by Zeke Biddle
The crowd gasps and withdraws from me.
I turn my attention back to Alexandra’s mom. “Come with me, Queen,” I say with as much authority as I can manage. “Alexandra sent me to rescue you.”
The queen nods and lets me help her off the bar. I lead her slowly through the dorm room, giving the crowd plenty of time to make a space for us. I don’t want them to think I have any fear at all of them. Hopefully that will keep them from following me.
Once we’re out in the hallway with the door closed behind us the queen jerks out of my grasp.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Her outrage catches me off guard. I stammer a response. “Well…she sent…Alexandra, that is…your daughter, she sent me to rescue you from whatever the king is doing to punish you.”
“The king? That idiot? Did it ever occur to you or that daughter of mine that I might have come back to Earth so I could get laid for real?”
I definitely hadn’t considered that possibility.
“Hey, where do you think you’re taking her?” a guy calls out from behind us.
I groan when I see another meathead pursuing us down the hall. “I’ll take care of him,” I tell the queen.
“What if I don’t need you to take care of him?” the queen says while shoving me behind her back.
“Everything okay here?” The meathead asks the queen while glowering at me over her shoulder.
“Just fine, hon,” the queen says, giving his chest a light playful pat. “But it makes me feel safer knowing a big strong man like you is around to protect me. What do you say we go find somewhere a little more private? Maybe your room?”
I roll my eyes, unable to believe what I’m hearing.
“We can’t use my room,” he says. “My roommate and I threw the party. You live in the dorms?”
“Oh my, aren’t you a dear? I must be old enough to be your mother. I live off campus, but the offer is open if you don’t mind a little walk.”
The meathead nods at me. “This guy coming? He some kind of pervert who’s into watching?”
I unclench my fists and shove them into my pockets to prevent myself from zapping him on the spot.
The queen laughs and touches his chest again. “Oh no. He’s just a friend. More like a bodyguard. You saw what he did to your buddy back there, right? He might be small, but he packs quite a punch.”
The guy looks at me with more than a hint of skepticism but eventually shrugs.
The queen smiles at me and asks, “You don’t want to join in, do you? I mean, I’m down for as wild of a party as you guys can come up with.”
The other guy and I both blush, but I quickly shake my head. If I bang Alexandra’s mom and she finds out, she’ll slice my dick off with those swords of hers.
“I’ll come with, though, just in case you need…protection.”
The two of them flirt mercilessly as we hurry across the campus and down the street leading into town. I do my best to block it out and focus on my real task: Getting the queen back safely to Alexandra.
When she leads us up the driveway to her house, my jaw drops. “You live with Kip?”
She squints at me. “You know Kip?”
I nod, getting really fucking nervous that she might not be as sweet and innocent as she pretends. “You could say we’re acquaintances.”
“Based on the chill in your voice, I’m guessing you’ve learned he’s an asshole, too. You won’t get any argument from me about that. I’ve been trying to get him to move out for fifteen years, but he still says the basement here is fine enough for him.”
With that she pulls up a rock beneath the bushes in front of her house and removes the house key. She unlocks the door and leads us inside.
As I enter the house, I can’t help but wish something will attack us to prevent me from hearing the noises the two of them are about to make.
14
One good thing comes out of waiting around the house while the queen gets her groove on. I head down to the basement to learn something about Kip that might prove useful if I meet him face to face.
His room in the basement is a mess of pizza boxes, empty two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, and stacks of beer cans. It smells even worse than it looks.
His high-end computer tower glows in LED lights that cycle through the colors of the rainbow. His three giant monitors are all set to a screensaver that says, “Kick ass first. Don’t apologize afterwords. Your a bad motherfucker.”
I snort at the typos.
I’m a little surprised he even has a computer. I pegged him more as a VR-headset guy through and through. That’s what all the programmers I know use to develop their code. Plus, he seems like the sort who would hide from the real world at any opportunity.
Hell, I wasn’t much better back before this all happened.
I’m about ready to turn and head back up the stairs when I see something on his desk: a handgun.
So far, none of our game items have had any trouble teleporting between the worlds. A gun from here should work, too.
It’s heavier than I expect when I pick it up. I’ve held plenty in games but never a real one. I release the clip. There are about a dozen bullets and a few empty spaces, which makes me wonder what happened to the others.
If the weapon makes the jump back to the game world with me, it could definitely save my butt in a pinch when I’ve run out of magic. How crazy has my life become where I’m more powerful with my magic than with a gun, though?
I smile at the memory of punching the jock while zapping him with electricity.
“Marcus, ready to go?” the queen asks.
I shove the gun into one of my hidden pockets. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You sound guilty of something with all that ma’am nonsense. Did you jack it to some porn?”
I need to stand my ground so she knows I’m not some kid she can push around. “You weren’t gone very long. Your boy-toy couldn’t get it up?”
