I straighten and saunter over. The dude freezes.
“Morning.” I resist the urge to ruffle Noah’s curls or pinch his cheeks. I detested both of those things being done to me as a child.
Her gaze flitters to her would-be fiancé and back to me. “What are you doing, Jake?”
I hold out the cardboard tray. “Breakfast.”
“Um, Luan, this is Jake.”
The guy sizes me up like an opponent, which he should, but he’s polite enough to offer a hand. “Kristi told me about your unexpected visit.”
My handshake is unnecessarily hard. “Dinner.”
He scrunches up his eyes. “What?”
“It was dinner, not a visit.”
Kristi gives me a narrowed look. “We needed to talk.” She’s telling Luan it wasn’t a date, or maybe the message is aimed at me.
Luan takes her arm and steers her toward his old-man Volvo. “Excuse us. We have to go or we’ll be late for dropping Noah off at the crèche.”
Ignoring him, I address Kristi. “I was thinking I could drive you, get to know Noah a little better.”
She fiddles with the strap of the bag. “It’s too much too soon. I don’t want to disrupt his routine. This is what he’s used to.”
Meaning he’s used to Luan. Fuck that. “Tomorrow?”
At the car, she hands Noah over to Luan, who straps him into a car seat in the back.
“Look, Jake,” she starts, shifting her weight, “let’s talk about this later, okay?”
“What about lunchtime?”
“Luan and I don’t take lunch.”
“You’re entitled to a lunch break, aren’t you?” I look at Luan as I pose the question.
“Just…” She closes her eyes and holds up a palm. “Not now.”
The look Luan shoots me is one of those mature, good mannered, if-you-fuck-with-me-I’ll-put-my-lawyer-on-your-ass kinds. He opens her door and bundles her inside before almost running around the car to get behind the wheel.
I lean through her open window. “Want to take your breakfast to go? It’s healthy. Bran.”
“Sorry, Jake,” she says with a small shake of her head.
Luan gives a pathetic little wave to indicate he’s about to pull off and I should remove my body from his car. When I don’t move, he hits the gas, and I don’t have a choice but to straighten or be ripped off my feet. Clutching the tray in my hand, I watch as the car passes through the gates and turns onto the gravel road. As the only two people I truly care about in the world move farther away, the three of them cozily together and I alone, I have an odd attack of loneliness. Unjustified betrayal burns like a fire in my chest. Abandonment settles over me. It’s a godawful feeling, and I fucking hate it. For the first time, I get a taste of what Kristi must’ve felt when I left.
“Jake,” a voice says behind me.
I turn around.
Gina comes down the step, dressed in her uniform. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought breakfast, but it seems I arrived too late.”
“Kristi is finally getting back on her feet. You can’t simply come around and disrupt her life. Noah needs stability.”
“Can I give you a lift?”
“Luan would’ve dropped me,” she says defensively. “I like to take the bike. It keeps me fit.”
“I have three coffees that’ll go to waste.”
After a short hesitation, she sighs. “Okay, then. Can you fit my bike in the boot?”
“Hop in. I’ll bring you home after work.”
“I don’t want to make work for you.”
“What else do I have to do?”
I get the door and wait until she’s fastened her seatbelt before handing her the tray. While I drive, she stirs sugar into our coffee and places one in the cup holder for me.
I steal a glance at her. Except for a few laugh lines, her skin is smooth. Her cheeks have the same natural glow as Kristi’s, and her eyes are bright. “You look good.”
She peels back the wrapper of a muffin and breaks it in two. “You don’t.”
I chuckle. “Thanks for your honesty.”
She puts a paper napkin on my knee and hands me half of the muffin. “You look like you can do with a holiday.”
I lift a brow. “Yeah?”
“You have dark rings under your eyes, and your skin has an ash-colored undertone.” She bites into her muffin. “Signs of over-working, too little sleep, and unhealthy eating habits. Am I right?”
“Not on the over-working.”
“Ha. You’ll die an early death if you don’t take care of yourself.” Watching me from over the rim of her cup, she says, “I’m sorry about your father.”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you come to the funeral?”
“Are you always this straightforward?”
“Only where my daughter is concerned.”
“This is about Kristi?”
“This is about you, but you’re the father of my grandchild, therefore it concerns Kristi.”
I hand my untouched half of the muffin back to her and wipe a hand over my face. “I don’t think he would’ve wanted me there.”
She turns in her seat. “I guessed things were bad between you, but you’re entitled to your closure. That’s what funerals are for.”
My laugh is wry. “I called him once.” When I was at my lowest, just after the deal I’d made behind my mentor’s back had folded. “Want to know what he told me? He said it was best I didn’t come back.”
Stay away, Jake. We’re all better off without you.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Jake.”
