his cock. The disgusting glob lands on my chin and I try to wipe it off but he has other plans.
“Lay back,” he commands me, pushing my shoulder as he thrusts my frail frame against the bed with one swift motion.
Before I know it, the weight of his broad, masculine body is on top of mine and his breathing is so hard. So bloody hard. Desperate. Needy. Reaching between us, he takes his cock into one hand as he uses the other hand to steady himself over me.
I’m still so wet from the orgasm that he has no trouble sliding right inside me. I can feel his cock stretching against my walls, pushing them to their limits as his length fills me. I’ve never felt so full but, oddly, it doesn’t hurt. It feels incredible. I’ve not had sex since before my jail sentence. Even though they lock up men and women together—and for a short time, I was in the same cell with Henry—it’s impossible to have sex while you’re incarcerated. There are too many people watching and the guards won’t allow it anyway.
His teeth come crashing down on my lips, piercing them. A sharp pain shoots through my bottom lip and all I can taste is my own blood. I whimper in pain but it goes unheard. The beast on top of me is in total control and cares only about himself at this moment.
Hovering mere inches above my body, my hands grip his muscular back. His thick, sharp shoulder blades remind me of just how powerful and strong he is. He wraps his ripped forearms around my thighs, flattening me straight on my back as his cock pistons in and out of me.
My breasts bounce in rhythm with his movement and a bit of milk runs from both nipples. It used to happen when Henry and I had sex, too, and only seems to occur when I’m extremely aroused. Embarrassed by my leaking breasts, I cup them with my hands but Matthew is having none of that.
“Don’t try to hide from me,” he growls.
“I’m leaking,” I murmur between thrusts, my cheeks flushing. I’m surprised that it’s happening since my milk supply has dwindled to almost nothing and I’ve barely been able to nurse my daughter.
“It’s gorgeous,” he grunts, grabbing my wrists, pinning my hands above my head. “The woman’s body is so beautiful and fascinating. Don’t you ever try to cover up your beautiful body from me.”
I can feel his throbbing cock swelling inside of me. Knowing that he’s near orgasming turns me on. I wrap my legs tightly around his torso, the heels of my feet digging into his back, and pull him in closer.
“Harder,” I whimper.
“You think you can handle it?” He asks, his voice raspy with arousal.
He doesn’t allow me to answer. Instead, he penetrates me even deeper. The tip of his head smashes against my cervix, causing a sharp pain because I’ve never had sex this rough or hard. For a split second, I want to cry out in agony but I don’t. I like it.
I like the pain; I welcome it.
Opening my hips wider, I try to take him with every fiber of my being.
Thrusting into me harder, deeper, and faster, my head comes off the pillow and starts to bang against the wall. It’s obvious that he likes it rough, too, as his breathing becomes heavier and his eyes begin to roll to the back of his head.
His seed shoots deep inside me, filling me to the brim and feeling his come inside me pushes me over the edge. We come together at the same time, leaving a pool of wetness on the bed.
He collapses on top of me, both of our breathing ragged and labored. His finger caresses my jaw, “Your cheeks are so pink and rosy,” he murmurs.
Tilting my head in his direction, I can’t help but smile. “That was really good,” I admit. I won’t tell him it’s the best sex I’ve ever had but it is. Bloody hell, I can barely admit it to myself.
“We’d better get you back,” he says, standing next to me on the side of the bed. He lends me his hand to help me up. “We don’t want the others to realize you’ve been gone for so long.”
Gathering my clothes, I say, “It hasn’t been that long.”
He points to his port window. “It’s already dark outside.”
I hadn’t realized I’d spent more than half the day with him. The baby must be starving, but I know she’s in good hands. Charlotte has her and I know I can always count on her. She’s about the only person I can count on besides Matthew.
I think the others have figured out that he and I have something going on. They give me smug looks, sideways glances, and most stay away from me. Charlotte is treated the same way and it’s been that way since the day that I met her. I guess they may treat me the way they do because I’m friends with her but I doubt it.
They know.
“Wait,” he says, stopping me as I make my way toward the door. “I have something for you.”
Reaching into his dresser drawers, he pulls out a dress and a t-shirt. I take them from him, confused. “What is this?” I ask.
“Your dress is so thin that you can almost see through it. I don’t know if it’ll fit but it’s better than what you’ve got on. And this shirt,” he says, pulling at the material, “is for Lizzy. I couldn’t get her a baby gown to wear but I managed to snag a shirt from one of the other men for her. It was the smallest that I could find.”
My eyes water at his kind gesture. The dress he gave me is gallons too big but he’s right, it’s better than what I currently have. I’ve lost so much weight that anything he could find would likely be too big but I’m grateful, nonetheless.
“Thank you,” I say. “It’s bonza, I love it. And the shirt will be perfect for Lizzy.”
