The NYCE Girls!

by Raquel Belle

  “Is there any chance we can drop this?”

  “Now that you’ve made things all ominous and stuff, my curiosity is piqued, so no.”

  Nick sighs. “He made a few comments...about you.”

  I blink. “I’m guessing he didn’t know I worked for you when he made those comments.”

  “He didn’t. I managed to put him in his place without my fist, which was really too bad. I really wanted to hit him.”

  My face feels like it’s on fire. Not because of whatever Watson said—I’ve heard it all and I’ve gotten over all of the filthy leers that’ve come my way since I hit puberty―but knowing he said those things to Nick...I’m so embarrassed. “I can only imagine what was said.”

  “Don’t ask me to repeat.”

  “I wouldn’t. But you don’t have to protect me you know. It’s something a lot of women experience…especially in certain settings. I’m a big girl.”

  “I know I don’t have to protect you—I want to protect you because you mean something to me, Grace. You’re more important to me than Watson’s money. I’d rather avoid having him anywhere near you because that’s just going to end with him suing me for assault. Are we done with this?”

  I blow out a breath and hop off his desk. “Thank you, I guess.”

  “You guess?” His eyes narrow. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

  Nick is coming from a good place, I know that. And knowing he cares about me that much warms me to the core. It’s probably the closest thing to a confession of love that I’ll ever get from him. But I don’t want him to risk his business, his reputation as well as the reputation of the firm… for me―the secretary he’s sleeping with. Basically, that’s what I’ve become no matter how close we might be as friends. That’s all people will see.

  Now that we’re actually sleeping together, he’ll be more resentful of Watson. I’m not blind, I've seen the possessive gleam in his eyes when we’re in the throes of passion. I don’t want to be his possession—or his convenient fuck buddy. This small incident has just rekindled the thoughts I’d been having of quitting my job...and Nick. I’ve managed to suppress those thoughts for yet another week, but here they are. Keeping them to myself is taking a toll on my emotional well-being.

  “Uh...nothing’s wrong, really.” I want to kick myself for not coming out with the truth. This is the perfect opportunity. But, I take the coward’s way out once again. “It’s never a good thing to find out that you’re not respected by everyone you work with. But, it is what it is—that’s what you like to say isn’t it? It’s no big deal.” I let out a nervous laugh because the words, I want to resign, are right on the tip of my tongue. But, looking at him, I can’t get them out.

  “This is why I didn’t say anything when it happened and why I didn’t want to bring it up now.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” He gives me an unconvinced frown. “Since you’re back. I’ll take my lunch now if you don’t mind.”

  Those laser-sharp blue eyes are focused on me and I begin to panic. He totally knows I’m not fine. Why do I feel like he can read my mind? Oh, God. Please don’t push. Please don’t push. I could never hold up under any kind of interrogation since I was a kid. My father always said the inability to lie effortlessly is a good thing. Well, sometimes I think it’s a curse, especially around Nick.

  “Go ahead,” is all he says…even though his eyes are saying stay right where you are and tell me the truth.

  My lungs deflate with a long breath. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

  ***

  I didn’t really have lunch. There’s no way I could eat with my emotions knotting my stomach the way they were. So, I hid in the ladies’ room on the first floor. I pretty much sat on a toilet in a stall for the whole hour. I didn’t even text or call any of the girls when I’d had intermittent panic attacks. Nope, I breathed through them and worked on mustering up as much courage as I could. This is something I need to handle on my own. I’ll call the girls when it’s done and they’ll help me pick up the pieces. I haven’t faced Nick yet but I already know I’m going to have a major break down after I do.

  “I can do this. I can do this. It’s for the best,” I chant in an effort to maintain my resolve. Shoulders squared I march back into Michael Davis Parker.

  “Hi, Grace. You okay?”

  Pausing at the receptionist’s desk, I plaster on a smile. “Hey, Ann. I’m fine.”

