Men…seemed like they were poison to the women in my family, yet I’d forgotten that the second the link between us burned to life once more.
He instantly moved away from the door and came toward me, his concern clear. “What is it? I didn’t realize you were from this area.”
No, and wasn’t that strange? We’d shared so much, but I hadn’t told him that.
“I tried to put it in the past,” was all I said.
“So why bring it into the present if you visited them?” His brow furrowed. “I thought you didn’t have any family left?”
“I thought so too.” I gritted my teeth. “This isn’t something I want to talk about. I’m just...processing, I guess. So, you brought me here for a reason. I want to know what that reason is.”
“Maria’s pregnant again.”
The words were like a dagger to my fucking heart.
I choked out, “Fuck you.”
Before I could storm off, he grabbed my shoulder and held me back. “The kid isn’t mine.”
I processed that and shook my head. “She’s all over you like white on rice.”
“When you’re there.” His jaw was suddenly like obsidian. “We’re not—I haven’t—”
“You haven’t what?”
“We don’t have a regular marriage,” he bit off stonily.
“No? Looks pretty normal to me when I see you together.”
“She’s a bitch,” he snapped. “And it was all Cain’s idea.”
I stilled. “What are you talking about?”
“She told him she was pregnant with his kid—”
“They weren’t supposed to be seeing each other. It’s against Coach’s rules!”
He snorted. “I love how innocent you are. I wasn’t going to wreck your chances, not when it was so important, so I made sure things never got too heavy. But Maria and Cain are horrible. They didn’t care, and they figured our families would get Coach to change his mind if he found out.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because Cain is a piece of shit, as you can imagine, he didn’t take it kindly that he was about to be a father.” He ground his teeth. “I think that’s why he did what he did to you. Not only did he want to hurt me through you, I think he was just trying to punish someone because he was angry at being trapped. He knew Maria’s father and our mother would never let him get away with anything other than marrying the bitch.”
I stared at him, processing what he was saying, but feeling like I was listening to him through a wall of water. I knew he was building up to something, but when he shared the truth with me, I wanted to—
Fuck, I wanted to hurt Maria more than I ever had before. And Cain? Damn. Just, damn.
“After, well, after everything, we learned pretty quickly they were going to try him as an adult. Maria told her dad that she was pregnant, told him who the father was, and he went ape shit. Got Mother involved.
“Suddenly, it went from their being in a relationship to Cain raping her. Which is even more bullshit than all the other crap.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “Her fucking father told my parents that if they didn’t find a way to make things right—i.e. offer me up like a goddamn sacrifice—he’d go to the cops, tell them Cain had raped her, and well, Cain was a kid being tried as an adult. We all knew he was going to jail for what he did to you. What would they do to a rapist too?”
“Why not tell me all this before?”
“I couldn’t.” He grimaced. “I hate the bastard. I hate him with all the fucking energy I’m capable of, and I hate him for what he did, but Mother? She doesn’t.”
No, Anna didn’t. Even now, even though it was bad for her image and might affect her reelection campaign, she still visited him at least once a month.
Whenever she went, she was always depressed for days afterward, and I knew Janice, in particular, always trod very carefully around her, knowing that the missus, as Irish born Janice called Anna, was in a precarious mood at that time of the month.
It seemed incongruent to me that she’d brought me in, had been kind to me even, when she was capable of making her son suffer the folly of his brother. Was it all a façade? Was it all just because I was a charity case that she was using as a means to an end—to offset her visits to Cain by upholding her sacrifice in homing a poor orphan who embodied the American dream—coming from nothing with the world at her feet if she stayed on track?
I was already starting to attract small stories in the press. My winning streak catching the eye of the people who monitored these things in the buildup to the Olympics.
Plucking at my bottom lip, I whispered, “This isn’t fair.”
His shoulders sagged, and I wasn’t sure what he’d expected to hear from me, but I couldn’t tell if his reaction meant he was relieved or more upset by my response to his words.
“No, it isn’t fair.” He stared at me in a way that made me think of a child looking through a toy store window, dreaming about gifts they’d never receive.
Because that analogy reminded me of me when I was a kid, I bit my lip and crossed over to the bed. Since I didn’t know what else to say, I whispered, “Momma isn’t dead.”
He froze, and I ducked my head, hunching my shoulders.
“She killed herself,” he stated, his tone sure, even though I saw the sudden doubt in his expression.
“No. I went to this town...” Rubbing my temple where the ache had stopped gathering and was like a lead weight now, I whispered, “I grew up there. Well, it’s where my nanny lived. We moved around a lot.”
“Why did you go back, love?”
Love.
So painful an endearment in the face of what he’d just told me.
I wasn’t a fool. I’d known there was a reason why he’d done what he had. Why he’d cut himself off from me like I was contaminated all of a sudden. What hurt was that he hadn’t been the one to share that with me, that he’d evaded me and avoided me for months, but, in his defense, it didn’t change anything, did it?
Sure, it validated that our bond was real and true, as much as it had ever been.
But he was still married.
To a cheating octopus.
