“I won’t. Thank you, Maria.”
Speeding up my pace, I finally stand in front of the infamous room. I can even hear people talking on the other side. I think twice about knocking, but fuck it! Taking a deep breath, I open the door wide and go inside the room, asking, “May we have a word?” But my mind goes wild as I look at the walls lined with stuffed animal heads. “Oh God!” I see the heads of dead deer (some with antlers, others without), rhinos and gazelles. Then, placed on the wall in front of me and above the fireplace, is the head of an elephant. I try hard not to cry at the sight of it. This is the most disturbing place I have ever been in my whole life.
“Petra! What are you doing here?” I hear Alex scolding me, and his tone is enough to bring my attention back to the duo in the room.
Alex and Sebastian are both already in full hunting attire, with brown ankle boots and rifles in hands, Alex sitting slightly on a dark wooden desk that stands behind them. Needless to say, the view is vomit-inducing.
“Good morning, Sebastian,” I snap for the sake of politeness.
“Hi, Petra.” He looks at Alex and says, “I will wait outside.” Afterward, Sebastian puts the rifle sling over his shoulder, takes his jacket hanging on the wall, and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
Now that we are alone, Alex barks, “What the fuck was that? Where are your manners? You don’t even knock now?”
But I’m having none of it. Walking over in his direction, I say, pointing my index finger at him, “You’re not gonna kill anyone! That’s horrible!”
“How did you—”
“You know perfectly well that I’m a vegetarian!” I cut him off.
“How did you get here?” he asks.
“That doesn’t matter. Please don’t kill a poor animal.”
“I’m sorry, but Sebastian is looking forward to the hunt,” he replies without any bother. “Plus, he’s helping us with the wedding—”
“Promise me you won’t shoot,” I interpose with my sweetest voice.
Alex lets out a rush of air, displeased, and his gaze goes down to the floor. But I keep mine pinned on him and my expression just as virtuous. Then, meeting my gaze again, he says, “Petra, it’s just a bear.”
“No! It’s a life. A bear has the right to live just like you.”
He frowns instantly at my comment and snaps, “It’s a sport. Our families have been doing it for centuries. Stop with your nonsense.”
“Taking an innocent life is not a sport. It’s barbaric—”
Alex blows out a breath and asks, “You’re not gonna stop, are you?”
“I can’t. It goes against everything I stand for. I can’t let you do it,” I keep insisting. And since he doesn’t seem convinced, I plead, “Please, do it for me.”
We stay quiet as he thinks something through. “And what do I gain in exchange?”
My jaw drops at his audacity. “How dare you? You’re saving a life and want something in exchange for that?”
“I’m doing you a favor,” he snaps. “Killing a bear doesn’t bother me, so yeah, I do.”
I keep gaping at him in total awe. “You don’t deserve anything in exchange for being a decent human.”
But Alex just shrugs his shoulders in return. “Then, I’m afraid I can’t help.”
I’m so disgusted by his attitude that I slap his arm. “Fucking monster.”
“Ouch,” he utters at the blow as he massages the area with his palm. “That hurts.”
I roll my eyes because I know he’s lying. “Yeah, right. Don’t you dare kill that bear,” I threaten. “I’m dead serious about it.”
But before he can reply, we are interrupted by three knocks on the door.
His attention shifting to above my shoulder, he orders, “Come in.”
“Alex, um, sorry to bother you,” Sebastian says as he stands in the doorway, “but it’s time to go.”
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he tells him before Sebastian closes the door again. His eyes drift back to me, and with his expression just as severe, he says, “We’ll continue this talk once I’m back.” Then Alex stands up, places his rifle sling over his shoulder, and, without me expecting it, leans down to claim my lips. And damn it, his kiss shouldn’t feel that good. He slightly opens his mouth and I do the same, and our kiss becomes fire, waking every part of me. He pulls my body to his, closing the small gap between us, and I let a little grunt escape at the feel of his torso pressed against mine. My hands go around his neck as our tongues dance with each other’s in blissful harmony, my cheeks radiating with warmth, and, losing myself in the moment, I become unaware of my surroundings. Lust travels through me, causing a rush of wetness to coat my thong. Jeez, I should be mad at this asshole, not thinking about his body and all the wonders he can do with it.