  “Saw you talking to yourself on the other side of the glass.” She peers at me through her thick lenses.

  “Oh, you know, just so much to do and remember. You know how it is.”

  “Do I ever,” she laughs. “Okay, I’ll see you later then.”

  “Later.” My megawatt smile begins to fade as soon as I’m out of Ann’s sight and by the time I open the door to Nick’s and my office, it’s completely gone. “Crap. I can’t do this.” There goes my boldness and determination. Nick’s door is open and I peek inside. He’s on the phone and his stony expression indicates he isn’t happy with the conversation.

  “If you feel like we need him that much, I’m sure we can find someone else to manage his account,” I hear him say.

  Aiming for my desk, I try not to eavesdrop on the rest of the conversation. It’s easy to do because my mind is racing with thoughts of quitting. Can I really go through with it? I can’t do it now…not with Nick clearly in a bad mood. Later. I’ll do it later. I just hope I can act normal until then.

  “Grace?”

  I whip around with another forced smile. “Yes?”

  “A minute please.”

  “Just a sec.” Spinning back around, I pretend to arrange my desk, but really, I’m working on my composure. Dealing with guilt has never been my strong suit and right now I feel guilty as hell. I feel like I’m betraying Nick, plotting to resign without a word. Of course, I’m going to give notice. I’d never leave him high and dry. But, still I feel awful. Finally, I make it into his office.

  “Shut the door please,” he says.

  “Uh oh. This sounds serious. What’s happened?”

  “Nothing that important,” he shrugs.

  “But you seemed so upset when I walked in.”

  “I was speaking with Walter Davis. Are you okay, Grace?”

  “Huh? Yeah, sure. Why?”

  He lifts a brow. “You’re hovering at the door. And you’re acting pretty jumpy.”

  Like I said, I can’t handle guilt. “I’m not. What did you and Walter discuss?”

  “Alvin Watson.”

  “Is that all you’re going to give me?”

  “Are you going to stop looking at me like I’m going to bite you and get over here?” His eyes are shining with humor so I take a tentative step forward. “What’s up with you, Grace?”

  I’m not a great liar, but I do think fast on my feet. “The mention of Alvin Watson has me feeling a bit...guilty. I feel like I’m costing you and the firm. Now that I know you were speaking with a partner about it, I feel horrible.”

  He seems genuinely taken aback. “You’re not costing me anything.”

  “So, I’m only costing the firm then?”

  Scrubbing a hand over his face, he sighs. “Jesus. Why did I even tell you about Watson? Come here, Grace.”

  We have a stare-down, with me still rooted at the door. For once, I’m not the first to give in and I’m very proud of myself. Taking me by surprise, he gets up and treks across the room. Taking my hands in his, he says, “Grace, you didn’t do anything. You’re not at fault here. I don’t like Watson and I don’t want to work with him. It’s as simple as that. Neither of the other partners can pressure me into anything. Relax.”

  Instantly, I melt. Damn him for being so good at putting me at ease. “You know they’ll want you to take on such a huge account because you’re the best.”

  “There you go being biased again, but thank you,” he smiles. “You’re forgetting that our name’s on the wall, so Walter just wanting something doesn’t mean it’s
going to happen.”

  He still has my hands firmly in his…and he said it again…our name. Crap, now I really feel like the lowest of the low. “Nick, there’s something I need to talk to you about, but later.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Um…well…it depends…”

  “On?”

  “Now isn’t the time. Later.”

  His brows knit as he assesses me far too carefully. “Alright. I’m officially worried.”

  Now I regret bringing it up in the first place. “Nick,” I sigh, “we agreed that we’d keep the more personal issues out of the office.”

  “So, whatever you want to discuss is personal?”

  “Yes...somewhat. But, we should get back to work for now.”

  “I don’t think so. Just tell me what the problem is, Grace. You know I like to deal with things head-on. There’s no way I’ll have a clear mind to work on anything until I know.”