“I have something else for her,” he says. I watch him as he reaches into another drawer, curious as to what it is. “It’s not much but I got her a stuffed animal.”
“Oh, Matthew,” I gasp. Knowing that he took the time to get this for her melts my heart. “I don’t know what to say….thank you.”
Smiling down at me he says, “They don’t have much for kids and I’m not sure how I found it but I immediately thought of her when I saw it. I had to get it for her.”
“I’m sure she’ll love it. She doesn’t have anything else,” I frown.
“Well, now she does. I hope she likes it.”
Matthew sneaks me back down to the hulks with plenty of food to last Lizzy and me for days. I hide it inside the clothing and make my way over to Charlotte and Lizzy.
“Did you get a new dress?” She asks, spotting it in my hands. “Let me see!”
Even with keeping our voices down, we still catch glaring eyes from the others.
“Yes,” I show it to her. “And he even got Lizzy a small t-shirt to wear as a new dress because she doesn’t have anything that fits her anymore.”
“You’re really lucky,” Charlotte whispers, nodding her head toward another woman who recently had a baby but the baby is no longer with her.
“Where’s her little boy?” I ask.
“He died today.
” She shakes her head. “It happened this afternoon while we were cooking.”
Suddenly, I feel guilty that her baby died while mine gets to live. It’s not fair. But I’m glad that Lizzy is still here.
“What happened?” I ask, lowering my voice even more.
“I’m not sure if he died from disease—remember, he was bloody sick—or if he froze to death. It could’ve also been from starvation. I don’t think her milk came in in time.”
Clutching the t-shirt that Matthew gave me, I quickly slip it over Lizzy’s head and wrap her a little more tightly in the blanket that he also gave to us. My baby won’t freeze or starve to death. I won’t let her.
As I feed Lizzy some of the food that I brought back from Matthew’s room, I reminisce about our day together. While it was somewhat magical, all I feel is guilt.
Here I am, holding Henry’s baby, feeding her as she’s dressed in another man’s clothes and I have another man’s seed in me. Then the thought of becoming pregnant sets in. What if I become pregnant from our encounter?
Would he stick around? As soon as the thought enters my mind, it vanishes. That’s such a stupid idea. Of course, he wouldn’t. He’s a Marine and I’m a convict. That relationship is impossible.
The thought makes me sad to know that we could never be together. Maybe in a different world or a different lifetime, but not this one.
I’m only a convict. His life is valued so much higher than mine. He knows it, and I know it. There has to be something seriously wrong with me to think that we could be together and I’m a fool for sleeping with him. What in the bloody hell was I thinking?
I know things mustn’t look right to Victoria. She has to think I’m using her for sex and maybe, at first, I was. I saw her as a warm body and a cute face but she’s more than that. I realized that a long time ago.
While I once viewed her as a convict who I’d like to discipline and have a little fun with, I see her for who she is—or, at least, who I think she is. I’ve known from day one that she’s an amazing mother. There was never a doubt that she put that baby at the top of her priorities. She went through great lengths to protect her and still does—even if she is jeopardizing her own health. She must stop that because it’s pissing me off. All she has to do is say the word and I’ll get her whatever she needs.
But in the time we’ve spent together, I’ve seen so much more in her. She might not think that I watch her, but I do. I watch how she interacts with the other convicts, officers, and Marines. I’ve seen the way she’s stood up for the women in her hulk, demanding more food and better conditions. She’s fought for herself and her daughter, but what can I really say that I know about her personally?
What matters the most to her? Why did she decide to choose me? There are other Marines on this boat, albeit most of them are married, but there are several single men. What would her life be like if she weren’t on this boat? What’s her family like? How was her childhood? Why did she end up here? I’ve read her charges but what would make a good woman like her end up stealing? She must’ve come from a poor family.
And even though we’ve had sex, she should’ve cracked way before that. So many of the other convicts are hungry and would jump at a chance to sleep with a Marine for extra food or to get the clothes or medicine they need. But that’s not what she did. She didn’t do anything that she didn’t want to until she was ready.
After the hell I endured with my first marriage, I don’t hold most women in high regard, but with Victoria, it’s different. She’s not weak or needy. She’s strong and independent; resourceful. I would’ve given her the things I did whether she slept with me or not; I’d already taken them for her and Lizzy.
So why did she sleep with me? Is she starting to fall for me? Maybe she did it because she truly likes me. But that thought fades before I even complete it. No woman like her could fall for a man like me. I’m damaged goods. Becoming a Marine was my last hope and I did it as a way to get away from my family. Divorce is highly frowned upon and it wasn’t easy. I was a disgrace to my entire family but I couldn’t take being deluded for another minute. I was practically the laughing stock of my entire town. Everyone knew my wife cheated. People snickered behind my back as I walked the streets.