Breaking our kiss, I can’t help but say, “Your lips taste so good.” I blame this impulsive praise on the hormones. Even though I should be mad at him, the need for his touch and to be so close to him overpowers everything, and I succumb to his demand for another quick peck on the mouth.
With very light pressure, Alex starts stroking my cheek, and his lips twist into a smile laced with pride and satisfaction as he observes me with contemplative eyes. His proximity keeps my heart asking for so much more. And I’m pretty sure he knows that. “You owe me one,” he says. Then he gives me a quick peck on the top of my head and makes his way out.
Yeah… I just hope he will keep that in mind during the hunt.
Chapter 11
Alexander Van Dieren
I glance quickly at my watch as I speed up to get outside. Reaching the front porch, I look both directions and find Sebastian standing against the wall. “I’m sorry for the wait,” I tell him. “I didn’t think she would find us.”
“No worries,” he replies, half smiling. “She’s got quite an attitude, huh?”
“Yeah… And she’s stubborn,” I tell him as we make our way toward the car.
Sebastian lets out a quick chuckle before patting me on the back and saying in a low voice, “I’m sure you’re gonna take care of it later.”
His comment makes my stomach twitch. After all, Sebastian and I have always been quite close, and he knows perfectly well how I used to handle this type of situation with Amanda. As we put our rifles and jackets into the truck, I ponder my next words.
“With Petra, it’s different,” I tell him to avoid any misunderstandings in the future. “We are not into that.”
“Why not?” After being so open with him for the past twenty years, his curiosity doesn’t surprise me. “You were quite into that before.”
Once we get in the car and close our respective doors, I reply, “I promised Roy I wouldn’t…” But the rest of the sentence gets stuck in my throat—I just can’t bring myself to finish it. “You know…”
“Discipline her?”
Jeez, that simple question is enough to make me grow hard. And for a brief moment of pleasure and guilt, I let my mind wander to what I could possibly do to her bare bottom later on. Petra’s got such a beautiful butt, her rounded cheeks are so firm, pale, and soft to the touch. My pulse ticks up picturing her buttocks blotchy and deeply red. Fuck, and no one has ever done that to her before… Closing my eyes for a second, I hear the song of her whining as she endures every swat. Then I imagine the burning sting left on each cheek as she tries to reach back to alleviate the pain… Fuck… What I wouldn’t do to see her so chastened like that… Before my erection gets too visible, I snap, “That part of me belongs to the past.” And shutting down those thoughts, I draw in a deep breath and exhale before turning on the engine of the car. Pulling out, I leave the parking spot and focus on driving.
“Are you alright?” Sebastian’s inquisitive eyes are all over me, but I keep mine straight on the road. Then I press the brake as we wait for the gates in front of us to open.
“Yeah…” And smiling at him, I say, “It’s good to see you.”
Once the gates are wide
open, I look down at the GPS and start following the road in the direction of the land located in Sullivan County that we leased for the hunt. After a few minutes of silence, though, I hear him asking, “You want to talk about it?”
Does it look like I want to? My first instinct is to snap back a resounding no, but I know that Sebastian is just trying to understand me better. I can’t blame him for worrying about my sudden change. Apart from Roy, Sebastian has always been someone I can trust and confine in. He’s my brother-in-law after all. But unlike Roy, we’ve got the same upbringing, the same education, the same background, the same connections in the Netherlands, and the same title. And while I love Roy as a friend, Sebastian is like the older brother I never had. And I must confess, I couldn’t have imagined my sister getting married to anyone but him.
“It’s better if I don’t,” I tell him more politely as I turn left, following the GPS route.
