by Sandy Barker
‘Again, I don’t want to seem like a dick, but even though it sounds like a good gig—’
‘Ya think?’ interjected Josh.
Duncan nodded modestly. ‘Well, it was, yes, but it was also rather limiting. I mean, I didn’t actually get to sail much – little day trips once in a while. When the boss wasn’t there with his guests, it was moored. And, yeah, it was in a good spot, but after a couple of years, the gig got old, you know?’
I can’t say that I do, Duncan. It sounded brilliant to me, but you don’t really know what that kind of job is like until you’ve lived it. I’d been paid to travel around Europe in my twenties, but it was hard work and it wore me down after only two years. And as much as I loved sailing around the Cyclades Islands, I don’t know how much I would love it if I had to do it for a few months at a time.
Duncan seemed embarrassed by the attention – even Gerry was looking at him with newfound awe – so I threw him a lifeline. ‘So, you said this guy is meeting us for dinner?’
‘Yeah. I know a place here in the main part of town where we can get great spit-roasted meat. He’s going to meet us there and then after dinner, we thought we could go to a bar and have some drinks.’
‘Sounds good!’ I said, and other voices chimed in agreement. ‘What time are we meeting him?’
Duncan looked at his watch. ‘In about an hour. Enough time for another round!’ he declared and then disappeared below deck to make another round of drinks. Josh sidled up and sat next to me. I looked straight ahead, pretending to watch the boat traffic around us as though I was genuinely interested in it.
‘Did you stay here all day?’ he asked.
‘Here in this spot here, or just here on the boat?’
‘Either.’
‘Neither.’
‘Oh.’
‘Hannah came back right after you left and we spent the day out. We did some shopping, wandered around town a little, had coffee, had lunch …’
‘Girls’ day out?’
‘Yeah, something like that. Sounds like you guys had a good day too.’
‘It was fun. I missed you, though.’ I couldn’t help but turn towards him – a reflex.
‘You did?’ He nodded. He wasn’t shying away from eye contact, either. My heart quickened in my chest – traitor. God, his eyes were beautiful. Relax, dork, I told myself. I swirled the drink in my cup and pretended aloofness.
‘Well, it was kind of nice to have some time with Hannah, but I missed hanging out with you too.’ ‘Hanging out’ – casual, cool, friendly. Right?
His demeanour shifted, almost imperceptibly, but enough for me to know my comment hadn’t landed well. He’d definitely taken it the wrong way. Crap, I needed to make it right.
‘She’s not as much fun as you, though. And I don’t want to put my hands in her pockets.’ He smiled.
‘I’m gonna head down and get cleaned up for dinner.’
When he got up, Hannah filled his spot. ‘How did that go?’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I mean, I want to keep Josh at arm’s length, but that makes him feel bad, and I don’t want him to feel bad, so I end up being flirty, but I don’t think I want this to go anywhere. And, I’m starting to agree with you – he is smitten.’
She nodded slowly.
‘So, there’s no way this could be a “casual sex” thing.’
‘And, you’ve said you won’t have sex on the boat.’
‘And there’s that.’ How could I be even more confused, particularly having talked it out with Hannah over lunch? Because I was pathetic, that’s how. And no matter what I told myself, I was falling for the cute American. Crap, crap, crap.
Before dinner, I changed into a little summery dress and sandals and pulled my hair up into a loose chignon. I even put on a little makeup – blush, lip gloss and mascara.
‘You look beautiful,’ Josh whispered as we walked towards the town with the others. Duncan and Gerry led the group, like they usually did, and Josh and I were in the middle of the pack.
‘Thanks,’ I replied with a smile. ‘A little something from the “clean enough” pile.’
He laughed. ‘It is a bit like that, isn’t it? I’ve already worn this shirt twice, and I had to scrutinise it thoroughly before putting it on. Looks clean, smells clean – it’s clean enough.’
‘I like it.’
‘Thanks.’ And then he did the one thing I hoped – and dreaded – he would do. He took my hand in his.
