What do I have?
Grit, fortitude, and the promise of an independent future.
And perhaps a broken heart.
Chapter 37
“I think you girls should dress alike.” Lady Siltsbury cradled an embroidery frame and stitched with precise movements. A week had passed since the abduction, and life had settled into a boring pattern.
Jocelyn set down her own frame and frowned. “Whatever for, Mama? Our faces are alike. Why do we need identical gowns?”
“I want people to believe it was Jane at the ball, not you, my dear. That means you must be seen together, and people must stare and try to decide which twin you are.”
“All I have to do is open my mouth, and my speech will tell them.” This conversation sent tiny frissons of annoyance through Jane’s veins. She thought they had agreed that she would only go out dressed in the widow’s attire which included a veil that covered her face.
“I’ve heard rumors that Leisterbridge is spreading tales that Jane doesn’t exist, that it was indeed Jocelyn who . . . who went away with him.”
“That’s preposterous. Do people actually believe him?” asked Jocelyn.
“I told him in plain terms that I was her twin,” said Jane. “I specifically used my own accent, although I’ve been corrected so many times I’m beginning to sound like I was raised here. The man is merely trying to get attention. Surely he believed me, especially when Lords Ralston and Cardmore came to my rescue.”
“Did either call you by your name in Aubrey’s presence?” Jocelyn asked.
“I don’t recall.”
“That may be the problem.” Mother picked up her embroidery again and frowned at her work. “This pattern is not what I expected.”
“I think it beautiful, Mama,” said Jocelyn. “Show it to Jane.”
Lady Siltsbury held it outward so Jane could see it.
“What is it?”
“See.” Mother shook her head. “If Jane cannot recognize daffodils, I’ve done something wrong.”
“You mean those yellow flowers in the garden?”
Why was the subject now flowers?
“Yes.”
“Well that’s the problem. You don’t have stems, only the bloom. That’s why I was confused.”
The butler entered and bowed before his mistress. “Lord Ralston is here, if you are receiving callers.”
She stood and nodded. “He is always welcome. Send him in.”
Jane tightened her hold on her book and pretended to read. Mother had not tried to discuss the marriage proposal she’d declined, so Elizabeth had not told her. Was he now going to try to use her mother to plead his case? Or was he here to rebuke her? Jane did not relish a scolding for running off while he was gone, but she feared she might get one.
The man strode in, bowed to Lady Siltsbury. “I’m sorry I missed you at Elizabeth’s. As I had business in town, I thought I might pay a call and see if you need anything in particular.” He nodded at Jane and sat next to Jocelyn, facing Lady Siltsbury.
“I went to your sister’s residence as soon as I got your note that Jane was back in safe hands.”
“I must say I am surprised you brought her here. I thought she wanted to remain with Elizabeth for a while, given the circumstances.” He seemed to be waiting for Jane to confirm.
Jocelyn interrupted. “Ralston, you just gazed at Jane. Can you tell us apart?”
He cleared his throat and looked first at one twin and then the other. “I can.”
“How? Our faces are identical.”
“Your demeanor is different. You, Lady Jocelyn, lounge casually in the corner of this couch. Lady Jane sits upright and holds her book stiffly. I’d say you are the relaxed one and she is the tense one.”
Jane closed her book and scowled. “You’d be tense, too, if, as everyone says, your reputation is in shreds.”
“I wasn’t criticizing. I merely made an observation.”
Lady Siltsbury rose. “Now that you are here, you must stay for dinner. We are informal this evening and dining at a country hour.”
“Thank you.”
She summoned a footman and gave instructions. “Would you care for a glass of wine?”
“I would.”
Jane reopened her book and concentrated on the words on the page blurring before her eyes.
“What are you reading?” he asked.
“Nothing you would be interested in, milord.”
“Try me. I am interested in many topics.”
“The Federalist Papers. It’s a book I brought from home.”
“This is your home.”
“For now.”
She tried to ignore him, but she could almost feel his gaze upon her.
“You don’t have to stay here. Elizabeth or Aunt Amelia are happy to house you. You can avoid the gossips more easily in one of those places than here.”
“Haven’t you heard? Jocelyn and I are to dress alike and go out in society, so everyone who believes there really aren’t twins will know I am the one with the sullied reputation. Not my dear sister.” She’d tried to remain calm and rational. Instead, anger crept into her tone.
“Mama?” Jocelyn wailed.
Lady Siltsbury glared at Jane and tried to soothe Jocelyn. “Why don’t you go up to your room, dear, and change into a pretty gown for dinner. It will improve your mood. But don’t tarry. We’ll be dining shortly.”
Jocelyn left her hoop on the sofa and huffed from the room.
Jane shrank back into her chair. “I did not try to hurt her feelings. I am merely stating a fact. I am your own flesh and blood, yet you toss me around like a rag doll. I have feelings, too. All of you are making too much of this.”
Ralston came over and sat next to her. “There is a betting book at one of the men’s clubs. One bet says Aubrey seduced Jocelyn and there is no twin. The other says Aubrey is a laughingstock. The twins exist, and he didn’t know the difference. We know the truth. When the ton knows it, Aubrey will double down and concoct an even more lurid story. You will be destroyed, Jocelyn will be scorned, and Lady Siltsbury will be demonized for trying to deceive her fellow socialites. It’s bad, Jane. You must not go out.”
