by J. L. Madore
She saw that now.
“I remember quite clearly what happened between us. Being my only sexual experience, I suppose there’s nothing to blur together.”
Seth held her firmly in place. “I deserve that. I honestly wish I could go back and take better care of myself. I never realized that one day it might matter how I behaved over centuries and millennia. Unfortunately, there’s no changing who I am, but I would if I could. I want you to know that.”
She stared at the finely-carved wooden frame of the mirror.
“Look,” he said, his voice a quiet caress next to her ear. “I’m sorry that you feel less important because of my past. That’s not how I feel.”
She couldn’t help but chuckle.
He gripped her chin, his massive hand covering her entire throat. With anyone else, she might have been afraid. With Seth, the tremor that traveled the length of her spine wasn’t apprehension.
“The attraction is real—you know that. More important, nothing about you blurs in my memory. I remember every detail as if it’s etched into my soul.”
He tipped his head, trailing his mouth down the line of her jaw. “I remember how incredibly soft your hair felt as it swept my skin. I remember how trusting you were, your body responding to my every caress. Most of all, I remember the warmth in your eyes as I brought you pleasure, first with my fingers, and then twice with my cock thrusting inside you.”
Yes. They’d fit together perfectly. Two bodies merged with such perfection she’d craved him ever since.
He released her and moved to the other side of the room. “And I remember that the warmth was meant for another man.”
The loss of connection brought her up short. The hurt in his voice stole her breath.
“When Phoenix said he hadn’t allowed anything to happen between you two, I thought he was crazy. You’re a drop-dead beautiful female who was head over heels into him, and beyond that, passionate, trusting, and a million other things any male would want in a woman.”
“Yet he didn’t want me.”
“Because you deserved better.”
Now it wasn’t a chuckle that escaped her lips. This time, she laughed. “Why is it that the men in this realm constantly decide for me what I deserve, where I can go, who I go with? Do I strike you as weak-minded in some way?”
“Of course not.”
“Nonsensical, maybe?”
“No one thinks that.”
She threw up her hands and leaned her butt on the edge of the dresser. “Then why do your twin, you, and your brothers-in-arms insist on deciding things for me? Does it not occur to you that I might want the chance to build my own future?”
Seth sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Think about where he was coming from. Despite all the things you observed of this realm, you remained an Angel of the Powers, a gentle soul, untouched by the violence of this world. You held a position of respect, with an Archangel and friend worried about you. You deserved to have someone worthy love you and keep you safe.”
“And why wouldn’t that include a Nephilim warrior?”
He frowned. “Because we’re poison.”
“That’s melodramatic, don’t you think?”
He stood, shaking his head. “Look at the facts. You’ve been here two months and were kidnapped, tortured, and targeted for death because of your connection to us.”
“I was kidnapped because of my own stupidity.”
“At Zander’s club, where Thrash’s man lurked, hoping to find a way to commission weapons to kill us. Thea, we’re toxic. With every kill we absorb more darkness. It affects the way we look at ourselves and the way others look at us. Don’t you see?”
It broke her heart to hear how these men saw themselves.
A knock on the door had them both scowling.
“Yeah?” Seth called out. “What’s up?”
When no one spoke, he frowned and headed across the room. “Phoenix wouldn’t disturb us without good reason.”
She caught his wrist as he passed. “You’re not toxic, and I’m not some paradigm of angelic virtue. Once you get those two facts locked in your thick skull, we’ll all be better off.”
Seth opened the bedroom door and cursed at the hard scowl marring his brother’s puss. “What now?”
Thea’s got a guest.
“What? Who?”
Remember that pansy-assed prick spouting off the night Auriel hauled you up to discuss Zane’s paternity?
“The whiny bitch stray-doggin’ her? The partner guy?”
Phoenix nodded. Arik, yeah, that’s him.
“Here? Now?”
Downstairs.