If Maria was pregnant again, and Adam said they didn’t have a regular marriage… I had to assume she’d cheated. But, dear God, how could she cheat on him? Adam was beautiful and such a good man. I hated her even more—and before today, that hadn’t seemed like it was even possible.
As I stared at my sneakers, I whispered, “I was lucky. Lavinia was my grandmother’s friend. She’s dying, and that’s pretty much the only reason she told me the truth.” I blew out a breath. “Father used to beat Momma. I mean, I knew that. I have wispy memories of it, vague ones, but she killed him protecting me and her. She’s in jail, Adam.”
He gaped at me, then staggered over to the bed which jostled under his weight as he settled at my side. His arm came up like it always had before, and I nestled into my spot, pushing my face into his throat, slipping my arm around his waist to hold him close.
I could hear his heart, could feel his heat, and nothing had felt better in years.
Not even the water.
“I love you,” I whispered miserably, knowing I was stupid for saying the words, for telling him that, but unable to withhold it.
“God, Thea, I love you too.” He pressed his finger to my chin, lifted it, then whispered, “I love you so much,” as he stared straight into my eyes—no lies, no bullshit. Just hard truth.
Cold fact.
But nothing was cold about the look we were sharing.
Nothing.
I shivered as he pressed his mouth to mine, gently at first, like I remembered. It was beautiful. Heaven. Like I’d been under water all this time, like only now, I was coming up for air.
But nothing could stay the same when everything had changed.
Just like downstairs, his kiss had morphed. No longer chaste. It was needy. He needed me.
His life had gone to shit before he’d even hit eighteen,
and he was stuck with a woman who was cheating on him.
I couldn’t imagine why Anna had done what she did unless it was to save her reputation. I couldn’t imagine Robert putting Adam through this, devout Catholic or not, but pity filled me.
Adam was a good man.
He was my good man.
I shuddered as he speared his tongue between my lips. It thrust against mine in a rhythmic way that made my heart pound. His hand came up to cup my breast, and it felt so good that for a second, I was kind of insensate, unable to respond to anything other than the feel of him. There.
He squeezed, and the moment disintegrated. “Thea?” he groaned.
A sigh escaped my mouth as he moved down, his kisses turning frantic as he anointed my cheek, my jaw, my throat with them, prompting me to whisper, “What?”
“I love you.” He spoke the words again, but this time, with a defiance I understood.
“I love you too,” I repeated, needing him to know.
Nerves filled me because even though I was so beyond ready for this, like I’d told Vinnie, I’d never done it before. I didn’t doubt Adam was no virgin. He’d pretty much admitted that to me before when we’d talked about anything and everything at Hawkvale.
The prospect of him sleeping with Maria made me feel sick, but I tried not to think of that, tried not to think of him with her—
“I haven’t.”
For a second, I wondered if I’d said that aloud, but he pressed his forehead to mine. “I-I wanted to,” he admitted. “Not because I want her, but because she pushed herself onto me, and what the fuck do I get out of this shitty situation if it isn’t sex?” He gulped. “But then, when it comes down to it, I hate her too much, detest her too much to want to touch her.” He gritted his teeth to the point where his next words were difficult to understand. “I didn’t know I could feel that way, Thea. And then, with that hatred, I wouldn’t want to because—” He closed his eyes. “I could hurt her. I hate her.”
“You couldn’t hurt her,” I chided, reaching up to cup his chin. “I know you, Adam. You forget that. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re a good man.”
“Not with her. She makes my skin crawl, and knowing that I’m going to have to raise another of her bastards like he’s my own?” He shuddered. “I love Freddie, I do, but—”
“Do you have to stay with her?”
“She’ll go to the cops.”
I frowned. “Statute of limitations?”
“Fifteen years. Or unless Cain gets an early release—God only knows when that will be. I can’t see him behaving inside.” He huffed out a bitter laugh that made my heart hurt to hear it. “Believe me, I checked all this out. I wanted to know the second I could be free.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this now.”
I knew what he wanted, and if I was being honest, I wanted it too.
I knew I was at a crossroads. A moment in my life that would take me in one direction or another, one that would define me.
But all I could think about was that this was Adam. And he loved me. He wanted me.
For years, as I’d been tortured by his absence, he’d been tortured too. I wasn’t sure why that made me feel better, bitch that I was, but it did.
How could our love be wrong?
And that was the justification I used when I pressed my lips to his and sealed our fate.
ADAM
The second her tongue slipped into my mouth, fluttering against mine, I wanted to groan with relief.
The years without her had been agony. Not just because I wanted her—with every fucking moment that passed and she grew more and more beautiful, I wanted her with an ache that made me feel like my bones were being eaten away—but because I missed her.
She was my friend.
My best friend.
My fucking soul mate.
I didn’t care if it was her heritage that gave me that clue. I knew it like I knew nothing else.
Being tied to another woman was a torment I’d only ever wish on Cain.
Because this was his fault.
This was all his doing.
It was like this was his pièce de résistance.
All the years of shoving me in blame’s way, making everyone hate me, this was what he’d been aiming for.
Except, I couldn’t believe he’d wanted to end up in prison.
