Eric and I had been going over the books for days and Todd-genius as he was-for nearly a day, but we were no closer to understanding what was right under our noses. I hated to admit it, but it seemed as if alcohol and drugs were the only defense against Aurora’s mind control that we could count on. Handing over the books and keeping our deal was the only option. Despite winning the argument earlier with Eric, I was afraid that Aurora’s word alone would not be enough for him. He would slip back to his old ways of starting the day with a swig of vodka and keeping a water bottle filled with it on him at all times. He said he knew the right amount that would carry him. He had treated it like a prescribed medicine once he worked through the kinks-found what worked and what didn’t-but that wasn’t living. That was avoiding. That was hiding in fear. I didn’t know if I could live like that.
“How do alcohol and drugs block her power?” I asked. I was looking for a way out. For anything that might change the tide for us.
Todd pulled the gnarled pen from his teeth and tapped it on the page before him. “Her hold feels like a drug,” he explained. Well, he would know. “But when high or drunk,” he looked to Eric, who avoided his glance, “it doesn’t feel as strong. It’s like she can’t compete. She can’t seem to find a way to overpower it.”
“And she knows this?”
“She figured it out not long after I got out of rehab,” he grumbled.
I dropped the book in my hands and leaned back against my stacked pillows. “So why can’t she control Tony? He doesn’t drink or anything.”
“She can’t control you either,” Todd said.
I frowned, not exactly sure if that was true.
“If she could, she would have made you slit your own wrists on that beach. Trust me, she duped you the old-fashioned way. But given the origin of your tumor… you’re not any better protected for it.”
We fell into a long moment of tense silence. Eric’s eyes drilled into the carpet, looking like he was about to be sick.
Hours flew by as quickly as the pages we turned. Eric fell asleep at some point. A book lay open against his chest, rising and falling with each breath he took. Between spending time on the books, work, and classwork, he had been incredibly busy. He stirred in his sleep, and his brow tensed as he dreamed.
“Eric thinks Aurora might be controlling her aunt,” I mentioned quietly. Todd glanced up from the glowing screen, his expression grim. “What do you think?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t doubt it.”
“So you think he’s right?”
“I wouldn’t venture into any dark alleys with her,” he said.
“You really think she’d hurt me? That Aurora might use her own aunt in that way?” I protested.
He wearily shoved a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply. Dark bangs scattered around his pale eyes. He studied my face, and I swallowed hard under the intensity in his gaze. “Sandy, I wouldn’t put anything past her,” he said in a defeated tone. “Aurora killed her uncle, and he was her blood relation. Sending her aunt to jail would be a small pawn to sacrifice.”
“She killed Mr. Bacster?” I exclaimed in shock. I quickly lowered my voice. “That’s horrible. Why would you say that?”
His eyes narrowed. “Because she did. She practically admitted it to me.”
“He died of a stroke,” I argued.
“And you had a brain tumor.”
I gripped the book in my hands numbly, and Todd turned back to his research.
Eric’s eyes flew open. He bolted upright, gasping for air, and his book hit the floor with a thud. Terror wound his muscles tight, curling his fingers protectively into fists. I watched that motion and felt I knew exactly where his dreams had taken him. To the wine cellar.
The pain I’d felt through him lit like a poisonous flame within me. “Are you alright?” I asked, nearly choking on the words.
He muttered something that sounded like a garbled “yeah,” then got up, trembling as he stood.
“Are you going to bed?”
Again, his answer only resembled a yes. I could nearly see that dark cloud of his worst memories hanging over him.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” I offered, standing up.
“No,” he said, moving quickly for the door. At the last second, he turned and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my cheek. He inhaled a deep breath like he sometimes did, filling his nose with the scent of my shampoo and body wash, using that to cleanse away thoughts of anything but me. It was sad yet sweet, but with Todd there, I flushed, feeling like a kid caught doing something she shouldn’t.