Seth didn’t know how he felt about that. His beast raged forward, and he growled long and low. Okay, so he fucking hated the idea but really, who was he to have an opinion one way or the other? “Yeah, okay, we’ll be down in a sec.”
Taking a deep haul into his lungs didn’t help. His chest was tight as a vice and he suddenly wanted to decapitate someone. He smoothed out his expression before he turned and met Thea’s quizzical smile.
“What was that about?”
“Your Powers partner guy, Arik, is here to see you.”
“Here? Now?”
“Apparently, yeah. Were you expecting him?”
Thea shook her head, rushing to her dresser to pull out a fresh top. She stepped into the bathroom and slid the door mostly closed, so they could still chat. “I’m as surprised as you are. Did Phoenix say why he’s here?”
Seth didn’t mention he could still see her changing in the slice of mirror visible from the bedroom. Why ruin a good thing, right? When she grabbed her brush and started pulling it through the lengths of blonde silk, his beast really got ticked.
“You primping for a reason, angel? You got something going on with Partner Boy I’m unaware of?”
Thea’s laughter rang like a melodious song. “With Arik? You make me laugh.”
Good. That was good.
When she emerged back into the bedroom, her cheeks were flushed, and she had an easy smile he’d never seen. “Arik is my friend. A dear friend. He likely heard that I had the baby and wants to congratulate me.”
“You mean us, right? Congratulate us?”
Thea rolled her eyes and gathered Zane up from his bed. “I doubt you played any part in his decision to visit. Not in a positive way, at least. Now, how do I look?”
Seth shoved his fists deep into his pockets, his jaw starting to ache. “You looked fine as you were.”
She laughed again. “In a baggy sweatshirt covered in dried milk patches, and with unkempt hair? Please.”
Yeah, well, that was his sweatshirt and he loved when she wore it. And oh, yeah, that was his son she carried in her arms.
She stared at him like he’d missed something, and he had to rewind the convo. Right, she’d asked him a question. “Sorry, I thought it was rhetorical. You are a vision, angel. I’ve always said you are a stunner, and neither your clothes nor your hair or anything else could change that.”
She chuckled again. “You’ve never said anything of the sort, but thank you. Are you coming down with us?”
He’d never told her she was resplendent? Man, that stung.
He considered himself a charmer. Females like to have the males around them appreciate them—especially after having a kid. He remembered how Zander fussed over Austin after Nio’s birth. He’d brought her gifts and constantly reassured her that she was as beautiful as always.
Yeah, but they were a couple. He and Thea . . . well, what were they exactly?
“Earth to Seth,” Thea said, waving her hand in front of his face. “What’s going on with you? Are you well?”
He shook off his brain-cloud and nodded. “Yeah, good.”
It took her a sec before she believed him but then she smiled and headed for the door. “You’re acting so weird. Are you sure you want to come down? Maybe you need to rest.”
Seth was hot on her heels. “No, I’m good. I w
ouldn’t miss a chance to say hi to good ole Arin.”
“Arik,” Thea corrected him, giggling as they descended the stairs. “You’re so funny.”
Zander helped Austin put out the baking platters and poured the mulled cider from the pot on the stove into the thermal pitcher. She’d been at it all afternoon and was looking forward to their first snow day of the season. Austin had holiday decorations to put up and boardgames to play, and he had no idea how his brothers would feel about any of it.
Honestly, he didn’t care what kind of fuss they put up. He’d order them to participate if he had to. Being the commander had its perks. Keeping the smile on his wife’s face was the only thing he cared about. “You look like the cat that swallowed the canary, cowgirl. What are you up to?”
“Me? Not a thing. I’m just happy that a friend of Thea’s has come calling. She’ll enjoy visiting with someone who knew her before her life changed.”
He eyed up the smarmy little runt sitting on his sofa and laughed. “Kinda reminds me of your ex, Dick. All prim and proper, with his hair parted and his pants creased.”