I was suddenly fourteen again, and the boy I liked was walking me home from school – and he was holding my hand. I scoured my foggy brain for something to say – damned hormones. Josh beat me to it. ‘I’m looking forward to meeting Duncan’s old boss.’
‘Oh, really?’
‘Yeah. I was talking to Duncan about him, and it turns out he just travels the world, making money, spending money. The guy is seriously loaded.’
‘That whole “having a yacht in the Caribbean” thing wasn’t a dead giveaway?’ I don’t think he detected the sarcasm in my voice.
‘He’s rich, he travels all the time, no ties – the ultimate bachelor lifestyle.’
I could hear the awe in his voice, and before I realised what I was saying, I replied with: ‘You’d love that.’
‘Doesn’t it sound incredible?’ Did he really just ask me that? ‘I mean I haven’t even met the guy yet and he’s practically my hero.’ Way to make a gal feel special, Josh. I couldn’t believe he was extolling the virtues of a life spent in bachelorhood, while making a play for me. I wished he wasn’t holding my hand. And on that subject, why the hell was he?
By the time we arrived at the restaurant and were shown to a large table in the back, I had worked myself into a bit of a lather. I was really pissed off with Josh.
Duncan’s friend had yet to arrive, so we spread out around the table, leaving a space for him next to Duncan. I didn’t want to sit anywhere near Josh, but he wangled in next to me, and it would have been too obvious something was up if I’d moved. I pretended to absorb myself in the menu looking over the vast array of roasted meat. There was the ubiquitous goat. It was fast becoming a favourite.
Then I heard Duncan say, ‘Here he is. Everyone, this is James.’ And when I looked up from the menu, I could not believe it. Duncan’s friend was the silver fox from Santorini. Holy fuck.
I must have looked like a stunned mullet – whatever a mullet is. I was vaguely aware that Duncan was introducing everyone in turn. When he got to me, he said, ‘This is Sarah.’ I didn’t even manage a hello, just an odd kind of nod.
The silver fox, however, held out his hand and said, ‘Sarah. So lovely to see you again and to finally learn your name.’
I smiled, awkwardly I’m sure, and replied with a weak, ‘Yes.’ I reminded myself to breathe while pretending not to notice that everyone else at the table was staring at me, mouths open.
Including Josh.
Chapter Nine
Duncan leapt into the midst of the awkward silence and directed James to the seat we’d saved for him. Right across from me. I hadn’t taken my eyes off him since he’d arrived, and I’m not big-noting myself or anything, but he hadn’t taken his eyes off me either. And he was smiling – a big, fat, self-satisfied smile.
‘So,’ said Duncan, rousing the group from their stupor. He held up a menu, ‘Everything – seriously, everything – is good here. So, what do you say we order some platters, add in a couple of Greek salads and some tzatziki and do this family style?’
There were affirmative responses of varying levels of enthusiasm from around the table. Josh was silent. He had stiffened beside me the moment the silver fox had alluded to our interlude.
I broke off my staring competition across the table and read the menu. ‘Lamb!’ I called out, far louder than I needed to. Nerves. I lowered my voice for the follow-up, ‘I think we should definitely get some lamb.’ I couldn’t remember ever sounding so excited about lamb.
‘Good idea – and chicken.�
�� Gary jumped in to help save a drowning woman. Thank you, Gary. I love you.
Eventually everyone contributed something to our order and Duncan signalled for the waiter. I risked a sideways glance at Josh. He looked like a thundercloud had taken up residence above his head. I wondered if he still considered James his hero. Probably not. From revered to despised in the blink of an eye.
Meanwhile, it was obvious that the silver fox thought he was in the hen house and had his eye on the prize hen. And for the record, that would be me. He did nothing to hide his interest, and I really wished he would; it was becoming embarrassing.
And yes, okay, I admit I had spent some time thinking about James since Santorini. And why not? I wasn’t attached – not really – and it gave me something lovely to think about when Josh talked about his career bachelorhood. If there was no future for ‘Josh and Sarah’ beyond the trip, what harm was a fantasy – or two – or three – about the silver fox?