But Sebastian can read me like no one else. “Did you speak to her about it?” I can’t find the will to answer his question though. And Sebastian knows it. “I mean, she’s gonna be your wife. Don’t you think she should know about your previous lifestyle?”
“I told you—it belongs in the past.”
“Van Dieren…” he teases with a smile. “I know you better than you do.”
“I’ve changed,” I lie. But it’s better to tell him that. “I can live without it.”
“Alright. If you say so… Good luck with that.” He turns his head to his side, observing through the car window the many trees covering miles and miles ahead on either side of the road. Letting out a sigh, Sebastian seems to be engrossed in his thoughts as he starts shaking his head.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I ask him with a chuckle, “You sighing at the view?”
“It’s just…” Turning his face to me, he observes me quietly for a moment before fessing up, “Man, I can’t believe you’re getting married. It feels weird, ya know. I never thought you’d ever settle down.”
“Oh,” I utter, not expecting such a direct answer. “I always told you I would.”
“Yeah, but she was seven at the time.” We share a laugh, recalling the day I told him about the incident at Roy’s house.
“Well, I promised her I’d marry her, and I like to keep my promises. You know that.” Keeping my hands on the steering wheel, I turn right, and, according to the GPS, we should be nearly there.
Sebastian presses his lips together, considering me. “What if she’d have fallen in love with someone else though?”
The idea sounds terrifying at first, but I tell him, “That’s actually what I hoped for.”
Cocking his head, Sebastian looks at me with deep furrows creasing his brow. “I don’t get it…”
“I love her in a way I can’t explain.” And I have no idea why on Earth I just confessed that to him. Maybe it’s the privacy of the car, and the fact that it’s just the two of us here, that makes me feel so at ease. “If she had met someone else—someone in her league—then I’d have just remained her godfather and stood by her side, protecting her as I promised I would.” I pause for a beat, observing his expression. “But I had to be present in her life. I had to at least come back.” I sound cheesy as fuck, and we both know it. Clearing my throat and switching to another subject, I ask, “By the way, um, what’s the name of that castle where you held your wedding reception?”
Giving me a quick smile, Sebastian promptly answers, “De Haar?”
“Ah, yes, um, do you think it’s available on the fifth of December for ours?”
His smile keeps growing, and his face beams with joy. “Of course it is. I will take care of it myself.”
Looking at him, I can’t help but give him a big grin in return. “Thanks.” And as he continues observing me, I know there’s something else tickling his fancy. “What?”
“That’s where you want to turn her into a woman?”
My eyes widen in shock, and I can’t help but chuckle at his question. Of all the questions he could’ve asked, this seems like the weirdest of all. Does Sebastian really think Petra is still a virgin? Does he think we don’t sleep in the same bed? Didn’t Julia tell him about the miscarriage? My heart squeezes simply at the memory of it, making it difficult to even breathe. I press the brake as I close my eyes for a moment, focusing on my breathing.
“Are you alright?”
I swallow hard, taking a few more beats to breathe. “Julia didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?” he asks with squinted eyes, waiting impatiently for an answer. “You know Julia. She’s full of secrets.”
Looking at the GPS, I see we are finally arriving at our destination. “Nothing. It belongs in the past…” I tell him as I turn right again, before driving straight ahead for the last mile.
“C’mon, you’re really gonna keep secrets from me? After everything we’ve gone through?”
“I’m sorry, it’s really personal,” I say, having no desire to discuss any of it. It’s too soon for that.
“More personal than what happened twenty years ago?”
I twitch at his question. Not even your family and best friends should know the darkest side of you. And for an instant, I forgot how deep Sebastian’s been in my whole life—him and everyone else. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to leave the family office and start my own hedge fund with Roy. I ponder if I should tell him the truth or not, but if I don’t, he will most likely ask Julia and she’ll tell him anyway. It’s pointless hiding it from him.
“Petra and I lost a baby.” I pause for an instant, but I can’t control the gravity of my voice. “She had a miscarriage in the accident.”
