“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, your majesty. You need your rest,” Tobias says.
“No. I’m fine. I need to see him,” I insist.
“I’ll get you there, love,” Lucien says in a soft tone.
We reach Randolph’s room and I tap lightly on the door. Miss Ellie opens the door and looks frightened at the sight of me. I can only imagine what I look like.
“Your majesty!” She exclaims. “Oh my goodness. What happened to you? Come in, come in,” She waves.
When Randolph sees me, he lets out a screech and comes barreling over to me. He hugs me tight, not wanting to let go.
“Be gentle, Randolph,” Miss Ellie says.
He lets go and I kneel down next to him. “I’m sorry I had to be so stern with you. I didn’t want to be. I just didn’t want you to see what was happening,” I say.
He gives me a small smile. “It’s okay, Blair.” He stops for a moment, looking down. “But why did Elias undress you and get on top of you and hurt you? Why did he want me there?”
So he was aware of what happened. I hoped more than anything that he wasn’t.
Miss Ellie lets out a gasp, and I glance up to her. She looks down, pretending not to pay attention.
“I don’t know, sweetie. And I’m sorry you had to see that.” I can’t help it. A tear slips down my cheek and I don’t bother wiping it away.
“I don’t like him,” Randolph cries. “I know he’s my brother, and I’m supposed to love him, but he scares me.”
“He scares me too,” I confess to him in a half whisper.
He hugs my neck for a long time. I feel so sad for him. It must be confusing to a child, to see such an act happening in front of him, and not knowing what it is. He lets go, and looks helplessly at me. I smile at him, and caress his small cheek. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?” I ask him.
He looks down, not knowing how to answer. “I will if you want me to...but…”
“But what?” I ask.
“I feel safe in my own room with my own things,” he says in a small voice, not wanting to disappoint me.
“Oh, sweetie. That’s okay. I understand. Besides, I have Milly to be with me. I won’t be alone. I just didn’t want you to be alone,” I say, reassuring him.
“I’ve been staying with him since his mother disappeared, your majesty,” Miss Ellie says.
I smile at her and thank her. She’s a soft mannered, older woman, with long grayish black hair. Her eyes piercing green, and her face wrinkled slightly with age.
“Where is momma?” Randolph asks.
I hesitate for a moment, not knowing exactly how to explain it to him. “She’s safe. She’ll be back to you soon,” I say.
Once Randolph is settled down a little, I say goodnight to him, and Lucien and I leave. Milly, Jake, and Tobias are waiting for us patiently in the hallway. I’m still exhausted and feel weak. I can’t wait to get into my bed and be done with this day.
“I’d like to check you over, your majesty. Just to be safe,” Tobias says once we get to my room.
“That’s not necessary, Tobias. I feel fine,” I lie. I didn’t want anyone seeing me again. I had enough of that for one day.
Tobias hesitates. “Well okay. If you’re sure. But if you need anything, anything at all, you come get me, okay?”
I smile and give him a hug. “Thank you, Tobias. For everything.”
He turns to walk away, but quickly comes back to me. “Oh, I forgot! I grabbed this for you.” I look down and see my dagger in his hands.
My eyes widen. “How?” I ask, as I graciously take it from him.
“Lucien told me you lost it during...during the….” He stops himself, unsure of how to finish the sentence without bringing up what happened.
He waves a hand. “Anyway, I snuck in and grabbed it after Elias fell asleep.”
I clutch the blade to my chest, thankful that I have it back. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He smiles as he cups my face in his hand. “You’re very welcome, your majesty,” he says, before walking away.
I turn to Milly. “Will you come to my room with me for a moment?” I ask.
She quickly nods and enters before I do. I think she’s done with everything for the day too. She wants to escape just as badly.
Lucien and Jake are standing by my door, not wanting to move, even though the other guards are at their posts for the night.
“We won’t be a moment,” I say. I turn to Jake now. “Please watch after Milly tonight. I’m worried about her.”