“Worse. Couldn’t keep it up. Shot fast as a firework on the Fourth of July. College guys, right?” It doesn’t take a whole lot of smarts to read between the lines to hear she’s making fun of me, too, since I’m also a college guy. Before I can defend myself, she moves on. “I taught him how to use his tongue, and things worked out fine enough, I suppose.”
“Outstanding,” I say, unsure what else someone is supposed to say considering the circumstance. “There’s no portal down here. See anything up there?” When she smirks as she opens her mouth, I quickly add, “Besides his dick.”
She pouts her lips out at me. “You’re no fun. But no, I didn’t see any portals in the rest of the house. I checked before I came down.”
“All the rest have been here in this house. There’s got to be something. Is there a hidden room down here?”
She shakes her head and then snaps her fingers. “The garage.”
I call her to a stop and let my fingers brush against the cold steel in my pocket. “You really don’t like Kip, right?” When she looks at me questioningly, I add, “Like, you wouldn’t mind if I did something rash right now that would really piss him off when he gets back?”
She snorts. “Are we going to poop on his bed? I did that once, but I’m more than willing to give it a second go.”
“Gross. Funny, but gross. No, I’ve got something a little more dramatic in mind.” Her eyes open wide when I pull the gun out into the open.
“Where’d you get that?”
“His desk.”
“That asshole. He’s not even allowed to carry a gun anymore.”
That sounds like a long story, and we must be on our way.
I step toward his desk, aim the gun at his computer, and pull the trigger.
The kick nearly throws the gun out of my hand, but all of the lights on the computer go dim.
The queen applauds. “Very well done. Ready to go now?”
She doesn’t wait for a reply. Much like her daughter, she takes the lead, making me jog t
o keep up with the fast pace of her long legs.
“You don’t happen to have any clothes in this house that would fit me, do you?” I ask when we reach the kitchen.
She looks me up and down. “You’re a little smaller than Kip, but a bit bigger than I am.” When I run my eyes over her Amazonian body, she must see my doubt. “My real body. Not this one. Anyway, I probably have some yoga pants we could squeeze you into.”
The thought of the women teasing me about highlighting my junk in skin-tight clothes terrifies me. “No thanks. The robes will be fine. I’ll go shopping over in the game once this all settles down.”
“Do you like it over there?” she suddenly asks.
I shrug. “I guess. I was a pretty big loser before Kip trapped me. It’s nice being useful and brave, and it’s great getting laid. I’ve spent so much time on the run or camping in a tiny tent that it’s hard to know what it should feel like over there on a normal day. How about you?”
“I think I would, but Kip anchored me to the king. It’s a fucking nightmare around the palace. There’s no privacy because he thinks I’ll run away.”
I hold my arms out to indicate the house. “Didn’t you?”
She smiles sadly. “Funny boy. The point is, I wouldn’t have if he hadn’t trapped me there. I could have happily pretended to be with him as long as I could have explored the world. It really is a fantastic simulation. There’s nothing waiting for me back here, though, you know? I lost my job right after Christmas last year. I don’t really have any friends to speak of. Kip and I are married, but I’d give anything to get out of it. The closest I’ve been able to come is convince him to sleep in his own room in the basement. Escaping into the game has been the best thing to happen to me, even with as miserable as my situation is over there. It’s still better than here. I at least have hope there.”
“Why don’t you leave him?”
“Inertia? Too stubborn to admit I made a mistake with him? Worried about how I’ll afford life on just my own income? Afraid he’ll hunt me down and do something violent? Probably a mix of all of them.”
“I don’t have much here, either. My sister, but she’s…unique. She’ll probably figure out how to gain enough access to the game that we’ll be able to chat as much as we do in the real world. My parents…I won’t miss them.”
The queen pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sorry. My name’s Elaine, by the way. That’s my game name, which is probably more important these days.”
I squeeze her back, happy to have found a mother figure.
“How come I’m the only person who forgot to pick a new name? When we cross back over, Elaine, I’ll make sure you gain your freedom from the king.”
She pats my cheek. “That’s adorable, but he’s the king. He has resources you can’t imagine.”
I think about my harem. “He doesn’t have anything like I’ll unleash on him once I get my girls back together. Mark my words, Elaine. You will be a free woman soon.”
She pats my cheek again. “You’re too precious, and you almost sound convincing. Let’s go find that portal so you can show me what you can do.”
She reaches for the garage door but jerks her hand back as soon as she touches it. “Hot! Something must be on fire.”
“Stand back,” I say, preparing a spell.
“What are you going to do?” she asks, slowly moving to the side.
“Magic, lady. Prepare to be amazed.”
I unleash a decent-sized fireball, probably a little bigger than needed, but that’s just to make sure I break through the door in one try, not because I’m trying to impress Elaine.
The fireball does the trick. One second the door is there. The next it’s gone, just like us when we teleport.
I cock my head to the side, wondering where things really go when they are burnt up.