In the various versions of this fantasy, we were lovers who savoured the relative anonymity of our meeting, not dwelling on who we were in the real world. We sailed the Greek Isles – the kind of sailing that happens in commercials, with windswept hair, white linen clothes, and deck shoes – hopping between locations on a whim. We talked of politics and history, art and philosophy – ours was an intellectual connection as well as physical. And speaking of physical, we made love three times a day – sometimes hard and passionately on the deck of the boat, other times unhurried, taking time to explore each other’s bodies. And at the end of each day, we got drunk on Ouzo while we watched the sunset over the Aegean.
As I said, I may have spent a little time fantasising about the silver fox.
Seeing him again and up close, I was struck by how handsome he was – even more so than I’d remembered. And I mean really handsome, in the way that slightly older guys are when they dress well and look after themselves and were probably supermodels in their younger days. He looked like he’d stepped out of an ad for Ralph Lauren Polo.
James was talking, but I wasn’t listening. I tuned back in, trying not to get too distracted by his eyes, which were alight with amusement and especially gorgeous. It was a story about Duncan messing up the dates for James’s arrival in Barbados. When James arrived, he found Duncan sunbaking on the deck of his boat – naked – with an equally naked girl beside him. My eyes flicked to Duncan, who I thought was unflappable, and wouldn’t you know it? He was completely flapped. Gerry nudged him in the ribs good-naturedly while he turned a fantastic shade of red.
‘Why, Duncan, you’ve been holding out on us!’ declared Gary. I glanced over at Josh; even he was smiling.
James continued, ‘So I clear my throat to announce my arrival, and of course both of them stand up – on impulse, I suppose – and so there we are, the three of us standing there staring at each other. Eventually I say something like, ‘Duncan, aren’t you going to introduce us?’ and then the poor girl suddenly comes to her senses. She squeals, grabs the nearest towel, throws it around herself and goes below deck. Meanwhile, Duncan is still standing there, stark naked and obviously trying to work out what the hell I’m doing there …’
‘I still think you changed the date on me.’
‘In any case, it was a simple mix-up – except, I think I scared the girl away. I didn’t see her again.’
Duncan, who was a good sport about being the butt of the joke, added, ‘No, neither did I – oh, and thanks for that, James.’
‘I think you came out ahead on that one,’ replied James, smiling at Gerry. ‘Gerry, you are a beautiful woman. I have no idea what you’re doing with a schlub like Duncan, but I can say that he is a good man. Perhaps not good enough for you, but a pretty decent sort. That said, if he gives you any trouble, call me and I will happily kick his rear end for you.’
Gerry played along. ‘It’s okay, James. I’m a big girl. If he gets out of line, I’ll handle him myself.’
‘I’ll drink to that,’ James said, and they clinked glasses across the table. I noticed the mood of the table had eased significantly since James had started his story about Duncan. Even Josh had joined in on the laughter rippling around the group at Duncan’s expense. Maybe he was softening towards James. Maybe he would stop being a grumpy dick and we’d all get along, and when Josh and I looked back on the time when we met, we’d remember the silver fox with fondness.
Maybe I had an overactive imagination.
‘So, shall we go and get a drink? I know a great place,’ said Duncan, standing and glancing around the group.
‘A drink or three,’ muttered Josh amid an affirmative chorus. I glanced at him. His jaw was clenched and he was sporting a frown. Still being a dick, apparently. Was he actually jealous about some brief encounter with the silver fox – which led to nothing? Not that he knew that, but all he needed to do was ask.
He was being ridiculous.
When the group moved outside, I took the opportunity to get away from Josh. I had been pissed off with him before dinner; after dinner, I was hovering closer to furious.
Duncan led us to a swanky-looking bar called Cosa Nostra. We followed him out to the balcony and got situated around a large table. I can’t say how much of it was by design, but James claimed the seat next to mine, while Josh ended up at the opposite end of the table. Good – he could stay down there and brood for all I cared.
Besides I had other things on my mind. With the silver fox sitting right next to me, I could not avoid talking to him any longer. And of course, he smelled sublime – like sunshine and citrus and gorgeous manly man.