I became a Marine to forget about my past, to get out of my small town, and if I died in a war, so be it. But what if I could have a future with Victoria? I’d help her raise Lizzy as my own. I already look after them. She might not realize it yet, but that baby has a soft spot in my heart. To see her precious face and hear her infectious laughter brings a sense of comfort and joy to my heart. I would never have a child with my previous wife. It would have forever tied me to her, and I’m surprised she didn’t become pregnant by one of the many men she cheated on me with. If that would’ve happened, I would have never gotten out of that marriage. The judge would have laughed me right out of court.
Sometimes after I’ve watched her on laundry detail all day, I come back to my room and spend the whole day thinking about her. She even haunts my dreams while I’m sleeping. I can envision us living in a tiny hut on the island, being a little family. Maybe we could even have a child together one day.
But I’m no fool. I know she mourns the loss of her husband and how much she misses him. It pains me every time she brings him up. She doesn’t ask about him as much as she used to, but I know she still thinks about him.
What would she think if she knew of my thoughts and dreams? Would she ever marry again? Would she marry someone like me? I know our relationship is a forbidden one but I try not to think about the consequences I’d receive if we were to be found out, but she’s worth all the risk.
Of course, I’d never tell her that. How could I? There’s her husband, her child, the fact that the world will never let us be together because of our social statuses, and the fact that I’m bitter towards women. Well, all but her, anyway.
* * *
It’s several weeks before I see her again, and I hope that she and the baby have been eating well. I sent her back with plenty of food. While her body is gorgeous, she’s too thin. I was scared to fuck her as hard as I did for fear of breaking her tiny frame. And I know the dress that I was able to get for her wouldn’t fit her, but it’s not as thin as the one she’s had since boarding the ship.
I see her hanging laundry and am happy to see her wearing the dress that I gave her. It hangs off her and she’d need to double her body weight before it’d fit her properly but I know it’s warmer than what she wore.
Watching her shiver in the chilly wind, I approach her when no one is around. “Morning,” I say. “How are you and the little one doing?”
Her face is grave as her teeth chatter. “Lizzy’s sick,” she whispers. “I don’t want anyone knowing but I think she needs some medicine. Can you help?”
Immediately, my heart beats faster when I hear the news. “What’s wrong with her?”
Her eyes dart from side to side to make sure no one is around. “She has a horrible cough. It’s been going around and a baby died the day we….,” her voice trails off but I know what she’s going to say.
“And you think Lizzy has it?”
“Yes,” she nods, coughing. “I do.”
Her cough is deep and barky. If Lizzy has it, Victoria is likely getting it, too. I take a second look at her and notice how pale and gaunt her face is, how flushed her cheeks are, and how her eyes look glazed over. “You’re getting it, too, then.”
She nods in agreement. “I think so.”
I want to tell her how I feel about her, how much I care for her and the baby, but I stop myself in case she doesn’t feel the same way. She has enough on her plate right now.
But, if something were to happen to them, I’d hate myself for not telling her and never finding out what she thinks.
“Victoria,” I say. Her dark green eyes cut up to mine. “Do you think there’s such a thing as true love?”
Her gaunt eyes grow as wide as saucers as she gasps and q
uickly shuts her mouth. “I don’t know, Matthew. I thought I’d found it but I’m not so sure.”
I want to ask her what she means by that but Digby walks up to us as she starts a coughing fit and asks, “Is everything all right?”
Victoria nods, waving her hand. “Yes, he was just checking on me. He thought I might pass out from coughing so hard.”
Digby nods and I give him a stern look. He instantly walks away, dismissing himself before I have the chance to say a word. “I’ll see about getting some medicine but I know the supplies are low. We were supposed to get more but we haven’t yet. If I do, you have to promise me that you won’t share it with anyone besides the baby.”
“I’m not a fool,” she hisses. “Of course, I wouldn’t tell anyone or share it.”
“How long have you two been coughing like this?” I ask.
“A while,” she responds, wheezing in the wind.
I continue to stay near her while she hangs the frozen clothes in the chilly wind in case she actually does pass out. She sounds awful and I can hear congestion rattling in her chest.
“I think that, sometimes, certain things line up just right in the universe and happen for a reason. Why’d you ask me about true love?” She asks, refusing to make eye contact with me as she focuses on the laundry.
I don’t have a good answer for her and I can’t tell her it’s because I think we were meant to be together. Why else would a woman like her cross my path?
It’s fate.
But the last thing I want to do is tell a widowing mother who grieves her husband that I have feelings for her. I have feelings for a convict, and that isn’t allowed.
Instead of answering her, I shrug my shoulders, refusing to tell her. “I was curious is all.” Her pursed lips cover her chattering teeth. She doesn’t like my answer but I can’t give her one. “Finish up your laundry detail, Convict,” I say as another Marine passes by us.
Once he’s out of sight, I whisper to her, “I’ll see about some medicine from the doctor but, for the time being, try to stay away from the others. We don’t want it to spread and you definitely don’t want to catch anything else.”