“Of course,” he says. “I won’t leave her side until she decides otherwise.”
I have Milly help me undress out of my wet clothes. I’m too sore to move much. Besides that, I need my best friend with me. Just us.
I assure her I’m okay, and that everything will settle down soon. Father will be here any day, and we’ll set a plan in motion. We’ll get out of here soon. Even as I tell her this, it hardly seems plausible to me. I try to think positively. But after tonight, I find it difficult.
I settle into my bed, pulling the covers over my trembling body. Milly sits next to me, and holds my hand. “I don’t want to leave you tonight, Blair. After seeing what you just went through, I can’t stand the thought of you being alone,” she says.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m fine,” I assure her again. “I promise. Besides, I told Jake not to leave your side tonight. I know you two have a thing for each other,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.
“Blair, this is hardly the time for jokes,” she says. Milly, not wanting to joke about men. There’s a first for everything. But I can’t blame her.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “But please, go to sleep. You need it too. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She scowls before bending down, kissing my cheek. “I love you, Blair,” she says as she walks from my room.
“I love you, Milly.”
Lucien walks in just as Milly leaves. “May I come in?”
“Yes,” I say, sitting up in bed.
He slowly walks over to me, his eyes filled with guilt and pain. He looks as exhausted as I do, or at least as I feel. He stops for a moment, looking into my eyes. His clothes are dry now. He must have changed while he was waiting for me.
He looks around the room before walking over to the chair positioned to the opposite side of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“I’m staying with you tonight,” he says and he cautiously sits on the chair next to my bed, not getting too close to me out of fear that I might be uncomfortable. I should be, after what just happened. Having another man in my room after what just happened should scare the hell out of me. But it doesn’t. This is different. It’s Lucien. I want him here with me.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. If the wrong person were to find out…” I trail off, not wanting to finish my sentence. We both know what could happen.
“I don’t care anymore. I’m not leaving you. Not ever,” he says. “Besides, I told Adam to knock three times if someone were to come.” He’s referring to the guard standing outside.
I smile, despite my pain. “Lay with me,” I whisper.
Lucien looks surprised. “Blair, I don’t think...I mean I don’t want to make you…” He struggles to find his words.
“I won’t be uncomfortable. I need you to hold me. I need to feel you next to me,” I whisper.
He looks at me with soft eyes and he slowly stands, getting under the covers with me. He quickly wraps his arms protectively around me. I rest my head on his chest and hold him just as tightly. I breathe him in, as I melt into his body. He kisses my forehead and rests his lips there for a long moment.
“I’m sorry, Blair. I’m so sorry,” he says in a shaky tone. I look up at him, and notice tears are streaming down his face.
I sit up, so I’m level to him, and wipe away the tears streaking down his cheek. “This isn’t your fault, Lucien. You have nothing to be sorry about,” I assure him.
“All I could do was stand there and watch. Watch as he…” Anger flashes through his eyes as he clenches his jaw. “I couldn’t help you. How am I supposed to be...worthy of you, if I can’t even protect you?”
I shake my head, feeling guilt welling up inside of me. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. How were you supposed to stop it? Did you think you were going to fight off four armed guards, and then kill a king? There was no way around it, Lucien. There was no way for you to stop it. He made sure of that.” I shake my head again as I give a sad smile. “And you think you’re unworthy. To think you don’t mean everything in this world to me. I never want to hear you say that again,” I say sternly. I can’t have him thinking any of this is his fault. I saw the look in his eyes, and the way he tried lunging at Elias. I saw as the guards holding him back. He did try. But there just wasn’t anything he could have done different.
“Blair…” He leans into me, resting his forehead against mine. “You mean everything to me. I…” He stops, biting his lower lip.
“You what?” I whisper.
“I…I’m just glad you’re safe. And here with me,” he says.