The question she really wants to ask, why I didn’t come back for Kristi or Noah, hangs between us like a bad whiff in the air, but she doesn’t voice it. Gina is the kind of person who knows when to give a little space.
“How are things at the factory?” I ask.
I’m genuinely interested in how Gina is doing. My father wasn’t a good employer. He had no interest in his employees other than the money they made for him. He left everything to my mother, and I learned via the grapevine she employed a manager from out of town.
“Working conditions improved a bit. We had a bonus in December,” she shrugs, “so, yeah.”
“Tell me about Noah’s speech problem.”
“It’s not a problem. He’s just late at talking.”
“Has Kristi seen a specialist?”
“If you’d read her letters, you would’ve known.”
Blowing air through my nose, I stop in front of the factory gates. “I’m sorry I didn’t read the letters.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“It’s not something I can explain in one sentence.”
She checks her watch. “I have five minutes.” Her lips curve on one end. “You drove fast.”
How do I explain something I haven’t dissected myself? I’m not going to beat around the bush with Gina. I like her too much. I’ll give her whatever honesty I’m capable of finding in the mash of my confusing emotions.
“At first, it was too hard. If I’d read one letter, I would’ve given up on Dubai and come back. Then I started feeling guilty about not reading them, and like I didn’t deserve to read them. I fucked up. Big time.” The truth hits me with startling clarity. “In the end, it was a way of punishing myself.” For failing at everything I’ve ever attempted, including relationships, studies, and my profession. Failing at life.
She brushes crumbs from her skirt. “You don’t deserve them, Jake.”
“I know.”
“Good.” She gives me a level look. “Go fix your life. Do what you have to, but leave Kristi to live hers. She’s finally happy.”
“Want me to sign in? I can drive you to the entrance.”
“No,” her smile turns broader, “but you can get my door.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Taking the tray from her, I dump it on the backseat before going around to let her out of the car.
“Thanks for breakfast.” With a wave, she’s off.
Hands in my pockets, I stand in front of the gates as my mother-in-law walks with no-nonsense strides to the redbrick building. She exudes strength and compassion. I admire the Crocs off her feet for her fighting spirit, for raising Kristi alone and never allowing the dirty gossip and ugly attitudes of the small-minded people in this town to break her pride or good nature.
Tossing the cold coffee that was meant for Kristi, I dump the trash in a nearby can and set out to start my first task of the day, finding my family a new home.
Chapter 12
Kristi
“Ow.” I curse under my breath and cradle the finger I caught in the filing cabinet drawer against my chest.
First, I burned my wrist when I heated up our lunch in the oven, then I punched a staple into my thumb, and this is going to leave me with a blue nail.
“Everything all right?” Luan asks behind me.
His voice doesn’t rise in volume or panic at the way I suck air between my teeth and try not to cry as I wait for the pain to pass. It’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. He’s always soft-spoken, even in a crisis. Slamming your finger in a drawer isn’t a crisis, and I’m guessing not all of the tears are inspired by pain. My emotions are all over the place since last night.
Taking a deep breath, I glance over my shoulder. He’s standing in the doorframe, arms folded. We work from his home. He converted one of the spare bedrooms into an office for me when I came to work for him four years ago. Knowing how badly I needed money, Steve arranged the job for me after Noah was born.
I look away from his serious expression. “I’m just a bit clumsy today.”
“It’s not like you,” he says from closer behind me. “You’re upset that Jake is back.”
“Of course I am,” I snap. Closing my eyes, I blow out a sigh that doesn’t relieve the tightness in my chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
His hands fall on my shoulders, kneading gently. “He’s no good for you.”
I don’t know why his words make me so defensive. “You don’t know him.”
“I know what he did to you.”
I pull away from his touch and turn to face him. “He married me for medical benefits because I asked him. He had no real obligation to me as a husband.” But he asked me to wait, and I did. Far too long.
“He had an obligation to his child.”
I can’t argue that fact, not that I’m in the mood for arguing anything. “I’m going to make tea. Want some?”
“He left you to your own devices and never once asked about his child. Did he even know it was a boy?”
Pushing past him, I make for the hallway. “You don’t have to remind me of what he did.”
He catches my arm and carries on in his gentle, monotone voice. “I watched you suffer. I know what you went through. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
My resistance melts a little. Guilt for trying to avoid Luan in favor of solitude makes me feel bad. “Thanks for looking out for me.”
“Don’t let him put ideas into your head.”
“Like what?”
“Like not going through with the divorce. I’d like to marry you before Christmas.”
“That soon?”
“I know we haven’t discussed a date, but we made the decision. Why wait? I want you to move in with me.”
I want to ask why rush, but I don’t want him to think I suddenly have doubts because Jake is back in town.