Eric’s arm curled around my waist, and he tugged me out into the hall with him. My door swung shut, and he pressed a smoldering kiss to my mouth. It was full of fiery passion, as if it could be our last, and sent a wave of mind-numbing heat rushing through me.
“Night, Cassandra,” he whispered against my pliable lips, then turned away.
I leaned dizzily against the wall, legs unsteady, watching him go. I’d turned to Jell-O. I took a moment alone in the hall to compose myself before returning to my room.
Todd stared at me, his gaze calculating.
“What?” I asked, clumsily combing my hair back with numb fingers. It flopped back around my face.
“I know your parents never gave you the birds and the bees talk, but please tell me you’re using something. Anything… legitimate.”
“I’m on the pill,” I muttered awkwardly as I reclaimed my seat, my cheeks burning a bright red. Why did he have to notice everything?
“Good,” he said, looking back to his book.
“How’d you know?”
He shook his head, keeping silent. Apparently the answer wasn’t worth giving. I opened my mouth, about to ask something else, but hesitated. He noticed that too. “Yeah?” he prompted.
“What do guys like? You know…” I hedged, trying to avoid saying it, but Todd gave me no help. “In bed?”
“Are you seriously asking me this?” he grunted nastily.
“It’s not like this is the weirdest conversation we’ve ever had,” I muttered, staring at my hands, feeling stupid on multiple levels.
“It doesn’t matter what he likes. It’s all about you,” Todd grudgingly answered. He immediately refocused on the book before him.
His response ticked me off. That wasn’t an answer. And I didn’t have anyone else I could discuss these things with. Ashley and I weren’t getting along, and even if we were, I wouldn’t trust her advice. It would be way too over the top and leave me with a permanent blush. And Bailey always got so clinical about the subject. She didn’t seem to grasp the concept of girl-talk.
“Could you not be my cousin for just two seconds and give me a real answer?” I demanded.
Todd shot me a look, nostrils flaring. He was considering blowing me off again, but then I saw something in his eyes. A softening. He growled under his breath before he caved. “No two people are the same, Sandy. The best advice I can give is to just enjoy yourself. If you’re having fun, so will he,” he said. “Is that good enough for you, or should we call Eric back in here and open up a dialogue? Keep in mind, you’ll have to pay for the lobotomy I’ll require afterward.”
There was no chance I was getting anything more from him. Despite how he’d always teased me over being innocent and naïve in his eyes-he was actually protective of me.
“No lobotomy necessary,” I responded.
“Thank God,” he said sharply.
I couldn’t sleep.
Lying in the dark, I tried to sort through my raging thoughts. I worried how Todd would react to Aurora’s freedom. When I informed him that she would be free in January, he’d just shrugged. He was much more logical than Eric, more likely to not live in fear of her, but he also had a tendency to leave. Aurora was one giant reason to get in the car, floor it, and never look back.
How would I handle Aurora’s return to society? That really depended on her. Would she return to college? Finish her last year down the hall
from me? A shiver raced over my skin, shaking me to the core. I tucked my blankets tighter and looked to Todd where he lay in Ashley’s bed. He was sound asleep. Must be nice.
He’d been a bit of an insomniac when he lived at my house, but he’d said this semester was rough. Maybe he’d finally found the cap on how hard he could work before his body shut down and acted like a normal person’s.
Keys jangled outside my door. I threw my blankets up high, shielding my face. I didn’t know what Ashley was doing back so soon, but I didn’t want to invite conversation by letting her know I was awake.
The door creaked open. I could faintly hear the thump of music coming from the party still going on upstairs.
“No, just wait here,” Ashley whispered harshly. “Stop. Todd’s in there.”
“I’m not afraid of Todd. He’s a pussy,” a guy’s voice replied.
Ashley snorted a laugh. “Yeah, a real wimp,” she shot back sarcastically.
Recognition made adrenaline shoot through my body like a bolt of lightning. That was Mike Connolly’s voice, the slimy bastard who landed me in the hospital with a busted shoulder. The ass who tried to force himself on me.