Austin chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with a well-dressed professional.”
“Uh-huh, but there’s more to the Cheshire grin than that.”
Austin kissed his cheek and laughed again. “How about you go in there and offer him some welcome.”
Welcome? Fine. He knew better than try to suss the whole truth out of her. For a tiny human woman, she could strategize as well as any Roman generals he knew. And with Austin, all strategizing ended with a happily ever after for one of them.
He had to hand it to her, though.
Nurturing a budding love was her superpower.
Hands down.
Thankfully, he was saved the horror of making small talk with the Power when Thea came floating in, a smile on her face, Zane in her arms, and a pissed Seth tight to her six.
Ahhhh, now he was cookin’ with gas. He might be slow on the uptake, but he got there. “Hey, Egyptian, how’s things?”
Seth ignored him and stayed glued to the angel and her admiring friend.
“Seriously, Seth, come here, I wanna tell you something.”
Seth cast him the visual equivalent to a “fuck you,” but came anyway. “Yeah, what?”
Zander tried not to laugh. “Come help me with the garlands Austin laid out. I need someone to hold the other end.”
The look Seth threw him nearly cracked him up, but he managed to turn and point the way before he lost it. “If you’re good, I’ll let you hang the mistletoe.”
Seth looked at Thea and her friend cozied up on the sofa, fussing over baby Zane. If looks could kill, they’d be cleaning up one hell of a slaughter. “I’ll help you in a bit, ’kay?”
“Don’t make me disappoint my mate, brother. She’s got her heart set on things.” Zander knew he was being a royal dick, but he hadn’t had such fun in a long time. Besides, Seth deserved it. “Come on. Many hands get shit done quicker, right?”
“That’s not the saying, at all,” Austin laughed, opening her laptop and putting her earpiece in place. “I’m giving everyone one pick for our Yule feast. Zander, you’re up.”
“Easy,” he said, handing Seth his end of the evergreen rope and pointing to the step ladder. “I’d like that stuffing you made last year, with the cranberries and nuts and stuff.”
Austin tapped at her keys and nodded. “What about you, Seth? What tops your list for this year’s holiday feast? Doesn’t have to be food. It can be anything you’d like included into the first year of our holiday traditions.”
Seth gave up the fight and started hanging the garlands. “Can I get back to you on that, cowgirl? My hamster isn’t tracking at the moment, and I don’t want to blow my one wish.”
“Sure, sugar, give it some thought. Or, talk to Thea and see what the two of you come up with. I know she’s anxious to build holiday traditions with you and Zane.”
And like that, Seth lit up like a shooting star. Yep, Austin was just that good. “Oh, yeah?”
Austin winked. “Don’t mention that I suggested it, but you could volunteer to cut the tree this weekend and take her for an afternoon out. Ronnie and I can watch Zane, and the two of you could get out of the house and have a couple hours of fun.”
Zander nodded. “And she likes shopping. Maybe take her to buy a bunch of presents for Zane. Or a first tree ornament or something special like that to start things off right.”
He scored big with that one. Austin pegged him with a look so luscious, he almost dropped his next rope of garland.
Hells yeah! Point for the sensitive Sumerian.
Seth hooked the last of the garland, his gaze still locked on Thea and her guest. “You think she’d like that?”
Austin finished typing on her computer. “A new mother can lose herself in the baby. Enjoy each other as adults for a bit.”
By the time Arik left, Seth’s beast was pacing and the man was a bustling bundle of nerves. Logically, he should be happy that Thea had a nice visit with her friend. Instead, he hated every smile she’d offered, resented every giggle, and envied every brush of her hand to his stupid twig arms. Like, honestly, he could snap that asshole in two without breaking a sweat.
It took him a while to peg the cause of his upset, and no matter how stupid it was—because it wasn’t like that between him and the angel—he was jealous.
The gripping in his guts. The tension in his lungs. The urge to punch the guy so hard his fist broke straight through his skull to the other side. Yeah, jealousy was new to him.