  “I…”

  “Usually you’re not afraid to tell me anything.” His eyes are now clouded with concern and his thumbs begin making tiny circles on the back of my hands. I hate that’s he’s trying to comfort me when I’m about to drop a bomb. I yank my hands out of his—him being so sweet is making it that much harder for me to say what I need to say.

  “We need to stop this.”

  He laughs softly. “I know we made a deal to keep personal stuff outside of work, but is it really that big of a deal if we bend the rules a little bit?”

  “No, I mean we need to stop...everything. We need to stop sleeping together, stop acting like we’re a couple―all of it.”

  “We act like we’re a couple?”

  “You know we do. And we’re not. It’s just gotten unbearable, more so since we’ve been sleeping together. It has to stop. No more telling me how much you care about me when you’re incapable of even...dating.” I’m already about to crumble to pieces and I haven’t even mentioned the part about me leaving yet. But, there he is… calm as ever, staring at me as if I’ve suddenly gone crazy. Maybe I have.

  “Is that why you’ve been acting so strange lately? You want to date?”

  “I’m not saying it’s what I want…” Well, it is, but with a real emotional connection. Okay, maybe I have lost my mind.

  “You’re confusing the hell out of me, but if that's what you want, fine.”

  “Fine?” Now I’m the one gaping at him.

  “I’ll take you out on a date,” he shrugs, and it’s his nonchalance that really sets me off.

  Fuming, I spit, “Is this you indulging me again, just so I’ll calm down and keep going along with our sexual affair?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.”

  We stare at each other for so long my eyes start to burn. “Maybe you were right. We should discuss this later, out of the office.”

  I could slap that scowl right off of his gorgeous face. “You really think this is about a stupid date, Nick?”

  “It couldn’t be because the Grace I know is a lot more reasonable than this. That’s why we’ll talk later when you’ve calmed down and you’re thinking clearly and when you’re ready to tell me what the hell is really going on with you.”

  I know he’ll say he’d never patronize me, but it sure feels like he is. “So, you’re dismissing me for now then?”

  Eyes widening, he throws his hands up. “What do you want from me, Grace? When I want to talk about what’s bothering you—because clearly something’s been bothering you for a while—you refuse to talk to me. So what do you want?”

  He’s got me there. I’ve been a coward…and admittedly, I’m not handling this in the best way. It’s hard for someone to behave rationally when they’re on the verge of an emotional meltdown. “You’re right, I’m making things much harder than they need to be by beating around the bush. It’s just that this is really difficult for me.”

  “I can’t see why. You know you can tell me anything.”

  Taking a deep breath, I say the words that have been sitting like bile in my stomach, “I quit.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Nick

  What did she just say? She can tell me anything but that. I gawk at her, probably looking foolish with my mouth hanging wide open. The silence in the room is almost too much to bear. The oxymoron, deafening silence, is now fully understood. Grace’s eyes are the size of saucers and the color has drained from her face. It’s as if she can’t believe she just said the words that came out of her mouth. I can’t believe she did either. This must be a joke. Any second now, she’s going to giggle and tell me she’s pulling my leg. Just when I’m about to laugh the whole thing off, she stutters, “N-not just like that. I mean...what I should have said is, I’m going to resign. I’ll give you sufficient notice of course s-so you can find another assistant. I-I know how busy your schedule is.”

  Fucking hell. She isn’t kidding around. How did we get from talking about dating and acting like a couple to this? I know she’s had issues with us sleeping together, but enough to quit her job? Blinking rapidly in an effort to fight back my confusion and my growing fury—not to mention the fear threatening to consume me—I take a step back. “You want to leave me?”

  Grace drops her head into her hands and groans. “Do you see what I mean? Do you even realize what you just said? I’m not leaving you, Nick. We were never together!”

  Okay, I get how that sounds inappropriate, but she’s more than an employee. She’s a huge part of my life. If she leaves the job, technically, she is leaving me. “You know what I meant.”