I buried my head in the drinks menu as a stalling tactic. James seemed to think it meant I wanted privacy – with him. He moved closer and pretended to read the cocktail list over my shoulder.
‘I waited for you that day – at the restaurant. I was disappointed you didn’t show up.’
‘Really?’ I asked, as nonchalantly as I could. His cologne was ridiculously distracting. I wanted to nuzzle his neck – maybe even lick it. I hoped it would taste as good as it smelled. Crap – I was in serious trouble.
It was my turn to order, and I hadn’t even read the menu. I’d been too busy fantasising about licking someone’s neck. ‘Gin and tonic for me,’ I said, defaulting to my favourite. I snapped the menu closed, nearly catching James’s nose inside. He ordered some kind of whisky I’d never heard of – neat – and returned to our conversation without missing a beat.
‘Yes, really. There’s something about you that captivates me, Sarah. I noticed it that day, and believe me, I am noticing it again tonight. I’d like the chance to figure out what it is.’ I pretended I wasn’t flustered, picking some non-existent lint from my dress.
I mulled over what he’d said. Did I want him to have that chance? And if so, where did that leave Josh?
I’d done a side-by-side comparison of the two before, but until then, the silver fox was mostly a character comprised of fantastical traits I’d dreamed up. Seeing him again, witnessing his charm, unfailing confidence and blatant sexiness, the comparison took on more meaning.
There was Josh, with his boyish good looks, self-deprecating humour, youthful wonder, and the fact that I felt like me when I was with him, and James, who on top of everything else I just said, was more sophisticated, worldlier, more accomplished – and, dare I say it – more of a man, really.
But, I wasn’t sure I was ready to risk my friendship with Josh for a fling with the handsome silver fox. I cared about Josh; I liked him as a person. And I was pretty sure that even if he didn’t end up wanting me that way, he wouldn’t want me running off with the silver fox either.
So, you see the dilemma?
James had started a conversation with Marie, who sat on his right, and to my left, Gerry was teasing Duncan about the naked woman on James’s boat, so I was mercilessly left to my own convoluted thoughts. When the drinks arrived, I snatched mine up greedily. I would need some Dutch courage if was going to handle James’s advances with any sort o
f maturity or grace, especially as I rarely exhibited those traits in everyday life.
I risked another peek at Josh, and wouldn’t you know it? He was looking right at me. Crap on a stick! He raised his eyebrows, and then looked at James, as if to say, ‘get a load of this guy’. I frowned and looked away. Definitely jealous. Did I want him to be jealous? Well, yes. And no. I didn’t want him to feel bad, but then, if he did have feelings for me and he was jealous, then maybe he would drop the whole ‘I want to die a bachelor’ thing and do something about how he felt.
The annoying voice in my head told me I was being melodramatic, and it was right. I was going to finish the drink I was on, order another one, and get to know this gorgeous man, whose thigh was now pressed against mine, a little better.
I signalled to the waiter to bring another round for the table. Too bad if no one else had finished their drinks; we were there to have fun, right? After ordering, I attached what I hoped was a detached look to my face, and stared hard at the view. The silver fox leaned in close.
‘You really like your gin and tonic,’ he said, a teasing tone in his voice.
‘I do,’ I replied, keeping my eyes on the horizon. ‘It’s the perfect summer drink. And this is a perfect summer’s night.’ How am I coming up with this rubbish?
‘Is that so?’
‘It is.’
‘What makes this night so ‘perfect’?’ he teased.
Until then, I’d been playing a role, my disinterest an affectation. He may even have known that, but I was done playing. I didn’t want James thinking I was a vacuous dolt. I turned to him and gave him my full attention for the first time that night.
‘Because, I’m somewhere I have always dreamed of being – and it’s as beautiful as I’d imagined, maybe even more so. I’ve eaten a delicious meal …’ As if on cue, my next drink was placed in front of me. ‘I’m sipping my favourite drink while looking at that view, and most importantly, these people.’ I gestured to the assembled group. ‘They’re my family now, and I adore every one of them – and being with them is what makes this night perfect.’ There, that wasn’t rubbish; that was the truth. I was pleased I had come up with such a mature and gracious response.