Every terrifying moment spent at his mercy bombarded me at once, nailing me down to the bed with shame and terror. What was he doing here? Why was he with Ashley?
“Come on, just a peek,” Mike whispered.
I heard the door shut, cutting out the light from the hallway. I glanced covertly through the dark. Ashley was alone. She used the light from her cell phone to rummage through her makeup bag. She stuffed a few items into her purse, then opened the door to leave. I saw Mike’s dark silhouette waiting for her in the hall and clamped my eyes closed.
“Tell me she sleeps naked,” he said in his oily manner. Just the sound of his creepy voice brought back the sick feeling of his filthy hands on me. I wanted to puke.
“Naked? I thought you’d prefer a g-string and titty tassels,” she mocked.
“Only on you, Grab-ass.”
I heard the door shut. The lock clicked. They were gone, but I couldn’t move. I was frozen, a stiff corpse waiting stupidly to be attacked.
Ashley and Mike. When the hell did that happen? Last I heard, she hated him. What could have possibly changed that?
Breath and mobility slowly returned to my body. I reached for my whistle necklace where it rested on my bedside table every night and clutched it close to my pounding chest.
My life had been one disaster after another. The people I trusted were my undoing. Aurora was everywhere. I had to assume that. I had given Ashley the benefit of the doubt from our very first day as roommates. Suddenly our ironic friendship made sense to me. The way we managed to get along despite our vast differences.
Eric and I had assumed she was now Aurora’s enemy. We’d suspected Aurora would be angry and seek revenge on her for helping to break Todd from her hold.
We were wrong. She had been playing me from the start.
How could I have been so stupid? Ashley didn’t just happen to be placed in the same dorm room as me. She didn’t happen to befriend me. It was planned, all of it. For Aurora. Ashley had even gone behind my back to come between me and Eric. I should have known then. She’d tried to put doubts in his mind and get me to dump him.
Thank God I never told her about the books.
My heart stuttered, jolting me from my despair. I sat up quickly.
Could she know about the books?
I had hidden them in our room. She could know everything. She could have brought Aurora copies without my knowledge and our deal would be off. My life could be as good as over.
I scrambled out of bed and dug into my purse for the books. I brought them into bed with me, hiding them under my pillow. But there were still copies. Mine, Todd’s and Eric’s.
Calm down, Sandy. She’s not going to steal them tonight. Not with Todd in the room. If she was going to do it, she’d have done it minutes ago while she thought I was sleeping.
I rested back into my pillow, guarding the originals anyway. Tears of betrayal stung at my eyes. Ashley was a dumb slut, just another of Aurora’s mindless, adoring subjects. She wasn’t worth my pain. This wasn’t worth crying over. Yet I felt hot tears glide down my cheeks anyway. I’d lost another friend. I’d found another enemy and hadn’t even known it.
This needed to end. I couldn’t keep living in fear, waiting to be attacked. Todd and Eric were still hoping that we could avoid handing the books over to Aurora, but I’d already made up my mind. I wanted this deal, no matter how they felt about it. I needed it.
CHAPTER 18
BACK TO BASICS
I’d lain awake most of the night and watched the golden sunrise cut through the gloomy clouds. Light ate away at a thick layer of fog blanketing the campus below my window.
I sat down at my desk and combed my fingers through my tangled hair. My hands trembled from lack of sleep. I scrutinized my reflection in the mirror. Dark bags hung under my eyes, and the hazel color seemed lackluster. I searched Ashley’s makeup bag and dug out some of her post-party essentials, starting with a bottle of caffeine pills. I swallowed one dry and prayed it would work wonders. I dabbed some tinted gel under my eyes that promised to de-puff those bags, a lotion to “brighten” my dull skin, and then applied a generous amount of correcting cream to recolor them. I hoped the extra makeup would hide the weary worries I felt heavily under my skin.
In the light of morning, I felt a little differently about Ashley and Mike. They were friends. I’d always known that. They hit a rough patch, but now they were friends again. That didn’t mean she was out to get me. But it didn’t mean that she wasn’t either.
