1204, ERIC
I tossed my shirt to the floor, revealing a broad chest dashed with tiny marks that made her eyes grow wide. Aurora leaned closer on the mattress where we sat. She spread her fingers over my shoulder and slowly reached the stinging wound just out of my sight. I hissed sharply.
“It is infected,” she said.
“I should have had it burned.”
She sighed heavily as she applied the green poultice. “I see many scars on you, my dear Eric.”
“Not all are from the war,” I admitted. “I’ve advanced with my sword. Most attacks do not land a blow any longer.”
Her lips pursed with distaste, and she set the wooden bowl down. “All for her,” she whispered softly. “You could die.”
I pretended not to hear, and she wrapped new bindings over my wound, circling my shoulder carefully.
“Has all fared well since I left?” I strained to look her in the eye. “Without Freyr?”
Finished with my arm, she lowered her head. Tears glistened on her cheeks, and she nodded slowly.
My voice dropped to a guarded whisper. “No one suspects?”
She brushed the tears away. “We are safe,” she assured softly.
I leaned back against the head of the bed, and she curled against my chest, seeking comfort like a small child might.
“I think about it always, how you aided me. I wish we’d had more time together. I had so many questions,” she whispered.
“We have time now.”
She nuzzled closer. “They no longer matter.”
She was quiet for a moment. The glow from dying embers in the hearth illuminated warm patterns over the room.
“I’ve seen only a glimpse of your soul, but it was enough,” she whispered softly. “You are something so rare. So beautifully unique.” She lifted her gaze to mine. Pain swirled in her eyes, matching the pain I sought to bury within myself. “I have never met a man like you, nor will I ever.”
I looked down solemnly, unable to speak a word. Her words… they lifted memories. They affected me, deep inside my heart. Nestled in my arms, she took my hands in hers and turned them over, studying my palms and the lines that traced them. Wind sang through the trees outside, a soft wheezing through the window shutters, tossing the torchlight.
“Does your Cassandra know?” she asked darkly.
I looked away, guilt and insecurity striking me. I inhaled a slow breath before answering. “Perhaps one day she will.”
Aurora gazed sympathetically into my eyes, stroking my thumb with hers ever so gently.
“She will understand,” I assured. My voice sounded small in the dark room.
Aurora shook her head, waves of golden hair slipping over her tiny shoulders. “It’s not possible. We both know this.” Carefully, she added, “You play a dangerous game, my dear Eric.” Her hand touched my chest, her palm curving over my heart. “I loved Freyr deeply, and we were happy. It pains me to speak of him. The loss is still so new to me, a deep wound that will never fully heal,” she confessed. “You should know, we were happy enough for a time, but he did not know me. I could not truly be myself, always in need of hiding. I too, had hoped to tell him one day.”
I looked away, studying the fire.
“I know he loved me, but despite that, we now know: he would have watched me burn.”
Her confession was a heavy weight on my soul. It felt too real and too close to the future I sought so desperately.
Aurora’s hand gently drew my face toward her. “You and this girl, if she were to have your child… a daughter, that baby would follow in your family’s bloodline. Cassandra would fear her own flesh. I was lucky. Morna helped me and hid my magic, but Cassandra…” Her sentence trailed off, and she looked deeply into my eyes. “There could be no hiding. Cassandra would see her daughter as an abomination. And for that, she would hate you.”
I closed my eyes, pain weighing heavily on me.
“You know I speak the truth. She is different from you and me.”
I firmly shook my head, eyes prickling with the threat of tears.
“Deny all you like. It won’t change a thing. You are a witch, Eric.”
I turned my face from her, but she did not relent. She shifted to kneel over me, her warm hands soft on my shoulders and eyes level to my own.
“Powerful magic runs in your blood, as it does in mine,” she stated. “We belong with our own kind, those capable of understanding without fear. And she is not.”