  “Sometimes it’s hard to be sure what you do mean,” she whispers. “Things have gotten too complicated and confusing between us and I can’t…” She blows out a long breath. “I need to put distance between us. I tried putting a stop to our physical relationship but it was too hard working with you, still being so close, and then I fell right back into the very thing I tried to escape.”

  “Escape? You were never trapped. You weren’t forced into anything.”

  “I would never claim to have been, Nick. I wanted our sexual relationship just as much as you did—hell, maybe even more…despite the damage I knew it would cause. But along the way, I realized that it isn’t healthy, especially for me. I’m not like you. I can’t lock my emotions away and keep going like everything is going to be fine forever.”

  “What happened to you accepting me the way I am, Grace?”

  Her eyes—glued to the floor only a moment ago—rise to meet mine and I almost take another step back because of the sadness I see in them. It’s happening—everything I didn’t want. I’ve made her unhappy and I’m about to lose her. “I do accept you the way that you are, that’s why I have to do this. There’s no point waiting around for you to change your mind about...us.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting that you were the one who didn’t want an us? Have you forgotten our conversation four years ago? You’ve been adamant about keeping things platonic and now you’re leaving because you want more. This is unfair and you know it. I’ve been trying to give you what you want—or what I thought you wanted.”

  Arms folded around herself defensively, she sighs, “I know what I said four years ago, but I didn’t think our relationship would become meaningless sex.”

  She’s completely lost her mind. Meaningless? “You know damn well I—”

  “Care about me? Yeah, I know. And you’ve proven it more times than I can count. But if I left it up to you, we’d be friends with benefits until we’re both old and wrinkled. I can’t go on like this, Nick. I have to move on with my life.”

  I can only stare at her in silence. She has a point. In my eyes, things between us were just fine. I had every part of Grace that I needed, the perfect assistant, the best friend and bed partner—why change a thing? She does deserve so much more than I’m willing to give. I know that. Still, I allow my anger to get the best of me and things take a much darker turn. “You can’t just leave, you signed a contract. Forget the noti
ce, you stay until your contract is up and that’s that. It’s another eight months till you’re up for evaluation.”

  She remains quiet for a while, until finally she says, “I know there’s a contract, but that’s just a formality. I’m asking you for this, Nick. Surely you can understand—”

  “A contract is a contract, Grace. You breach it and I’ll see you in court. Do you really want it to come to that? You know I never lose.” Her astonished expression is what jolts me into the realization of what I just said. Then, the look of betrayal in her eyes is like being doused with a cold bucket of water, rousing me from whatever state of insanity I’d just descended into. I’m more shocked by my words than even she appears to be. What just got into me?

  “You said you’d always be fair to me no matter what. I know a contract is binding—I’m not stupid. But it’s me, Nick. Me.” She bites off her next words with so much hurt, it feels like I’m dying inside. “I never, ever, not even once, thought…you’d do this to me.”

  I’m unable to find my voice immediately because I’m still trying to figure out how I allowed those words to leave my mouth in the first place. I take a step toward her, a hand outstretched beseechingly. “Grace, I didn’t—”

  She wheels around and storms out the door, slamming it in the process.

  “―Mean that,” I finish, staring at the door. I can’t even move to go after her. Perhaps I shouldn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look of fury and hurt in her eyes. I should give her a few minutes to calm down.

  Seconds later, I hear the outer door opening and closing and that’s when I spring into action. Yanking my door open, my eyes scan her office. There’s no sign of her. I’ve never touched Grace’s desk or invaded her work space, but I hurry to the desk and pull open the bottom drawer—it’s where she always stashes her handbag. It isn’t there. I wasn’t expecting her to leave. This is all wrong. I have just fucked up...immensely. But she was supposed to return to her office, cool down and then return to my office to confront me about being a dick. Then we’d talk and I’d apologize sincerely—because I only said what I said out of fear of losing her.