“I want to announce it,” he says in his reasonable voice. “We need to make arrangements.”
“You said not before the divorce is through.”
“All the more reason to get him to sign those papers.”
“I will.”
“What about Noah?”
“I’m not going to keep him away from his child without good reason, but we agreed not to tell Noah until Jake has proven Noah can count on him.”
“He’ll first have to prove he’s going to hang around.”
There’s that, yes, and that’s the part where I have difficulty believing Jake. “I’m not an impulsive person. I won’t do anything that could hurt Noah.”
“I know. That’s one of the things I like so much about you.”
I don’t want to talk about Jake any longer. “Tea?” I throw back over my shoulder as I eventually denounce my guilt and escape to the kitchen.
“I wouldn’t say no.” He calls after me, “Don’t forget to prepare the spare bedroom. Steve will be here tomorrow.”
After balancing the cheque book and capturing invoices, I have thirty minutes to spare before I have to pick up Noah. I use the time to air the spare room and make the bed with clean linen from the lavender-lined cupboard. I’m fluffing out a pillow when my phone rings. Nancy’s name appears on the screen.
“Jake’s in town,” she blurts out when I answer.
News travels fast in this town. “I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to call you later tonight.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t call the minute he arrived.”
“It was late, and then I got caught up with work this morning.”
“Is it the divorce? Is that why he’s back?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow at the barbecue.”
“Are we still on?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
“I thought maybe you and Jake—”
“I moved on. Nothing is changing.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“With what?”
“Seeing him after all this time.”
“I’m not the nerd from high school who had a crush on the bad boy in town.”
“You sure chose well.”
“Done and dusted. I’m cleverer now.”
“Good. Got to go. I have to shave my legs and paint my nails before Steve sees me looking like a chipped painting with cactus thorn legs.” She blows a kiss and hangs up.
Luan enters as I slip the phone back in my pocket.
“That was Nancy,” I say.
“Again? Didn’t she call yesterday?”
“She wanted to know if we’re still on for tomorrow night.” He doesn’t reply for long enough that I have to ask, “We are, aren’t we?”
“I have a lot of work. If I burn a little midnight oil tonight I suppose I could take a small breather on the weekend.”
It’s not about work. It’s about my friendship with his future daughter-in-law. “If you avoid Nancy, it’s only going to make the situation weirder.”
“She’s engaged to my son.”
“A fact of which I’m well aware.”
“My son’s wife will be the same age as mine. I’m not comfortable socializing with them as a couple.”
“What’s your solution? To see them without me? How is that going to work for the rest of our lives?”
“You’re an adult. You need to cut the high school ties. A little distance from Nancy can only do you good.”
“Are you asking me to give up my friend?”
“No, but put yourself in my position. Can you imagine what people are going to say? All I’m asking is that you don’t rub the fact that father and son date two girls of the same age under their noses.”
“I’m not ashamed of our age difference.”
“When Nancy marries Steve, she’s going to move to Pretoria. You won’t see her nearly as often. It’s not a bad idea to start weaning off each other.”
“This is your problem, not mine. I suggest you find a way of dealing with it before we tell the world we’re getting married.”
“You are married.”
“What’s going on? You’re never this combative.”
“You’re right.” He raises his hands. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell Steve this weekend about our plans and until you’re divorced, I can’t tell a damn soul, not even my son. Hell, I can’t even start dating you until you’re divorced.�
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“I can’t help the way things are.”
“Of course you can’t. Maybe…” He sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe we should tell Steve. I’d feel a hell of a lot better not pretending around him. I don’t like lying to my son.”
“I never asked you to lie to Steve. You’re the one who didn’t want to tell anyone about our plans until I’m legally free.”
“Getting together with a married woman will ruin my reputation, and in my profession—”
“Reputation is everything. Yes, I know.”
“It doesn’t help that your husband is in town, prolonging the process.”
Ah. The crux of the matter seems to be Jake’s refusal to sign the divorce papers. “I can’t go into a court battle with Jake. You know the financial implications and risks better than anyone.”
“I do.” He paces to the window and back. “We can file a case of neglect.”
“Jake rented a house for Noah and me. Apparently, he sent a monthly allowance via his mother too, but Elizabeth kept the money.”
“Damn. That will be traceable.”
“I don’t want to get into a name smearing campaign with Jake. It’s not what I want for Noah, not if he has a chance to get to know his father.”
“This is coming from here.” He presses a finger on my heart. “From the part of you who grew up without a daddy.”
“Yes, and I know what it’s like. I don’t want that for Noah, not if it’s avoidable.”
“He’ll have me.”
“It won’t prevent him from having questions about his father when he grows up.”
Catch Me Twice Page 15