I know that’s not really what he wanted to say, but I let it slide for now. I know how he feels, for I feel exactly the same way.
I trace his lips with my finger. “Kiss me,” I say, as I look into his eyes. “I don’t want his lips to be the last I feel before I go to sleep tonight. I want yours to be the only I ever feel.”
Lucien cups my cheeks in both of his hands, and kisses me softly, once, and then twice, until finally, he presses a little harder. He reaches his hand to the back of my neck, pulling me in tighter. I can taste the salt of his tears as they slip down his cheeks and on to our lips. I rest my hand on his chest, savoring every second we have together.
We lie together, his arms wrapped tightly around me. The warmth of his body against mine races through me, and I finally feel safe. Really safe for the first time since I arrived here. I have him to hold through the night, and I know that nothing will get to me this night. I fall asleep to the feel of his breath wisping softly against my forehead. And I know, no matter what is happening, it doesn’t get any better than this.
Chapter 24
“Blair! Blair, wake up!”
I slowly come to and look up to see Milly shaking me. “Wake up!” She says again. I realize I’m still wrapped in Lucien’s arms. I look over to him and he looks just as alarmed as I feel.
“Milly, what is it? What’s wrong?” I ask, sitting up in bed.
“Listen!” She says.
I focus my ears and hear the chiming of a bell in the faint distance. “It’s the royal bell!” I cry.
She bobs her head up and down excitedly. “Your father is here!”
I quickly make my way to the courtyard to greet father. Milly, Lucien and Jake are fast behind me. He’s finally here. It has been months since I’ve last seen him. Back then, I was still a girl, a child more or less. I didn’t have the slightest clue what my life would turn in to. Now I feel colder, harder. I’ve changed in ways I never imagined. I just hope father recognized me.
Elias gets to the courtyard steps just as I do, looking me up and down. “What is your father doing here?” He hisses.
I stand tall, looking him square in the eye. “He’s king of Myrkdovia. We’re his ally. I’d say he can do what he wants.”
I walk away from him before he can get another word in. I’d probably never here the end of it, but I didn’t care. In this moment, all I cared about was seeing my father.
The carriage pulls up and I stride quickly down the steps. Father steps out, smiling broadly, reaching his arms out to me. “My dear daughter,” he says, as he wraps me in a large hug. “I’ve missed you so.”
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” I say back to him.
The carriage door opens again, and to my surprise, my cousin, Liam steps out.
“Liam!” I squeal. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you surprised?” He asks as he picks me up, twirling me in a circle.
“Am I ever! I never expected you could come.”
“I thought I’d see what all the fuss is about. Look at you, a queen. It suits you, Blair,” he says proudly.
Elias graciously welcomes father and introduces himself to Liam. Looking at him now, you’d never know he was capable of such violent acts. You’d never know he was capable of the things he has done to me in the months I’ve been here. He put on a good show, I’d give him that. Acting as though he was the most noble and loyal of kings, as he stood tall and proud, a wide smile spread across his face.
“Shall we go to the throne room?” Elias asks. “We have much to discuss.” He looks at me now, threatening me with his stare, not to do or say anything stupid.
I remember now what he said. That if I didn’t tell father I was giving up my claim to his throne, he’d have him killed, along with Liam. My heart sinks, ruining the happy moment I was just having. How would father react? He’ll be devastated. He’ll be confused and angry. I can’t stand the thought of causing him such pain. But at least it was better than being dead.
We reach the throne room, and I can feel Lucien close by my side. I sneak a glance at him, and he’s staring straight ahead, playing the part of a loyal knight.
Father is beaming with happiness as he glances around the room. “A fine room you have here. A fine one.”
“Thank you, your majesty,” Elias says with a proud smile.
“So, what is it you wish to discuss?” Father asks looking between Elias and I.
A lump forms in my throat, and I can’t speak. I feel myself going pale, and I focus on breathing before I collapse.