He had such gorgeous eyes a woman could lose all thoughts while gazing into them. Today they held no spark of humor or even kindness. They bore into her as if trying to see into her tarnished soul.
“I’ve learned something while here and probably guessed the minute I met my sister. Jocelyn is malleable and insecure, despite Mother’s attention. She needs to strengthen her backbone if she is to survive. I am stronger than she is. I can survive barbs and innuendo with head held high. I will remain, and we will weather this scandal together.”
He sighed and got to his feet. “Very well.” He turned to Lady Siltsbury who had overheard the conversation and for once had not butted in. “I could use that glass of wine.”
“I’ll see what has happened to it.” She left the room, leaving Jane alone with Ralston.
His back was turned, but his voice was crisp and clear. “You left me a note.”
“I did.” Good Lord, were they to discuss his proposal now?
“You could have told me in person.”
“I didn’t know when you would return.”
He turned, a sardonic look on his face. “You find marriage to me abhorrent?”
If you only knew how I long to be your wife.
“No. I find independence to be a stronger draw.”
He shrugged. “I shall not badger you. Should you change your mind, let me know. I failed you. I’m failing your sister. I want to set both of you to rights.”
If only you loved me.
“You never wanted to be our guardian. Lady Siltsbury led my father to believe
it was your father who was to be named. Yet, you stepped in and did your duty as best you could. I don’t blame you for anything. I blame my sister for falling in love with the wrong man and my mother for perpetrating the scandalous deception when Jocelyn couldn’t be seen in public. You are free of any moral debt, my lord. Put it out of your mind.”
Jocelyn entered the room. She’d been crying, and Jane’s heart wrenched. What was this bond she felt toward her sister? She should resent her, but she didn’t.
“I am sorry, Jocelyn. I did not mean to be waspish.”
“I know.” Her twin’s hug warmed her.
The butler stood at the entrance to the room. “Dinner is served.”
Ralston held out an arm for each twin, and they went into the dining room where Lady Siltsbury was already seated.
“What is your next step?”
Lady Siltsbury sat back, holding her napkin. “A ride through Rotten Row at the fashionable hour. See and be seen without stopping to talk to anyone.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Count me in. I’ll ride alongside.”
She nodded in approval and signaled for the first course to be served. “Thank you.”
Chapter 38
The afternoon sun kissed the top of the trees with rays of golden light as they drove slowly along Rotten Row. A few men ventured toward them, tipping their hats as they gawked at the occupants of the open conveyance. Ralston’s presence put them off, and Jane and her sister, seated side by side, were told to wave and smile at acquaintances. Jane was to follow her sister’s lead since she didn’t know most of those who strolled or rode by.
As the driver kept the vehicle in motion, they did not have to converse with anyone, and that was to Jane’s liking. There had not been any indication they’d be shunned or maligned, so she took heart in her observation and tried to enjoy the warm afternoon. Jocelyn held her hands together in her lap so tight Jane thought she might crack a bone. Jane hid her own tension and stiffened only once when a group of ladies walking nearby gasped and peered into the barouche as it passed. They turned away in unison as if they’d rehearsed, babbling to themselves. Perhaps someone in the opposite direction had called out to them.
I shall remain positive.
“Our first cut direct.” Mother winced after she spoke, as if she’d sucked a lemon.
“What does the term ‘cut direct’ mean?”
“It means we are social pariahs, Jane.”
“The ladies in the carriage we passed earlier waved and smiled.”
“They are of no consequence.”
“Remain calm, Lady Siltsbury,” said Ralston. “Most are merely curious. I expected a gaggle of gawkers today. Those who pass judgment early are sanctimonious and not worth knowing.”
“Fine for you to say. I have two daughters needing husbands.”
“One daughter.” Jane raised her chin and stared into her mother’s surprised face.
She gazed back with narrowed eyes. “It might be best to find a husband for you immediately. The stain of scandal would dissipate more quickly, and if your name was mentioned where it should not, a husband could put a stop to it.”
Jane turned to view the trees in the distance. “I do not wish to marry.”
“You are not thinking clearly. It is your guardian’s duty to find you a husband.” Lady Siltsbury turned to Ralston. “I can give you a few names to consider—men without fortune or widowers needing mothers for their children. I can think of two baronets and one earl. You probably know them.”
Ralston gave a quick nod but did not respond.
“I shall not consent, Mother, so do not even bother.” Her gaze met Ralston’s for five seconds, before she looked away.
Two men on horseback passed the barouche, tipped their hats, and laughed as they rode on.
Lady Siltsbury squirmed in her seat. “I just thought of a few others.”
“This is not the time to have this conversation. We can discuss it later,” Jane snapped.
“Leave her be, Mama,” said Jocelyn. “She does not want to marry.”
“But you do, don’t you?”