And he didn’t fucking like it.
Ridiculous. Nowhere in the history of anything did it say that a father had a right to lay claim over the mother of his child. They were their own people, right? Free to live and love.
That’s the way he wanted things.
The trip up to the third-floor suite was filled with one-sided conversation. Thea prattled on about everything she had missed in her old life, and he grunted an acknowledgement whenever she paused long enough to take a breath.
Zane seemed even less interested and farted before falling back to sleep in his arm. “Lot of help you are, kid.”
“Did you say something?”
Seth bit his tongue and shook his head. If you have nothing nice to say, shut your mouth . . . and all that.
Once in the suite, Seth got the little dude settled, and took a few extra minutes to ensure he’d drift back to dreamland. It wouldn’t do either of them any good for him to start something.
Keep it simple, stupid.
Keep your mouth shut.
Get ready for bed and pretend all is well.
Say nothing.
“So, you and Arik get along well.” Yep, he went there, ’cause he was just that stupid. “I’ve never seen you so at ease. You seemed genuinely happy to spend time with him.”
Thea gathered her pajamas from the dresser and smiled. “That’s because I am happy to spend time with him. He’s a dear friend. I miss speaking with him.”
His beast raged and fritzed his vision for a sec. She’d said she missed speaking to him. That wasn’t so bad. “He hates me?”
“What bearing does that have? I don’t hate you.”
He laughed. “Not so long ago, you did.”
“And you felt the same.” She slipped into the bathroom to change, leaving the door open enough for him to catch her reflection if he leaned a few inches to the side.
Did she do that on purpose?
He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and studied the delicate pattern on the wallpaper to focus. “There’s a lot of passion in both love and hate. The humans call it a fine line.”
She frowned, dampening a cloth under the faucet and wiping her face. “What has that to do with anything? Are you implying I’m in love with Arik?”
“He makes you happy.”
She came out of the bathroom, patting her face dry with a puffy hand towel. “As a friend, yes. Why is that a problem?”
<
br /> “It just makes me . . . I mean, you had a life before all this, I get that, but . . .”
“But what, Warrior? Give voice to your thoughts.”
He cursed. “You don’t look like that when you’re with me. You’re not happy—like that—with me, and I thought we were friends too.”
Thea sank onto the end of the bed and looked up at him. “Arik’s been my friend and duty partner for centuries. There’s an ease that comes from knowing someone that long, which we haven’t reached. That’s neither my fault nor yours. It simply hasn’t developed yet.”
“Yet? So, you think it will?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it?”
He sighed, wishing the pressure in his chest would ease. “Maybe . . . maybe I’ve changed my mind, and I don’t want to be your friend.”
She stiffened, and he dropped to his knee before her. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant . . . I have no idea what I’m doing with you, angel. I’ve never dated anyone. I never even wondered what it would be like to have a wife or a family—but then there was Zane.”
He glanced over to where their son slept in his bassinet. “I never wanted a kid, but he’s amazing and fills my heart fuller than I ever imagined possible.”
“So why do you look so tormented?”
“Because up until this point, my experiences with women have been rather singular. I never once thought I failed them. But seeing my brothers with their wives while building something with you for Zane’s sake . . . I . . . think I am failing you. You deserve to be happy.”
The sigh that passed her lips told him nothing. She cupped his jaw with both hands and smiled. “I am happy here with you, and Zane.”
“But not Arik happy.”
Her frown deepened. “Not everything is as I wish it to be, no, but it’s all very new.”
His heart sank. He knew she wasn’t happy. “What do you wish it would be? If you had all the say, what would make you truly happy here with me and Zane?”
“If I had all the say?”
He waited, gripping the duvet beside her knees.
“I wish . . . I want a relationship with you, beyond our roles as parents. A romantic relationship—to bond as mates, to love and trust one another, like your brothers and their wives.”