Elias comes to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “I think Blair better tell you herself.” He says, kissing me on the forehead. It takes all the strength I have not to back away from him. I, for now at least, have to play the part of a loving wife.
“Well, Blair, what is it?” Father asks.
I look between him and Liam, they’re both staring at me intently, making my nerves jump. How am I supposed to do this? I shake my head slightly, clearing the fog from my head. I have no choice but to tell him. I know Elias is just waiting for me to break so he has an excuse to be the man he is. He’s craving it.
“I...Father, I’ve decided I need to give up my claim to the Myrkdovian throne,” I blurt out.
Father stands still, stunned, his mouth gaped open. When he doesn’t respond I continue in the bravest voice I can muster. “It’s just that, I’m loyal to my husband. King Elias. I can’t be a good queen to two countries when I’m so devoted to this one.”
Father looks between Elias and I. Rage is bellowing deep within, threatening to expose itself.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Blair!” Father spits. “How can you say this to me? How can you actually stand there and tell me, my own flesh and blood won’t be claiming my throne after I’m gone!” His face turns red and he’s shaking with anger. Or devastation. I can’t tell which.
“Father,” I say in a small voice. “I’m sorry. But it’s time I hand my claim over to Liam.”
Liam looks just as angered as father. “No,” He says sternly. “What kind of sick joke is this?” He steps closer to me now, “Did someone put you up to this? This doesn’t sound like you at all.”
I look down to my feet. I can’t look him in the eye and lie again.
“What are you trying to say?” Elias says through his teeth. “Are you suggesting I am the one who made her do this?”
Liam steps closer to Elias now, challenging him. “That’s a funny way of wording it. Not that you suggested she give it up, but made her. Very funny, indeed.”
“I am your king, and you will show me respect!” Elias yells.
“King Julien is my king. Not you,” Liam says.
“Liam, please,” I say in a small voice.
He looks back to me now, trying to read my expression. He w
as always too good at that. He knew exactly when I was lying or when something was wrong. He could read me better than anyone. He was seeing it now.
“Liam, you must be silent now,” father says, sternly.
“I’m sorry uncle, but I don’t trust this man,” he says pointing to Elias. “This isn’t Blair. She loves Myrkdovia. All she’s ever been able to talk about was making you proud by being a good queen. All she could talk about for years has been Myrkdovia and how she’d help the people once she claimed the throne. Do you not find that even a little bit odd, uncle?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, abruptly. I needed this to end. “It was a hard decision to make, that I thought about for many months. This was all me. I made this decision myself,” I say.
I can’t look at father or Liam, so I turn, leaving the room.
I make my way to the gardens, my safe place in this hell fire. I sit at the small white table, looking out over the winding hedges. Lucien, Jake, and Milly reach me just as I sit. Milly sits silently next to me not saying a word for a long while.
Finally, she lets out a frustrated huff. “What the hell was that?” She asks.
I glance up at her, before turning away again. “Elias made me, just like Liam said. He said if I didn’t, he’d kill father and Liam. He wants me all to himself.”
Milly gasps, and Lucien shuffles anxiously in place. “Blair! Why didn’t you say anything to me!” Milly shrieks.
“How would it have done any good? It wouldn’t have changed anything, Milly. All it would have done was put everyone on edge,” I say.
Milly says nothing more as she rests her elbows on the table, resting her face in her hands. I can’t blame her for being angry with me. I tell her everything, no matter how big or small. And this, being the biggest of all, I decided to keep from her. I didn’t mean to, really. I would have told her eventually. But everything that happened in the last couple of days, I didn’t feel like it was ever the right time to drop that bomb on her.
“Blair,” I hear father’s voice behind me. I whirl around to see him and Liam come striding towards us.
He sits across from Milly and I. “I need an explanation. Without your husband around. Liam is right. I get the feeling you aren’t telling me everything.”
The Deadly Alliance (The Deadly Alliance Series Book 1) Page 16