“Fuck,” he blurts out instantly. “I didn’t know that.” Sebastian glances out the window and remains speechless for a while. In situations like these, there are indeed no words to be spoken. Then he turns his attention back to me, and I hear him say, “I’m sorry. Um, I knew about the coma and the accident, but not the miscarriage.”
“It’s alright.” Another lie. But this one hurts more that I’d like to admit. Finally, I can see Mark, the landowner, as he stands in front of his big fence, waiting for us to arrive. “Well, here we are.”
As Mark opens the fence, we drive into the open yard, and I park the car where he instructs me to. After shutting off the engine, silence fills the space between Sebastian and me. I close my eyes for an instant, rubbing tiredly at my eyelids to get rid of all the gloomy thoughts haunting me. But I know he’s witnessing all of this, which makes it even worst.
“Alex, you’re like a brother to me, you know that.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “What’s going on? You know that whatever you tell me, it stays between us. You’ve got my entire loyalty.”
I never talk to anyone about my fiancée or her medical state. This is not only private, but also very personal to me. Especially when it comes to her mental health. I don’t discuss it, not even with Roy. But keeping such heavy secrets inside can be quite a burden and even damaging to one’s health. So, taking a deep breath, I tell him, “According to her physician, Petra hasn’t been able to move on yet. She has what’s called survivor guilt.” And I see the change in him as my words sink in. “And, um, we’ve had a few arguments because of the pill. She’s been trying to skip days, and I couldn’t figure out why, but it’s probably to fill the void of our loss.” Talking about something so damn personal is hard, but it feels incredibly satisfying and liberating to do so. As I see the landowner looking in our direction, I nod at him, and say, “Alright, let’s go. Mark is waiting for us.”
“She’s also very skinny to get pregnant,” Sebastian comments before I can open my door. “Does she eat properly?”
“Um, from time to time,” I disclose, a bit surprised that he would touch on such a delicate matter. Although one would have to be blind not to see that she’s lost a few pounds. “Petra has agoraphobia,” I tell him. “She can keep it under control with Xanax, but this kind of disorder can also affect eating habits.”
“Oh… And is this curable?”
“It’s like any mental illness,” I answer. “Treatment helps you to get better, but it can come back and get worse.”
“Thanks for telling me all this.” Sincerity fills his eyes and voice, bringing a quick smile of appreciation to my lips. “We haven’t had a proper talk in such a long time,” he points out.
I know Sebastian perfectly well. And I know the hunt was just a pretext to have a “proper talk” and cover all the delicate subjects we couldn’t discuss by phone. Subjects like those my Mom brought up yesterday…
I put a hand on his shoulder, returning the gesture before getting out of the car in a quick move. Then we go and shake hands with Mark, who gives us a map of his five hundred acres of land along with a brief explanation of the trails and fauna.
“We’ve spotted a male bear right here.” He points on the map where a red dot is. “It’s near the stream. There is plenty of food around, and he tends to go there at this time of the day. I suspect there is a den nearby too.”
“Thank you, Mark. I really appreciate it.”
“Good luck. And if you manage to catch him, don’t forget to call me.”
“Will do.” I shake his hand once more. “Thanks.”
We go to the truck and grab our rifles and jackets. And without further ado, we head into the woods.
After a couple of minutes marching through the trees and following the path Mark had indicated, Sebastian asks, “Did your Mom tell you about the interview?”
Ah, I was starting to wonder when he’d bring this up. “Yes, she did,” I reply, keeping it short.
“And, um, did you see it?”
“I haven’t, no. She just said that Tess made some remarks about Julia.”
“And the media is loving it,” he confesses. “They are following every bit of the case.”
“The case?” I feign my interest in it.
“Margaret didn’t tell you?”
“No…” Although I didn’t even bother to ask her.
“Jan and his wife are divorcing,” he announces. “She’s being represented by a lawyer that works with Tess.”
Lured into Love (Blossom in Winter Book 2) Page 11