Last night proved that loyalty meant nothing to her. I was her roommate, nothing more. At some point, I’d begun to trust people, as if Aurora was the only one capable of hurting me. How stupid. My guard was up again, as it should have been all along. And it wasn’t coming back down, not ever.
I placed Ashley’s makeup back into her bag and snuck back into bed. The sheets felt cold, and I shivered.
Mike’s back. Again. Despite Eric’s violent warning.
I curled the blankets closer, wondering how I was going to tell Eric about last night. What could I tell him without making him freak out?
I heard the rustle of sheets from Ashley’s bed. Todd yawned, mouth stretching wide, looking like a big cat. His eyes were sleepy, half open, and drooping. He combed a hand through his ruffled dark hair and rolled on his pillow to look at me. I feigned waking as well, giving a stretch and fake yawn that turned into a real one partway through. I was beyond exhausted. How much sleep had I gotten? Two hours? Not enough.
Todd looked to the clock. Eight a.m.—early considering when we had gone to bed last night. He watched me curiously as I pushed a mop of unruly hair out of my eyes. He slowly sat up and brought the front of his rumpled t-shirt to his nose, giving it a quick smell check. His expression read, eh, whatever. I looked away when he pulled his jeans on over his boxers.
“Going out for your morning smoke?” I asked.
“No. I kinda quit.”
I looked back at him quickly. “Really? How long?”
He shrugged and started to cram books into his backpack. “A month.”
A whole month? I could feel my face light up.
“Don’t look so impressed. It only stuck this long because I can’t afford them anymore.”
“But, that’s great! Congratulations!”
He lazily lifted a fist to the air, mocking me and celebrating at the same time. Todd was only capable of celebrating things sarcastically, but his quitting smoking had me thrilled. If he was keeping off tobacco, he was likely keeping away from drugs. The glass world I lived in felt a little softer, a little kinder with that news. He stood and I grasped for a reason for him to stay.
“Hungry?” I asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not eating that shit your cafeteria calls food.”
“When have you-” I stopped my quest
ion when I saw anger flare in his eyes. It took longer than it should have for me to realize where I’d gone wrong. Todd turned from me, lifting his backpack from the floor.
“Hang on. I have to get dressed,” I said quickly.
He stopped his hand inches from his keys and kept his head down. “Hurry up, then.”
TODD:
Sandy just didn’t get it, and he didn’t think she ever would. He sat across from her, picking at his breakfast, and she was acting like everything was cool. Totally normal. Like their worlds hadn’t been turned upside down, slammed into a wall and thrown in the washer on spin cycle. Eric’s look last night had made sense to him: drinking, wallowing in depression, looking at Sandy like she would disappear if he didn’t cling tight enough. But Sandy? She was calm, relaxed, and smiling. Either she didn’t get it, had lost her mind, or was an incredible actress. The show she put on was blowing his fucking mind.
“What have you been up to lately?” she asked casually between bites of her pancakes.
“Class and work,” he muttered, drowning his pancakes in syrup.
“Work? During the school year?” she asked, surprised.
He gave a heavy sigh. “I need the money, so I picked up a couple shifts at Nino’s. I’m also interning and all that shit.”
“Really? Where?”
“The lab,” he grunted plainly.
“Doing what? Being tested?” she teased with a sly smirk.
He paused, nostrils flaring and fist clenching around his fork. “Research.”
Things like that comment really fucking got to him. Was she completely ignoring the past few months? It’s like she was pretending that they hadn’t happened at all, like he hadn’t been the research project and hadn’t been surgically attached to Aurora’s hip. Scratch that-it was more like lips glued to her ass. Like Sandy hadn’t nearly died. Like she wasn’t living in fear of tomorrow. Was she on fuckin’ Prozac, or what?
“Can you come here next weekend?” she asked.
“Nope.” She looked disappointed so he grudgingly explained. “I’m moving then. Gotta pack up and shit.”
Envious Deception Page 18