A tear slipped from my lashes and tumbled down my cheek. I looked into the dying embers and felt her tender touch brush my skin dry. Her palm settled over my mangled scar, hiding it from her sight, a scar that Cassandra had tended to with the utmost care. I could still feel the gentle sweep of her cloth against my skin, the soothing coolness to the burning cut with each loving stroke from her small hands.
Then I recalled the look of fear in her eyes from the night butterfly, and her harsh reaction to the mere mention of magic. In that moment, I had felt ashamed of myself, of the parts of me that I could not change for her. She may be accepting of me, but of my blood? Of the power it held, and the family it would spawn?
“I understand your pain, Eric, in a way no one else can,” Aurora reminded me, leaning closer. “I have suffered, and I watch you suffer, trying to justify a damning promise to her. Your destruction lies in her waiting arms, yet you still seek to leap to her,” she pleaded, sounding close to tears. “Please, Eric. Learn from my mistakes. Haven’t you suffered enough?” Her breath was warm on my cheek as she guided my face closer. “You deserve true love and affection. A life and family free from burdensome secrets.”
Pain tightened my throat, making argument and agreement both impossible. I looked to her. Our eyes locked, secrets spilling out of unguarded gazes, bleeding into the dark night.
“I accept you, Eric, in a way no one else can,” she whispered. A hair’s breadth away, her breath was warm on my face. “There’s no need to hide yourself. Never from me.”
Her words tugged on my heart, and her soft lips molded to mine. I didn’t move, unable to think, no less act. Her lips stroked mine gently. A part of me wanted to kiss her back, and that needful part firmed my lips to hers. We remained connected by some willful force within our skins. Her arms circled my torso, drawing us closer. I could see an honest life with her, an honest future for us, and there was happiness in that.
Our lips slowly parted. She drew back, pale blue eyes large and vulnerable as she gazed into mine. Breathless with anticipation, she watched me, awaiting my reaction.
She leaned in again, but I turned away.
Perhaps her warning was true, perhaps I was handing myself to a fate of ruin, but I could think only of my dark-haired, hazel-eyed beauty sitting by the road, waiting for me day after day.
I drew Aurora’s hands from me and urged her back. She held tighter to me, eagerly awaiting a response. Anticipation churned in her eyes, and I shuffled backward, forcing my hands free from hers.
“Forgive me, my lady. She is my choice.”
CHAPTER 22
HERE COMES THE PAIN
I broke away from Eric. Back in my own mind and body, I felt a cold separation from him. My hands rubbed together furiously as I drilled holes into Eric’s bare chest with my eyes. My lips still burned from the kiss he’d shared with Aurora. The feelings lingered: shame, desire, fear, and longing. My head scrambled to recover from what I had just experienced, and this time, Eric’s eyes opened. He looked right at me, deceit painted on his lying face. The cheating, deceptive bastard.
“Cassandra?”
Empty silence filled the space between us.
“You… you…” My mind ran a mile a minute, stumbling over the pain that still pounded at my skull. A shrill ringing cut through my ears, slicing me open, but within the chaos, a few things were crystal clear.
He kissed her. He trusted her.
He showed her magic.
Witch!
I scrambled to g
et away. My feet touched the floor, but the tangle of blankets dragged me back toward the bed. I searched the sheets for my clothes and scrambled to pull my panties on.
Eric reached for me, and I shrugged away, tossing the blankets aside in my haste. I tugged my sweater on quickly and snatched my jeans from the floor. Eric didn’t move. He sat motionless on the bed while I scrambled to dress myself. When I reached for my shoes, he seemed to realize my intent. He rushed to pull his jeans on. I tugged my shoes on quickly.
“Cassandra, wait-” Eric began.
She called him a witch.
He jumped to his feet and tried to hold me. Sickened, I shoved him away.
“How could you keep this from me?” I demanded, wildly searching his eyes. “You lied to me!”
He stared at me in shock. It was as if the air had been sucked from the room and I was suffocating. I turned for the door, and Eric grabbed my arm.
“Don’t,” he warned, the coldness of his command chilling me.
“Let me go!” I screeched, shaking from his hold. I left before he could stop me. I ran without thought.