If anything, that was the only thing that made any of this bearable.
I was free, and he wouldn’t be for at least another three years. Minimum. Maybe longer if he acted up in jail, and him being Cain, I couldn’t see him behaving for long. His malevolent side had been something I’d borne the brunt of for most of my life. Without his favorite whipping boy close at hand, only fuck knew what kind of shit he was involved in.
She nipped my bottom lip, and I jerked, my cock aching with the move more than my lip did.
“You’re not concentrating,” she muttered, soothing the ache with her tongue.
“I am now. Are you sure you want this?” I whispered.
Her lips curved, and her smile made me feel like it was the first time I’d had the sun touch me in years.
Rather than answer, because she was right—her smile told me it was crazy to ask—I pushed her forward, not stopping until I was on top of her and her legs were clinging to my hips.
My dick was there, right between her legs, and I wanted to groan at how unprepared I was.
I didn’t have any condoms.
Why would I?
This hadn’t been planned. Nothing about this had been premeditated.
Shit, the only reason I was here was because I’d seen her in the taxi, seen her looking lost, and it had fucking killed me. Annihilated me more than the misery of my marriage could ever hurt me.
The decisions I’d made along the way, they’d all been to make her happy. To keep her safe. At that moment, downstairs? She’d looked anything but.
“I don’t have a condom.”
She blinked at me. “You can pull out.”
I winced. “Catholics around the world know that doesn’t work.”
Her nose crinkled. “The morning after pill?”
“Do you mind?”
She shook her head. “I-I’ll ask Janice to help me.”
Though I frowned at the notion of her asking the housekeeper for help with family planning, I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Instead, I reared up and unfastened her hoodie. The second the zipper was down, I stared at the thin t-shirt she wore. It was the Almanac Water Sports Team tee, covered in logos and sponsorships. Nothing special, and yet, to me, it was hotter than if she’d worn a Victoria’s Secret bra.
She was still small, her chest tiny, really, enough that she didn’t need a bra, and the prospect of bare skin being shielded by only that shirt had my cock throbbing.
I bent down, leaned over her, and instantly nibbled down on the tip of her nipple.
I knew from watching her swim that her nipples were nearly always erect, and the taste of her through the cotton made me salivate. Her back arched the instant I raked my teeth over the tip, and knowing this was Thea made me feel like a victorious soldier coming back from a damn battle. Triumph raged through me, roaring through my veins and setting me on fire on the pyre of the desire that surged between us.
I pressed my dick harder into her, even as I sucked on the tip in my mouth. Her nails scraped over my head as she held me to her, and I only pulled back to look at the wet patch I’d created around her nipple.
The sight didn’t look right, so I gave her a matching set, and only then, when she was writhing beneath me, did I ask, “Did you wait for me?”
It was a shitty question. A shitty, shitty question, and the second I uttered it, I knew I’d made a mistake.
Her chin lifted, and her eyes cleared of lust. Her spirit shone at me then, as fiery as a bonfire as she glowered.
“What was I supposed to wait for?” she spat.
“You’re mi
ne,” I ground out, compounding my idiocy. “You know it. I know it. I haven’t fucked anyone in nearly three years, Thea. I couldn’t.”
“You said you were going to—”
“Fucking her,” I snarled, imbuing the pronoun with the venom I felt for my bitch of a wife, “would be a punishment for both of us. This? What we have together, it could never be a punishment.”
Then, before she could pull away, I dropped my head and shoved her shirt up, letting bare skin connect with bare skin.
She shuddered, but though her hands in my hair were meaner—she tugged at the damn roots hard enough to sting—she didn’t push me away or rush out from under me.
I knew from her defiance that she was a virgin, and it made me temper what I wanted to do to her.
I wanted to brand her as mine, even if I wasn’t being fair to her, but she was. She belonged to me, just as I belonged to her.
I let my lips trace over her skin, letting only the edges run along her belly, down to her waistband. I let my tongue drift out, flickering it here and there, running it along the line until she was moaning, her legs spreading of their own accord.
I pulled down the waistband, exploring her a little more intimately with my mouth, and when she bit off, “Dammit, Adam, stop teasing me,” I had to grin at her.
My Thea. Always so candid. Always so blunt.
There was barely any fat on her, but I found a little to nip that had her laughing even as her fingers softened their grip on my head.
I peered up at her, saw her smiling, and knew I’d remember this moment until the day I fucking died.
If this was the only taste of heaven I was allowed, then I’d gift us both with paradise.
Hefting off the bed, I stared at her as I shrugged out of my own hoodie. I hadn’t bothered changing either since we’d made it back from the arena, and my tee came off next. When she licked her lips, her eyes roaming over my chest, I gulped, feeling my cock harden further, throbbing as I reached down and unfastened my zipper.
When I was free from the cage, I hissed out a relieved breath and shoved my pants down, toeing out of my sneakers as I went.
When I stood there, naked before her, I felt pride fill me as she looked at me like she’d stopped breathing. Like she couldn’t believe her eyes and didn’t want to blink in case, when she next opened them, I wouldn’t be standing here.
Above The Surface Page 19