Jocelyn seemed crestfallen. “I suppose the scandal will blow over eventually. I’d hoped to marry Aubrey. It appears I was mistaken about his intentions.” She sniffed. “Someone else may come along. If not, I’ll go live with Jane.”
“You girls are trying my patience,” Mother hissed.
“Let us end this parody and return home.” Jocelyn shrank back into her seat and yanked the brim of her bonnet lower. “I believe we’ve provided the ton with enough entertainment today.”
Ralston told the driver to turn off and return home when they reached the end of the drive. His face displayed no hint of displeasure. Perhaps he, too, thought it had been an asinine idea to put themselves on display today.
When they reached their destination, Jane and Jocelyn ran upstairs to change while Lady Siltsbury arranged for tea. Ralston said he would join them in the family parlor. They were supposed to attend a musicale at Lady Culbertson’s home this evening. Perhaps Mother now realized it would be a bad idea.
After removing the dress her mother had deemed appropriate for their ride, Jane changed into one of the day dresses she’d worn at Lady Amelia’s. When she returned, she found Ralston alone in the parlor and hesitated at the door.
“You look like you fear I shall slice you into pieces and serve you for dinner. We’re not going to discuss your note further. You made yourself quite clear.”
“Thank you.” She sauntered in and sat across from him. “What are you drinking?”
“Brandy. I found a decanter on the sideboard.”
“May I have a glass?”
“I’ll get you a sherry. It’s more ladylike.”
She rolled her eyes and refrained from making a rude comment. “Will you be attending the musicale this evening?”
“No. I have business to attend to early tomorrow morning, and then I return to Chelmsford. Will you be all right here? I am surprised you didn’t want to live with Aunt Amelia.”
“This is my family, and I must learn to get along with them. Anger still seethes within me. I shall have to learn to hide it in the interest of amicability.”
“It doesn’t sound like you’re happy.”
“You’re right. Mother and I are still virtual strangers. Perhaps once we get to know one another, we can find a semblance of mutual forbearance if nothing else. Giving birth doesn’t make you a parent. Giving love and instruction does. My father was my parent. Lady Siltsbury is Jocelyn’s.”
He took a sip of his brandy and seemed to ponder her words. “A bit of wisdom, I’d say. Well done.” He saluted her with his glass.
“What did you think of today’s adventure, and should we really be pursuing this type of activity? I would think we should remain as inconspicuous as possible until the next transgression by some unsuspecting member of the ton.”
“Today wasn’t too bad. I knew people would be curious, and now everyone will soon know there are two of you. Your mother will bear the brunt of the gossip as the architect of the deception. Jocelyn’s welts have faded, but a few can still be seen if one looks closely. She’ll weather the storm. You, on the other hand, will be pitied at best, scorned and shunned at worst. You won’t be invited anywhere, which I assume will suit you just fine.”
Jane couldn’t suppress her smile. “You know me well, Ralston.”
“Do I?” He seemed sad for a moment, then rose as Lady Siltsbury and Jocelyn entered the room followed by a footman with a tea tray.
“There you are, Jane. I wondered if you’d retired to your room to prepare for tonight’s ordeal.”
“Must we go, Mama?” Jocelyn flounced onto a chair.
“Yes. Our real tes
t. Our invitation has not been rescinded, so we will go, mingle, listen to some soprano the dowager Lady Culbertson has found. She is fond of musicales and hosts many.”
Ralston declined tea and kept his brandy. “Her son-in-law, John Montague, is one of my best friends, Lady Siltsbury. He and his wife, Gwen, live in Yorkshire.”
“I’ve read of Yorkshire. It has a walled city, doesn’t it?” asked Jane.
“You’re speaking of York. Parts of the wall are still visible.”
Jocelyn narrowed her eyes. “You amaze me, Jane. I didn’t know you were interested in British history.”
“I like history, and York is well-known for its cathedral.”
Mother interrupted. “Let’s get back to tonight’s entertainment. Ralston can call for us, and we’ll go in his carriage.”
“I’m not attending.”
“What? I thought sure you’d be there.” She poured a cup of tea and handed it to Jocelyn. “I shall have to rethink this. I had hoped to have an ally handy.”
“I believe the Earl and Countess of Cardmore will be there. I’ll send a note and inform them of your need.”
“That would be a relief.”
“I must be off. I shall be leaving town for a while. You can always send word to Ralston Park if you need me.”
“Of course. Thank you for your escort today.” She signaled for the butler to bring his hat and coat.
“Be strong, girls. Jane, stay close to Lady Cardmore. She was the brunt of gossip for a solid year—maybe more—and knows what to expect.”
“I shall.”
The room seemed empty when Ralston left. Silence, heavy in the intimate surroundings, seemed to encourage each person to dwell on inner reflection.
Jane broke the silence. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to rest before we embark on our activities.”
“Of course. Wear the dress Mary sets out for you. It’s a gown that is similar to the one Jocelyn will wear, only a different color.”
“If you wish it.” She was too tired to argue. All of the madcap shenanigans of the preceding days had drained her of energy. She now hated to get up in the morning and retired immediately after dinner. Tonight’s entertainment was at an advanced hour with a buffet following. She would need to remain awake and alert.
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