He kissed her. He kissed Aurora. He knew magic.
My feet propelled me forward with no clue of a destination. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop. He called out to me. Eric was following, but I had the lead and lost him on the stairs. My room wasn’t far enough away. I needed to keep going.
He’s like her. He’s a witch. The jarring thumps of my feet hitting the stairs repeated the words through my mind over and over again, as if trying to convince myself that this was real. It was no dream. Not a nightmare.
I left the building and rushed down the walkway, taking off for the road. I sprinted, mind running ragged with thoughts in a screaming panic over the sharp ringing of my headache.
He was a witch! Eric was a witch! He had magic. He was like her. Like Aurora. He lied to me.
Witch!
I had gone the opposite direction of our usual running path and found myself somewhere far past Blackie’s. My heart stuttered and skipped over beats. I collapsed against a telephone pole, gasping for breath.
Someone spoke to me. I was vaguely aware of the voice approaching, muffled to my wind-rushed ears. My vision blurred, throbbing and hazy. My scattered mind fogged my surroundings, like I was trapped inside a balloon. The outside seemed far away, unreal and muffled. Someone I didn’t recognize was walking toward me, talking to me. Were they concerned? Or a threat?
I stumbled back, muttering something incoherent and trying to put distance between us. I gasped, struggling to breathe. I couldn’t, but I didn’t let that stop me. I needed to get away.
He knew magic.
He lied to me. Liar! Liar! Liar!
I needed to be alone. My feet were instantly moving again. The world spun around me, and I felt something inside my heart, deep within my soul, snap. With a gasp, my sweating body went ice cold, and I realized the horrible mistake I’d made. It was all for nothing. Everything I’d done. All that I’d suffered.
Oh my god…
I’d killed myself. I’d ended my own life. A good, happy life, with a safe home, brothers and a father who adored me. I’d killed myself to follow Eric, a witch. A liar. A cheater. I trembled, recalling the few fleeting memories I had of my first life, the life I’d hastily thrown away.
Somehow I found myself in the woods by the supermarket. The woods where we’d hooked up. I stood beside the same tree where it happened. The old oak tree loomed over me, dead for the winter and stretching its bare limbs to block the dimming twilight. Somehow, the location made it all feel worse. The betrayal. The deception.
I finally broke down. Wailing desperately, I sank to the damp brown leaves, my shaking hands clinging to them desperately. Deep sobs wrenched my body.
My poor father! To lose my mother, and then me. Poor Elijah and Joseph… I had dragged Elijah into my mess! What had I done?
“What have I done?!” I screeched to the forest floor, sobbing uncontrollably. My throat hurt from the words, like they were as sharp and painful as they were filled with regret.
I had destroyed everything that day in the past.
Footsteps thumped nearby and slowed to a stop beside me. It was Eric. I knew without looking. And I couldn’t bear to see him. Not now.
“Cassandra? Are you alright? What’s wrong?”
“Get away from me,” I rasped, my voice hollow.
He squatted down and reached out a hand. I slapped it away and clambered to my feet, sniffling loudly and backing away from him. I swiped a hand across my wet face and nose. My lips pressed bitterly tight as I turned toward the reason I’d broken my family apart. The reason I’d ended my life. The reason I’d been murdered three times.
I couldn’t look at him. Not now, knowing what I knew and still feeling so in love with him. Instead I stared at the ground, at his running sneakers soaked with dew and a broken twig crushed beneath them. He took a step forward. I tensed and turned away, eager for escape.
“Please, Cassandra,” he begged desperately. Pain dragged at his words, and I felt his clenching agony like harsh static. It prickled through me, keeping me still. “Please don’t run from me. Not again.”
My heart shattered at his words as I stared at the rough bark against my hand, ready to push off the tree for a speedy getaway. I was turned from him, foot hovering, ready to bolt, just as I had about a month ago. He was broken, and I was about to run out of his life, leaving him to sort the pieces on his own. Aurora was right. I really was the worst thing for him. Maybe it was best to leave and never return. I never should have been with him in the first place. That was clear to me now.