In the split second my mind wanders, an eruption of fire explodes back at us through the new opening and makes me think there must be a dragon on the other side.
I fall back onto my butt and raise my arms to cover my face, as if it will do any good.
But the fire never touches me.
When I look up, I see the fireball has turned into an ice sculpture.
“How the hell? Did I do that?”
Elaine laughs at my confusion. “You’re not the only magician in the realm, wizard.” She blows on her fingertips, flaunting her skills. “Next time you’ve got a plan, why don’t you tell your teammates. Maybe they’ll have some suggestions that could improve your harebrained ideas.”
Rather than acknowledge her very wise advice, I ask a more pressing question. “Where’s the person who cast the original fireball?”
The garage is dark and silent except for the portal glowing orange in the middle of the otherwise empty space. “Hmm. Must have been a trap.”
“I was afraid you’d say that. Must mean whoever set the trap on the door isn’t really wanting just anyone walking through it.”
Elaine cracks her knuckles. “So there are probably going to be assholes on the other side.”
“Yep. Any suggestions, partner? I don’t want to ignore your advice and charge in half-cocked again.”
“Situations like this only call for one course of action.”
“What’s that?” I ask, curling and uncurling my fingers.
The magic is a hurricane of power as it courses through my body, waiting to be unleashed. Something about either bouncing in and out between worlds or maybe just simply missing my women has me wound up and ready to spring.
Please don’t say we need to be cautious and come up with an elaborate plan.
“Run through the portal and spray anything that moves with the full extent of our awesome arcane powers.”
“Elaine, I think we’re going to get along just fine.”
We bump our fists together.
“Ladies first,” she says.
“I could never argue with you. I think you might be my mother-in-law.”
She does a double-take. “We’re going to need to talk about that someday.”
Fortunately, rather than pestering me with uncomfortable questions, she charges toward the portal.
Unsure if I’ll ever see the real world again, I follow.
15
The woods are burning when we arrive back in the game world. The smoke makes me cough and my eyes water.
I reach into my pocket and confirm the gun made it across the barrier between the worlds.
“Anything you can do to help with all this?” I ask Elaine.
With a grim expression on her face, she nods.
The wind rises up and pushes the flames back. It takes a few seconds for me to realize we are at the center of the wind that’s blowing away from us in all directions.
With Elaine’s control of ice and wind, and mine of fire and electricity, we should make a nice team.
“Thanks. Any ideas where we should go?”
She shakes her head. “I think we’re in the woods up in the plateau above the waterfall. My castle is at the bottom of the falls. There is no known way down.”
“Could we just hop in the river and ride over the edge?”
“Sure. The jagged rocks at the bottom will slice you to death, but you can certainly give it a shot.”
“There’s no need to be snarky. We’re on the same team.”
An arrow pierces the space between us and embeds itself in a tree trunk.
We press our backs together.
“Sorry. You’re right,” she says as we spin in a slow circle, looking for our attackers. “This fire is going to kill countless innocent animals who live in these woods. I got overwhelmed for a second.”
“Fair enough. Listen, I don’t really want to fight in these woods that neither of us are familiar with. That has to give them the advantage. Is there any chance of us finding some higher ground or fortification or something to neutralize our odds?”
“No. I mean, you could climb a tree, but that doesn’t seem particularly usefu
l. I don’t know my way around at all, so who knows where people might be. Our intel indicates there aren’t any people on the plateau.”
Another arrow just barely misses us. I point in the direction they came from. “Well, someone is here. And we managed to get up here.”
“Hmm. Fair point. But it still doesn’t help because neither of us knows of a hill or a fortress.”
“How about we just run, then? It’s got to be better than standing around waiting to get shot.”
I shove her away from the source of the arrows.
We reach a clearing before an arrow finds my ass.
We stand at the edge of a river so wide I can barely make out the trees on the other side.
“Do you know how to swim, Elaine?”
“Do you have the strength to make it across?”
I grunt in defeat. “Probably not.”
She points to the right. “The waterfall is that way.” I follow her finger and see the edge of the world a few hundred feet away. “We should go upriver or we’ll be trapped by the cliff.”
“Fucking cliffs.”
“What?”
I don’t have time to explain how this world has quickly made me loathe cliffs. “Never mind.”
Behind us, we hear the grunts, growls and screeches of wild animals. With the river at our backs, we face our enemies.
A menagerie of monstrosities bursts forth from the edge of the woods.
“Hybrids!” I shout as I launch fireball after fireball into their ranks.
The assault brings them to a halt.
“How you holding up there?” the queen asks as more hybrids continue emerging from the forest and tumbling into the backs of the first wave.
“Fine, but I won’t last long enough to kill them all.”
“I could add some ice or wind, but I think we’ll both end up using all of our magic to no avail. Shall we run upriver and see what we find?”
It would give us a chance to explore, which would be great if I wasn’t about to die. Plus, the thought of going even further away from my women disturbs me. We’ve already been separated for too long.