He’s like her.
I was so sick of magic and witches. They ruled my every life, and the one person I was in this with, the one I felt I truly knew and loved, the one I thought I could trust more than anyone, was one of them. Aurora was right. I didn’t know him at all. I never had.
Yet I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Something held my feet to the earth, tethering me in place at his side. Was it him? His magic that held me here? Aurora could do it. She could make people do whatever she wanted, and right now, despite my need to flee, I was standing immobile in the forest beside a witch.
He’d known magic to make a woman fall in love with him. Had he done that to me? Did I even love him, or was that his influence as well?
He inched forward. “Stay away from me, witch,” I spat hatefully. I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to squeeze the life out of him for all he’d put me through. How dare he make me feel this way about him? Especially with the way Aurora kept chasing us. Why couldn’t he just let me go?
He checked the vacant woods behind him, as if confused over who I was speaking to. “Me?” he gasped. “I’m not a witch.”
How dare he deny it? Did he think I was stupid?
“I saw it all! You know magic!” I yelled.
“Saw what? Why do you think I know magic?” he asked, voice wavering.
“Don’t you dare! You’ve been lying to me all this time! God, I’m so stupid!” I said to the tree. So fucking stupid. My throat was tense, my jaw tight. My body trembled, aching to flee. God, just step away, Cassandra, I ordered myself. Go already!
“Please, explain this to me,” Eric pleaded.
“You’re like her,” I stated in a dark tone. “You’re a witch.”
“No, I’m not!” he argued.
“I saw the vision! Why even bother to deny it now?”
“What vision?” he pressed.
What vision? Was he seriously trying to play dumb about it?
“Are you using it now?” I demanded, still locked in place before him. “Was it you at Thanksgiving? Did you make my parents accept you? Did you use magic to make them invite you?”
“No, Cassandra. I’m not a witch,” he insisted. “I have no idea what you’re talking about! What vision?” he pressed.
“The vision you had! Just now!” I yelled in frustration.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was asleep, and when I woke up, you were running out!”
Did he not see it? He had to if I did. Right?
Could he really not know?
Confusion cooled my anger. “You showed Aurora magic,” I explained suspiciously, voice trembling. “You taught her spells. You… you kissed her.”
His eyes widened and nostrils flared in appalled shock.
“You were a witch. You told her and not me. You… you made me love you with magic,” I stammered.
“I would never. I wouldn’t do any of those things.”
“But you did!” I screamed, thumping my palm against the tree in aggravation. “I saw all of it! Your mother was a witch, and now I know that you were too!”
He backed away, seeming as lost as I felt.
“This is insane,” he muttered, rubbing his forehead and running his hands down his face. “I didn’t see anything. How do we even trust it?” He looked desperately to me. “Maybe it was a dream? Maybe it wasn’t real.”
His question gave me pause. Was that possible? Was I capable of watching his dreams and nightmares? Could that be all it was?
No…
I defiantly crossed my arms. “It felt real. It was no different from any other.”
“Well… maybe I knew spells back then,” he said, reluctant to accept the truth. “But I don’t now, I swear. Do you believe me?”
“I don’t know what to believe.” And it was true. My world had been turned upside down. A memory of eight hundred years ago managed to tear our relationship apart in an instant. Not even the memory of him killing me had been capable of doing that.
He paced, struggling to process. When he finally stopped walking, he met my eyes helplessly. “Sandra, if I had magic, do you think our lives would be this way?” he asked softly. “I am scared of Aurora. I hate to admit it, but we both know it’s true. She’s hurt us in so many ways. She locked me up and…” His voice became choked, and he exhaled slowly. “She controlled me for years. Do you really think I would have let her if I knew magic? Do you really think she could have forced me to kill you? Forced me to marry her? If I had one shred of magic, I would have found a way to stop her by now. Rose was helping us because she was a witch. We needed a witch to fight a witch. And that wasn’t me.”
Envious Deception Page 22
